I do not own Rizzoli and Isles; I just make them love each other obsessively...
Rated M
Bitter Embrace
Chapter Twelve: Fearful
The following day Jane woke up to birds singing and the sun shining through her bedroom window. She dressed in her jogging outfit, and grabbed Jo for a quick jog down the block to the park. She called Frost on her way down the stairs, notifying him she would be picking Maura up from the hospital and would maybe be in later in the day, but would have her cell phone available in case any leads come in regarding the bodies. Thinking about the bodies caused Jane to think about life and the twists and turns it takes rather than the straight planned out path. On her way to the park, Jo trotting alongside her, Jane noticed a man with a toddler and a woman with a stroller. Funny how I was always too busy to take notice of the children around me before.
Arriving at the park, Jane and Jo took the jogging path down through the trees and out around the lake, Jo sniffing all around and Jane gazing at the wildlife as they pounded down the path. The serenity of the park allowed Jane to think with each step, blurring out all the chaotic thoughts that tend to sneak up when not in the company of Maura or the other Detectives. After jogging through the park, Jane decides to turn back and walk back to her house, enjoying the sunshine warming her sweat-covered skin and the gentle stretching of her tired muscles.
Looking down at Jo Jane said, "Jo, I know I belong with Maura, and I know she belongs with me. It's a gut feeling." Drawing a breath in and then exhaling she continued, "we fit together good; we always have. And I need to be there for her, right?. . . . . I mean, I want to be."
Jane stretched her arms above her head and clenched her fists before dropping them to rest in her hooded sweatshirt pocket, and released a sigh. Jo gazed up at Jane, cocking her head and listening to her every mutter before going back to sniffing the ground for something new to chew on.
"This is a complication. I fucking hate complications." Jane yelled in an exasperated voice. "I want simplicity, but it just isn't that way with me and Maura."
"I'm going to take the Scarlett O'Hara way and say 'I can't think about this now, I'll think about it tomorrow'." Jane shook her head briefly, then looked down at Jo again and said, "you are a good listener Jo. Come on pooch, we gotta get Maur, then we got a double murder to solve." With a quickening of her stride, Jane and Jo jogged the rest of the way back to Jane's apartment.
Showered and dressed for the day, Jane fed Jo, grabbed a cup of coffee, her jacket, the case file, and walked to the door for the quick trip to the hospital to visit Maura and to see if she is ready to be sprung. Jane rolled her windows down in her car on the drive to the hospital, letting the light breeze ruffle her hair while she hummed along with the radio. She entered the hospital and walked to the wing where the nurse told her Maura's room is located. Arriving at the room, Jane noticed the door open and without knocking strode right in, and collided with the redheaded Doctor, splashing her cup of coffee all down her white button down oxford.
"Geez. Freak'n really," Jane shouted as she jumped back in a reflex to avoid the coffee splatters.
"Oh, Detective. I am so sorry. Let me grab some towels real fast." With a quick turn, the Doctor jogged to the in-room bathroom and grabbed some towels then jogged back to hand them to Jane.
Maura sitting in her hospital bed, glanced at Jane covered in dripping coffee and started laughing hysterically.
"You are such a klutz sometimes Jane," Maura gasped out in-between giggles. The Doctor started laughing along with Maura, while Jane dabbed at her shirt and scowled at the pair of them.
"Well, ladies, it is my que to exit. See you later Doctor Isles, and you Detective, keep your head up." Giggling under her breath, she left the hospital room without a backwards glance.
"Doctor Isles, this is really not that funny. Please stop giggling," Jane said while still glaring into Maura's laughing green eyes.
"But Jane, this is so much better than the nurse sliding down the hallway earlier. Please do not be mad." Maura gave Jane her best innocent look and kept at it until Jane caved.
Smiling at Maura, letting her off the hook, Jane laughed and said, "I'm not mad."
Jane walked over to Maura's hospital bed and reached out to grasp her hand, giving it a quick squeeze before moving to sit in the chair by the bed.
"I would hate to have to have you readmitted for a domestic distpute injury Doctor Isles." Jane bantered at Maura.
"So Maura, would you be ready to get out of this cell. I need a dry shirt now and I would like to talk to you in private. The case is not going well. I need your opinion."
"A domestic dispute? Jane really." Maura shook her head and then gazing at Jane's smiling mouth continued, "I would gladly give you my solution to the evidence you have so far on the case. We will continue with work later, I do not want to think about it right at this moment." Maura gazed into Jane's eyes, getting lost in their swirling depths. Then shaking herself back to reality she continued, "Doctor Thompson just confirmed what I suspected: exhaustion as the diagnosis; she is going to restrict me to a five hour work day for the next six weeks and prescribed neonatal vitamins to supplement any missing nutrients. She was on her way to get the discharge form when you plowed her."
