I have fabulous readers. The stats page blows my mind every time I see it. :) Thanks for all your reviews once again. As for this chapter, I have no idea where this side of Elena came from, but she turned up anyway. I think her illness really is going to her head. Either that or I've been watching the D/E scenes from 'The Sacrifice' too much. xD So I'd really love if you could let me know what you think about this chapter, because I don't know how I feel about it! Anyway, enough from me. :3
As the door from the lounge to the hallway closed, Elena couldn't help but feel she was closing the door on her only escape. But she was going to have to face Stefan sooner or later, so why not get it over with? She'd spoken to Stefan a couple of times since he'd left, but it was all on the phone. And it had all been strange, detached, alienated. Plus she'd been able to flee when she'd had enough. Now, there was nowhere to run to. Meeting Stefan face to face was an entirely different matter. There could be no more running, no more hiding.
Elena wasn't even sure why she wanted to avoid this so badly. But she most definitely did. Even Damon had fled the scene. Elena couldn't blame him. He'd done more than he'd needed to by staying overnight while she was sick, vulnerable and potentially under attack. She owed him even more now. She'd thanked Damon, but she wasn't sure he'd ever understand how deep it went. For Elena, it ran as deep as the centre of the earth. It was from her heart, her very soul. She owed Damon so very much, and she didn't know that she'd ever repay him. She didn't know how.
Resigning herself to her own fate, Elena walked over to the sofa, stretching out on the fabric cushions. She was thankful for the seat - she still felt a little dizzy. She noticed the lounge had been cleared up since last night. She wondered if Damon had been up all morning. She couldn't really imagine him cleaning. It was a plain, labour intensive task that was the exact opposite of Damon Salvatore. But she appreciated the sentiment.
Her daydreams of Damon were interrupted when Stefan finally chose to speak. "How're you feeling?" Stefan asked, clearly concerned.
"Damon told you I was sick?" Stefan nodded. Elena wondered what else Damon had said whilst she was busy drying her hair. "I'm okay. I'm sure I'll be back to normal by tomorrow." Frankly, Elena was thankful that she felt reasonably lucid. She was dizzy, yes, but looking back on some of her emotions last night with Damon, she'd been downright delusional. She thought was better now in that respect. It was just as well - she needed a clear head to handle Stefan.
"Great," Stefan said, obviously glad she wasn't completely sick. Elena tried to remember where she'd left the conversation.
"So, what brings you to North Carolina?" Elena asked. She wasn't stupid - she knew Stefan had been states away for months.
"Do I need a reason?" Stefan asked, looking a little confused. Elena knew this was going to be a painful day.
"No." Silence hung in the air, tension building. It was uncomfortable, and Stefan couldn't be oblivious. He had to feel it too.
"So, how's Duke?" Yes, Stefan definitely felt it too.
"Oh, it's great. Pre-med is really interesting," Elena said. No point in mentioning that Damon was in her class. Absolutely no reason to mention she'd only started paying attention two weeks ago. It was November. It would only raise more uncomfortable questions about October and September - questions Elena didn't want to answer. She wasn't sure she had answers.
Silence dominated again. Elena wasn't sure that she'd ever felt this awkward with Stefan. She didn't know what to do, what to say. It was ridiculous, but Elena had no idea what to do about it. She half wished she'd left Stefan outside. It would have solved a lot of problems. But it was Stefan. There was still a part of her that would still bend the laws of the world for him. She'd let him in without thinking about it. She just really wished she knew what Damon had said. They hadn't looked comfortable when she walked back in - not even Damon. Actually, Damon had looked ever so slightly frustrated. Now, however, Stefan looked as awkward as she felt. Eventually, Elena sighed. She was always the one that had to speak out, because Stefan generally avoided the main issue for as long as possible. Always trying to protect her when she didn't need protecting.
"This isn't working." She said it plainly, sadly, trying to work through the sickness in her voice. She didn't want to be weak. But she couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't run from Stefan forever. But she couldn't have their relationship on this kind of plain forever either. Stefan didn't speak, didn't even react. The question burst out of Elena's lips before she could consider what she was really asking, what the consequences would be. "What did Damon say to you?"
"A lot of things," Stefan said, noncommittally.
"Like?" Elena prompted. Stefan shook his head.
"It's just Damon, playing games like always. He was probably lying."
"Tell me, Stefan," Elena implored, and for a moment, Stefan looked up, meeting her eyes. She thought he almost looked hopeful. She was using that tone that he'd never been able to refuse.
