Hi!

So here's some honesty: I didn't plan on that whole prize-effy thing. Just sort of happened, so now you have to deal with whatever crazy things that happen along with it, tough. :D

Now let the rambling begin!

Chapter 20: Answer Me

"Hey Blondie, wake up!" What the fuck?

I tried to sit up and failed, and opened my eyes to be reminded that I was still in the foam pit.

"You'll flatten the foam if you sleep on it you twat. Now come on, out you go."

I closed my eyes and turned to go back to sleep. It was true, the foam had molded to my shape, and I was feeling pretty comfortable. It had to be only a few hours until morning. Why the fuck David was up right now was beyond me.

"Well, now you force me to use the power of persuasion."

*THWAP*

I felt the pain in my stomach again and went to touch it and opened my eyes to look at it when I saw there wasn't any wet paint. I had sat up in such a rush at the sound that it had successfully pulled me out of my sleep trance. Although the grumpiness hadn't floated away along with it, he had apparently tricked me and shot the floor to scare me. Not that I preferred to be the target, but the action was rude altogether.

I reluctantly climbed out, noticing it wasn't just my stomach, the ache was all over and spreading quickly.

"Wow. You've got one hell of a bruise." I saw him staring at my stomach and realized my shirt had gotten caught under my bra and was hiked up. I pulled it down after a peak at the purple and green splotch that had replaced my pale skin. Owch. "There's some ice in the kitchen…"

I followed him until he told me to sit at the table while he got the ice. It had taken him awhile, I watched as he cursed until he wrapped the ice to perfection so it wouldn't feel too cold, but would be enough so I could still feel it through the cloth. "That should do it."

"Uh, thanks." I awkwardly held it against my stomach, wincing at the sudden change in temperature.

"What's bothering you Naomi?" He asked while he perched himself up on the counter.

I avoided the question, instead taking the moment to take in David's appearance. I suppose if I weren't into girls he wouldn't be a bad looking chap. Not to mention he'd have to not be gay either… he did have the fashion sense that I would expect though. He was wearing a blue striped polo with a bright orange v-neck on top with bright blue skinny jeans. The blue in his clothes coordinated with the blue in his hair, and eyes. He was certainly skinny enough to wear skinny jeans, but he still had enough muscle to him to take away any question of femininity. His dark brown combat boots added to the testosterone feel he had always tried to bring up whenever he could. The only thing that didn't seem normal about him was the tattoo on his right arm. I couldn't make out what it said, and when he saw me staring at it he casually placed his arm behind him out of view.

"It's Emily." There, it was out in the open. I said it.

"Well that's obvious. I didn't have you be the one to attack Emily last night because I knew you didn't have the balls to shoot a girl you like, a lot. Especially cause paintballs fucking hurt more often than not."

"So that's why she shot me…" I sighed.

"Emily's distracted and feisty. If she wasn't distracted I don't think she'd be as feisty. In other words, she's trying not to think about the feelings she has for you and she's being a bit aggressive to hide it. If she was being her normal self I think she'd have shown more concern that she shot a girl she really likes and left a nasty bruise."

"But why does she want to hang out with Effy instead me?" The hurt in my voice was blatantly obvious. I had no idea why the fuck I was telling this to David. Maybe I felt some sort of connection. He was kind of like the older brother I never had, with some kind of charm that made you want to enjoy his company and accept his advice.

"Maybe 'cause she's scared. She probably needs to set things straight in her head, rebuild some of her own opinions. Remember, she just narrowly escaped the brainwashing facility? Just give her time. She probably wants to talk to Effy because Effy's good at pulling out the thoughts we have that we're are too scared to say out loud. Emily needs someone to push her."

"But I want to push her. Am I being selfish?"

"You can't push her because you are too strong and opinionated. You'd leave an imprint on her whether you intended to or not… Effy can't do that because she's always trying to hide her own feelings, so she draws out other peoples feelings to mask her own. I don't really know how to make it all make sense, but it does. Trust me, it'll all work out. You'll be the one to catch her in the end; she just needs Effy to push her to you."

"What makes you so wise about this shit?" I was getting tired of the whole I'm smarter than you, let's give Naomi a life-lesson business. Effy had gone on about that sort of thing often enough, and it made me slightly jealous that now Emily needed her for that. And I had to sit here and settle for David's advice, and let Emily pull away from me and trust that she would come back.

