Thanks so much for the reviews! I feel slightly better about Elena now. ;) As always, I love reading your reviews, so don't be afraid to let me know what you think!
Impossible. That was the only word in Elena's mind as she finally went back to class. She'd spent two days off since her night-time illness. Which meant it had been almost precisely 48 hours since Stefan had arrived. 42 hours since she'd slapped Damon, determined to be mad at him. The thing was, it was impossible for Elena to stay mad at either of them.
Stefan was the first to break her resolve. After he'd left, he'd called the next day. He wanted to know if it was okay if he came over. Elena had seriously thought about it before she'd answered. She didn't want to see him, in a way. She was still mad that he used Damon as an excuse for everything. She was still mad that he truly was clueless when it came to her. Elena had worked out what had changed about their relationship - her.
Yet Elena still liked Stefan, still wanted to fix their relationship and let them be friends. And she'd been a bit harsh in how she'd said some things to Stefan. She owed him - and herself- a chance to fix it. A chance to make it right, in some way. She'd agreed to let him in. She made coffee, and they sat and talked. It was good. Elena had needed it.
Most of the chat was meaningless, but relaxed, friendly, and the exact opposite of the day before. They'd both apologised to each other and moved on. It was good, healthy. Elena was surprised when Damon came up again, though. But not in the expected context.
"You and Damon seem pretty close," Stefan had commented. It was meant to be harmless; Elena could tell.
"Yeah, well, we've been spending a lot of time together," Elena explained.
"You're good for him," Stefan had told her sincerely, plunging in at the deep end. That was where Elena's surprise began. She didn't respond, so Stefan just ploughed on. "He's better these days. I don't think he would have changed so much if it wasn't for you."
"But there was all the stuff with Katherine..." Elena said, trying to deflect it all from her shoulders. Stefan just shook his head.
"I think most of it was you." They were silent for a moment before Stefan spoke again. "Don't be afraid of doing anything with him because of me." Stefan spoke softly, and Elena could almost see the pain it was causing him. It was like he didn't want to say it.
"We're just friends." Elena insisted, but she couldn't help being curious at what had brought this on. Had Damon said something? Or, worse; had Stefan heard what she'd said to Damon in the hallway and taken it completely the wrong way?
"I know." Stefan's declaration had seriously surprised her - this from the man who had told her Damon was manipulating her only a day before. Stefan seemed to realise what she was thinking.
"I'm hard on him because of the last century and a half of our lives. I can't change that, Elena."
"You could. If you wanted to." Stefan didn't reply. They moved away from Damon as a topic of conversation quickly, but Elena couldn't help but let Stefan's words play on her mind. It was crazy. She wished Stefan would make up his mind about his brother so Elena could just move on. But it showed her one thing. Despite everything that had happened, Stefan and Damon were still brothers. As much as they hated to admit it; especially to each other.
Elena had also failed miserably in forcing herself to be mad at Damon. She was still upset that Damon had spilled her life story out so freely and easily. But she saw the point now. She thought she understood why Damon had said all those things to Stefan and left her alone. And that empathy made it so much harder to legitimately stay mad at anyone. Damon had told Stefan because yes, he did have a right to know. Elena partly put it down to the fact that he also still liked taking cheap shots at Stefan at any opportunity. It made it easier for Elena to move on past Stefan if he knew what had happened anyway. No secrets; no loose ends. Damon had left because he'd thought he was being noble, giving her space to talk to Stefan. Either that or he was afraid that she was going to run back into Stefan's arms, in which case he really wouldn't want to witness it. Elena silently wished Damon hadn't been so selfless. In this instance, she'd have preferred selfish, scornful, sarcastic Damon. But either way, things had worked out between her and Stefan. And Elena felt better for it. She felt good.
Yet although Elena was no longer angry with the elder Salvatore, she still hadn't faced him. Not since the day when she'd hit him, shouted at him, and then thrown him out of the flat. Not the best premise for getting back to normal. He'd only been trying to help and she'd just slapped him in the face and told him to take it elsewhere. Literally. She'd been feeling guilty since the second he'd left. It had only been getting worse. Even Meredith had noticed her feelings.
Meredith had arrived home that night, looking concerned. She had been the one who'd sent Damon to rescue her at the party, so Elena thanked her. Meredith brushed it off, more concerned with how Elena was doing. Elena had tried her normal deflection of 'I'm fine', but for the first time in a very long time, it didn't work.
"No, you're not," Meredith had answered sympathetically. Elena was hit by how much of a true friend Meredith was to her now. She hadn't thought she'd had any friends. But now, she had Meredith, if no one else.
"My ex showed up," Elena said.
"Hm. How did that go for you?" Meredith had asked, clearly concerned.
"Oh, it was okay. We kind of had a fight. But I think we're okay. Or at least, I hope we will be."
