I knowI said tuesday, but I had a bit of computer trouble. Sorry. Here goes,
Order 1.6: Holiday
Seras assumed, from the lack of disruption for the last week, that even Millenium didn't care to cause trouble at Christmas time. It often made her giggle just thinking about it. Criminals sitting down and unwrapping their presents near a warm open fire. (With a mug of hot-cocoa) If she could somehow take a picture of it in real-life….she doubted she'd ever stop laughing.
Alucard however, was in his (now usual) mood. He was constantly frowning, and barely slept, and he kept scaring the soldiers who bothered him. (Simply looking at him could cause you a week's worth of nightmares.) Seras knew that 'scaring' wasn't a word to use for the action, but she couldn't think of a stronger word…a much stronger word.
She moved over so that a group of haunted looking soldiers could walk past. "Hmmm. Perhaps terrifying could be the ticket." She thought aloud as fresh bouts of screaming erupted from some floor above her. She sighed. "Oh, Master…what are we to do with you?"
"Lock him up and throw away the key, I say." Pip said, stepping up beside her. He looked nervous, skittish; his eyes kept darting around the room and his hand was trembling as he smoked. "The bloke's gone insane, I tell you. This morning, he told me I was breathing too loudly! …Haven't felt safe since." He took a long drag on his cigarette. It seemed to calm him down, ever so slightly. "He can read your mind man! He knows everything…can see your worst fears, and plays them like some freaky theater in your head…." Pip shuddered.
Seras looked at him, concerned. "What'd he do to you?" Pip burst into tears, which was a sight to see when you are a grown man with an eye-patch. Pip flung himself onto Seras' shoulder and sobbed loudly. Seras nervously patted his back. "Er, there, there…? It'll be alright."
From between sobs, muffled words reached Seras' ear. Words like: "Mommy", "marijuana", "teddy", and "No! Not the paper shredder!" could distinctly be heard. Pip soon drew himself back together. Sniffing and wiping his eyes, he turned away from Seras. "…sorry about that, cherie. (sniff) Don't know what came over me….Enjoy ze rest of your day." With that, Pip set off at a brisk walk, seeming determined to get as far away from what just happened as he could.
A few seconds later, an agitated Walter brushed past her roughly. "Sorry." Seras called, but she got no response. Walter disappeared upstairs. Laughter echoed all around her, and Alucard materialized beside as soon as Walter was out of sight.
"Old Walter seems to be in a bad mood…." Alucard commented, a shadow of his old smile on his face. "I wonder what that reason may be?" He said, raising an eyebrow.
"Is that sarcasm, Master? I can't tell with you."
Alucard looked down on his fledgling. "You assume that I had a hand in this? I'm shocked." His chuckle deepened. "I assure you, Walter has probably just misplaced something that helps him keep hands-on."
Seras slowly shook her head, sighing. "I don't understand you, Master."
"I doubt you ever will, Police Girl. After all, I am a vampire, who knows what you are pretending to be." Alucard said coldly. Seras looked around; her Master was gone.
The next day, Seras spotted Walter supervising the erecting of an enormous Christmas tree. It was Christmas eve., and Seras thought down to the presents she had stashed away in her room. Alucard's had been particularly difficult, but all in all, she was content with her choices.
She walked toward the rising tree and noticed that Walter was shaking slightly. "Are you alright Walter?" The butler jumped, and seemed to notice Seras for the first time.
"I'm just fine, Police Girl. Why do you ask?" Walter replied. Seras shrugged.
"It's just that you're shaking a bit, and you look a little blue…." Walter coughed nervously and tugged on the collar of his shirt. The door-bell rang. "Do you mind getting that Police Girl, I'm a little occupied at the moment." Walter asked her.
Seras left with a curious look over her shoulder at Walter, but opened the front door on the second bell ring. Before her stood a remarkably handsome man, yet strangely, there was nothing about him to remark on. "May I help you?" She asked.
"I'm here to visit an old friend, he may already know I'm here…tall, wears a monocle?" The young man informed her.