"Same thing happened to me, remember? I'm Harrolton's disowned gay son? I was brainwashed by her for years and then I met Effy who would talk to me every night and push me until I had the balls to do something about it myself. Effy made a deal with me, y'know; She said I got to make this place if I let her help me. It's weird as fuck, but it worked, and I fucking accept it. I just hoped that letting her help me somehow helped her."

"Right. Sorry. Forgot." I was also very jealous that he could relate to Emily better than me in certain ways.

"It's okay. I'm out and proud now, and strongly opinionated. For example, those zippers on your pants aren't there to be kept shut. I bet Emily would swoon over you if you unzipped them and showed a bit of skin. That's the opinion of a gay strong opinionated man right there." He winked before getting off the counter to make himself a coffee.

"Uh. Thanks David. You're fashion advice will do so much for me." The sarcasm came out to play.

"Anytime sis!"

"What did you just call me?" Huh?

"Oh fuck. Spilled coffee on my shirt. Gotta change." He ran out of the room before I had the chance to ask him again. Sis? It's not like I said he was like a brother out loud… Nobody has called me 'sis' before.

I took the ice upstairs with me and crawled into the bed too tired to care about the body lying down next to me.

"Naomi, your ice is touching me."

"And?" Our bodies were closer than I realized. The ice must've fallen off my stomach and landed between us. Needless to say, I was too lazy to pick up my arm and move it.

"It's fucking cold and I'd like it if you moved it."

"Pity. I'm comfortable."

"Bitch." She turned around and picked up the ice and opening the bag wrapped in the towel, lifted the covers off me, and poured it on top of me.

"FUCK. THAT'S FUCKING COLD!" I shook about trying to get rid of any of the ice that was clinging to the fabric of my t-shirt. The water of what had melted was pressing against my skin causing me to shiver.

"Yeah. Ice is generally cold." The small twin smirked before turning over and going back under the covers.

I pulled the covers back over me and ignored the cold and wetness to show no sign of weakness. Everything was always a contest with her or banter, but nevertheless, I hated losing. I relaxed when I felt her scoot towards me so that our backs were touching lightly, forgetting any of the worries that had just been troubling me.

Emily's PoV

I reached out and touched the blonde hair that was sprawled out across the pillows. It brought a smile to my face watching her face scrunch up and relax in her sleep. She's so fucking adorable when she sleeps. It took all my will-power to get out of the bed without waking her, as tempting as it was, never mind the fact how grumpy she gets when I actually give in to the temptation. I slipped on a pair of jean shorts and a red plaid button up before sneaking out of the room.

I walked over to Effy's room and crept over to her bed and whispered into her ear.

"Effy, wake up... It's time."

She sat up alert as if she hadn't been sleeping just a second ago. Her eyes locked with mine and nodded. She got out of bed only wearing her undergarments before slipping on a pair of boyfriend jeans and an oversized black hoodie. It wasn't in her character to dress in such baggy clothes but I suppose she had a reason behind it. She threw another oversized hoodie, a red one, towards me to put on. Yes, she definitely had a reason for it…

I allowed her to guide me down the hallway and through the 'mall' to a back room I hadn't noticed. Inside was a large selection of vehicles, but she was quick to choose two go karts. A red one of course for me, and a black one for her. She hit a switch on the wall, conveniently lowered so she could reach it while strapped into the kart and I watched as a large garage door started to open revealing the sunrise in front of us. She hit the gas and I sped after her, the only sound audible was the birds chirping and the revving of the engines.

There was a path we followed for at least thirty minutes until we had come to what was small lake. I watched as Effy got out of the go-kart and took a seat near the water pulling a small case out of her pocket to light a spliff. I mirrored her actions, and gladly accepted when she offered the spliff to me.

We sat there for a long time in silence, watching the sun's reflection in the water. She was waiting for me to talk, and the rule was until I said something she had to act as if nothing was out of the ordinary. As the spliff came to its end I threw it down and decided it was time to stop procrastinating.

"I'm not sure who I really am."

"And therefore?"

"I'm scared to do anything."

"Because?"

"I think it might be what she wants me to do."

"Say who."

"Harrolton."

"Now say what you think she wants you to do."

