Author's note: Ok, so I said a long time ago that I wanted to add a third part to this universe but I was never able to really connect with the characters after the second part. I think after my slew of issues it just seemed really strange to try to connect to the same level of melancholy I reached the first and second time around.
I can't say I'm really satisfied with this part and it doesn't really come up to the tidy conclusion I wished it would have (meaning there may still be a part four in the works, I have to see what I come up with) but I tried my best. :-(
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note nor do I own the song "Pressure" by Paramore, which I am obviously making no money off of. So there. :-p
Title: Lucent Remembrance
Chapter Three: Remnants of Me
Tell me where our time went
It seemed like it was just yesterday
(a day so far away from now, but then, even he didn't know when now was)
But… what was yesterday to some(thing)one who didn't even know what yesterday was?
Tiny speckles of light clung to fragmented lids, the cold detachment shining through dim eyes off set by the frail translucence of color barely adhering to the slim figure standing eerily by the doorway.
Little by Little he was wasting away and everything was becoming nothing.
Trailing shaking fingertips over smooth glass, he wondered what the texture actually felt like as long slender fingers disappeared before they could even make it towards the end of the window.
The world was now only a variety of shades of gray and he was a not even on the spectrum of color.
And if it was time well spent
Still, they could not see him.
Days turn into nights and nights into days and still he cries inside over what can't be changed.
He wondered at times if this were his own personal Hell; if this was the price he had to pay for having picked up that God forsaken (God? The only Gods he knew of shouldn't have been called Gods at all…) notebook and written down that first name.
They walk past him and yet they will never see him; they cry and he has to see it all.
A middle-aged woman with short gray hair stared down at the sink before her, empty of dishes. Her hands which were now old and shriveled lay on the edge of the counter, shaking. Her eyes were dry but very, very red.
He can never hold her ever again, though he has tried so many times to grab onto her, even in the briefest of touches.
(Who is she and why does seeing her make him want to cry?)
Walking past her, his translucent form wavers for a moment.
Every day is another eternity for him.
Making his way up the familiar stairs, his hair sways in an imaginary breeze he cannot even feel.
Every day he waits for something he cannot explain.
Not even pausing to grab the doorknob, he fazed through the door in front of him and entered the still very pink room, decorated to suit a girl half the young woman's age that was lying on the bed in the middle of the room.
Every day he feels the pain of having to watch this erosion through these damning eyes; eyes that weren't quite eyes anymore.
Long dingy hair hangs off the bed as 35-year-old woman stares vacantly at the wall just behind his head, her clothes large and baggy on her thin frame.
But he will stay here.
Sitting down on the floor in front of the blank-faced woman, he simply stares.
He will stay because it is where he has done the most wrong-
(What wrong? What did he do that was so wrong?)
"Sayu…" He whispers, knowing that she cannot hear.
And no matter what it is that calls for him to leave, he will not yield until the day both of these people are gone as well.
Leaning forward he lets the strands of see-through hair fall over his eyes.
It was, in essence, his last wish…
(All he remembers are words and names and pain; all he can see is that horrible, horrible notebook stained in invisible blood…)
"Light…"
And even if they could never admit it, it was their last wish as well.
Just don't let me fall asleep
Feeling alone again
Sayu's dark brown eyes wavered as they strayed from their normal spot, breathing retched and sporadic.
Dim hazel eyes don't even flinch, the light brown simmering into a dull gray that permeates nothing but apathy.
The lingering aftertaste of regret washed away until the shell remained; the shadow not even a mimicry of what it used to be.
He wasn't worth much anymore, just another fly on the wall.
Finally Sayu's red rimmed eyes fluttered shut and the lights glimmering by her bed shuttered quietly until they were nothing but memories laid to rest.
Time wouldn't stop.
The cycle would begin anew tomorrow.
Even he had an expiration date.
He only hoped that the memories would still be there with him.
