I was gone. I'm not sure where I am now...probably in the condensed mass of space between "gone" and "back". But here is something nonetheless. Oh and where the hell did 99 reviews come from?! Thanks guys. I feel loved.

After blowing off her frustration when rescuing Integra and Walter from a sticky situation, Seras thought back to half-an-hour prior when she had met a rather unfortunate Freak soldier who happened to stand in her way. Reason having been returned to her, she must admit she might have over-reacted just a bit. Seras winced as she remembered what she did with the enemy's rifle. Okay. She had definately over-reacted. Perhaps her Master's ways were beginning to rub off on her.

'Oh Master...where are you now, I wonder...' Not that it really mattered much anymore, the battle was just about over now. The mansion had already been successfully swept and cleansed of any Freaks, and the ones on the grounds were showing signs of retreat.

This left Seras with enough room to sit down and take a breather. They were all in the Grand hall, which contained a decent number of wounded soldiers, though not as much as she had expected. Lady Integra and Walter themselves were been tended to by an on-hand medic.

Lady Integra's wound was easily noticeable; a large gash across her thigh. The medic was stitching it nicely but she would still probably have a scar. Walter wasn't in as bad shape, bloody-wound wise, though he was sweating profusely and seemed a little unable to catch his breath.

Hellsing noticed this and promptly ordered him to remove his vest and rest. Walter nodded and complied, unbottoning his vest and laying it on the floor. Seras immediately saw Walter's problem. The vest was lined with Kevlar, and it looked as though Walter had taken more than one bullet to the chest that evening. It was a miracle the old man was still alive.

Lady Hellsing muttered something under her breath. Seras' enhanced hearing only barely caught the tone of her voice."What was that sir?" Sears asked her Master's Mistress.

"I'm going to kill him." Repeated Integra, loud enough to be heard clearly this time. "I'm going to absolutely kill him!" Integra raged. She was suddenly on her feet and her sword had apparently materialized in her hand.

"I'm going to grab hold of his throat, put my pistol to his head and empty my magazine!" Seras figured it would not take more than two guesses to find who Integra was yelling about. "I'm going to plunge my hand into his chest, rip out his heart, then feast on it for my dinner!" Integra continued, now looking a bit crazed.

"I'm going to throw him in chains, and have him suspended from the ceiling! Then! I'm going to put on a god-damned blindfold and take this-" Integra said, brandishing her sword dangerously, "and start swinging on that little pinata!" Integra released half of an extremely disconcerting cackle before catching herself and regaining some of her composure. "Do you her me?! ALUCARD!"

"You rang?" asked the ancient vampire who had shown up at her side. Integra whirled on him, looking very much like a wolverine with down-syndrome that had just contracted rabies would whirl on its own prey. Seras could tell this wasn't going to be pretty. She got up to move toward the exit of the hall, before she noticed that Walter was already in the doorway and still retreating.

"Miss Seras! It is my, er, sworn duty to...ahem...check all the troops individually after a battle! Do see that Lady Integra has everything she needs!" With that, the wise old man sped off to places unknown.

Seras found herself wishing several manners of death upon Walter. Then the screaming started.

"Where the BLOODY HELL where you?!" Integra screeched. Indeed. Screeched. Her voice had reached an all-time high. Seras and her enhanced hearing feared her ears would begin to bleed.

"I was watching over and protecting my sworn master, the head of the Hellsing family-" Alucard began slowly, with a yawn.

"Don't you dare give me that 'sworn master' bullshit, demon! Our base of operations, Hellsing mansion, MY home was under attack! Those damn FREAKS had the nerve to come onto my doorsteps and try to ruin everything my family has been building for generations! And YOU my servant, my trash-man. You were nowhere in sight! I myself was almost killed tonight! Explain yourself!"

"Oh I was here, Master." yawned Alucard. A vein pulsed in Integra neck. "Or at least, I was watching intently. I was sooo ready to jump in and save you when those Freaks attacked...buuuutttttt, Walter seemed to have handled it quite nicely." Alucrad finished with a toothy smile.

It took all of the amount of time for an eyelid to twitch for Integra to whip out her pistol and have it jammed firmly against Alucard's skull. "You have three f&king seconds, Alucard. Three seconds to give me one good reason why the hell you were off sitting on your ass when we needed you before I pull this trigger and put your brains on display. So give me the reason. Have you anything to say for yourself?!"

Alucard stared down the barrel of the gun lodged against his head at the woman whom he called Master. He seemed to contemplate the question before him for a moment before opening his mouth to give his answer. Seras prayed that it was a good one. She knew she would be disappointed.

"I have found out something of great importance while I was not here, Master."

"Oh?" said Integra, whose gun seemed to cock itself.

"I do not, as I had at one point thought during the night, have six fingers. But only the usual five. See?" Alucard held up his hand to show his five digits. " A relief, no?"

Integra pulled the trigger.

Keep reviewing.