"She wants me to run away from my feelings or fail miserably at using them."

"What are your feelings?"

"I love her."

"Say who."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to admit Harrolton was right."

"Is she right?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"I feel what she said I would. I feel love for a girl. And now I feel guilt."

"Would you feel the guilt even if you never met Harrolton before?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because it's not right to make someone else gay. I can't do that to her. It's too hard to deal with it. I almost killed myself when I had to confront it. I don't want her to kill herself."

"Who says she wouldn't be gay if she met you?"

"I don't know."

"So what makes it your fault?"

"I don't know."

"So stop feeling guilty."

"It's harder than that."

"I know."

"So what should I do?" It was my turn to ask something.

"Trust yourself."

"But I don't want to hurt her."

"She's not going to get hurt if you trust yourself. Emily, there's something else you're scared of. I can tell."

"I'm scared I might be doing this just to spite Harrolton. That I might not really like Naomi."

"That's a load of bullshit."

We both sat their in silence. It was a load of bullshit.

"Effy?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you scared of?" It may have been my outing, but I wanted to return the favor to Effy.

"Emotion."

"What is wrong with emotion?"

"I can't tell you."

"If you don't tell anyone it won't get better."

"I already told someone."

"And?"

"It didn't help."

"At least we know what we are scared of."

"The person with the problem always knows what their problem is, better than anyone else knows it, doctor or therapist or best friend, they just can't find their own solution." Effy always had insight when it came to psychology.

"What if there isn't a solution?"

"That's the problem." Her last three words were enough to keep my mind thinking for hours on end. I didn't have a clue what my solution was. After lying on the ground for a few hours, the sun had risen long ago, I decided I did know what the solution was, I just wasn't ready to accept it.

"I'm ready Eff."

"Good. It's fucking cold outside." She flung away her third spliff and didn't make any effort to hide how anxious she was to get back to the warehouse. The way back was simple, so I didn't mind that she left me, leaving me with no one to follow.

I sat alone for awhile, thinking out exactly what I was ready to do. I walked back to the go-kart and pulled out my old back-pack that I had taken along with me. Unzipping it, I held my breath and tried to slow down my shaking hands as I pulled out the blue note-book. I exhaled and sat down at the edge of the lake flipping through the pages, reading it one last time, remembering everything.

"Hello Miss Fitch."

I still wasn't talking. My voice hadn't come back since the night of the escape.

"Silent are we? I know this is your first class, but I do not believe in false pretentions, so I will not be giving you special treatment just because you haven't seen the likes of me before. You will address me as Miss Harrolton, and you will answer me when I talk to you. Do you understand Miss Fitch?"

My eyes followed her as she walked to her desk and pulled out a dark wooden ruler. My lips made no effort to respond, against my better judgement.

*WACK* What the fuck? I pulled my hand to myself gaping at the red mark vibrant on the back of it.

"I said do you understand Miss Fitch?"

Unfortunately I was too distracted staring at my hand, thinking about how crazy the bitch was to see the wooden ruler coming down again, this time on the forgotten hand I had left exposed flat on my desk, while I paid attention to the reddened one.

Now both my hands were shrieking in pain.

"Miss Fitch, do we have an understanding?"

I nodded.

"Put your hands on your desk."

I shook my head.

"It's going to be two if you disobey."

I hesitantly put my hands out and quickly shot them back away when she smacked them again. I felt a tear rise to the corner of my eyes.

"Put your hands back."

I put them back biting my lip.

"Do we understand Miss Fitch?"

I was about to say it, but I wasn't fast enough, she smacked them again. I quickly put them back down and struggled speaking up.

"I understand Miss Harrolton."

*WACK*
"I don't understand! I answered you?" My voice was soft, but scared, trying not to anger her further. I had said what she wanted me to say, I didn't know why she smacked them again.

"Only speak when I ask. Now, do you understand Miss Fitch?"

"Yes, I understand Miss Harrolton." My voice came out as a cry.

"Good. To get right to the point, why are you here Miss Fitch?"

"My mother sent me here." She laid the ruler on my stinging hands gently. I winced nervous at what she was going to do.

"Yes, but why did she send you here?"

"Because she doesn't like me."

*WACK*

"That's a lie. I don't like lies. You're mother sent you here because she loves you. Why did she send you here?"