And soon, he would fade just as quietly as his companion had.
(These lights were flashing so quickly in front of his eyes… what were they and why did they taunt him?)
Soon he would only be a memory.
I can feel the pressure
Would today be the day?
Fingers twisted against each other as the apparition against the wall shook quietly within his corner, the room as unfamiliar as the reflection caught in the mirror out of the corner of his eye.
A strange burn rose from the center of his chest, staying right at his throat.
The scream would not leave him.
Would today be his… last day?
(Why am I here? Who am I? I want to go home? Where is home? Whereishome? Whereishome?)
The door next to him quietly swung open.
The words stopped spinning.
His world halted-
(I want to go where nowhere is everywhere and all I can see is home…)
Aged veiny hands stroked the bed in front of them as if it were the grand center piece of the room, the other hand clutching onto a paper now spotted with drops of water.
Light knew that face…
Light.
The timid sob echoed within the quiet room until a cacophony of screams triumphed and silence was no longer welcome. The tiny woman crawled on the bed, grieving for-
(Grieving for what?)
His name was Light.
And he was Destruction magnified.
The hunched over specter transformed in mere moments, standing uselessly by the bed with arms stretched out and soul torn in half. The colors trickled onto the floor in a heap of tragedy, pouring away from the picture of manhood and leaving only the caricature that remained.
What was there left to do?
His mother's screams slowly filtered away until the quiet was the only thing left within the room.
As Sachiko lied brokenly on the bed Light knew.
When you're reason is gone…
Her Time was coming just as swiftly as his own had and soon she would be nothing more than a shadow as well.
Who will you be then?
Cause I fear I might break
And I fear I can't take it
The table was set for four.
Sayu stared at her mother from her perch, the looming shadow behind her unknowingly mimicking her own actions.
But there was only enough food for one.
She knows…
Sachiko's tremulously smile nearly undid both her children.
"No…" Sayu finally broke, hair slashing through the air like a katana in mid-strike. "No, no, no…"
"Sayu…"
"NO!"
"I can't… help it…"
"You aren't supposed to leave me too!"
The plate flew through the air, hitting the wall with a delicious slam.
Sachiko watched as her daughter ran once more, the gaping wounds within her mind bleeding heavily against the dining room floor.
What's one more broken person on the floor?
(Tiny whispers, they were crawling all around him, finally giving sighs of relief)
He knew he was doomed when his hand wavered in front of his face-
Soon you won't even remember what pain is anyway.
(Fleeting, fleeting, all feeling is fleeting)
And he didn't even feel a thing.
Tonight I'll lie awake
Feeling empty
He was so tired…
If he stayed awake, it couldn't take him. The thought itself was illogical and years ago he had debunked that theory by trying but in this moment logic was null and void and all he wanted was to devolve to a time where the worst things he could think of were the monsters under his bed and whether or not they would try to take him tonight when he was sleeping.
He just wanted to close his eyes…
The irony being that now Light knew the moment he closed his eyes they would take him and kill him all over again.
And slumber.
The memories would slip away and he would forget.
Forget his mother, his father, his sister, his legacy, his rivals, his mistakes, his triumphs.
He couldn't be just another memory. Not when he had worked so hard to be remembered.
He couldn't let go of life so easily.
Even though life had stopped wanting him years ago.
Each barely healed-over scar was ripped open in only a few moments, his mother's words and lifeless stares enough to pump the life(death) back into him.
Piece by piece, Light began to disintegrate, his eyes still wide open with fear.
The abyss had him.
He would not forget.
(Let him become a memory)
There was no escaping this Hell.
He could not forget.
(If it would save those he had destroyed so ruthlessly)
His eyes flashed golden on last moment until they too became a murky gray and evaporated from proverbial sight.
Sayu lay still within the bed, not moving once.
Chestnut brown eyes did not blink.
Everything was at a standstill once again.
Now that I'm losing hope
Back to back they lay.
