I shuddered and stumbled as I came out the water, coughing a few times, getting water out of my lungs I wondered how long I'd been under for. How powerful it was, but I felt odd, not cold, though I was shivering, but strangely numb. In my chest, in my mind.
"Sapphire!" I flinched, thinking it was him but the voice was different. Worried and caring. "Oh my God Sapphire are you ok?"
It was Angela, I felt her hand on mine. "You're freezing. Oh lord, we saw what happened, at first we didn't think it was that bad. Dave came up. Oh lord. Come on let's get you warmed up." She started to pulled me forwards. I saw the others start to come towards me and then they where all around me murmuring.
"M'ok" I stated, as I felt a towel wrap around my shoulders.
"She's in shock." Beth said. "We should get her home, into a warm room and clothes. Come on Saph let go to mine it's not so far away." The others where agreeing. I moved looking for Dave, and as if he read my mind he was beside me.
"Sappy? I'm so sorry, I should have been paying more attention." He was blaming himself, no, I didn't want him to blame himself I lent into him and shook my head.
"S'n-not your fault." I stated. "M'fine." We where walking up the road now, barefoot over the streets. I wash surprised how clean it was when only a few years ago it was started with mud and rubbish and dead fish.
Dave's arm, still damp from the wet suit and sea, was draped around my shoulder pulling me close. My though of before got blow away in his arms. I wanted to think or here and now. Not there and then. I leaned in closer feeling the slight warmth radiating of him. I don't know why I'm cold anyway, the others have been in the water and we all have wet suits on. Maybe Beth's right, it's just shock.
The other have the rest of our stuff, there wasn't much seeing as other than Angela and Max we hired the boards out, the rest was just clothes and shoes. It was a good thing Beth's house was near the beach, soon we where there and the girl where pushing me upstairs into the shower while the boys to dried down stair changing. The warm water running over my skin burnt at first but soon I felt the shakes stop, the warmth grow to my core.
******
Dave and the others sat around the heater in Beth's living room, dried and clean with the smell of salt still sticking to them. I glanced in wearily and smiled coming in. "Sorry I ruined the day." I muttered as I came in, the other looked up but no one looked upset or angry. Dave stood up and simply hugged me, hard and tight and I couldn't think of anything else than to burry my head in his shoulder, feel his warmth. I felt his breath as he lent his head on my hair. Everyone else in the room was silent. I held on though, I just wanted to forget. Forget everything. That was what Dave let me do. That was his gift to me.
Suddenly Liam coughed. "Um, not trying to break up the moment or anything but…" He paused. "Actually I got nothing. Ok, I was trying to break up the moment." In that second everyone started laughing and things fell back into normal. Sitting down on Beth's white sofa's curling up and chatting. Yes, everything was back to normal. For now.
*****
Back at the cottage nothing seemed to have changed. Roger was still Roger, Mum was still Mum, our neighbours where still our neighbours and school was still school. There was no need to worry Mum by telling her about the wipe out. She worried still but not so much. I think that's probably because of roger. Wipe out's though, well there not rare, so there's no reason to worry Mum. Right now she's sitting down at the kitchen table after a long day at work. I make some tea and hand her one mug to her and sit down opposite her with my own smiling.
"What is it Sapphy?" She say taking a sip of the tea. I don't know how she knew anything was wrong. I guess it's just a thing mothers do. I shrug my shoulders.
"Nothing. I just felt like sitting down and making tea." This makes her cock an eyebrow and look at me in that funny way as if she trying to pry into my mind and find out what I'm really thinking.
"You don't need to keep things from me Sapphy. Tell me. I might be able to help?" Help? How could you? How could I tell you about it when you don't even know about Ingo or the deep or all the thing me and Conor have gone through? I smile again.
"There's nothing to tell though." I say. She frowns putting the mug down.
"Is it about a boy?"
"Mum!" My face flushes red suddenly and that give her the satisfaction of knowing she right… well, not really. She's not, but it's still embarrassing and she takes it as being right.
"Look, Sapphy, you don't have to be embarrassed about talking to me about boys. I don't mind. Neither should you, you can't know anything I don't. I had you remember. Is it to do with Dave? Is he asking you to do –" I cut her of not being able to take any more of it encase it turns into 'the talk' mum gave to me and I'm petty sure Conor a few years ago. I shudder.
"No, Mum, it's nothing. Nothing like that at all." She nods.
"Ok, but just so you know." She states, verifying the point. I shudder even thinking about it. It makes me want to get out the house. Sadie rubs up against me and I smile reaching down to stroke her head as she rests it on my lap.
I finish the tea and head up stairs, Sadie following me. Sitting down on the bed Sadie doesn't jump up though she rests by the side on the floor. She knows not to jump onto the bed. She only does it when I'm really scared. I stare around the room blankly; it hasn't changed much over the years. There still a ladder leading up to Conor's room and there's still the dresser. Though the mirror finally got replaced. The colour was still the same and the windows still faced the same way. Though the bed I had now had a metal frame. We had to replace it from when one day when Dave and the others where round and we 'accident fell' on it breaking it. I laugh remembering. Mum was furious and we all got scolded, but looking back now the stupid mistake still makes me laugh. It blurs out all previous thoughts.
But now they come rushing back, Dave isn't here to make me forget. There no strong earth to take away my thoughts and now all I can hear is the rush of the sea against the cliffs and I can taste salt water in my mouth. Hearing it calling to me. the strong currents that can whisk you away to the other side of the world and back and the gentle warm sun water. The colourful corals and fish and life that flows within them. The feeling of safety and being able to float for hours on end or rush and ride on the dolphins arching back.
I shake my head quickly snapping out of it. If I go back to Ingo, then he will be there. Waiting for me, sitting on the rock looking like he's got a swim suit on, pulled down to his waist. In reality it's a tail. A strong, sleek tail that with one stroke could break my bones. Grinning and sitting there as if nothing ever happened, but he promised. He promised and he broke that promise. The words are sharp and clear in my mind as if they where said only yesterday and they cut me deep in my heart every time I hear them anew.
'I didn't disappear… I won't ever disappear, I promise you.'
"But you did." I whisper so quietly I'm not even sure if I said it out loud at all. "You did." I thump my pillow hard as a sudden wave of anger floods me. I wish I could be as calm as Conor. Think things through not as hot head, not as quick tempered as, as …as Dad. I think and they thoughts immediately stop.
I don't want to think about Faro anymore. I don't want to think about Ingo. It's all just a web of lies and deceit. That's all the ocean ever was and will be. It tricks you with it's colour and playful ness. Ingo, it draws you in until you're so captivated by it you forget that it's wild and dangerous and it could do as it pleases with you and no one would ever know. I've seen the darker side of Ingo. The breaking of the tide knot, the kraken lying in wait in the deep, the unforgiving mer, my own father being taken away and then as he's finally given back, killed. Then a friendship that I though would last for ever just broken on a whim.
Yes, that's all Ingo is, it's only deceit and lies and hate. I don't want to ever go to Ingo again. Ever. Even if it means giving up the sea.