"...And in today's wacky news, the annual cheese rolling festival of Dutchlandersland got underway today, in which contestants roll a wheel of cheese down a hill and try to outrun it. While the sport may sound silly here, it's taken quite seriously across the pond, and has been known to be quite dangerous..."
This is what Max Walker woke to the next day. He was reminded once again that he didn't enter bizarro world last night... in fact, he'd already been in it all his life.
"Hey, dude, get up it's like 3 in the afternoon!", Robert called. "We're not in Summer School anymore, man! If you're gonna skip class, skip it in style!"
Max got up in a grumpy mess. "nnnd what exictlyrrrr you doin today?"
"I dunno, thought maybe we'd go call up Jennifer or something and go to the skate park..."
Max shook his head. "We're in college now, we gotta do college stuff."
"But I thought-"
Max waved Robert to pause his statement for a moment as his eyes turned to the TV. There was a picture of Mrs. Keene on the news.
"...was found near Jefferson City this morning by a passing motorist. Police believe she swerved off the road and hit a tree, but strangely enough they cannot understand why..."
"At first we thought maybe she was on her phone or something, until we checked the car itself. It was completely devoid of any distractions at all. One thing's for sure, this woman was a safety nut. Why did she crash? I dunno, maybe it's a sign of some sort..."
Max and Robert stared at the screen in disbelief. "Dude, WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!"
Robert began pacing about the room... "We're gonna get tied up in this, I know it... We got a TV off of her for free, she shows up dead the next day... ...This is serious shit!"
Max nodded. "I know... we need to get out of here," he said, looking at the Television.
Robert stopped him. "Wait... why did she do it? Maybe it was a suicide. I mean she felt bad about her son..."
Max shook his head. "That wouldn't make sense. She just wanted to be rid of the TV. I think we have much bigger problems than police right now... someone must have hunted her down, and they're gonna come for us next!"
Robert stood there for a minute looking at him. "Well, what do we do?"
Max looked over at the Television... "We do the same thing her son did."
Robert stared blankly at Max. "Uh...?"
Max explained himself. "Robert, last night I tuned that in to channel zero, and it made some sort of metal wormhole. I think Kevin went through that hole, and we can too." He said this in a completely serious tone.
Robert's expression did not change. "I'm going to pretend you said "Let's go to Mexico, where we can escape jurisdiction and drown our sorrows in tequila", or maybe "let's go to Switzerland, they play dumb about this stuff, right?", not "Let's get in the magic mystery TV and go to make-believe land where Mr. Rogers and the trolley still live!"
Max got angry. "And I suppose getting in a bomb shelter for a few years is a lot more realistic? Or maybe we'll live at the center of the Earth with the mole men? Oh, no wait... WE'LL GO TO YOUR MOON BASE! OF COURSE!"
Robert was hurt. "Actually, I was gonna suggest we stow onto a train and go to Canada. We could easily start over there. But if this is what you think of my escape, that jumping into a portal you PROBABLY DREAMED UP is much better, then go right ahead. It was nice knowing you, Max."
And with that, Robert left the dorm.
Max sat down in front of the TV and sighed. He turned it on to Channel Zero, and waited to see what would happen. The screen began to glow... light up... then, it all happened again! The tunnel formed! There was the sleek metal surface of a steel pipe in the screen. Max grinned widely. "I knew I wasn't just seeing things!" and he continued to stare at the tunnel for a little bit... until his joy was interrupted by a blood curdling scream.
"MAX! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"
There were several heavy footsteps approaching the dorm... Max took a minute to think things over, then without any more hesitation, he quickly climbed into the set. There was a panel on the inside of the pipe, for controlling the way back... Max kicked at it several times until the panel came off, and the controls were destroyed. The view of the dorm disappeared behind him, replaced with a cold gray wall.
Max laid there in the pipe, complete silence and darkness around him. All he could hear was his own heavy breathing.
"There... I'm safe... sorta..." he said as he remembered exactly what this place was. "Well, I guess there's a slight chance I can face this girl's boyfriend and make it out alive... well, here goes..."
Max crawled out of the pipe, into the dark chamber. Once again, he proceeded to hit his head on just about every pipe down there before stumbling his way over to the beam of light. Semi-luckily enough, someone was in the bathroom upstairs. This time, it wasn't the girl.
"Hey, up there! Hey! Down here!"
"What the hell? It IS talking!"
Max hung his head. "It's not the toilet, it's me! A person! You know, in the big creepy chamber under your can?"
The voice shot out, in a clearly Brooklyn accent, "How'd ya get down there anyway?"
Max paused for a moment, thinking "Are you serious?" and just said "Long story!"
The man rang back "Well, don't worry, I'll go get my brother and we'll have you out of there in no time!" Sure enough, within five minutes, The brothers were back at the manhole cover in the bathroom, prying it off and sending down a rope ladder. "Here, grab this!" Max grabbed this ladder, and hoisted himself up.
"There ya go! You alright?"
Max nodded and looked up at the two friendly (and seemingly very understanding) men. "Yeah... yeah, I just..." Max looked at the two short men with very thick, curved mustaches. Behind them was a girl in a pink jogging suit, whose face and blond hair looked familiar... especially with that crown on top...
"Wh... wh... What'd you say you guys' names were?"
The men looked at each other, then at Max. "Well, my name is Mario Antonio Belducci Mario, and this is my brother, Luigi Mario Raphael Mario. But most people just call us the Mario Brothers."