Well Hello my lovely readers :)

Just wanted to thank everyone for keeping up with this story. Reviews are amazing. This chapter is a bit more riddled with emotions and may be a bit sad. Felt like I had a lot more explaining and exploring to do between Naomi and Emily. So thanks for hanging on, you may wanna buckle up and sit tight cuz this is one hell of a rollercoaster :)

Chapter 12

Outsider's PoV

Effy left Naomi and Emily to be with each other and talk on their own. Effy would have to tell Pandora and Katie where their mattresses had disappeared to anyway. For now, the plan was Naomi and Emily would use Effy's room, and Effy would sleep in Pandora's room, and Katie would have a room all to herself. All their mattresses would probably be returned later in the night, when Naomi and Emily were ready to emerge back into the reality that they were hiding from.

Naomi's PoV

A tear forced its way down my cheek, I was trying so hard to desperately cling onto any bravery I had but I'd never faced any problem before as grand and life-changing as what I was being confronted with. Emily was holding me tight and I rested my head on her shoulders. I had no strength; my arms were trapped between our hugging bodies.

"Naomi, please, tell me what is going on in that head of yours. It's the only way I can help you." She whispered in my ear, stroking my hair and holding me tight trying to put some of her strength into me.

It was going to be really hard to admit my fears out loud. I felt my head caving in and there was no way I was going to be able to keep my thoughts to myself without permanently confining myself to a life of isolation. It was now or never and my voice struggled between shaky breathes to let the emotions pour out.

"I'm so scared Emily. I can't stand being different." Emily held me tighter, sensing my need to be grasped, to avoid the feeling of leaving my body and never coming back. I didn't want to be distant with Emily.

"I came here because I wanted to fit in, and well, falling in love with a girl is not the way to do it."Emily's shirt was getting drenched from the river flowing out of me. But she never showed any sign of disgust, she just lightly kissed my neck encouragingly.

"I run when things stop being normal… I can't be confined to love, it's out of my control. When I lose control I go numb and everything goes to shit. Last time I lost control I got the shit beaten out of me."

Emily let go of me and stared into my eyes with concern. I'd never voiced this before. But Emily was squeezing my shoulders so tightly I don't think she even realized it, I just had to say what was on my mind so I could let myself go numb again and be done with it, because right now going numb seemed so much less painful then truly dealing with my feelings and healing.

"I—" I took a deep breath and sniffled so I could choke out what I needed to without interruption or more stuttering. "I was home-schooled because the last time I lost control was in public school, I fucking became friends with the wrong people, I became a druggie, and one particular night some guy…"

Emily was trying so hard not to cry, I could see her eyes beginning to water but she nodded trying to silently urge me to be brave.

"He fucking beat the shit out of me in an alley. I was so high I didn't even remember a fucking thing. I only was able to put the pieces together after being stitched up, spending several nights in the hospital, and seeing many therapists. I never said anything out loud to the people who questioned me; they would tell me what the witnesses who called the cops and found me had seen. I just closed up. I never trusted boys after that. I— " Emily kissed my cheek and held me tight once again.

"I left my house not only to be normal but the thought of all those men in my house every night scared the shit out of me. I knew the floaters in my house were druggies, and I was just so scared what if I lost control again. I came here because it was all girls, and I figured a religious school had no room for fuck up druggies. I was so self-conscious that everyone would know I was a fuck-up and would reject me. And the fact that you didn't reject me scares the shit out of me because I'd trained myself to be numb. I was comfortable with being numb, but when I saw you I couldn't be numb anymore. I could only be me, and I wasn't normal. Nothing is fucking normal or easy… and as I said before when things stop getting normal I run, and I don't want to run from you, but I can't control myself around you, and I'm scared I'll do something fucking stupid and lose myself forever…"

This time, it was my turn, I took my arms that were hanging limp in my lap and grabbed Emily. It was my turn to hold her to the best of my abilities. I knew I'd just confessed everything for the first time out loud, and I didn't want to overwhelm Emily. I was trying to be in control, and I was terribly frightened I'd broken Emily with my crazy life story. She pushed away from my hold and looked me in the eyes.

"Naomi, you're so brave. And I will never let anything hurt you. But if you can't love someone because of what other people think then you've already lost control, then you've confined yourself to being numb. And I'm not fucking letting you run. You're mine Naomi Campbell. And you may have fucked up, but that doesn't make you a fuck-up. I fucking love you Naomi, and I'll make sure nothing ever goes to shit around you again. I fucking love you." She kissed me hard on my lips, but I had no time to respond because she quickly resumed squeezing me.

"I'll never let you go numb. Not if you feel anywhere as close to me as I do to you. " She continued.

With one last whisper Emily said into my ear, "It's not the boys you don't trust Naomi, it's yourself."

I could only nod into her shoulder and silently let the tears roll off my cheeks and wait until they dried. I didn't know what was going to happen next, but Emily was going to help me take control. I was going to let myself feel again if I could help it. I trusted Emily and believed her and I told myself, that was the first step towards anything.

WELL. AS it is, I feel very self-conscious about this chapter because I didn't exactly see the story turning this way. So please, feel free to fuckin boost my confidence eh? I love each and every one of you who reviews/reads/favourites/alerts/messages THANKS. :) –Shira

P.S. I know it's short but I wanted to get something up this Saturday night so here it is… take it or leave it. Hehe.

PLEASE CHECK OUT MY NEW STORY ... I think it's going to be amazing, something very new to the table for FFN SKINS ... I think you'll love it.