Confessions and Compulsion

A/N: Hey! I'm laced_scrawl or Arabella, and I'm co-writing this story with the lovely Pompeystar. This chapter was originally written by her and edited by me. Hope you like it, and don't forget to let us know what you think! Enjoy! :) xxx

Katherine closed the distance between them and kissed him.

Unthinkingly, he grabbed the sides of her face and pulled her closer. Stefan could feel the possessive way in which she kissed him; as if she were claiming him for her own. His hands were everywhere, groping at the exposed skin of her back, running his hands through her brown curls… she was so like Elena.

With a gasp he pulled himself out of the embrace, pushing her away. Her eyes glinted in amusement and her perfectly sculpted pout was swollen. He couldn't tear his eyes away from her lips - it wasn't fair; Katherine's pout had always been her most seductive asset. "Katherine…" His head dropped forward, he took a deep breath as his shoulders heaved. God she made him crazy.

Slowly, she walked towards him, hips swaying gently, a smirk teasing the corners of her lips. All at once, it was blatantly clear to Stefan where Damon had gotten his swagger.

Katherine, all in the space of about 10 minutes, had gone from horny, to angry then to vulnerable, and then back again.

God, this woman was temperamental.

Fingers splayed wide, she rested her hand above his unbeating heart and leant forward, exposing the entire column of her throat in one single movement so that it was temptingly bare in front of him. Once again, Stefan was painfully reminded of Elena. "Yes Stefan?" She purred.

Elena.

She was the day whereas Katherine was the night. And yet they could be the same person. He'd always known, even though he tried so hard to deny it; he loved them both, and it was tearing him up inside. How was he supposed to choose between them?

"Katherine…" he started, trying to keep his voice as firm as possible. "You know that I still feel something for you. Whether it's love, or… something else, I know I love Elena. A part of me will always love Elena, just as a part of me will always love…" He broke off, not wanting to finish the sentence. "But I won't betray Elena. I can't."

Her face had quickly composed itself into her usual calmly controlled mask, and he found himself wanting to know what was behind it. Was she hurt with the rejection? Was she amused at his speech? Did she even care at all? But he knew that once Katherine chose to conceal her feelings, there was no way to get her to reveal them. It was one of the reasons why she was such an enigma, and whilst it infuriated him at times, it also attracted him to her. The mysterious air surrounding her was intriguing as well as appealing.

"Stefan, baby," she said with a playful smirk. "I hate to break it to you… but you already did." She finished, placing a chaste kiss on his lips, then turned on her heel and walked away.

I'll leave him with that. She thought. Mama always said; always keep the boys wanting more.

Or something to that extent.

x-x-x

"Elena?"

Someone was calling her name. She forced her ears to listen harder until she heard it again a moment later, a little louder than before-

"Elena, wake up! Please! You can't-"

Elena Gilbert's eyes fluttered open. As her eyes adjusted to the dark, she instantly realised that she was in a clearing. The woods. The woods by Wickery Bridge.

"Damon?" She said groggily, as if waking up from a deep sleep. (And in some ways, she had). "Damon? What am I-?"

Her ears. Sensitivity. She could hear everything.

But strangely… no heartbeat.

She was… dead.

But yet, she was alive. Awake, even.

She was…

Oh.

Undead.

Shit.

"Damon…? Am I… dead?" Her eyes rose fearfully to meet his for the first time. Gently, his hand came forward to rest on her chest.

Above her heart.

His eyes were sad.

"See, that's what I don't get," he murmured, more to himself than her. "Elena…. whose blood did you have in your system?"

"I don't-" And suddenly, like a dam breaking in her mind, the memories came flooding back.

Stefan. First day of school. Atlanta. Uncle John, dying on her kitchen floor. Stefan's face, crazed with bloodlust. Draining Amber. The Miss Mystic Falls pageant. The first dance. The way Damon had looked at her, the way they'd looked at each other…. Isobel. 'Cos he's in love with you. Jeremy. His neck. Snap. Weeks of silence betweenherself and Damon. Caroline. Vampire. Bonnie. Witch. Duke University. Alaric Saltzman. Teacher. Friend. Aunt Jenna. Stefan. I love you. Her mirror image, Katherine. 1490. Bulgaria. Doppelgänger. Moonstone. Sacrifice. Werewolves. Tyler. Mason. Katherine. Stefan. Tomb. Unbearable pain. Drowning. Water. Water choking her. Darkness.

Death.

Stefan, shot. "I can't protect you, Elena." Blood exchanges for weeks. Secret.

I'm a vampire.

Shit.

Damon was watching her, his face resigned though his head was thumping with impatience. "Elena? Whose blood turned you?" he repeated. When she continued to stare into space, his face transformed; black veins appeared beneath his eyes and the air around him suddenly became thick, as if raw emotion had leaked out of him. "Elena! Who did this to you?" He shook her and she let him, her head snapped back and forth.

