It's been a week since I made my decision. The weekend. Avoiding the sea seemed easier than I though it would be in practice. I thought my school friends would ask me when I repeatedly refused surfing, swimming, and beach parties. Anything that meant going near the water. When I refused to go to cove. Not even Mum or Roger asked when I never took Sadie down the costal path anymore. Even Sadie didn't notice. Dave and Angela and the others more than likely think that it was because of the wipe out. They don't talk about it, but they stopped asking about coming to the sea, not that they pushed me out all together. They always ask to do other things. They've tried to be sneaky doing one thing in St. Piran's and then going that way but I always neatly refused. Mum and Roger probably think I'm simply 'going through a faze.' Either way Mum's pleased that I'm studying more and more. She doesn't know that I try to spend more time on homework to stop myself thinking of Ingo though. It won't hurt her though.
Now, I'm taking Sadie out again. It's half term, all the tree's are going orange and brown and deep reds as the trees go to sleep. Shutting down and sleeping through the winter. Sadie loves jumping around in the leaves snatching at them as another stray one falls. Even though there aren't that many because of the sea. Soon, without even realising where I'm going (I party think that Sadie has drawn me here.) Where standing out side Granny Carnes. Her cottage that's built right into the rock, I think it'd probably be a nice place to sleep now. Not confining anymore because it would block out all my thought. Like a barricade. I was going to turn back down the path when I see her coming down from her bees. They must be hibernating now too though. She reaches me quickly. More like a young girl than an old woman.
"Hello Sapphire." She smile and I smile back. She's still scary though. Even after all this time.
"Hi." I mumbled and put a hand on Sadie's back for comfort.
"Well haven't you grown. But, there's something troubling you? People always come to me when something bothering them. I'm not surprised you did too." I blinked and then I realise. Of course Granny Carne knows, she can sense it. Just like Mum sense's it or Sadie, that when I say 'I'm ok' I'm not. There's nothing I can do because it's impossible to hide things from Granny Carne. "Come on in and I'll make some tea." She says turning around and heading for her little cottage.
Inside it looks like she's already got tea ready. There's a pot on the table and she motions for me to sit down as she pours one cup. Sadie sits down at my feet on the table, obviously fine with everything that's going on. She doesn't pour herself any though, but that's ok and I take a sip from the old porcelain cup and like the earthy feel of it. I know my earth blood would have grown stronger, but I don't know if it'll ever grow strong enough, I did the crossing of ingo I'm fully mer and fully earth. Even if I don't want to be. The tea doesn't make enough of a distraction and granny carne is so patient. Her amber owl like eyes are always watching and send shivers down my body.
"You're torn, your mer blood is fighting your earth blood." I couldn't find the strength to tell her no when she knew she was right. of course she was she was always right. "Now, why is that I wonder?" even as she say it I hear the slightest smirk in her voice, a grinning tonne that you don't even have to look at people to know that there grinning, laughing at you. Making sudden anger flair in my blood, the chair screeches backwards as I stand up.
"It's not funny," I find it hard to control my voice and keep it cold, despite I've known for years that it is always a bad thing to get in a fight with granny carne. "I hate ingo," I put as much spite into the words as I could. "and I wish, I wish it would just leave me alone." I finished with a sigh falling back down into the chair. Granny crane didn't seem angry, of course not it wasn't her way, but there was nothing from my flair of anger. She lent forward across the table.
"are you sure about that? I remember it wasn't long ago I couldn't keep you away." She seemed to look with those eye and see more than just my face. I felt cold and pushed my hand into Sadie's fur who was now standing and pressing her body against mine. Not in fear but because she felt my distress.
"Only bad things come from the sea." I muttered in defence. Granny crane continued to stare onwards for a while, before getting up and moving to the kitchen. I followed her with my eyes as she slowly picked up the empty tea cup and placed it in her sink. All the water here was cold, she would have to heat it up over the fire to wash it up put she seemed to stay stood over the sink instead of moving.
"Bad things happen everywhere Sapphire, in air and ingo. It is how the world balances itself, but it is not just as simple as black and white, there are all sort of shades and those are always seen differently by different people." For a moment granny carne looked much older, like a tree that's trunk was so wide you couldn't touch your hands together if you wrapped your arms around it. With so many rings it would take hours to count them. All the things it could have seen. Then it was granny crane again. "You blood is fighting against itself. You cannot fight it for ever, it will make you ill child, you must remember you are mer just as much as you belong to air." Despite knowing she was right, my fist still clenched together.
"How come I don't have a choice, what if I don't want to be mer anymore!" granny carne walked back over slowly but instead of sitting down across from be like before she sat down in one of the hard chairs next to me and did something I never though she would actually do. She draped an old light arm over my shoulders and smiled. Despite my fears it was somewhat comforting and I leaned back lightly, feeling the stray drops of liquid run from my eyes.
"You always have a choice sapphire, you always have." She murmured.
Those words seemed to echo in me as I walked Sadie home again that day and as I lay in bed that night. It filled my dreams and my thoughts making my sleep restless, I ignored the phone calls of my friends and Sadie whimpered constantly and when mum or Roger asks I simply say that I don't feel well, and it's true. Inside I have the feeling that I'd only ever gotten on a boat in really rough weather. Looking in the mirror I could see that my skin was paler than it normally was and the dark bag hung under my eyes from the lack of sleep. I couldn't make up my mind, was what granny carne said true. My blood was fighting against itself and it was making me ill, or was that just me not getting enough sleep, because I knew it wasn't just tonight that I had been having troubles.
Yet there was only one way that I would ever be able to find that out. I sighed, Mum had gone out and roger wasn't at home either. I had a while to spare, though time ran differently in ingo. I didn't think that far. I didn't bother with a swim suit or wet suit or even spar cloths. I went straight to the cove and straight to the deep blue water. Straight to where air and Ingo touched, where they mingled so neatly into one. How, how could two things so different be so beautiful together. I frowned; the pull of it was still there it would always be, stronger, like a tide in my blood.
One step touched the cold water and then the next; soon I was waste deep with the smell of salt filling my lungs. Chest deep, one small wave would do it now. Only one just above my head, my feet grazing the ground lightly, the smooth white sand comforting, the cold water swirling around me and lifting me up. Then it came and I was gone.
((sorry this isn't most grammatically correct, sorry it's a tad rushed, sorry it's just not particularly good and sorry that it's very late (have I anything else to apologize for… don't think so.) been busy which means little time to write, I have a few unfinished stories, I won't finish a story if I don't have motivation but because all you nice people review me I feel obligated so here you go, it was a long wait but here you go.) ps, i'm tired i only just realised in the secound half i started spelling carne crane, so if you read it before the changes please spare me)