Chapter 9

Christine got out of the car. She was happy to be home. It would be the first visit with her father since the beginning of the semester.

When she entered the foyer, he was waiting with a smile on his face. "Dad, how are you?"

Charles walked forward and hugged his daughter. "I'm doing well now that you're here. How are you doing?" He was eager to hear about college. Christine hadn't called him in a few days, most likely due to her busy schedule, so he wanted to know how things were going.

Christine laughed not really knowing where to begin. Do I start by telling him about the stress of classes? Or the stress of voice lessons with Dr. Gratsia? Or about my social life? Or... my angel? No, she couldn't tell him about Erik. That was a secret she was bound and determined to keep hidden from everyone.. except Phantom, of course.

"I'm doing well," she began. "College is really busy, but it's pretty fun. Not the school work, but other things like singing and friends are good." She put some of her stuff down hugged him again. "I'm sorry I haven't been able to call you or come home more. Thank goodness this is a weekend that isn't too busy."

"Yes, thank goodness," Charles agreed. They sat in the family room and he turned off the TV so that they could talk. "I've missed you," he couldn't help but say.

"I've missed you, too." Christine really did feel bad for the lack of contact. "So, what's been going on around here?" She looked around finding that nothing had changed, which made her miss being there all the more.

"Nothing really, I suppose." He shrugged with a smile.

Christine felt like there was something he wasn't telling her, but she'd leave it alone for now. "Well, I'm here to take care of you this weekend, so relax and I'll fix you something to eat." She got up to go into the kitchen.

"Christine, this is your weekend to relax. You don't need to cater to me." He stood and followed her. "I should be fixing you something to eat. Actually, I'm very sorry for not preparing something ahead of time. I should have thought of that..."

It sounded like he felt really bad for it, almost too much so. "Dad, you should know that doesn't matter to me. I'm just glad to be here and see you. And you know I love to cook, so really, just sit down and talk to me while I fix something." She grinned reassuringly but faltered when she saw the strangest thing. She could see tears in her father's eyes. "Are you ok?" she asked with surprise and concern.

He laughed trying to cover up his emotion. "Yes, yes, I'm fine. I'm just really glad to see you, that's all." Abruptly changing subjects, he gave her a once-over and frowned. "Have you lost weight? You look thinner."

Christine shook her head, although it was a lie. "No way," she told him. "I've been eating so much cafeteria food that I'm pretty sure I've gained weight." Perhaps that was too much of a stretch, but luckily he didn't discuss it further.

Charles sat at the table and made some small talk while Christine prepared pasta and salad. They discussed classes, friends, and singing, but Christine refrained from talking about the current most important part of her life- her angel.

Really, she'd spent the past two weeks getting accustomed to Erik's teaching. He'd been training her every night and it was hard work. Her father was right, she really had lost weight due to working so hard. When she wasn't practicing, she was worried and skittish around everyone. Christine was just so afraid of disappointing her angel, and it was beginning to get in the way of the rest of her life.

But pleasing Erik was important. Nothing else mattered.

Her odd behavior wasn't going unnoticed, either. Meg was constantly trying to confront the situation, but all she ever got in answer to her questions was something like, 'Oh, you know how stressful school is.'

She had yet to contact Raoul again, but that was serving as the least of her worries. Christine was fully devoted to her instrument and to Erik. Everything else took second place.

"Christine?"

Blinking, she refocused her attention. Her father was regarding her with skeptical eyes.

"Have you heard anything I've been saying?"

"Oh.. No, sorry," she apologized. "Guess I was in my own little world."

He studied her for a long moment. "Are you sure you're ok? You look paler than usual."

"I'm fine, Dad. Really, I am. I've just been busy with practicing and classes. You know how things are." She really was getting good at this 'avoidance thing'.

"Well, alright," he finally said, stepping down. "So, when are you going back?"

"Actually, I need to get back to campus tomorrow. I'm sorry, but I've just got so much to do." Plus, I have a lesson with Erik that I have to prepare for.. It had been hard enough just asking for one night off, so she certainly wasn't going to ask for two.

Charles' face dropped somewhat. "I understand... But, you will call me more often, won't you? I can't take not talking to you. You are my life, you know."

She nodded. "Yeah, I'll definitely call more. But Dad, I'm not your life. You have your violin performances and the symphony." She did feel guilty for leaving him alone so much, but he was an active member of the city's symphony orchestra, and he had his occasional performances at parties and other gatherings. Christine had to keep telling herself that her father couldn't be too lonely with all he had going on. The look in his eyes told her otherwise, though. "Dad, really, are you ok?" she asked for the second time since her arrival.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," he told her. "I just-.."

"What? What is it?" she prodded.