"But that's not what's bothering you, is it?" Meredith asked with a slight smile on her lips. Elena sometimes thought Meredith was too intelligent for her own good.
"I had a fight with Damon too." Elena admitted. "I think I was out of line. He did something I don't like, but he only meant well. I thought he was wrong to do it, but now..."
"You're not sure how you feel." Meredith concluded. "Do you really think he didn't mean to hurt you?"
"Yes. Yes. But it doesn't make it right." Elena repeated herself, like she was trying to convince herself. Damon would never be that spiteful. Would he? Not once he'd had a whole night to cool off.
"No, but maybe you should just forgive him anyway. We all make mistakes. Even Damon," Meredith said knowingly. Elena had accepted Meredith's advice. She just didn't know how to execute it. Forgiving Damon was something done without so many words. All Elena really knew was that she was done with being angry at Damon. But that always seemed to happen, didn't it? No matter what Damon did, she always forgave him. The lack of lines in their relationship scared her half to death. She needed to make some. There had to be a limit to how far she would let Damon go. There had to be.
Elena walked into the lecture hall, looked towards her normal spot at the back of the room. Damon was already there. Elena paused for a moment, closing her eyes, breathing in. She was ready for this. Why did she feel so nervous? Steeling herself, Elena moved on, confidently walking in and sitting down in the seat next to Damon. He didn't even look at her. Elena bit her lip slightly, pulling books out of her bag. When it became clear Damon really wasn't going to start any kind of contact, Elena chose to break the silence.
"Hello, Damon," she said softly. Damon didn't look up. But he did reply. It was something, anyway.
"Someone's feeling better." His voice only made her more nervous. Why was she nervous? It wasn't due to the fact she'd slapped a 170 year old vampire in the face, and was now trying to get back to a normal friendship with him. She'd been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt. It was nothing new. What reason was there for her nerves? None. So Elena tried to shove them away. It was best for everyone.
"Much better, thank you," Elena replied. Damon finally looked up at her. The numbers of walls behind his blue eyes were frightening. Elena didn't think she'd seen him this shut off from her in months. What kind of damage had she done? What had she done?
"Over the hissy fit too?" Damon asked her, arching one of his eyebrows.
"I'm not going to apologise for getting mad at you." Elena spoke frankly, her nerves not even registering in her voice.
"Oh?"
"There is a line of too much information, Damon. You crossed it with Stefan. You're not blameless." Elena said, deliberately not meeting Damon's intensely blue eyes.
"If that's what you think," Damon said, in a way that made it clear he didn't care what she thought, he was going to be stubborn about it either way.
"It is." Elena confirmed. She paused for a moment. "But I think I over reacted. I shouldn't have hit you." Elena dared to peek up at Damon. He was looking distinctly curious, if not a little surprised. Elena drew in a quick breath, her confidence boosted by the fact Damon didn't look furious. Or disbelieving. "I'm sorry."
Damon looked away. "Yeah, well, I'm getting used to it." Elena winced. How many times had she tried to slap Damon now? Three times? Four? Anyone would think that she hated him. But that was the thing - she didn't.
Class started, suspending any further conversations between them. Elena focused herself on the lecture, trying to ignore Damon and her personal drama. These days, class was becoming a tie to normality; to sanity. But it was nigh on impossible to ignore Damon for such a long period of time when he was so close by. Elena occasionally glanced over, and it was clear that Damon wasn't paying any attention to the lecture. He had a notepad out and his pen was moving. But Damon wasn't taking notes. He was drawing.
Elena tried to ignore his sketches, but after a time, her curiosity got the better of her. She kept peeking over. It was nothing that made sense. An eye. A set of vines. A heart (the real organ, not the fluffy love hearts). Elena didn't understand where any of the drawings came from, but she did notice one thing. They were good. Elena had never been the best artist. She'd clawed her way through art class, and her skills had extended to making banners with Caroline and Bonnie for school fairs and that kind of thing. That was it. Jeremy, of course, had been different, and had often been seen with a sketchpad. But Damon? She hadn't imagined him having hobbies or skills or anything like that.
'Why not?' She asked herself this curiously. She'd been in Damon's room, she'd seen the stacks of novels he kept. So she supposed, she'd connected him to reading. But that wasn't much of a hobby, in Elena's mind. It wasn't productive, creative. She'd never seen Damon as having something like that to pass time - unless it was alcohol and women. Who would have thought he would be an artist?
Elena was still examining the tracery of the vines when class ended. Everyone was up and moving before Elena knew what was happening. Damon caught her looking. He looked up at her, raising an eyebrow as he closed the notepad over, ditching it into the bag he had at his feet. Elena blinked, stirring herself and coming back to the real world. She blushed slightly, and she had no idea why.
"Yes, Elena?" Damon asked in what seemed to be a perfectly polite tone. Elena knew there was so much more underneath it. She dropped her gaze, clearing away her own notes.