"Oh you must mean Walter! Come on in, he's just in the next room." Seras said, pointing him in the right direction. She then headed back for her quarters. It was time for another internal struggle over lunch.
The man remained in the doorway, looking confused. "….Walter?"
An hour or so later, Seras emerged from her room. Another failure. She compromised by trying to drink, but the majority of it ended up in the toilet. Again. She paused in the middle of the hallway, her ears picking up voices from Alucard's room. One was the master vampire himself, the other….
Once again, Seras' better judgment was overthrown by her curiosity. She silently made her way into the lower basements. "I really don't see why the humans are so interested in this…." Alucard said behind his closed iron door. Seras cracked it open a bit, Alucard was showing somebody something from a magazine.
Alucard noticed the movement behind his door as soon as she opened it, and, from the shuffling outside of her view, she assume that his visitor had as well. "Don't worry my friend, its that girl I was telling you about, you can stay as you are. Come in, Police Girl, and meet my guest."
Seras swallowed and stepped fully into the room. At first, she saw no one but her master sitting in his favorite chair, but then she noticed the dark shadow in the corner of the room, taking form. 'Another vampire? I didn't even know Alucard had friends outside of Hellsing, I mean he doesn't get out much does he?' As soon as she thought this, she remembered a blurred picture of a tall man in a red coat, heavily intoxicated, dancing onstage in a club. Seras shuddered.
The shadow had finished its transformation. Seras knew it wasn't a vampire at once. The creature was cloaked and hooded, so darkened was its face that even Seras couldn't depict any features. The being seemed familiar to Seras, though she couldn't quite place it….
"Oh, right" said the being, knocking on the side of his hood (head). He snapped long skeletal fingers and a split second later, he was grasping a long wooden double-bladed scythe.
Seras' mind clicked as it confirmed the picture. In about the same amount of time it took for the scythe to appear, Seras' brain had sent instructions to her mouth and throat. Precisely one second later, she was screaming bloody-murder. "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL!"
Alucard looked sharply at her, and his voice shut her up. "Police girl, mind your manners, that is not how you act towards a guest. Especially one of mine." Alucard gestured toward the specter. "I'd like you to meet Death, long-time friend of mine."
Death waved. Seras meekly waved back, unbelieving what was happening around her. "But my friends call me Bob." Death said in a clear voice that set Seras aback. She had expected a low raspy voice that the movies always portrayed. At that moment, yet another one of Seras' facts of life came crumbling down. She had adamantly believed that you could always trust the movies.
Seras stared blankly at Death after the shock of it all became more manageable. "Bob?" Seras asked, looking incredulous.
There was an awkward silence for a moment, then Alucard and Death burst out laughing. "Hahahaha! Bob! Ha! That was funny." Alucard said from his chair.
"I know, right? Bob….I hate that name….I tried to kill off all the Bobs in the world but some idiot women keep naming their sons that over and over again….Its impossible."
"Really?" Seras asked, trust Alucard to have a buddy-buddy relationship with the spirit of Death, who was in-fact biased against an idiotic thing like the name Bob.
Silence again.
Then; "Damn you're easy!" Alucard said, roaring with laughter. Death was leaning heavily on his scythe to remain standing (floating? Seras wasn't sure. She couldn't see any feet.)
Death was straightening up, still laughing weakly. "No, but seriously, I hate that name." Death's scythe glistened ominously. "So…This is her, huh? How long has it been since you last had a fledgling?"
"Long enough for you to remember I used to wear a monocle." Alucard replied casually.
"Wait!" Seras said, coming to a realization. "You were the guy I let in earlier!"
Death wagged a finger at her, but his hood faced Alucard. "She's quick. Cute too, not a bad pick Lord-"
"Don't call me that, I retired from that name." Alucard said, cutting Death off. Seras had a sinking suspicion that only Alucard could do such a thing as to interrupt a sentence from death. 'A death sentence! Ha…funny…..' She may have laughed aloud if she hadn't been so scared. Actually, all in all, she was just really freaked out.
