Disclaimer: Doc Martin is the property of Buffalo Pictures. I own nothing except my overactive imagination
The Gravel Road
Chapter 8
"Oh Louisa, do you have any idea how hard it's been for me to concentrate on anything since last week?" Martin murmured as they lay together on the bed, fervently kissing and caressing each other.
"Tell me how you've been feeling, talk to me Martin," Louisa whispered, her fingers playing with the hair on the back of his nape as he kissed her neck and her ears.
"Err… distracted, as if I had a fever or something." Martin was surprised to feel her tense slightly and pull away.
"Fever? I make you feel ill, is that what you're saying?"
This was not at all what Louisa wanted to hear. She wanted him to finally say those three little words that would mean so much to her, that he seemed completely unable to utter unless he was three sheets gone to the wind. Even with the beautiful flowers that he'd sent, all the accompanying card had said was 'From Martin'. This was important, because surely the man who claimed he wanted to marry her should able to bring himself to say those three little words, at least in the privacy of their bedroom, just for her to hear.
"Ill - no, of course not! What I mean is that all I've been able to think of is you, of how you feel when I touch you here," Martin gently fondled her breast and then circled her nipple with just the tip of his finger, making her shiver. "And here…" he now grazed his fingers up her thighs, and then over her hips to her waist, teasing her as he avoided anywhere more intimate. Louisa found herself arching towards his touch, wanting him, needing him every bit as much as his body was clearly indicating that he needed her. She'd vowed to herself to hold back, not to let their lovemaking progress until she'd managed to elicit from him some sort of a declaration of love. But Martin was employing very impressive foreplay skills, making it much harder than she'd anticipated.
He trailed his fingers downwards, and she whimpered and moaned as she felt him slowly start to arouse her, stroking, and circling with such an expert touch, making all thoughts of holding back from him disappear.
"Oh Martin, that feels so incredibly good," she moaned, as she felt herself quivering with excitement. In her limited previous experience, men had always been pretty clueless. They'd never had any idea of just how to touch a woman, of how to invoke the delicious sensations that Martin seemed able to do so effortlessly. Clearly his detailed knowledge of the female anatomy gave him a distinct advantage, and he was certainly putting that knowledge to very good use tonight, as Louisa felt herself climbing to new heights of pleasure.
"I need you Martin, please, I need you right now," she was very soon demanding, just as he'd hoped she would.
This was what he had been waiting for, for her need to match his own very urgent need, knowing that he would not be able to control the pace of things for very much longer. He willingly helped her to straddle him, desperate to finally be able to have her, to possess her. This was all he had been thinking and dreaming about ever since the frustrating end to her visit last week.
"Oh God Louisa, I've needed you so badly," he groaned, as they finally got to complete their unfinished business from her trip to Cornwall.
xXx
"This bed is ridiculously huge!" Louisa commented as they lay together afterwards, with just a sheet covering them. She was resting her head on his chest, her hands loosely wrapped around his waist, her legs entwined with his. She felt that it would be impossible to feel any closer to another human being than she did to Martin as this moment. Their love making had been divine, Martin was certainly a very accomplished lover, but he was still such a conundrum to her. Repressed, and uptight, but undeniably a highly skilled and talented doctor, and then in the bedroom, still pretty repressed, unable to tell her that he loved her, and yet a highly skilled and talented lover. Each time that they'd made love so far had been a wonderful experience, because he was such a considerate lover. So that box was definitely ticked in their relationship – but there were still many other boxes that still had a question mark.
But for now she just wanted to enjoy the moment.
"Standard for this type of hotel," Martin informed her, glad that she seemed impressed.
"Bit different from 'The Coach and Four'," Louisa replied, glancing round the luxurious suite with every possible convenience, from the fluffy bath robes to the exotic complementary fruit bowl.
"Yes I suppose it is," Martin agreed.
"Well, I look forward to make full use of all the facilities in the morning, but for now I'm shattered. It's been a very busy day," Louisa yawned.
"Yes, of course, and no doubt your pregnancy is making you more tired. Are you still feeling okay?" Martin asked her concernedly.
"I'm fine Martin, just fine," Louisa replied, closing her eyes and sighing as sleep overcame her.
Martin closed his eyes too as he held her close, revelling in the fact that the woman of his dreams was actually here in reality.
xXx
He woke in the morning as he felt Louisa slip out of his arms and make her way to the bathroom. He glanced at the clock, surprised to see that it was already 8:00 am. Well, he supposed it had been quite late by the time they'd settled down to sleep after their 'activities', the memories of which were still very fresh in his mind. He heard the sounds of the water running, and considered joining her in the huge walk-in shower, but decided against it as she hadn't invited him. He was only too aware of not wanting to push things too far with her, especially in her current rather hormonal state. Also, the practical side of him knew that with the considerable difference in their heights, making love in the shower might prove somewhat of a challenge, one that he fantasised about exploring at a later date…that was if things did work out between them, which he was determined they would.
