"You love me?" is all Quinn could manage to get out.
Rachel fell silent, not really sure how to answer her. It had been five years and her feelings were still there for the blond.
"I have to go" Rachel said and took off for the door, but was caught by Quinn placing herself in front of her
Not again Quinn thought I can't spend the next five years wondering if this could have worked
"No Rachel, wait, please, I need to know" Quinn begged in almost a whisper.
"it isn't that simple, Quinn"
"I know you are scared right now, but trust that I am not going to run this time. I've spent the last five years replaying that night in my head, holding every relationship I've had in comparison to it." Her voice was becoming frantic with emotion, never having said any of this out loud before.
When Rachel heard this she softened a bit. "So your books... are they..."
"Absolutely about you" Quinn finished, her admission surprised even herself.
"This is too much..." Rachel sighed, and Quinn's face fell. "We just saw eachother for the first time in years a few hours ago, and now you think you're entitled to those kinds of answers?" Quinn stayed silent, she knew the brunette was right.
"I'm sorry, I can take you home if you want, we don't need to finish this conversation now" she conceded, realizing she wasn't going to get her answer tonight.
"No, I'm going to walk" and with that the diva was gone.
The next morning Quinn awoke with new confidence. Last night she learned that Rachel Berry loved her, well at least did at one time, and it was possible that she still could. These possibilities were swimming through her head, she barely got any sleep.
Tonight was the night of the reunion, and her chance to really start to win Rachel over. She had a plan.
Step 1: Befriend - if she can get Rachel to agree to being friends, than maybe things won't blow up in her face like they did last night.
Step 2: ok, well so she had part of a plan. If she could get Rachel to spend more time with her, she could see if the Diva had any feelings for her.
It all came down to tonight and she needed help.
Pulling out her phone she dialed the only person she could think of. Santana.
"Hello?" came the groggy voice on the other end of the line
"Santana, it's Quinn. Did I wake you?"
"Yes. Goodbye."
"Wait! I need your help"
"are you bleeding?"
"no..."
"Is someone dead?"
"no..."
"then it can wait until a decent hour of the day" she said still half asleep.
"I'm coming over, I'll bring coffee" Quinn insisted.
"Fine, but I want a muffin too. A big one."
An hour later Quinn was sitting in Santana and Brittany's hotel room, sipping coffee
"So let me get this straight. You and Berry had a night of passion back in high school, and have been harboring feelings for eachother since then, and now you want to woo her?" Santana asked
"more or less" Quinn agreed
"Do you even know if she is single? Where would you guys live? I mean she is in New York, and you are in North Carolina."
"Well, I hadn't really thought about it I guess." she really hadn't, she was so enthralled with the idea that Rachel returned her feelings that she hadn't been very practical in the rest of her thinking.
"Quinn, maybe you and Berry had your chance, and now things are too different" Santana didn't want to deflate Quinn's hopes but she needed to be a good friend and at least prepare her for what could happen. "for all you know Rachel is seeing someone else"
"I..I have to try Santana, it will haunt me for the rest of my life if I don't"
"Okay. Let's get to work then."
Across town in the Berry residence, Rachel was having breakfast with her fathers.
"How was your night?" her Dad asked
"Eventful" was the only response she gave
"I see, is this about Quinn?"
"How did you know?"
"A father always knows... well that and you've been moping around all morning and humming "All by Myself"
Rachel let out a sigh "its just, I've waited so long to get answers from Quinn, and now that I have I don't know what to do with them"
Rachel's fathers knew what had happened with Quinn, Rachel had always been able to come to them with her problems.
"Did you like her answers?" he asked cautiously
"I don't even know! This is so confusing. Ugh and I even said I loved her! Im such an idiot!"
At this her father's eyes widened with surprise "Did she say it back?"
"What?"
"Did she say she loved you back?"
"Well, no, not in those words exactly, I guess I didn't really give her a chance to"
That is when it dawned on Rachel, she didn't really know if Quinn still loved her. Sure maybe Quinn did at one time, but it was five years ago, they are completely different people now.
I need to know. I can't wait any longer.
Rachel excused herself from breakfast, grabbed her keys, and headed out the door. She wasn't going to wait another second to find out.
Pulling up to the Fabray House, Rachel felt her insides twist. Now or never she thought to herself.
Judy answered the door "Rachel! Darling how are you?" the older blond pulled her into a hug
"I'm good Judy, you look great"
"Thank you dear, Quinn stepped out for a bit, but she just called and she'll be here any minute. Can I get you some tea or coffee?"
"No thank you, I'm fine"
"You seem nervous, is everything okay?"
"I'm okay, just... well..." Rachel wasn't sure how to finish her sentence
Judy had a knowing look and said "It'll be okay, you can wait for Quinn in her room if you would like. Do you remember which one it is?"