"I—I don't know!"

*WACK*

My hands were started to swell. I was too scared to even wonder if this was legal.

"Because she thinks I'm gay."

*WACK*

"Because I'm gay. She sent me here because I'm gay! Please stop! It hurts!" My lip was bleeding into my mouth from biting it in attempt to take away from the pain in my hands.

"Correct. Now that I've helped you find the problem I'm going to help you find the solution, because I think you want to be better, right child?"

I nodded.

*WACK*

"Yes, yes I want to be better. I don't want to be gay, I want to be better." The tears didn't stop falling, they were landing on my notebook and staining the pages.

"Good. Here Emily, I don't want you to be in pain. I just want to help you." She reached to me and wiped the tears of my face with her thumbs. She walked back to the desk and pulled out a cold wet cloth and placed it on top of my hands, at first it hurt but a soothing sensation soon washed over them.

"There, all better now, right?"

She kissed the top of my forehead.

"Yes, Miss Harrolton." I whispered. Maybe she could cure me.

The tears revisited my face as I thought back to the moment I lost myself completely. This was the first step to finding myself again. I picked up a spliff that Effy had dropped before she left, which was still glowing. I held it to the corner of the notebook and watched as it lit. I held it for as long as I could until the fire was getting to hot and close to my hand. I threw it as far as I could into the water and cried as I watched it burn until the water swallowed it and took it to the bottom. I sat for hours, staring at the spot it disappeared into, letting my mind stay blank for as long as I could.

Shivering in the cold night breeze, I pulled up the hood of the sweatshirt, got into the go-kart and followed the path back. I wasn't surprised to see David sitting by the garage waiting for me. He was pretending to ride one of the ATVs, instead of worrying about me, and casually waved to me when I was close enough to see the blue of his eyes.

"I'm sorry Emily." He got off the ATV and helped my shaking body out of the go-kart.

"It's not your fault." I whispered.

"It is. I let her do it. I let her do this to people. I wasn't enough." He was shaking as hard as I was. His voice was gasping for air between each sob and each sentence.

"It's not your fault."

"My older brother was gay too you know. He killed himself because of her." He was full out crying onto my shoulder.

"It's not your fault."

"I couldn't get her out of his head, and he felt so guilty. I told him I was gay just like him. He said god wanted him to die for his sins. And I saw him do it. He told me he was a bad example for me. That it was his fault I was gay. That it was his fault he was gay. And he wouldn't listen to me. He hung himself in his bedroom, and I told her everything. And she kicked me out. Said it was my fault."

"It's not your fault."

"It's not your fault either." David whispered into my hair.

The two of us were crying and holding each other, it wasn't until Panda came outside and gently pulled us apart that we caught our breath.

"It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay." She kept quietly chanting to us, wrapping an arm with each of us before bringing us inside and sending us to our beds. Panda followed David to his room gently patting his back, and I broke away to my own room.

"Emily?" the blonde sat up and ran to me in the doorway.

"I'm here now."

"I thought you were gone, I saw Effy but not you…"

I could see the tears on her face, she had been crying nearly as much as I had.

"I need you Naomi."

The taller girl picked me up and carried me to the bed. I could tell she would never grow tired of the loving gesture, she would always be there to pick me up when I needed her. I cried myself until I was overwhelmingly drowsy, letting her hold me, try to lessen the shaking, letting her voice sooth me until I could rest. I felt her kisses on top of my head, as her arms wrapped around me, not ever letting go.

"I'm gay Naomi, and its okay." I whispered before losing myself to the world of sleep. I was almost positive I heard her say, 'me too.'

WOW. That was not even close to what I expected. But I'm pleased with the result. Now I believe we can move forward. OH!

Did you like David's background story? Pretty emotional stuff.

Hope Emily's flashback didn't make you uncomfortable. I was very unhappy writing it, but it had to happen. (I'm actually extremely disturbed by it. But hopefully it came across as good writing…) Wow. Yeah. It sucked writing that. Really depressing.

(OH. Yeah that explains it. Insight: I have depression and my sister said something fucked up to me at dinner. So perhaps that is why this chapter was so depressing. Guess it reflects the writer. How profound…)

Happier times ahead. Sorry.

-Shira

(sorry I didn't edit this. Didn't have time.)