He knew he had to tell her. It was going to come out sooner or later, and he hated keeping secrets. "Christine, don't overreact, but I've been... I've been seeing a therapist for the past few weeks."

Christine laid her fork down, her full focus on him. "What? Really?" He nodded. A therapist... He'd never gone to therapy before. "Why?"

"I've been suffering from a bit of depression lately. Don't worry, it's nothing major. I've just been needing someone to talk to."

Her brow furrowed. In the past when he had problems, he'd always come to her to talk about them. Christine knew he missed his wife, but he'd always been able to handle it.

Now, though, Christine wasn't around to help him. Now, he had tons of free time, and that gave him plenty of time to think. And obviously, his thoughts weren't healthy. "Oh Dad," she murmured. "I'm so sorry.. Is it because of Mom?" Of course it is, Christine..

He sighed and closed his eyes. "It's because of a number of things. Yes, Diane is a large reason, but I'm also down on myself and my life. Don't you start worrying, though. I'm not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me. I'm handling it."

Christine noticed that her father was beginning to sound defensive. "I want to help you."

"I'm getting help. I'm getting the best kind of help. You're busy and I want you to stay that way."

"But-"

Interrupting, he said in a low voice, "Maybe I shouldn't have told you. Look, I'm fine." Sighing, he said, "I'm going to lay down. I have a headache."

She could only stare after him as he trudged out of the room. Christine bit her lower lip worriedly. Never had he acted this way before. And she knew she was one of the reasons for his depression. My leaving him was a mistake.. I should have commuted from home this semester. Here I am worrying about my own life when I really should be focusing on Dad.. I'm so selfish. Christine also couldn't help but wonder, How deep is his depression? What if-.. What if he's thought of hurting himself? It wasn't unthinkable, but she couldn't bear the thought.

Christine looked at the dirty dishes on the table and noticed that her father had barely touched his food. She cleaned up with shaking hands. She was now even more nervous about things. She didn't think that could even be possible.

Instantly, she knew who could help. Phantom..

She moved to her computer in her bedroom and turned it on. Much to her luck, he was on. She clicked on his user name.

MissDaae7: Hi Phantom.

Phantom: Hello Miss Daae, how are you?

MissDaae7: I'm not too good right now.

Phantom: Why? What's wrong?

MissDaae7: I'm really nervous about some stuff.

Phantom: What 'stuff'?

MissDaae7: It's my dad, it's my angel, it's my life..

Phantom: Let's take things one step at a time. First, why are you nervous about your father?

MissDaae7: I came home this weekend. It's the first time I've been home since school began. At first, everything was fine. Well, everything wasn't fine with me, but I thought things were going well with him. I was wrong, though. He told me he's been seeing a therapist. He's depressed.

Phantom: I'm sorry to hear that. How long has he been depressed?

MissDaae7: Well, I know he's been sad ever since Mom died, but I didn't think it was so serious. I've been sad, too. I just always assumed he was going through what I was going through and that he could get through it. He's been seeing a therapist for the past few weeks.

Phantom: Is it just because of your mother that he's going, or are there other reasons?

MissDaae7: There are other reasons. I think I'm a reason. I never should have left home.

Phantom: No, Christine. Do not feel that way. I am sure your father doesn't want you to feel like you must put your life on hold in order to help him.

MissDaae7: You're right, he doesn't. But I can't just sit back and watch him go through this alone.

Phantom: He is getting help. This is probably the best thing for him.

MissDaae7: You sound just like him.

Phantom: You should believe him. Do not worry so much. Think about it this way. It could be worse. Your father could be trying to suppress the way he is feeling instead of confronting the situation. That would be unhealthy. He is handling this the right way. You should support him and be proud of him.

Christine considered his words. He's right..

MissDaae7: Wow, you're right. He is handling this the right way. I should be encouraging him, not thinking that I'm the only person who can really help him.

Phantom: That's really all you can do. You can call him and visit him more often, but aside from that, you should focus on your own life. That is what he wants, I am sure.

MissDaae7: Yeah, you're right. Thank you.

Phantom: Of course.

MissDaae7: Well, moving on from that, about my life... Really, it's all I can focus on. My angel is my life. It's like I live to please him, and it makes me nervous. He is very strict. But, it's not that I don't like it. I need a strict teacher. I'm just always afraid of disappointing him. My dad noticed that I'm skinnier than I was the last time he saw me. It's true.. I'm not eating much. I'm constantly worrying.

Erik sat up a little straighter when reading her words. She isn't eating? She worries about disappointing me? He hadn't realized... How could I have been so blind?!

Phantom: Christine, you must eat! How can your angel cause such distress?. He is your angel, sent to you. I am sure he is pleased. Angels are supposed to bring joy, not worry.

MissDaae7: I know, but I care so much about pleasing him. All of my time is spent thinking about him. My life revolves around you and my nightly practices with him.