"I never knew you drew," Elena said quietly.
"Is it a problem?" Damon asked, clearly confused.
"No! Not at all. I'm just... surprised." Elena admitted. There was a paused. Elena looked up at Damon, who was sitting there, looking insanely amused. Elena inhaled deeply, standing up and walking along the row of seats towards the door. "Forget I said anything."
She made it outside and about fifteen paces towards her flat before Damon caught her up. He would have been there sooner, but she supposed he couldn't use his vampire-speed in a public place without attracting attention. She was thankful for it. She needed some time to herself.
"I only draw these days when I'm bored out of my skull." He said it pointedly. Elena glanced over at him.
"No one's forcing you to sit in pre-med." Elena replied, equalling his tone. Damon shrugged. "Why are you even in that class, anyway?" Elena had been curious for so long; she wasn't about to turn down the opportunity to ask. Damon just smiled slightly at her, amused again.
"Chalk it up to curiosity."
"Curiosity?" Elena repeated.
"Well, everyone seems so hooked on college and university and that kind of thing these days. I thought I'd see what all the fuss is about." Damon told her. Elena wasn't convinced, but she could tell she wasn't about to get a better answer. As she watched Damon, she was struck with a thought. She really didn't know Damon at all. Sure, she got him, she understood him. But she didn't know him. She didn't know that he drew when he was bored, hadn't know much about his reading habits until she'd dared to venture into his room. She knew nothing about what he liked, what he didn't like. She also had no idea about his history. Sure, she knew the stuff that had happened in 1864 with Katherine, and some of the details of his early days as a vampire. But that was through Stefan, not him. So maybe... maybe she should get to know him.
Elena was tempted to brush the thought away. She was being silly. She knew all she needed to about Damon. They were just friends. That didn't require full disclosure. She should be grateful Damon was even at Duke, not questioning why. She liked him being around. It made her feel like she hadn't been abandoned; like she was still worth something. And despite everything he'd done (or maybe because of it) Elena felt safe with Damon. Maybe that was a little twisted, but she knew deep down it was true.
"So, you heard anything from Katherine's latest scorned boy toy?" Damon asked, an edge of cynicism in his voice. Elena felt her heartstrings tighten. No matter what happened, Katherine was still a scar in Damon. She just wouldn't go away. Elena shook her head.
"No. Should I have?" Elena asked, curious as to what Damon's theory was. Damon shrugged.
"Depends on his angle. As much as I'd love him to have run away, I get the feeling it's unlikely."
"So what do we do?" Elena asked, feeling slightly nervous. But then again, this was nothing she hadn't faced before.
"Nothing." Damon said like it was obvious. Elena looked over at him, her eyes saying 'are you crazy?' Damon just rolled his eyes at her. "There's nothing to do." Damon could obviously tell she wasn't satisfied. Elena stopped walking, and Damon moved to stand in front of her. Before Elena knew what was happening, she was trapped under those blue, blue eyes. "Elena, I promise, nothing will happen to you whilst I'm around."
Elena nodded. "I know."
"Then what's the big deal? There's nothing we can do. I can't find him; there's nothing to track him with anyway, so not even a witch could find him. Even you can't chase the invisible, Elena. There is nothing for us to do unless he comes back. Okay?" Damon explained carefully. Elena nodded slowly.
"I don't like waiting around for things to happen, I guess," Elena admitted. She started walking again, and Damon fell into step beside her.
"You think I do?" he asked. Elena didn't need to think about the answer. She didn't even need to reply. "Just live your life, Elena. Be happy that you have a period free of anyone trying to kill you," Damon encouraged her. Elena gave him a vague smile. It seemed like a reasonable request.
"Fine. Then would you like to come over tonight?" Elena spoke before she could think things through, but she was confident. This couldn't be a mistake.
"Sorry?" Damon asked. He clearly thought he'd misheard.
"Come round to my flat tonight. It's Thursday. Meredith won't be home until late tonight. Don't expect any fabulous food though, I can't cook." Elena explained. Damon smirked.
"You want me round so I can cook for you?" Damon calculated. Elena shrugged.
"I want you round so we can hang out. The cooking help is a bonus." Damon seemed to consider her offer.
"What time does Meredith get home at?"
"Seven." Elena said promptly. "She meets up with friends on a Thursday."
"Quite the hectic social life," Damon commented.
"She can do whatever she wants, as far as I'm concerned." There was a pause for a moment.
"I'll be round at five." Damon said, finally. Elena smiled.
"Good."
She didn't know where her sudden desire to spend a nice, normal evening with Damon came from, but it did. It would be very normal; just two friends, spending time together. Was that so much to ask? Besides, if Damon wanted her to live her life, then this was a perfectly valid way of doing so. Everything would be fine.
As long as he didn't try to kiss her again.