July 2, 2008, 11 AM

"Yeah... yeah... no, no, I won't... because they don't have that out here, mom! Are you serious? No I'm not gonna tell them to make one! Well, I'm sorry, I guess not!"

The air in the dorm was a bit musky, as if it hadn't been used for awhile. The slight smell of stagnant alcohol filled the air: it looked like it wouldn't come out of the carpet. Max Walker would gladly renovate the room a little, seeing as how he'd be spending the next few years in it, but first, he had to get through a phone call with his mom, back in Saint Charles.

Max was an 18-year old, fresh out of high school, who became lucky enough to be accepted at Saint Louis University. Girls, beer, and... uh... studies and stuff... ...For Max, it meant a safe haven more than a few miles away from his parents.

"Yo, Max! You gonna help me bring your shit up or what?" Called his roommate and good friend, Robert. Robert was a bit of a mechanical wizard, and a big fan of Death Metal. He looked kinda dumpy, and his long hair was just a bit too "Metallica", but Max trusted him with his life.

"Yeah, I'll be right down!" Max called out with a smile... then, he looked at the box in his hands... he opened the lid, and smiled at the familiar contents: An NES, two controllers, a Zapper, and few games, including Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt, Punch-Out!, Ninja Gaiden, and the Legend of Zelda. "We're gonna have a great time with these", he said to himself, then he put the box down and ran to help his friend.

"Good god man, you have more shit than I do!", Robert called out. "And I brought a whole drum set!"

Max smiled. "It's a surprise, Rob-o. I'll show you when we get to the room."

"Better be one hell of a surprise, dude. I'm not built for this kind of torture."

Max and Robert got into the room, and brought the box to a rest against a nearby wall. "Okay dude," Robert spoke, "This better be good."

Max grinned from ear to ear as he cut open the tape holding the box shut. "Robert, my good man, within this box is a lifeblood more valued and more powerful than any kind of drug or form of alcohol known to man... ...and legal, too!"

Robert sat there, arms crossed. "I'm listening."

Max opened the box slowly for Robert to peer inside. As he did, his eyes slowly lit up, and his frown quickly turned to a big smile... "Dude... is this what I think it is!"

Max nodded. "A Super Nintendo. Dig around through the games, see what all there is." Robert did just that, and his smile kept getting bigger as he found Final Fantasy IV, Final Fantasy VI, Chrono Trigger, Super Mario World, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, Super Metroid, Megaman X 1, 2, and 3, Terranigma, and more...

"DUDE! NO WAY!"

"way, dude." Max said with a smile. "I think our college lives will be set as soon as we get the other consoles up here. Now GET BACK TO WORK, SLAVE."

"YES, MASTER!" Robert said with enthusiasm, running down the stairs to get the rest of Max's luggage. Indeed, Max had brought not only his old NES, but his SNES, N64, Gamecube, and Wii as well. He could see it now... late nights with his friends playing RPG's, making witty comments about character haircuts, his more RPG oriented friends watching like an old movie or soap opera. There was just one little problem: He didn't have a television.

"Hey, Rob, where'd you pack your TV? We'll get this all hooked up first!"

Robert called from the floor below "Dude that TV is my sister's!"

"You mean you didn't bring it! Good grief! What the heck are we gonna do?"

Rob put a box down. "Relax dude, relax! My dad is loaded. I'll just tell him we need to get a TV, and I'm sure he'll understand."

A few days went by with no television, as Max and Rob set up a computer they would have to share. One small perk of the dorms was free internet access, so as soon as the computer was up and running, Robert surfed craigslist for a TV... then, remembering that to him, money was no object, he changed his search to "Big TV". He saw a couple different models, but decided they were all "too conformist" or "too modern". He wanted a classic look, like the kind that used to go in living rooms. Those just couldn't be found in stores anymore, so he had to hit up the internet. Thankfully, it didn't take long before he found a good candidate:

Selling: 1989 Sophy XR-34, barely used.

"Huh, never heard of that one", Robert said to himself...

Model no: 0000000

"Wow, maybe it's the only one of it's kind"

screen dimensions: height - 1'11" width - 2'8"

email: Madeline Keene

Robert did a search on the Sophy XR-34 for any manuals or model info, but could find none. He began to suspect a hoax, but decided to check just in case. He emailed Madeline, and got some more pictures. From what he could tell, it looked legit, though PhotoShop could deceive... But Madeline was offering to deliver the TV herself all the way from Northridge, California. No point in making a trip that ungodly long for a hoax.