Erik's heart skipped a beat at her words. So, her life revolves around me as mine revolves around her. He couldn't stop himself from feeling happy about that. But, it was also incredibly concerning. She could not suffer because of him. He wondered just how much this was affecting other parts of her life.

Phantom: What about your classes? How are you doing in them?

MissDaae7: Well, I guess I could be doing better, but I'm handling it. I'm just not handling the other things like I wish I could. Why can't everything be as easy and relaxing as talking to you?

Erik's heart beat took another skip.

Phantom: The Internet is a soothing place. A reality away from reality. But Christine, you mustn't fear your angel. He was sent to you to help you achieve your goals. He is your friend. He only wants what is best for you.

Christine blinked. He really did want her to trust Erik... It was almost weird how much he seemed to care about her angel.

MissDaae7: Maybe you're right. Well, I think I should go check on my dad. Thank you so much for talking to me. I feel better.

Phantom: Promise me you will begin eating regularly, Christine.

MissDaae7: Ok, I promise. I will talk to you later. Thanks again.

She got off before he could say anything else and walked towards her father's bedroom. When she peeked inside, she found that he was asleep. Christine let herself watch him while thinking about what Phantom said. I'm going to call and visit more often. And I'm going to be supportive. Dad needs that.

Christine finally left his room and headed for her own. I can't keep worrying. It's driving me crazy, and I don't have time for that. She looked around her room. Pictures of her favorite movies, singers, actors, and actresses hung on the walls. A bookcase held all of her favorite books, and her dresser held possessions that had belonged to her mother.

One of those possessions was a porcelain angel doll. Her mom had given it to her for her tenth birthday saying it would bring her comfort and luck.

It had done just that for four years. But then, when her mother died, it stopped bringing luck. Perhaps, though... Perhaps the luck was back. I have an angel, just like Mom used to promise I would.

She touched the porcelain doll and sighed. Luck? Was it luck she had now? Erik was proving to cause more worry than joy, life was a mess, and her father was suffering. But, I'm still lucky, aren't I? She had Phantom, and at times he seemed like more of an angel than Erik.

That was silly, though. Phantom was real. A living, breathing man. A man whom she'd love to meet someday... A man with the qualities she was looking for in a boyfriend… Christine sighed again. If only she could meet him. Sure, she had no idea what his actual name was, or his age, or his appearance, but still… she just knew he was perfect.

Erik sat in the deserted music library at a computer playing Solitaire and waiting to see if Christine would get on instant messenger again. Their previous conversation had been extremely interesting. It'd made him see that he would have to change his angelic ways.

He hadn't realized just how much distress she was feeling during their voice lessons. Really, she'd caused such joy in his life. It was hard to grasp the concept that she was suffering when he was so happy. But, she was suffering. Things had to change. She will turn on me if I do not change. That was the absolute last thing he ever wanted. Not only did his life revolve around the girl, but she was his life.

He'd never experienced such feelings for another.

It was as if he could not live without her. What does it mean, though? He'd always been so independent, but now things were very different.

If only I could truly meet with her. If only… I would love to become a man in her eyes instead of just an angel and an Internet companion. Of course, she could never know of the truth of those identities, but she could know a new me. She could have a new friend.

It was impossible! How could a man who rarely ever went out into the open become a friend to someone outside of his hidden domain? It made no sense!

And yet, she'd already seen him once... At the restaurant.

He knew he'd made some impression on her, and he sensed it was a fairly good one. Perhaps, if he met with her again as that same person... It wouldn't have to be in a busy part of town or at a time when many people were around. He could meet with her in a rather secluded area.. Perhaps a park in the evening?

Yes. A park. It was an excellent idea. And one he didn't have the power to fight against.

Now, the difficult part would be to arrange it without her knowing the truth...

Christine's father didn't wake up until the following morning, much to Christine's worry. She just hoped he was feeling better.

She got out of bed and made breakfast for the two of them. Then, she went to his room where he was sitting on his bed tying his shoes. "Good morning, Dad," she greeted with forced cheerfulness. "How are you feeling?"

He smiled in a way that suggested he didn't want to talk about the previous day. "I'm feeling much better. Sorry for falling asleep on you like that." He didn't elaborate.

Christine remembered that she had to be supportive. "No, it's fine. Really. I'm just glad you're feeling better. I made breakfast if you want to come eat."

"Of course I do," he replied warmly. They walked into the kitchen and sat down to eat and talk, being sure to keep away from the topic of Charles' depression.

After eating, Christine knew it was time for her to go. She longed to stay and help her father, but he didn't want her help. And she had to support his decision.

They said their goodbye's and Christine reassured him that they would talk frequently. Then, she loaded her car and drove back to campus.

A practice room was calling.