"He said you'd been ...depressed," Stefan choked out. Elena's eyes widened in surprise as she sucked in a breath. Damon had told Stefan? Why? She'd trusted him. He'd gone and told Stefan about everything. Elena felt betrayed, and she didn't even know why. It wasn't like she'd ever sworn him to secrecy, but she just assumed ... what was to be gained by Stefan knowing anything about her new life? Elena looked away. "It's true, isn't it?" There was a gap of silence that Elena didn't bother to fill. "Is the drinking true as well?" Stefan accused.
Elena felt tears spark unbidden in her eyes. What hadn't Damon said? Why had he told Stefan anything? Elena could understand why Meredith had told Damon about the drinking, had trusted Damon with her depression because he was helping her. But Stefan? Elena didn't even want to see Stefan. What good could come of him knowing? What had Damon been thinking? Had she really hurt him so badly last night by refusing him? Was this spite, Damon getting back at her in some way, leaving her to deal with it alone as a punishment? It was the only explanation Elena could come up with, and she hated it.
Elena didn't reply, but she could hear from Stefan's voice that he knew her silence was a 'yes'. "Oh, Elena. Why?" He sounded disappointed in her. Elena hated that. He wasn't allowed to be disappointed in her. He was just as bad as the rest of them; he'd walked out on her too.
"I don't want to talk about it," Elena insisted. Stefan didn't say anything. Elena immediately felt a pang in her chest. She missed Damon - he never would have let her away with that. He would have challenged her and they would have fought fiercely about it. And then Damon would have been right all along and Elena would feel better for it later. That was how they seemed to work these days. It was strange. Stefan had used to be her cure for all ills. What had changed so much?
"I thought Damon was playing it up to get at me," Stefan murmured quietly. Elena swiped at her damp cheeks, trying to hide the tears. Where was Damon Salvatore when she needed him? She was going to murder him. She honestly wanted to rip him to bits for spilling everything and then running. Since when did Damon run from anything? Maybe her sickness was catching - it was making him delusional too.
"Why would you think that, Stefan?" Elena asked, exasperated. She knew the relationship between the brothers wasn't perfect, but Stefan always tried to make it sound like Damon's fault. It seemed that Stefan was always determined to see the absolute worst in his brother, no matter what.
"Because this is Damon, Elena. He always has a game to play," Stefan told her. Elena shook her head, finally looking back at Stefan.
"That's not true. He's not as bad as he used to be. After everything we went through, how can you even think that?" Elena insisted.
"Elena, can't you see? What he's doing, how he's playing you, playing us all?" Stefan persisted. Elena tried to stop the tears, but they just wouldn't cease.
"He's not doing anything but help me! You left, Stefan. You all left. How was I supposed to feel, what was I meant to do?" Elena asked. Stefan didn't have an answer. Elena hadn't honestly expected one. She didn't know where her defence of the elder Salvatore was coming from. It didn't seem right, coming from her lips. But she couldn't listen to Stefan's endless tirades against his brother. Not anymore.
After a few moments, Stefan spoke again. His voice was low, but Elena couldn't miss the words. "I thought you wanted me to leave." Elena laughed slightly. The sound was cold, harsh.
"I broke up with you, Stefan. I told you I wasn't in love with you. I didn't say I never wanted to see you again," Elena said sadly. Because as much as she was frustrated by Stefan, and had wanted to avoid this encounter completely, she'd never wanted him gone. She had wanted Stefan as a friend. She loved him, but in the same way she loved Caroline, Jeremy, Jenna, Bonnie... but of course, because he'd left Elena just felt worse about their whole relationship. She didn't want Stefan around if they were only going to fight all the time. She didn't want that kind of conflict in her life anymore.
Elena watched the dawning realisation on Stefan's face and knew that he really didn't have a clue. "Stefan, I never wanted you gone. There were times when I really needed a friend, and no one was there. Until Damon came back. So please, Stefan, can you just drop it?"
Stefan didn't reply. Silence span out. Elena's mind was reeling with it all. She just felt mad at everyone now. Mad at Damon for leaving her to this. Mad at Damon for telling Stefan anything when he so clearly didn't deserve to know. Mad at Damon for backing down against his brother when Elena finally wanted him to stand up for himself. Mad at Stefan because he really didn't have a damn clue. Mad at Stefan because he insisted on casting Damon as the evil brother. Mad at her friends and everyone for leaving her and expecting her to continue on like Pac-Man, because she was Elena and nothing got her down, right? She couldn't stop crying. But they weren't tears of sorrow - they were of pure, unadulterated, passionate anger. And yet again, Stefan didn't have the beginning of an idea of how to handle her.