Rachel smiled "Yeah, that would be great"
She entered Quinn's room, which like her own, hadn't changed much either. Looking around she made her way over to the book case, letting her eyes scan the titles, she came across a brown leather journal, it was the one Quinn had toted around all of senior year, constantly writing in. Rachel wasn't sure if she should read it, the battle over what to do ensued in her head, and as she was about to place it back on the shelf, unopened, a voice interrupted her.
"Go ahead" Quinn said from the doorway "open it"
Rachel looked at Quinn and then the journal before pulling back the cover. Thumbing the pages, noticing her name more than a few times, on almost every page actually, and there were Quinn's infamous doodles of her, but these weren't mean or pornographic, they were beautiful, and carefully done.
"I guess you are just my favorite inspiration" Quinn said lightly "I guess it's hard to write about something else, when my mind is constantly drawn to you"
"Quinn, I came here because... I need you to be honest with me"
"Ok" Quinn was growing more nervous "ask me anything"
"Were you in love with me senior year? When we were... together that night?"
"Yes." Quinn said taking a step closer "my turn to ask a question"
"ok, that is actually a very good idea, we can take turns, go back and forth and ask each other questions, should we establish rules or maybe a..."
"As cute as it is when you ramble, I still have to ask my question" Quinn said amused "Last night, when you said you love me, did you mean it?"
Rachel was afraid it would come back to this. "Yes, you were my first real love, I'll always have some kind of feelings for you..."
"Oh, I see" Quinn was dissapointed, she was hoping that Rachel felt more for her than just "some kind of feelings" the blond took another step closer to the brunette.
Rachel continued on with her next question. Now was the time she was going to get her answer "are you still in love with me?"
Quinn looked up, everything in her wanted to lie and say no. say that she was just as indifferent as she thought Rachel was. That her feelings were just the "some kind of feelings" that Rachel had for her. She couldn't though, she wouldn't be able to live with herself, if she passed up on this moment.
"Sometimes, Rachel, you are all I think about. For a while after leaving Lima, I thought I might have been over you. But I went to New York to see you open in your first Broadway role, I knew then that I wasn't, and I realize it everytime I sit down to write, and all I can bring myself to write about is you. So yes, I'm in love with you, and I thought maybe you could have felt the same way, but I know now that I'm just caught up in something I ruined years ago."
Rachel's heart was fluttering, Quinn loved her, Quinn was in love with her.
Rachel stepped impossibly close to Quinn, noticing unshed tears in the blond's eyes. Rachel brought her hand to Quinn's cheek, running her thumb under her eye to catch a stray tear. "I don't know what to say, I've wanted to hear those words for so long, and I can hardly believe you said them" she laughed a little "wait, you were at my show?"
Quinn laughed through some more unshed tears "are you serious? that is what you are going to focus on?"
"I think about you all the time too, Quinn. I wonder what it would be like to hold you at night, to kiss you, to come home to you and not just your books" Rachel admitted softly "I don't think I ever stopped being in love with you"
Quinn couldn't believe her ears, she pulled Rachel in close, and as their lips were about to touch they heard a shrill "YAY!" from the door.
"MOM!" Quinn reprimanded
"O I'm sorry Quinnie but this is sooooo much better than my soap operas!"
Rachel's head was in Quinn's shoulder, she was shaking with laughter. "This is not funny, this is so not funny"
"Rachel honey, will you be joining us for lunch?" Judy asked,
The brunette looked up, "actually I have to be heading out in a few minutes to get ready for tonight. Thank you though"
"No problem! I'll let you girls get your mack on" Judy said backing out of the doorway
"MOM!" Quinn said mortified, she turned to Rachel "I'm sorry, she doesn't get out much apparently"
Quinn closed the door behind her mother and went back to standing in front of Rachel.
"Thats okay, it may have been best that she interrupted when she did, there is something I should tell you before this gets any further"
"Okay, what is up?" Quinn asked a bit nervous
"I have... The last couple of months or so I've been dating this guy from the new show I've been working on..."
"Oh, is it serious?" Quinn took a few steps back, hurt evident in her voice
"I don't know... I guess..." Rachel sounded overwhelmed and confused
Well shit.
"Damn, that is not good" a voice was heard from the other side of the door.
Quinn let out a sigh "Mom, for the love of God, can you please give me a second here"
"Sorry honey!" her mom said and the two girls waited to hear foot steps going down the stairs.
"So where does this put us?" Quinn asked taking Rachel's hands in her own
"I want us to have a real shot, but after this weekend, I go back to New York...and back to Jake..."
"right" The blond ran a hand through her hair and let out a deep sigh. "screw it" she said and pulled Rachel into a consuming kiss. Letting one hand rest on the brunette's neck and the other on her cheek.
Till next time...
"