For now, he set about tidying the room, picking up the discarded items from the floor. Her coat reminded him of the moment that she'd walked in and dropped it to the floor. My God what an amazing woman she was, so beautiful, so sexy, but also damned feisty and independent. She was fully prepared to go it alone with her pregnancy, and he knew that she was more than capable of doing so, that she would rise to the challenge. Somehow, it just made him admire and love her even more, the fact that she wanted this baby – his baby - that much and was prepared to go through so much to have it. No, he had to concentrate on getting things right with Louisa, because failure was not an option.
Louisa came out of the bathroom, wearing one of the fluffy white robes, her hair scooped up in a messy topknot, her complexion glowing from the shower, and he couldn't help but just stand and stare at her. The scent of the toiletries wafted out, a fresh and rather spicy mix of lemon and ginger.
"What's the matter?" Louisa queried, noticing the way his nostrils were twitching. "Whatever weird odour you think you've detected, I don't want to know, because I've just used the very expensive smellies provided by the hotel."
"No, no, I wasn't going to say…" Joan's warning to him about his lack of tact came to mind, and he decided that it was probably safest for him not to say anything at all.
He watched as Louisa made for the fruit bowl and helped herself to a banana.
"Gosh, I'm starving - what time's breakfast?" she enquired, as she pressed the button for the curtains to open. "Wow! Look at that view." She stood staring at the vista in front of her – Tower Bridge and the River Thames. "Seems a shame to leave this room really."
"We don't have to. Order what ever you want from room service. We can eat here." Martin pointed at the table and chairs next to the window in their suite.
"That'll be expensive though, won't it Martin?"
"Doesn't matter. Have whatever you like." He was perfectly happy not to have to go downstairs yet, to stay here, just the two of them.
"Well if you're sure, that would be lovely." Louisa began to imagine what Martin must have been like in his previous existence as a high flying top consultant in London. Used to having the best, not batting an eyelid at the cost, having people jump to his every command. She'd seen so many people like that in London, and it had made her realise that Martin fitted right in here in the city; he wasn't a fish out of water here at all. There were many others like him, the bankers, the lawyers, the stock brokers - top business men used to clicking their fingers and every one jumping to their command, no matter how rude they were. No wonder he'd found it such a culture shock moving to Cornwall.
"Do you miss it?" she asked him curiously.
"What?"
"All this. London, swanky hotels, the buzz of the city."
"No, I don't miss it," Martin answered briefly, not wanting her to think that he'd rather be in London than in Cornwall with her. "Come on, let's get this breakfast ordered," he insisted, making it plain that he was not going to discuss his life before he'd come to Cornwall.
xXx
"Have you been weighed recently at a check up? You shouldn't have put any weight on yet," Martin commented, as he watched Louisa enthusiastically tucking into her hearty breakfast.
Louisa's fork stopped halfway to her mouth, the Eggs Benedict dripping slightly.
"Are you saying I look fat? I'm not showing yet, you know." Louisa's hand dropped to her belly self consciously.
"No, that's not what I'm saying. But you will need to watch your weight. Those pounds will be hard to shift once the baby's born, especially at your age," Martin informed her, in what he considered a helpful manner.
"Thanks for that, Martin. Any other helpful tips you'd like to pass on?" She glared at him, but he hadn't picked up the warning signs as he was busy pouring his coffee. However, as he glanced up, he suddenly noticed the glint in her eye, and realised that he was treading on thin ice yet again.
"Well if you come back to Cornwall I'll be able to monitor you to hopefully avoid any problems. So…umm, have you given the subject of returning any further thought?" he tentatively asked, broaching the subject that was uppermost on his mind, desperate to know where he stood.
"Of course I have Martin. I rang Stu Mackenzie, as you suggested," she replied.
"And?"
"I gather it's a rather difficult situation. Stu described Mr. Strain as 'barking mad' but they can't just get rid of him, things have to go through due process, which is apparently where you come into the picture. What on earth is the matter with the man, Martin?"
"I can't say. I'm not at liberty to discuss a patient's condition."
Martin had completed a medical report confirming that Mr. Strain was suffering from porphyria – an inherited condition whereby a deficiency in his enzymes led to a build up of toxins in his blood. It was this build up that had been causing his recent unstable and peculiar behaviour. Martin's recommendation was that he should be medically retired, but it was now up to the Education authorities to decide the appropriate course of action.
"No, I suppose you can't," Louisa sighed. "Well in any case, Stu explained that they have a part time teaching vacancy coming up next term which they'd be happy for me to fill, and that if the Headship does then come up, they'd be very happy for me to apply for it," Louisa explained.
"But why on earth would you want to apply for a full time post now? Surely the part time role would be far more suitable for you in your condition?" Martin looked at her as if she were mad. He'd told her about the possibility of the Head Teacher post opening up before he'd been aware that she was pregnant.
"What do you mean 'in my condition'?" Louisa retorted, knowing full well what he meant.