"I'm sorry, Elena. For all it's worth," Stefan murmured. Elena was too angry to focus, too angry to think straight. Somewhere deep inside, something panged at Stefan's apology. But it was far too late. She was already past taking apologies from him. Elena shook her head. Stefan pressed on. "I never meant any of this to happen. I never meant to hurt you. I just...I miss you Elena. And Damon..." Elena cut him off.
"You know what? Let's not make this about Damon," Elena told him acidly. Silence reigned once more. Elena used to time to try and dry her eyes, stop the tears. She hated this. Maybe being sick had thrown all her hormones out of balance. She didn't think she was usually this bad.
"Elena, I still miss you. I want to make it right. How can I make it right?" Stefan almost sounded desperate. Elena looked up, meeting his eyes with a look of pure sadness. It was enough to break Stefan's heart. Elena had a feeling he knew what she was going to say before she said it.
"You can't Stefan. I'm sorry. But you... we can't mend this. I want us to be friends, but we... the past is gone, Stefan." Elena had recognised it as a conscious choice. This was Stefan offering her a door, a way out. A way back to how her life had used to be. This was Stefan asking her if she would love him once more. Elena knew the answer. As much as she missed their past, she couldn't go back to it. It would never work. She'd broken up with Stefan once for a reason. She'd be a fool if she went back.
Stefan nodded, looking kind of sad. Oddly enough, Elena didn't feel heartbroken, or in pain. Behind all her simmering anger, she just felt...free. She could do what she wanted now without concerning herself with Stefan Salvatore. That much was clear. She hadn't been sure how she felt about Stefan before. Now she knew. She'd felt tied to him by duty, almost. She'd spent so long with Stefan; she couldn't adjust to life without him. But now, she felt better. If this was what life with Stefan was now, then she didn't want any part of it. Fighting and misunderstandings and miscommunications? What kind of a relationship was that? She had wanted Stefan as a friend. She still did. But not like this. Not if he was going to spend every second telling her that Damon was playing games with her. She could make her own decisions about Damon Salvatore. She didn't need Stefan to protect her from life anymore. Not even from this new threat. After all, she was safe in the house. And even when the walls came crumbling down... she had Damon. Who'd ultimately proved he was the better person for picking her up, putting her back together and forcing her through life. Stefan had just sat there and let her do what she wanted when he'd found out how bad she'd been. Damon had forced her to heal, to change. Elena didn't even have to choose which was better for her.
"I was a fool," Stefan murmured, almost to himself. Elena didn't answer. Because she knew what she'd say, and she didn't want to say it for fear of regretting it later. 'Yes, you were, Stefan. You were dumb and now you're paying the price. So don't ask me to come back to you a second time.' She would never say it. She was angry, but she wasn't spiteful. She wasn't Katherine. No matter how many times she was called it, she refused to be Katherine.
"Damon said someone called you Katherine last night," Stefan said, trying to move on. It just made Elena feel worse, especially after her last thoughts. She'd stopped crying, but she wasn't any more stable.
"Is there anything he didn't say?" Elena asked edgily. Stefan ignored her.
"It's okay, Elena. Everything will be okay," Stefan said softly, like she was a scared little girl that needed comfort. She wasn't. Elena inhaled, inches away from snapping. She couldn't take this anymore.
"I don't know how things are going to turn out right now. I don't think I care, either, Stefan, because I'm too busy focusing on our relationship. But if you want to move onto my other drama, then fine. Just take it elsewhere," Elena spoke calmly, smoothly, but she was still raging inside. Stefan actually looked surprised.
He sat there for a few moments, while Elena stared out the window. Then he stood. Elena heard the action, but refused to even acknowledge it. "I'll go now. I'm sure you've got studying I'm keeping you from," Stefan said softly. Elena silently thought that the last thing she wanted to do was study, but she just closed her eyes and refused him a response. It wasn't that she hated Stefan. It was that she was frustrated at him. Him and his brother.
"How long are you in town for?" Elena asked coolly, not even turning. She wanted to know how long she'd have to endure this for. And how long she had the chance to make Stefan see the truth.
"Just a few days," Stefan replied. Elena nodded, finally looking over to Stefan, who stood by the lounge door.
"Maybe I'll see you around, then," Elena said. It was her code for 'I might see you again if I'm feeling less angry at you.' She knew Stefan wouldn't get it. It didn't matter to her if he did or not.
"Get well soon, Elena," Stefan wished before slipping out.
