Er…Diskworld…? What is Diskworld?

I am soooo late…I know. But! School's almost out! Less than two days left! YEEEEHHHHAAAAAAHHH!

As the day progressed, Death (still under the guise of Alexander Richard Smith the 3rd) was seemingly on the phone all day, making preparations. But Seras knew that any connections Death had couldn't possibly exist in the human world. She guessed that the phone was just a prop, he was really linked to the nether-realm, or wherever else he hailed from.

When this was posed to Alucard, he almost smiled. "Your senses and intellect continue to grow, Policewoman. There may be some hope for you yet." Seras beamed and made to leave, but tripped over her own feet and ended up sprawled over the floor. "Or perhaps, I spoke too soon." Alucard said with a sigh. "Blondes…."

As the hour of the ball came closer, Integra was becoming steadily more and more nervous; she didn't trust Alex at all. Walter was supervising the decoration layout and food. The ball would take place in the Great Hall, which was, in fact, not a hall at all, but a large circular room perfect for such occasions. (It was octagonal really…it had straight walls.)

Having nothing better to do, Alucard wandered aimlessly around the mansion, often seen talking with the silver-haired Death. Seras wondered how the two most frightening and power beings that she knew could laugh so easily in each other's company.

"Hey," Alex said, getting Alucard's attention while Seras walked by. "what do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?"

Alucard sniggered. "Take the pin out and throw it back!" He said, laughing deeply. "What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?" Alucard shot back.

"Run away 'cause she's got a grenade!" Whoops of laughter echoed down the hallway.

By midday, the Christmas tree was set and balanced, but when night fell, it became a wondrous monument, shining and sparkling with the decorative ornaments. While no one was looking, Seras stashed her wrapped presents under the tree. There weren't many others there, but a few people had also carried on with the tradition.

She spotted a large one with her name on it; it was from Pip. She was very much tempted to open it then, but she controlled her urges and went to her chambers to prepare for the ball.

Meanwhile, Alex and Integra were in the Great Hall, watching over things. A large stage was being wheeled into place by some clumsy workers, but they were exceptionally strong. The stage was heavy but it only took three on either half to put it together.

"…So…who did you say was performing tonight?" Integra asked, with her eyes still on the workers.

"Oh, a couple of people I know. Some friends of mine. A lot of people say they have some real talent." Alex watched as the workers busied themselves with setting up stereos and speakers.

"Do you think that you could be any less vague about it?"

"Nope. Besides, it would ruin the surprise." Alex told her, eyes twinkling. Integra finally gave up and went to change also.

At eight o'clock, the guests started to roll in, where they were directed to the Great Hall, and welcomed by Walter, who was wearing a navy-blue suit and tie, and Integra, who was wearing a long black dress with a slit in the side, showing off her right leg.

Alex and Alucard was in a corner, surveying the event with a mildly interested air about them. Alex, was wearing a tuxedo. Whereas Alucard had even cleaned up and was wearing a suit himself. Slacks, and a jacket-like vest tucked in, a long robe sort of garment hung from his back resembling a formal cape. It looked more like something a king or prince would wear. He wore a blue tie as well, which he was absently tugging on in irritation.

"You know, this is the only time of the year when Integra relaxes and 'let's her hair down' at least part way down….Sometimes, she even managed to look…what do the humans say today…sexy…." Alucard commented.

"Careful, vampire. I'm surprised you would speak of your Master in such a way." Alex said.

"Get your mind out of the gutter, Reaper. I was merely commenting. I've already explained that I'm not interested in human women. However, I can still state a fact, can I not?"

"You'd like human women if you were still human I'll bet. And if you were still human, you'd be repulsed by 'vampira in heat' as you put it." Alex said sniggering.

"But I am not human any longer. I haven't been in over two thousand years. You're appetites change when you become a vampire. Needless to say, I'd be dust by now if I were still human…."

Alucard trailed off as he noticed Seras enter the room. She was wearing long light blue dress, the kind that showed all the right curves, before billowing out at the waist. She'd done something with her hair, a flower was set behind her ear. And to top it off, she was wearing those cute and sexy gloves that came up to your elbow.

Alex whistled. "Phew…Al, you sure know how to pick 'em. Beautiful….and that's saying something from a guy who travels to Hades and back on a daily basis."

"Indeed…." Alucard continued watching Seras until she was blocked from view by the growing crowd. "Speaking of dead people," Alucard said, picking up where he left off, "I suppose it was of that type that you contacted?"

"Of course."

"Who'd you bring?"

"Some party-lovers who wanted to see the Earth again. Nothing too big. You'll see in a few minutes' time though." Alex told him.

Alucard looked to the stage as a figure dressed in white took the microphone. Something in his memory buzzed at the sight of him. "How about we get this party rolling!" He said into the microphone, revolving his hips as he did so. There were whispers of "The King" among the guests. Alucard's eyes widened.

"You didn't! ….Elvis!"

Death was doing his best to keep from laughing. "Hey, he wanted the job." Death looked on as Elvis sang songs that didn't even appear to be his. Apparently, he had been given a crash course in modern music.

"People will ask questions" Alucard pointed out, but Death waved it away. "I do this for a living." He said. "You let me deal with the onlookers."

"Nice touch with Elvis." Seras said, coming up to them, again somehow forcing Alucard's attention onto her. "But I think I just saw the Spice Girls in the other room…."

"Probably. I did call them." Alex said, shrugging. Seras looked confused.

"But…they aren't dead!"

"Their careers are."

