Chapter Ten

I laugh as Will sends me a whispered joke that makes James turn his head to give me an irritated look. The landscape is bare and unrecognisable (which made me feel utterly hopeless before) but now I'm a lot better emotionally than I would have originally thought. The tears have stopped running thanks to Will's friendly and optimistic personality. The thought of him (better not to give him a name, even in my thoughts) is easily thrust away by the endless talk coming from Will. At first I'd tried to push Will away but it wasn't too long before he broke my social barrier. Even with my legs aching from our seemingly endless journey, I feel content.
"How long until we get to wherever we're going?"
Will seems happy to respond. "Not too far now," he says cheerily, a grin plastered on his face that has not seemed to have left since our first encounter.
"Not too far to where?" I ask.
"Oh but if I told you that," he responds with a smirk, "I'd have to kill you!"
Will winks playfully at me, causing a smile on my own face. But as the Templar turns away to observe our surroundings, I realise that the simple action of smiling feels fake because I wouldn't be giving in to things like this. I'd throw back a sarcastic comment, but not play along. I'm really just a fabricated version of myself when I talk to Will, and it makes me feel horrible to act this way. I've put on a flirty and crazy personality that simply just isn't me. But I have created that artificial identity for a reason. Will doesn't seem like the person who'd have a fun time chatting with the real me - sarcastic humour and all.
I want to talk to Will, simply because our endless conversations pushes away any thoughts about him. But I also can't help but think that I'm moving on too fast, that one of these days it will all come back to me, everything about him, because I didn't properly let go. I'm scared that I'll regret it because I tried to get rid of my emotions by occupying myself and listening to the banter of a pride filled Templar instead.
Sadly, a part of me still wants him. At least he liked me (although I don't know whether that's even true either) for the real me. I can't let go of something like that so easily. That love felt so real, and like a fantasy cliché - love at first sight, happy endings. A sad smile takes over my once happy one as I realise my horrible description. It was no cliché, because it was all too good to be true and the ending definitely wasn't happy.
Will senses my discomfort and whispers to me, his tone revealing anxiety.
"Hey, are you okay?"
I look up and shake my head but the tears running down my cheeks in the moonlight betray me. I can see the concern on Will's own face as he tries to keep up with the travelling Templars while still caring for me.
"What's wrong?"
I say nothing, the lump in my throat now threatening that my voice will crack if I try to speak. The tears however keep running, their moisture dripping onto the raw ground. Seeing that he's not going to get an answer, Will takes me into his arms for a moment and I feel like a betrayer.
"I'm just kidding," he jokes in an effort to make me cheerful again, "we're going to Jerusalem."
It works and a laugh escapes my lips as Will smiles down at me. I feel a lot better, but I'm sure that it's just the fake Khara's happiness that improves, not mine. As we travel further away from Acre, the last place I saw him, all I can think about is how wrong everything feels.