Jane sighed at Maura's attempt to say a analogy, and muttered, "you mean plowed into her. Five hour work day huh? What the Doctor says goes I guess. So, would you like me to take you home?"
"I would adore it. And Jane, I can be very efficient with those five hours provided there are no distractions." Maura glanced at Jane with a twinkle in her eyes and then flashed a quick smile, remembering the phone conversation from last night, and how easily she distracted Jane. She continued, "I need a dress to wear, since I collapsed in my scrubs, and Jane, you know how I need fresh clothing."
"yea, yea I know. Heaven forbid, Doctor Isles be seen in yesterdays scrubs." Jane twiddled her thumbs briefly then said, "hey Maura, at least you didn't get any dead guy juice on this set." Jane winked at Maura in a playful banter.
"No Jane. I just got grass stains from my Scarlett O'Hara impersonation," Maura, in a mocking tone said to Jane, and looked down at her lover twiddling her thumbs in boredom.
Movement by the door drew Maura's attention from watching Jane, and she looked up to meet the gray eyes of Doctor Thompson watching the two women from the doorway. "Please come in Doctor."
"I have your exit papers right here for you to sign." Handing the clipboard to Maura, she continued, " I would like to refer you to a friend of mine for a proper check up, and I have included her card with your copy of your discharge papers. Please follow any instructions I have included in your packet, Doctor Isles. I know how stubborn we Physicians can be when it comes to our own healthcare."
Maura signed and handed the clipboard back to Doctor Thompson. Looking back to Jane, she asked, "then it is all right if Jane takes me home now?"
"Of course. Here is a spare set of scrubs I high jacked from the Doctor's supply. I realized as I walked by the Nurse's station that you were transported here from a scene, and would probably not want to put back on your dirty scrubs." She handed Maura her copy of the paperwork and the spare set of scrubs, then with a wink at the two women, she turned and went to exit the room.
At the doorway she stopped briefly and turned back to Maura, "I am glad for you both." With a smile and a shrug, she strode out of the room to get back to saving lives.
"Well at least someone is happy for our situation," Jane said with a hint of skepticism in her voice.
In an effort to maintain the banter Jane whispered just loud enough for Maura to hear, "yo Maura, I think we should invite her to the baby shower."
"I would like to."
Jane frowned at Maura. This was not the response she wanted out of her lover. In an effort to not upset Maura with her big mouth, she went back to twiddling her thumbs, silently, and leaning back in the chair to relax.
Maura unfolded the clothing and noticed a little white card fall out of the set of scrubs. Jane noticed the card too and reached to grab it before Maura could pick it up. Looking at the front she said, "it looks like your Doc there decided to include her card also. Hmm. Wasn't that sweet, probably just so we can invite her to the baby shower."
With a frown at Jane's comment, Maura muttered, "Jane, she is a really competent Doctor. This has been a very traumatic day, and she stopped by last night before she left for the evening to make sure I was doing okay with everything. I am sure she did not mean anything by it."
Not sure how to respond to Maura, Jane handed back the card and leaned back in her chair to gather her thoughts. She decided to just shove her foot right into her mouth metaphorically and asked, "Tell me Maur, did she stop by before or after I called you?" Jane locked her eyes on her now clenched hands and did not look up.
Maura looked at Jane, disbelief in her eyes at Jane's question then responded in a firm tone, "are you going to be this way every time someone shows above the call of duty interest in me? What is the real issue here Jane?"
"She was interested in you Doctor Isles. It bugs me," Jane spat back, a hiss in her voice.
"Your jealous and it equates to you not trusting me? I trust you explicitly. I love you. Why is it so hard for you to believe me?" Maura, split between sobbing in tears and shouting in anger said in a whisper, "you do not trust me anymore and you lied about forgiving me."
Staring at the ceiling in frustration, and with a little bit of sadness clouding her mood Jane asked, "look Maura, can we just start this conversation over?"
"Fine Jane. If that is what you would like to do. However, I think we do need to discuss your feelings over this." Maura reached out to take Jane's clenched fist in her warm grasp only to have Jane jerk her hand away.
"Maura, I just want to take you home and talk there. Please get ready." Jane mumbled, still looking at her hands resting in her lap.
Maura got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, closing the door hard, then took off her gown in order to get dressed into the clean scrubs Doctor Thompson brought her.