Her weakness has become her strength and soon she would realize it.
Light dared not breathe even though he didn't need to. His body lay above the sheets, his back not truly touching hers. Silent cries racked her body until they became wrenching gags.
Her power lays not in her helplessness but in her trauma.
He stiffened as the paper within the girl's hands crinkled uncomfortably.
She had already lost so much; lost in a way he could never understand.
(How long has it been since…?)
His mother's form no longer lingered the hallways.
How many days has it been?
(Days? What are days?)
Already he could feel himself fading into nothing.
There wasn't much time left… was there?
Another croaking cry broke the stillness of the room.
He closed his eyes, for the first time in a long time needing to forget.
And there's nothing to show
For all the days we spent carried away from home
When he woke up the next morning he remembered everything.
No…
And he knew that his little sister's Time was coming too.
All he could think was 'No' when all Sayu could think was 'Finally'.
It's getting closer now...
For Sayu, the windows became more commonplace take stare through instead of just at.
The world seemed to transform in the span of a night, the lone presence of the house noticing the tiny nuances the outside world seemed to offer after years of voluntary seclusion. Each green life was vibrant and every ray of sunshine shined brighter.
One day, the window was actually opened.
And the sounds, they were everywhere.
He knew what she wanted.
He wished for the same after all…
His translucent hand, gray and lifeless, stretched out towards the daylight that Sayu was still so very scared to reach for.
His skin burned pink.
Burned.
Pink.
Turning his head, charcoal gray eyes shimmered with newfound hope.
If there was ever one thing I could do for you
Sayu stretched her fingers out seconds later.
I would give you the chance to live again.
Pale skin stretched tautly under the strong light.
I'll give you more time.
The smile that grew over her lips was weak but there, waiting to blossom into a grin full of life.
We're better off without you
Light grinned as the young girl checked through her bag for the hundredth time.
The paper, however, stayed clutched in one hand, even as she made sure everything was in place.
He couldn't do much.
Sayu sighed.
He couldn't touch her.
"I have to go." She whispered hoarsely. "She needs me now."
He couldn't speak to her.
"I won't let her leave without a goodbye."
He couldn't interact with her at all.
"Not again."
But fate always did smile on those who pulled themselves back up from nowhere.
Light watched her leave and knew.
He would never see her again.
Something's I'll never know
Tomorrow will come
There was only one thing left to do.
And I will fade into the obscurity I've always feared.
The colors he had wished for drained completely from his pallet of skin, leaving nothing but a pale facsimile of who he used to be.
Tomorrow will come
But he wasn't bitter.
And I will swallow my pride and become the nothingness I have been caged within.
Only grateful for the time granted to him in exchange for watching his family finally move on with their lives.
Tomorrow will come
If nothing else, they would be happy.
And I will become nothing more than a mere memory.
Pulling at the doorknob, he let the white-wash of light carry him back to his special place.
There was only one place he could stand to be and this house would never be more than a prison without bars to him.
And I had to let them go
Not much had changed since his last visit.
The grass was still just as green and the sky just as vast. The breeze did not hit him as the trees mocked him with their sturdy branches and swaying leaves, feeling more than he ever would ever again.
Looming over the ground in a haze of disquiet, Light did not wish to sit in fear of disturbing the scenery but could not hold back the urge. Settled on his old spot he refused to look over at his right where his former companion had constantly kept him company.
He only waited for the inevitable, knowing without knowing that here in this spot of secrecy he would meet his end as swiftly as L did before him.
I can feel the pressure
Before he knew it, the sky's color changed.
Dark blue became a haze of red.
Closing his eyes, he wished for nothing but the numbness that came with tranquility.
In the distance he could hear a voice, but why was it so far away?
He could never repent for the things that he had done and it was foolish to even try.
One strobe of light…
All he needed was deliverance.
And he knew they would all be free.
Deliverance from this lie.
You're better off without me.