"It was Stefan, Damon," she said quietly. "We've been exchanging blood ever since he was back on the human stuff - he was afraid that I'd get hurt… that I'd die. I don't, didn't, want to turn, but I'd rather live dead, than die forever. I never thought that…" she exclaimed in a shaky voice as she tried to understand it all herself. Suddenly a thought occurred to her; "How did you find me, Damon?"

But Damon wasn't in front of her anymore.

With a cry of animalistic rage, he'd thrown himself towards the shadows. He threw blind punches at the trees on the edge of the clearing. With a resounding crack, one of them split, and fell in the opposite direction.

Another tree.

More punches.

"He-"

Punch.

"Fucking"-

Punch.

"Turned"-

Punch.

"You!"

Another tree fell to the ground. He continued to speed everywhere: demon exposed, fangs bared. Elena, without thinking, found herself next to him. She didn't know why she wasn't running in the opposite direction or shaking with fear, but it felt so natural. She pulled at his shoulder, and to her surprise, he didn't resist. She continued to pull until he turned around to face her.

"Stop, Damon. This was my mistake," she said soothingly. "You aren't supposed to feel bad for it. Would you rather I was truly dead?"

He started to speak, more to himself than to Elena. "I could have saved you! But instead, I was knocked out cold, no thanks to you by the way! Elena, I always trust YOU to do the right thing; how could you be so stupid?" he exclaimed, his frustration and anger engulfing him. "I just can't... believe that you'd violate whatever hope I had left of all of us getting out of this alive. Maybe Bonnie, or Tyler, but not you Elena."

Elena fought to keep her tears from falling – she'd never been on the receiving end of Damon's disappointment before, and it was unnerving her to no end. The emotion in his voice was crippling her, and she hated the fact that she'd been the one to cause him more pain. But the veiled meaning behind his words was also unsettling her for different reasons.

"I'll ask you again Damon, would you rather I was really dead?"

"Yes!" he roared instinctively. "Anything is better than this!" He twisted her arm away from him, and she fell to the ground. Dimly, she felt tears on her cheeks.

"Really?" she whispered in disbelief. "I knew you were a lot of things, but I never thought you were cruel Damon, not with me." As she squeezed her eyes shut and cried, she felt him sit down next to her.

Tentatively, he rested his hand on her back. "Elena… I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I just, the last thing I'd want for anyone, especially you, would be to turn. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Your humanity, it's what makes you so undeniably, well, you."

She turned her face slightly to face his. "I'm dead Damon. For eternity, I'll have to take lives to save my own. For eternity, I'll be alone. Watching those I love grow old and die, while I stay young forever. And as Caroline always tells me, I'm way too maternal not to have kids, but I guess that isn't possible anymore."

Damon suddenly felt even worse than before. He'd been so wrapped up in his own rage that he hadn't stopped to think about how she was dealing with it all. And on top of that, she was convinced that she'd be alone. He shifted so that he was facing her, his legs fell to rest outside of hers; he lent forward to take her face in his hands.

"Elena, you won't go through this alone, I promise I'll help you, Stefan will too, so will Caroline, we're all here for you."

"Stefan." She spat, and then her mask broke. Tears cascaded freely down her cheeks as realisation hit her hard.

"Elena!" Damon's hands scrambled at her cheeks, frantically wiping her tears away, but they kept coming. Her face was broken.

"I saw him Damon." She whispered. Sometime during the struggle, her head had fallen to rest on his chest. Automatically, his arms had snaked around her to pull her close. "With Katherine, in the tomb. About the vervain, I'm so sorry, but you'd pissed me off, I wanted to show everyone that I wasn't the damsel in distress that they thought I was. I went to see him Damon. He loves her."

Damon shook his head indignantly.

"He loves you more Elena. You're everything to him, he loves you."

I'm in the same position as he is, and look at me. She felt Damon freeze.

"What?" Damon's voice was astounded.

Shit. Did I just say that out loud?

"Um, nothing. Sorry, Damon. I was just…" She trailed off, not knowing what to say.

His arms had tightened all the more around her. His voice sceptical: "What did you see when you saw them… together?"

"Katherine voiced what all of us have been thinking for months," She paused, "It's a twisted love square isn't it?"

Damon didn't answer, still trying to figure out what she had said earlier. He said the first thing that came into his head; "Elena, I should probably warn you, as a vampire… the compulsion that had been on you as a human will wear off. Not all in one go, but little things will trigger the memories that have been tampered with. Like-"

"Damon, I'm sorry but I can't-" She pulled back out of his arms to look at him in the eyes. "-I need blood, I think," She raised her eyebrows questioningly; "I'm in transition, right? So I need to feed."

"Sure, come on." Then gently, he leaned forward to kiss her forehead. It was precise and deliberate, almost as if he's rehearsed it. Elena gasped in surprise, blood temporarily forgotten, a memory flashed across her eyes.

"Cute pj's."

"I'm tired Damon." The very person she couldn't face was here. In her room. And she was fobbing him off, again. Why couldn't she just say…?