When Madeline came with the TV, Robert and Max inspected it. The power seemed to work okay, it could gather all the broadcast channels, and both A/V and RF modulation were compatible with it. In otherwords; it was playworthy. Max turned to Madeline with a smile, and said "We'll take it!"

But, just as Robert was going to pay her, she had a small change of heart. "On second thought, please, keep the money. I couldn't take it for this TV..."

"Huh? but it's huge! You can't just give away large, rare televisions! That's crazy!"

Madeline looked both ways, then ushered them somewhere private.

"I have reasons for wanting to get rid of it... I believe that TV is cursed. It kidnaps people and makes them disappear..."

Max blinked. Once.

"Oh, sure, laugh at the old lady with the demon TV... but I tell you... that television is evil. My son got it at a pawn shop, and disappeared three days later..."

Max blinked again.

"...I never saw him again.", she was sincerely upset.

Robert smiled. "Uh-huh, well we'll just get it off your hands. I'll make sure the demon box doesn't get anybody."

"Look, I'm not lying to you on this!" Madeline started to cry. "That TV... took him from me... it took... my..."

Robert stopped himself when he saw what he'd done. "Hey... you're serious aren't you? Look it just sounds a little funny is all... I mean my mom would freak too if I disappeared... …but are you sure it was the TV?"

Madeline nodded. "You can have it if you want, I don't ever want to look at it again... but promise me you'll be careful with it. Don't suffer the same fate."

A day later, Max and Robert sat on the couch, almost totally moved in, staring at a large, somewhat ominous TV that was plugged in, but not turned on.

"You do it", Robert nudged Max.

"Oh, no. You bought it off this lady, you turn it on!" said Max, already creeped out by the TV.

"It's for your games and shit! You do it!" Said Robert.

"Alright I got an idea, we'll both do it!"

Robert nodded. "Okay, let's do it."

Robert grabbed a broom that was leaning against the wall, and carefully brought the tip to the power button on the large wood-framed TV. Max "helped", by sitting back in the couch, arms crossed and an ornery smirk on his face, basking in his manipulative handiwork. Sweat ran down Robert's face as he internally cursed Max and the broom's tip got closer, and closer... he closed his eyes, and let the tip hit the button, turning the TV on.

"...and for today's forecast, expect a high in the mid 80's today, followed by a slight chance of thunderstorms in Troy county. Let's turn to our five-day forecast! On the left we have..."

Max and Robert blinked. "Well, that wasn't so bad," said Max. "So, Super Mario World?"

Robert nodded. "Super Mario World it is."

They plugged the system in and hit a few channels down, expecting to come a cross an "AUX" channel. Instead, they reached a "Ch 0".

"Channel... zero?" asked Max.

"I dunno... I've never heard of them using a channel zero", replied Robert. "This is still one weird TV. Let's just try it with the RF switch"

So they connected the system using an RF switch, and changed to channel 3. They spent the rest of the night getting to Valley of Bowser, but never actually beat it. Max had fallen asleep on the couch, and Robert had long hit the sack.

Max was stirred away by the stagnant heat in the room, and got up to get some water. "Ugh... We need a fan..." As he came back with a glass, he looked at the TV, and curiously turned it on to the mysterious channel zero. "What are you, anyways..."

The image was all black and silent for a moment. Then, it got brighter... and brighter... and brighter... Max started feeling dizzy, like space itself was being stretched... then, nothing. Everything was normal again.

...Except that the TV screen now looked like less like channel zero, and more like someone tried to divide by zero. A tunnel jutted through the TV screen, and the glass had disappeared. The tunnel did not appear on the other side of the television, though.

"I wonder if this is how that lady's son disappeared...?"

Curiously, Max crawled into the tunnel in the screen. He soon came out of a large metal pipe, in almost complete darkness. He saw a small beam of light in the distance, and heard a woman singing. It was coming from a hole in the ceiling. Max managed to hit his head on a series of metal pipes in the chamber, but eventually approached the light and called up into the hole. "Um... hello? Is someone there?"

The figure singing was startled by the noise, and looked down into the toilet. "Oh my... not again... Mario, I thought you made the toilet stop talking to me!"

Max nodded to himself, pretending to understand what just happened. "Oh my god, I just pissed off the Mafia. I'm outta here!"

Max scrambled back to the tunnel, again slamming his head into just about every pipe in the room, until he reached the tunnel. Once he was out of the tunnel in the TV, and hit the power button. The tunnel disappeared, and the glass was restored to a now lifeless black screen.

"I need to eat less nachos before I go to bed..." said Max, wiping sweat from his brow.