Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
A/N: To R.A.B and ANONYMOUSE: Thank you for the correction on Lockhart's name. I honestly had no idea that it was spelled that way, so thank you for the update. I have spellcheck (otherwise my spelling would be awful, DUH) but Lockharts' name is not in the dictionary. Therefore, I spelled it wrong. This is a CRACK fic (from the way they're all acting I would have thought that obvious.)
Also, flames will be used to roast marshmallows.
Harry, Ron, Ginny, Ahrirang and Lockhart climbed out from behind a tapestry on the eighth floor. They (except for Ahrirang) were covered in muck. "You just HAD to lead us through the sewage pipe, didn't you," Ron grouched.
"Well, how wasss I to know that a toilet pipe had broken and flooded the area?" Ahrirang said. "I haven't gone there in, what…18 yearsss?"
"How old are you?" Harry choked, "You don't look any older than Ginny! BTW, can we just call you, 'Ah'?"
"Yeah, ok. I'm 43, actually. I age sssslower than wizardsss, and you folksss are notoriousssly long-lived. It's my basssilisk genesss I think." They walked down the stairs towards Dumbledores' office, Ron dragging Lockhart by the feet. "Hey Harry, a bit of HELP here! This guy is heavy!" As Harry turned to pick him up, the staircase they were about to step onto switched. Ron shrieked and let go of Lockhart. Seeing as he did not want to fall, Harry let go too. Lockhart fell off the platform. A girlish scream came from below. "Ah, cool!" Ginny said, "Look! He landed on Malfoy!"
Harry and Ron cautiously leaned over the edge. Sure enough, there was a very squashed looking Malfoy underneath Lockhart. "Get me out of here!" he roared, eyes bulging furiously. As they raced down the stairs, Snape came stalking up. He stared at Malfoy and looked up at them. "Potter! Weasley and Weasley! How dare you drop a teacher on Mr. Malfoy!" He screamed in sheer fury.
"Want me to bite him for you?" Ah said, stepping forward. Snape stared for so long that Harry thought his eyeballs might fall out. Just as he was about place bets with Ginny on how long he would last before breathing, Snape blinked and said, "Dumbledores' office. Now."
"OK, prof. Snape! We were going there anyways." Ginny said. And so, they picked up Lockhart again and walked towards Dumbledores' office.