"Louisa, you are going to have a baby!"
"So? What difference does that make?"
"How on earth would you cope with a full time job and a baby?"
"Martin, you are so old fashioned! It's perfectly possible to work and be a full time mum you know!"
"But you don't need to work. I can support you while you stay at home with the baby," Martin told her forcefully.
"I want to work! I'd go completely Bodmin stuck at home all day," Louisa replied, just as forcefully.
They stared at each other across the table, knowing that their opposing views meant that they had already hit a major stumbling block.
"Well, we'll just have to wait and see what happens about the job , won't we?" Martin backed off from the confrontation for now. If he could only get Louisa to come back, they could worry about the details later. He was pretty certain that she would feel differently about returning to work once the baby was actually born, because of her strong maternal instincts. At least her enquiries about the job at Portwenn School showed that she was giving serious consideration to returning, so that seemed promising.
"And us? What are your thoughts about how we stand?" He tried to ask this casually, but his heart was pounding in his chest as he waited for her reply.
"It's… complicated, isn't it Martin?" she replied, hesitantly.
"No it isn't. Either you want to be with me, or you don't."
"I do, but…"
"But what?"
"This is just perfect, the two of us here in this fantastic hotel, having great sex, but it isn't real is it?"
"What do you mean? Seems pretty real to me."
"Yes, but before very long I'm going to be huge and fat and ugly when I'm heavily pregnant, and then you won't want to have sex with me. And after that we'll have a baby demanding our attention, so there'll be no romantic weekends away in London for years to come. And I'll probably never get my figure back again, so you won't find me attractive. So in a way, I feel as if I'm luring you under false pretences, because this is as good as it gets, it's all down hill from now on. You could end up resenting me, feeling trapped and wanting a divorce. So it is complicated, don't you see Martin?"
Louisa looked at him questioningly, as he looked straight back at her.
"Please give me some credit Louisa, I am a doctor after all. I am fully aware, much more so than the average man, of exactly what a heavily pregnant woman looks like. It's a fascinating miracle of science for a woman to grow a new life within her, one that in this case I've helped to create, that carries my genes, my DNA. And yes, of course I'm enjoying our sex life, but I've gone without sex for long periods before and can do so again, although I'm not saying I'll find it easy. And I can't pretend to know how on earth I'm going to find coping with a baby, but who does until they are in that position? All I know is that I am prepared to give it my best shot, if you'll only give me the chance."
Louisa looked at Martin and leaned over to tenderly touch his cheek.
"You do mean that don't you? And I really want to give you that chance, but…"
"So what's stopping you from saying yes?" Martin demanded impatiently.
Finally Louisa had to come out with what was bothering her the most, what had been gnawing at her for a long time.
"Martin, I don't want to be stuck in an emotionally stilted marriage. Because despite all the time that we've known each other, after everything we've been through, even though we're lovers, you still can't bring yourself to tell me that you love me, can you? The only time you ever talked about 'love' was the one and only time I got you drunk, and even then you accused me of erotomania afterwards, because it freaked you out so much. Don't you understand how important it is for me to actually hear those words from you, if I'm going to marry you and be with you for the rest of my life? I've told you on numerous occasions that I love you, but you've never once responded by saying 'I love you too' back. You've never trusted me enough to really open up have you?" Louisa's eyes filled with tears as the hurt that she felt became apparent.
Martin looked at her, horrified to see her so upset.
"But you know I'm just no good at all that kind of thing," he mumbled, feeling embarrassed and out of his depth.
"Not good enough Martin. Not nearly good enough I'm afraid," Louisa responded. "And what about our child? Will you be the same with our son or daughter? Are they going to grow up never hearing their father tell them that he loves them? How incredibly sad would that be?" Louisa carried on emotionally.
"I just wasn't brought up that way, to talk about things like that. It just wasn't the done thing," Martin tried to explain lamely. He couldn't remember his mother or father ever telling him that they loved him. Even Joan, whom he knew did care for him, was not one for expressing her feelings. He couldn't recall her ever actually telling him that she loved him.
"Stiff upper lip and all that crap? Well at least my dad, for all his faults, never had a problem in telling me that he loved me, no matter what," Louisa retorted.
Martin was tempted to point out that as Terry Glasson was a liar and a thief, that really didn't count for a lot in his book, but wisely decided to keep that thought to himself. However he was unable to prevent a very sceptical look clouding his features, which was not missed by Louisa.
"You can scoff all you like Martin Ellingham, but I'm afraid it's something that's very important to me. I want this child to grow up knowing that it's loved, in a happy, secure environment, and if that means with just one parent rather than two, because the father refuses to face up to his phobia regarding emotional expression, then so be it."
With that she scooped up her case of clothes and disappeared into the bathroom to get dressed, shutting the door firmly behind her.
Martin just stared at her retreating figure, bemused, confused and bewildered, as he so often was when it came to Louisa and 'feelings'.