"Well, yes Seras Victoria, that was me. You're about to ask why, I know. I can take any form I wish, though it is generally human. Changing into other animals makes me feel like I have extra legs that aren't there later….The reason for this is that most people would instantly die of fright at sight of my true form.
"Probably why the humans call me the Grim Reaper. Not so much that I dislike carrying lost souls into the netherworld, but you can't imagine how hard it is to have a conversation without people seizing up on you all the time….Even in this form, the form most humans recognize, have people rooted to the spot in terror. That's why I love you vampires so much, you are the un-dead. Not alive, but not quite dead either. You guys are the only ones who I can talk to. You and the occasional human who's strong enough to stare Death in the eye. But those are really rare. So rare that I let them live a little bit past their time, they deserve something special." Death finished.
"Um… Mr. Death, sir," Seras began.
"Don't say Mr., that's my father!" Death wheezed. Alucard snorted. Seras laughed timidly. "Er, right. My question is, since when do you take breaks? Aren't you supposed to be working right now? Did you get tired or something?" Seras wondered.
Death laughed and Alucard took up part of the question for him. "That wasn't bad Police Girl. 'Get tired', pllleease. The spirit of Death is more immortal than I am. Only when the world ends will he cease to have a job."
"Look babe, its Christmas. I never tire, but I'm always doing work. So I took a day off. I haven't seen old Alucard in ages, so I thought I'd make a visit. Besides, I got it covered. Gave the job to my assistant, Charley. Not all that bright in the head, but really enthusiastic, he's a nice kid."
"What were you guys talking about when I came in?" Seras asked, momentarily changing the subject. Death chuckled. "Oh, that. Alucard and I were just having a discussion about humans that's all." He gestured toward a table.
Seras now noticed that there was large ox full of nude women, playboy magazines and Hustler. "Master! I'm surprised at you!" Alucard looked at her with a questioning eyebrow. "What? These aren't mine. I'm not interested in human women. When I was young, maybe. But if you really want to know a good feeling, check out the vampire women in heat." Alucard seemed to shiver as though a chill ran up his spine, and a large smile formed. "Now THAT, that is one hell of a good time!"
"Really now?" Death asked, interestedly. "I didn't know you vampires still had sex."
Seras blushed furiously. She couldn't believe that her master, and the spirit of Death for God's sake, was talking so coolly about this.
"Oh, yeah..." Alucard said, waving his hand nonchalantly. "We can still have a good time, we just can't have kids. Think about it, if vampires don't age, then our offspring wouldn't grow past a baby, their brains wouldn't mature or anything. They might not even grow past an egg for that matter. Sort of defeats the purpose doesn't it? Best of both worlds really. No babies, no lasting diseases, all the fun." Alucard said with a wild smile.
"But that does bring up an interesting point. Police Girl, do you still have your period?" Alucard asked with interest.
Seras' face reddened further. "I don't feel comfortable with this conversation!" Seras yelled. Death shrugged, "Whatever, I'll see you guys in the morning."
"What, you're staying?" Seras asked bluntly.
"What, did you expect me to take a break for only a day? Do you know how many centuries I've been doing this, lady! Since the dawn of time!" Death paused to think. "Or at least, shortly after the dawn of time. About a minute or so less than the dawn of time, I'd say." Death shrugged again, and vanished with a wave.
Yet again, silence fell. Until finally, Seras asked one final burning question. Remembering that Integra had told them that Alucard might play pranks, Seras assumed that Alucard had stolen the 'dirty' books. "So…whose are they?"
They heard a crash and Integra's voice carried down even to their basement. "WALTER! WHAT THE BLODDY HELL WAS THAT!"
'Since when does Walter drop things?' Seras wondered, then with Alucard's answer it dawned on her.
"Whose are they? C'mon Police Girl. I'll give you one guess."
"Master! You didn't!"
Alucard smirked. "Well, didn't you ever wonder why Walter was looking so blue?"
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