The ball was on, and flowing smoothly. Alucard had even heard Alex's solution when Integra and a few other guests came looking for answers. "I heard that Elvis was long dead." Integra asked suspiciously.

"Oh no, that's just a wide misconception. Elvis ain't dead, he just went home."

Integra's eyes narrowed. "Even so, he should be something like 70 or 80 now. And he should have more than a few grey hairs."

Alex shrugged. "After he let himself go, he started working out more. Says it keeps him young. That's also why he's so slim. I have got to get his work out regime…."

Integra was really starting to fume now. "Well then why, pray-tell, would he answer your summons?"

"Let's just say I'm a family friend." Alex replied with a wink at Alucard. The elder vampire snorted. A few minutes later, Alex had shaken them off as Elvis showed signs of entering a slow song.

Alucard moved to the side lines, and watched the mass of people slowly twirl and revolve. He found it amazing how many people trip over their feet with a speedy tempo, but everyone was an expert at the waltz, or whatever the hell they were doing. 'Of course,' Alucard thought to himself, 'they probably are. They've got nothing better to do than chat with the Queen, practice fine dining and stretch so they can bow lower. There are so many tight asses in here…. Well, I suppose that means they aren't gay…. Unless of course,' Alucard caught himself and immediately ended that mental pondering. He'd rather not imagine what positions they got into.

Alucard glanced up and saw a flash of blue, and before he thought better of it, walked into the crowd.

Seras was slowly dancing with Alex, and she found that she was no longer disturbed by the fact that she was so close to Death. She doubted it was the human form either, for in her vampire mind, she knew him for what he was.

Alex himself seemed to be giving only a half-hearted effort into the steps. He carried a light air about him, and was more interested in keeping a semi-interesting conversation. In the end, it seemed as if he was waiting for something. 'But what?'

Seras briefly looked up as Alex was tapped on the shoulder. "Mind if I cut in?" Seras stopped dancing, she hadn't expected her master to be standing there. Alex's eyes flashed, and Seras got the feeling that this was what he had been waiting for.

"Oh, by all means" Alex said, bowing out of the way, barely concealing a smile. "She's yours."

Alucard took Seras' hand in his, and placed his other hand on her back, perhaps bringing her a little closer to him than he realized. Seras' hand automatically slid its way to his shoulder to complete the pose. They fell in step to the beat and resumed the dance.

Seras felt strangely awkward being in such close proximity to her master. 'Oh sure, don't feel anything when dancing with death, but when Alucard comes around….' She decided to ease some of the tension she was feeling. "So how do I look?" Seras asked playfully. The answer stunned her as Alucard initially had.

"Beautiful" was Alucard's reply, his face not showing any anxiety at all. Seras stared at him for a while, before lowering her eyes. 'Did he really mean it?' Somehow, Seras' worries about the spacing were gone, and she focused (or unfocused) on the time she had.

For all too soon, the song was winding down and they broke contact, Alucard gave her a small bow and strode from the dance floor, leaving his very confused, and very breathless fledgling looking after him.

After a couple more hours, the guests were driving away, Integra was saying farewell at the door. Alucard saw an old man hobbling on a cane, and his young gold-digger wife stop by Integra.

"This was one of the best balls you've ever thrown Integra!" the old man said, a little loudly. He was probably losing his hearing. "Yes, in-deed-y! I do believe it was the shizzle-nip as the young ones call it! Did I get that right Roxanne?" the old man asked his wife.

"Close enough, dear" the woman said, with a false smile plastered on her face. "And Elvis! The King!" the old man continued. "I told you he wasn't dead! Didn't I Roxanne? Didn't I tell you!"

"Yes you did, Bill." The old man finally walked on, wiggling his hips in tune to non-existent music. Alucard seriously considered using a mind trick to make the old man trip and fall, but in the end he didn't have to as cries of "AAGH! MY HIP!" Soon reached his ears. Apparently the old man wiggled just a little too far.

Alucard laughed out loud, as Integra and on-hand medical staff checked on him. Soon, Integra returned with a sigh, but then looked sharply at Alucard. "You are lucky nobody heard you Alucard, you are really pushing the limits here!" Integra said with warning.

"Damn woman! Let me be! You stick me with these old bastards every year! Its about time one of them broke something!" Alucard shouted with a sudden blast of anger. "If you don't like it, then you can suck my big, floppy-" Alucard was cut off as Integra slapped him with a sound that resounded through the mansion.

"YOU FORGET YOURSELF, SERVANT!" Integra told an unbelieving Alucard. "I don't give a damn what you are going through! You will show me the proper respect that I demand! Go retire to your room, vampire! I can't stand your presence any longer."

Alucard scowled, but followed orders and soon found himself in his dungeon. A Christmas gift lay on his table from Seras. Deciding that he would open it in the morning, Alucard climbed into his coffin, his mind reflecting over the night's events.

Alucard touched his cheek where Integra had slapped him. It hadn't damaged the skin at all, but something in him still hurt. He realized that he was genuinely sorry for upsetting her.

Alucard's scowl returned. He had grown too attached to the woman. "Damn it all. And what the hell is 'whatever you're going through' supposed to mean!"

And yet, from out of his whirling thoughts, a voice sounded. 'But then, I suppose they would need tight asses if they were gay….'

"You again! Shut up!" Alucard told himself. 'But its probably true…'

Alucard stared at the inside lid of his coffin.

"Christmas blows"

Hoped you enjoyed it, this chapter was really hard to write for some reason, but I thought it was funnier than some of the others. Whatever, tell me what you think!

Review.