"Brought you this," there, right in front of her eyes, he pulled out her necklace.

"I thought that was gone?" Mutely, he shook his head. On his face was a smile that held a mixture of emotions, but in his eyes was an emotion that she didn't understand. This boy was so complicated… She thanked him, and then reached out to take her necklace back, her charm, the necklace that she treasured… until he pulled back before her fingers even touched it. "Please give it back."

"I just have to say something." As he took a step forward, she mirrored him, stepping away. Hurt flashed briefly through his eyes as she continued.

"Why do you have to say it with my necklace?"

"Wh-" he broke off, stuttering uncertainly. He was stuttering. Who was this person and what had he done with Damon Salvatore? "Because what I'm about to say is," he paused, "probably the most selfish thing I've ever said in my life."

Heck no. last time Damon had tried to express his feelings, Jeremy had ended up dead- his neck twisted at a grotesque angle. She knew what he was going to say. "Damon, don't go there."

"I just need to say it once - you just need to hear it." He took another two steps forward and she dimly registered that she hadn't moved; her feet seemed to have glued themselves to the floor. As he reached her his hands came up as if to rest them on her shoulders, but at the last second he seemed to change his mind. His arms fell to his side, swinging slightly. "I love you, Elena." Time seemed to stop. "And it's because I love you that, I can't be selfish with you." His eyes were tense, every line of his beautiful face was rigid. "Why you can't know this; I don't deserve you. But my brother does." He was giving up. He leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. His hand lifted hesitantly to stroke the side of her face. "God, I wish you didn't have to forget this." She felt her eyebrows furrow slightly in confusion, then she realised. He had her necklace.

No vervain meant… she could be compelled.

It was too late. "But you do." Her memories were already gone by the time she saw a tear trickle down his cheek.

And the he was gone.

Elena's eyes were open and staring. She saw him smile and heard him say; "I'm sorry, but it was better that you found that out sooner rather than later. You were going to remember that eventually, and I might not have been with you then."

Shakily, she stood up, not quite managing to tear her eyes away from his, and forcibly pushed him away from her.

"How could you steal that moment from me?" she exclaimed, her voice laced with hurt and confusion. "I've always trusted you, you Damon, to tell me the truth. Not Stefan, you! Stefan believes that by keeping the truth from me, he's protecting me, but you were always honest - even if you knew it would hurt me. Do you not get how much that means to me? How could you steal that moment from me?" She repeated in a tone so soft it was almost a whisper, her eyes wide and accusatory. "How could you compel me? That was a complete violation of my trust!"

"You didn't trust me anyway Elena! That was gone the moment Jeremy's neck snapped!" They both flinched, the memory causing them pain, but for very different reasons. "Do you really think I'd be able to just say that to you and then leave you to think about it? It would have crushed you! You'd have been confused, angry and above all guilty because you'd feel like you were betraying Stefan…because no matter how many times you try and deny it Elena, you can't deny that we have something."

She flinched again; he'd thrown her words right back into her face and she knew that she couldn't deny them.

"I love Stefan." She whispered hoarsely. And then, he was right in front of her.

He started to step forwards until Elena felt her back slam into the tree behind her. He heard her heart beat speed up and he fought the urge to smirk triumphantly – he affected her in so many ways, and they both knew it.

"But you have feelings for me," he insisted, his voice low. He leaned in so that his head was right in front of hers and looked deep into her eyes, needing her to admit it to herself. "You and I, we have something." He placed his hands on either side of her head before leaning even closer. "Just say it, Elena."

She wanted to. So badly it hurt. But how could she when she didn't even know what that something was? He was right; she may love Stefan, but she had feelings for him too – feelings that confused and excited her at the same time. They were different to what she felt for Stefan, but there was something oddly familiar about them too, and it terrified her. She looked into the penetrating depths of Damon's eyes and fought to keep herself from drowning in them. She couldn't do this – it wasn't right. She was not Katherine.

"I can't." she said sadly, her eyes trying to reach out to him – to make him see that she wanted to, she really, really wanted to, but she couldn't.

He sighed heavily and shook his head, automatically putting up his famous iron barriers to close himself off to her. There was no point in trying to convince her any further – she'd made up her mind and there was nothing he could do about it.

"You can't keep doing this, Elena," Damon said as he withdrew his hands with a resigned sigh. "You're loyalty to Stefan touches me, really. It's just a shame his doesn't match yours."

Elena's eyes widened and he knew instantly he'd touched a nerve. He knew it was harsh, but she needed to face up to it – things were going too far.

"For the record, I'm not conflicted between two women. I know who I want, and that isn't going to change."

Elena watched with a sad expression on her face, believing each word he said and knowing that he was right. She didn't know how things were going to work out – things had gotten so complicated all of a sudden. But she couldn't think about it now – the need for blood was becoming over-whelming and she knew that the sticky red liquid was all she needed. Everything else would have to wait until after she'd become a proper vampire.

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