Chapter Eleven
"You finally came back"
I stare at the floor, trying to ignore Al Mualim's gaze. I'm angry for myself for returning, but what else could I do? Every possible lead I had to where Khara could be was just another route to failure. I was losing the motivation to search. Even though my heart burned with passion every time I recalled an image of Khara in my mind, I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take searching for something that I didn't even now whether was alive... or still loved me.
"You left us for a long time, Altaïr," Al Mualim continues. "Six months. And at times we needed a skilled assassin like you."
I can't hide it anymore, so I tilt my head forward, eye to eye with Al Mualim.
"Khara," I splutter out.
"Khara?" Al Mualim looks back at me, confused.
I don't want to explain the whole ordeal again so I just throw out a few words that will explain my situation enough.
"I loved her," I whisper, my heart protesting against my use of past tense.
Al Mualim doesn't seem to be fazed at all by my response and instead takes a few steps towards me.
"Altaïr. Love is what makes an assassin weak. It certainly made you. You don't need to go into detail about it, but I want to make sure that you've let go now. Have you?"
I feel stupid for coming here now but I answer anyway. I don't know what I was expecting from Al Mualim. An image of Khara appears in my mind and my heart races. No.
"Yes," I lie.
He nods back at me, but doesn't look convinced. "Well then. I have a new assassination task for you."
Al Mualim's sudden change is abrupt but I should have known better. Of course I'd receive a task straight away.
"His name is Rihkhar," he continues. "You will have to go to Acre."
I flinch inwardly at the city mentioned, but nod my head in agreement. I turn to leave, eager to get out into the open air again to rethink what I'm doing. The thought of Khara is too strong in my head to make me consider things properly and I'm having to constantly battle tears that I thought I'd gotten rid of long ago.
"Altaïr."
I stop immediately, sensing Al Mualim's commanding tone.
Once again face to face with the Grand Master, I wait impatiently. "Yes?"
"Never compromise the brotherhood."
A chill seizes me as I try to walk calmly out of Masyaf castle. All I can think is about how hopeless I am as an assassin. Al Mualim knows I still have a weakness. He knows that I have not let go.
Once I pass the city gates, I break into a run. My tears are whipped away by the wind as I realise sadly that I still love Khara as strong as the first day. I thought I was getting better - after a few months searching, I was already starting to let go. I feel angry at myself for being such a mess. I feel angry at myself for not being in control.
But as my boots hit the dusty road one after the other, I have the time to think, without being burdened by where I will get my next lead to find Khara. My mind reels with thoughts of seeing her again, but I keep to my task. I'm not ready to betray someone again. I am an assassin. And I have a job to do.
I take a deep breath, and push away all thoughts of Khara just for this moment.