It was only when the front door closed did Elena realise Stefan really had left. Which meant she was alone even with the new threat of the mistake identity hanging over her. Their relationship really was fractured. There was a time when Stefan never would have let her leave his sight in a time like this. Maybe he'd finally realised she didn't need a guard dog. She just needed someone she could trust. It wasn't like she wasn't safe in her flat, anyway. But Stefan had never understood that. It spoke volumes for the fact that their relationship really was broken through the fact she'd been consciously left alone.
Damon was going to go insane when he found out.
Elena didn't know how she knew this fact, but she did. Maybe she was overestimating. Damon had never seen the need to wrap her in cotton wool. He let her get close to the action, within reason. Still out of harm's way, but still involved. Never coddled up in Alaska, waiting for news like an exile. Maybe he wouldn't go completely insane. It was a nice thought, that there was still one Salvatore that understood how her mind worked.
In fact, Elena was left alone until half past one in the afternoon. Four and a half hours was pretty good, for her. She heard the door open as someone stepped inside. Elena didn't respond, she just continued watching the garbage that was daytime TV. She didn't react until she heard him approaching the lounge. She knew it was him for a fact. Meredith was in class and Stefan wouldn't dare come back after that morning. No one else would just waltz in uninvited.
As soon as Elena heard the doorknob twist, she got to her feet, and in a burst of energy, walked right over to the door. Damon had barely gotten the door open when she slapped him full across the face. She'd caught him by surprise. That was one plus point for her. Damon looked at her in shock and irritation, before flexing his jaw, running a hand along his jawbone.
"This is becoming a habit," he complained, anger beginning to burn behind his eyes. Elena's own fury had been burning all morning. The benefit of Stefan leaving her alone was that she'd had time to consider things. She might have been a bit rash with some of her outbursts at Stefan, but Damon? He deserved everything that was coming to him. She kept her anger alive, just for him. Her passion in that moment was unrivalled, even by him.
"I trusted you," Elena spat out, letting every inch of her feelings of betrayal show. Damon arched one of those perfect eyebrows, and stared at her.
"What happened?" Damon asked, almost sounding bored. It just added fuel to Elena's fire.
"You told Stefan everything. And then you left me on my own. How could you do that to me, Damon? Stefan didn't need to know half of what you told him," Elena told him.
"What didn't he have a right to know, Elena? I think he had every right to know he made you half catatonic." Damon retorted.
"It wasn't just him! Besides, no one needs to know that. It's my decision who finds out how I spent my time. Not yours, Damon."
"It's not like you kept it a state secret."
"That's not the point! I trusted you Damon. You might as well have hung a banner in the street. And you know how I feel about all this. Why did you leave me to that, anyway? I didn't want any of that," Elena told him. She didn't understand why Damon had left.
"What, was it torture, talking to Stefan? Did he shove bamboo under your nails, tie you to a chair? You're being dramatic, Elena, and you know it." Damon accused. Elena had to clench her hands into fists to stop her from slapping him again.
"The great Damon Salvatore, finally backing down from a fight with his own brother," Elena taunted. That seemed to snap it into place for Damon. She could see it in his eyes, that moment when everything came into place and his frustration at her started to show.
"Dammit, Elena. Do you want to know why I left? Because you needed to talk to him."
"Why? What reason could I possibly have for talking to him?"
"You needed it. You don't start drinking hard liquor every night when you're perfectly at ease with your breakup. You got yourself into this mess because everyone left? Well, the only way you fix that is by doing something, Elena."
"We are doing something! I'm going out again, amn't I?"
"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't feel better in some way for talking to him."
Elena was caught. She couldn't do it - she'd already recognised that she felt free again. That talking to Stefan had tied off a loose end or two for her. And she wouldn't lie to Damon. Not like this.
"Thought so," he said smugly. And that was the straw that broke Elena's back.
"Get out," she hissed. She took pleasure in the fact that Damon actually looked surprised. When he didn't react, Elena repeated herself. "Get. Out."
"Elena..." Damon said warningly.
"I mean it Damon. I'm not in the mood for your shit, okay? So get out, or I'll leave myself. And I know you want me to have the stupid invite protection right now."
"Fine." Damon said flatly. He was gone in the blink of an eye. Elena turned around and collapsed back onto the sofa, completely drained. She didn't know where she'd pulled the energy from for a shouting match with Damon. But she had. She covered her face with her hands, inhaling deeply. She'd been wanting to do that for a while. But as she sat there, she could feel her anger slipping away with every passing second. Elena tried to cling to it, because guilt was seeping into its place. She'd wanted to tell Damon what she thought about his actions all day.
She couldn't say she felt any better for it.