While Maura remained in the bathroom, Jane babbled to herself in a low voice, " Rizzoli, shut your mouth damnit. You need to grow up." With a swing of her foot back and forth, she finished with a curse, "shit."
"Jane are you still there?" Came a question from the bathroom.
Muttering softly Jane said, "way to go, she thinks you left her. Grow a dick why don't you, stupid conscience." In a louder voice she replied, "yes, Maura. I am still here, waiting on you. Are you okay in there? It's been like ten minutes already."
With a swoosh of air, the bathroom door opened and Maura walked out in fresh clothes and her face and hair slightly damp from a face scrubbing, her blood shot eyes met Jane's widened ones. "I am ready now."
Jane, noticing the redness of Maura's eyes, put two and two together and got four. Maura must have cried in the bathroom. I'm such a shithead.
Jane walked up to Maura and enfolded her in her arms, smelling her unique scent and murmuring words of love in her nearby ear. Kissing her cheek gently, she whispered, " I hate when you cry baby. Maura I do forgive you and I am sorry I speak without thinking sometimes, but I want you to know I am by your side in this, okay."
"Okay, my love." Maura wrapped her arms tight around Jane, squeezing hard.
After releasing from the embrace, Maura was wheeled in a wheelchair, per hospital policy, to the exit of the hospital with Jane walking by her side the whole way, clasping her hand firmly. Reaching the car, Jane helped Maura to get situated in the car and ran to the driver's side, getting in and driving out of the parking lot.
"Your place?" Jane asked Maura on the drive through downtown.
"Yes. I would like to take a shower and change my clothes. Don't forget about your dirty shirt my lovely klutz, then we need to get to the office. I want to analyze the results of the labs Beth ran."
"Hello Maura…The Doctor wants you to REST. That means not at work."
Waiting for a reply and getting none Jane continued, "I do not want you to decide to nap on the dead table and someone stick you in the 'crypt' by mistake. Besides, I want to talk some more about you, me and the addition on the way, and I just can't do that with Frost or Korsak lurking about." Jane briefly glanced down at Maura's belly, and then went back to concentrating on her driving through Boston lunch hour traffic.
"How about we order in and we can work from the house today. Beth can email me the results, and you can check in with Frost using my laptop and your phone. I would like today to be just you and me, in as much a way as we can be with a homicide to solve." Maura reached over to grasp Jane's forearm with her hand, squeezing and hanging on for just a minute then letting go for Jane to continue driving with no obstructions to her movements.
"Okay then, do you want some soup and sandwiches?" Jane asked while turning down Maura's street.
"Yummy, yes I would love soup."
Jane gave a quick wave to the security guard in the booth and drove towards Maura's house. Turning into the driveway and putting the car in park, she turned to take Maura's hand before her lover could leave the car, looked into her inquisitive green eyes and said in a soft voice, "Maura I need to know before I get out of this car and commit to not running away from everything, are you keeping the baby and is Garrett the donor?" Taking a deep breath, Jane held it to await the answer to her question.
Maura, staring into Jane's eyes replied, "yes, Jane on both accounts. Garrett will never be acknowledged as the father, I want you to know, and I am thirty-six. I want a child of my own. It is dangerous for a woman over thirty five to conceive. I am afraid if I do not keep this baby then I might not have another chance."
Squeezing Jane's hand tight she continued, "I want you at my side, I have since the day I met you, whether as my lover or as my friend."
"Jane Rizzoli, I need you. I only hope you still need me." Taking a deep breath and exhaling, Maura waited for Jane's answer.
"I do Maur, I will always need you. Even when we argue, and I just want to scream at you in frustration and hurt, the only arms I want around me, comforting me are yours. You are my Yo-Yo Maur, pushed away and pulled in, but always attached." Jane smiled at Maura, her eyes shiny with held in tears over Maura's declaration.
Maura smiled back at Jane and let her tears of happiness roll down her cheeks. Taking a shaky breath she said, "now that I know you will not run away from me, can we go inside now. My stomach is growling for sustenance."
"Sure. . . . . . .Mom." Jane let go of Maura's hand to give a delicate pat on Maura's lower belly then exited her getaway car. As an after thought Jane muttered on the way inside the house, "what are we gonna tell Frost and Korsak? They ARE Detectives."
"Yes, Jane, but sometimes not very good ones. Remember when Frost saw us making out and he went catatonic. A blind Yak could see how much we love each other and he completely missed it." Came the soft answer from Maura, walking in front of Jane.
"Too true," Jane agreed.