CONTROL ME

Chapter 2
Some Deviled Eggs

Sitting comfy now?

Good.

It all started on the RAW after WrestleMania. No one had left the Dirty South yet so it was a pretty special, inter-promotional episode. We had the blue guys making special appearances on the show before we went our separate ways. It was mostly WrestleMania revenge stuff so when it came to the SmackDown! guys, it was all just Cody Rhodes and Rey Mysterio.

Oh yeah, that new stable was scheduled to appear at the end of the show, too. I think they were called The Corre. Well, the name certainly doesn't leave me breathless. But I am the Most Must-See WWE Champion in history so RAW should've just gone off the air the minute I was done. Camera close-up on my face. RAW copyright claim at the lower-left corner. WWE logo flash. The end. It was better to end with me than the advanced announcement of some match at the next WrestleMania. Watch The Rock back out at the last minute.

Anyway, Maryse, A-Ry and I were watching the show backstage at the catering area. The girlfriend was helping herself to some deviled eggs while my protégé and I observed the Tough Enough contestants shown on the screen. Oh, how the memories began to flood in… Don't know why Daniel Puder won during my time but I've shown the world than I'm definitely tougher than him. Who's the loser now?

I was getting sick of watching Stone Cold Steve Austin ramble in the ring. I believe the time was nigh for the Universe to stand in awe of my presence. Oh, and A-Ry's presence, but mostly my presence. Before leaving the catering area, I put my hands on Maryse's hips and whispered in her ear.

"Be right back, cupcake."

She let out a cute giggle after I took a bite off the deviled egg in her hand. I motioned for A-Ry and soon after, we left the French Canadian lady backstage with trays of appetizers and side-dishes that were arranged across the table. I didn't have a first-hand account of what happened after but a little birdie told me it was a tale of treachery in Maryse's part. I didn't want to believe it, though.

One night in Atlanta, The Corre arrived at the Georgia Dome and lounged at the catering area while waiting for the time of their RAW appearance. While I was out in the ring with A-Ry, confronting the famed Texas Rattlesnake, Maryse was said to have been making advances towards a member of The Corre. That Wade Barrett character, in particular.

What the hell did she find so special in him? A crooked nose? A Cockney accent? A horrible set of chompers? See, this is why I didn't believe the story at first. I mean, come on, Maryse. Wade Barrett? Really? You're attracted to that guy when you already have me and my "more dashing than Cody Rhodes" good looks? I just didn't buy it.

But perhaps I was being a bit too shallow. Beauty's only skin deep and crap like that. So I asked my witness if they talked about anything in particular that may have ignited a spark between them. You're not gonna believe this! It's like something off a badly written fanfic…

He told me Wade was only minding his own business at the catering table, taking his pick of deviled eggs. When he went to get one last piece, he accidentally took Maryse's hand while she was going for the same one. What the hell is up with these people? Did they share an affinity for deviled eggs or something? They shared a laugh for a while until Wade let Maryse pick one first before returning to his gang of Mizfits at the table. But the encounter didn't end there.

After deciding to finally move away from the row of food she's been standing in front of for some reason, Maryse approached The Corre and situated herself behind Wade. Apparently, the sneaky woman tapped him on one shoulder and took an egg from his plate at the opposite direction of where he was facing. From that moment on, I thought she needed an intervention from certain hors d'oeuvres. Eventually, Wade caught her with the stolen egg and watched as she slowly licked the mayonnaise topping off the deadly yolk before popping the whole thing into her mouth at the same pace. She then licked each delicate fingertip of her hand, emulating old cartoon characters that do the same thing after eating something with their bare hands. It's funny how my witness described that moment in great detail. What a creep.

This moment, I saw with my own eyes, though… After A-Ry suffered a beating from Steve, I helped in carrying him to the back and we returned to the catering area. I watched my girlfriend leave the group of equal jobbers at the table.

She waved goodbye and shouted, "Au revoir! Be sexy!"

A-Ry was still recuperating from the attack but he was already able to stand on his two feet so my arms focused their attention on Maryse instead. I held the WWE Championship that was hung over my shoulder on one hand and held the side of her hip with the other. I looked back at the table and shot the group a dirty look. I don't know what really happened between Wade and Maryse but I decided to trust my witness's account.

That was my girlfriend's first encounter with Wade Barrett and I like to think it's also her last.

If John Cena and The Rock had the Cenation and Team Bring It… Wade Barrett had The Corre but we all know the lovely Maryse is Team Awesome all the freakin' way.

Or so I thought.