A large Federation cruiser was entering the orbit of Gaia. Before making an approach on the surface, it docked at GF station #32.

"Good morning, gentlemen.", said the faceless captain of the ship via a security wire.

"You're back early, captain.", rang the soldier at the checkpoint. "What are we bringing to Gaia today?"

The captain coughed a little. "327 trainees, 30 pounds of light rations, and a cabinet of 23 light arms, which I'd like to deliver as soon as possible if you don't mind."

"Of course, of course. I'll wave you through then. Move along."

Inside the cruiser, a thin but large dragon sat in a chair, resting with his hands and feet, much like a four-legged animal. The calm, cool look on his face held a slight smirk, as he cackled at the incompetence of the guard, and the federation's failure to tighten security when they learned he was coming.

"Thank you, Captain Rogers, for your cooperation", Ridley spoke to the bloody corpse on the floor in front of him. "Your superiors will hear of this."

The craft continued, unhindered, towards the Hyrule continent.

"Uuuuuuu! Uuuuu!"

"What? Oh, not again..."

This is what Max Walker saw as he returned to camp: Link running around in mad panic, and Princess Zelda trying to calm him down. "I told you not to eat so fast! Just hold still and sit down, would you?", said Zelda as she held a pair of tongs.

"Did he just..."

"Swallow his tongue?" Zelda spoke. "Yeah. This isn't the first time either..."

"UUuuuugh! !", cried Link. His heart was in the right place, but he wasn't terribly sharp.

"Hey, uh Zelda, how did you and Link... you know... hitch up?" asked Max, sitting down nearby.

Zelda's expression became grim. "Well… I uh… I guess you already know my backstory. My brother's wizard cast me into a deep sleep… I don't even know how long ago it was… When I woke up, everyone I knew and loved was long gone. I was so scared, surrounded by people and places I did not recognize… but Link spoke to me… told me everything was going to be okay. He promised to take good care of me, and I've been here ever since. He really is a sweet person... he's just a little nutty."

"So, you date Link because you rely on him?" Max was a bit confused.

"Oh, dear god no! That happened after I got to know him. Things started off pretty much mutual. We both needed comfort. After that, well... first it was a little awkward... but then we let it go and just kissed... It's a strange thing, how it works... why do you ask?"

Max stopped to let Zelda realign Link's tongue, after which the green hero cut in. "Did something happen between you and Turtle?"

Max sighed. "This doesn't help me... I'll find out when... what's that rumbling?"

Max, Link, and several workers came outside to see a large Federation spacecraft blotting out the sun. "Is that a fed ship? It's landing right on top of us!"

Diggers and soldiers scrambled out of the way of the spacecraft as it flattened tents and kicked up dust and dirt everywhere. The Palace site was unharmed, but Link was furious.

"Hey, what's the big idea? Do you know how much money in resources that costs? Get out here and talk to me! I'll make sure Princess Zelda hears about this!" Zelda appeared from over the hill. "The OTHER Princess Zelda!"

Just as Link asked, the door opened and its commander stepped out.

"...Oh... hehehe... it's you... ...oh shit..." Ridley smacked Link hard, flinging him far away over the dunes with a trailing scream.

"Now hear this! This place belongs to me now! All of your artifacts, your gold, your ancient information, it's all going into the "Pay Ridley or he'll toast you alive" fund!" Ridley sneered.

Max suddenly got very ballsy and stepped up in front of Ridley. "How about this? I'm gonna break that thing on the back of your skull if you don't get out of here now!"

Ridley looked down in front of him for a few minutes, with an honestly confused look on his face. "Huh? Um... who are you, and why are you talking down to me? I could flick you just like I did Link."

"The name's Max Walker, and I'm gonna kick your ass!"

"You tell em, Captain N!" shouted Zelda.

Ridley's eyes grew wide. "Say what? Holy shit they filled Kevin's sneakers, eh? Tell ya what, kid you got a big mouth. I like that... Ooohh, maybe I'm gonna die today..."

"You got that right, you purple palette swap of Puff the Magic Dragon!"

"We'll find out after we see how well you can shoot.", Ridley responded.

Max stopped talking for a bit, and stood there a bit puzzled. "Shoot?"

"What, you were gonna punch me to death? Come on, where's the Zapper? Oh tell me they at least gave you the belt... They did didn't they?"

Max suddenly felt very small. "Um... ...no..."

Ridley snickered to himself when he heard this. Then, his snicker turned into a giggle. Then finally, he just rolled onto his back, belly up, unable to control his laughter. "You... you aren't ARMED? What kind of a joke is this?"

Max thought he saw an opportunity to strike, and went for it. He completely underestimated Ridley, who slapped him up the head with his tail. Max hit a stone wall hard. "I DEMAND TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY! Who thought this was funny? Am I not intimidating you enough? Do I need to start killing more people? Yeah, maybe that's it... Big BAD RIDLEY IS GONNA START TAKING LIVES... STARTING WITH YOUR LITTLE JOKE HERE!"

Ridley charged Max, jaws wide open and flames shooting up his throat. Max couldn't get out of the way in time, and could only watch as the lizard got closer... until an orange blur shot out of nowhere, followed by several blue afterimages, and slammed into Ridley hard, sending him in a complete 90 degree turn. Max got up to see what had happened, and there before him, clad head to toe in orange, red, and yellow armor, with several green lights all about it, stood the space warrior herself.

"Everyone move!", shouted Samus. "This is gonna get nas-ah!" She was flipped into the air by Ridley and flung over by Max. She landed hard, sand flying up as she rolled a few times and slammed against a wall. Max watched, wondering if she was okay.

"Max…" Samus spoke, her angry-looking green visor turning to face him. "…I need you to do something for me."

"Sure, anything..." said Max, who didn't bother asking how she knew his name.

"I need you to get out of here..."

"No way! I can't just leave this job!"

"Max, get out of here! I'll hold Ridley off... but I need you to take my ship and go. Slide this card over the red strip on the dashboard, access the main screen, go to "Samus's chart", "coordinates", and pick #336. She'll take care of the rest."

Max took the card from her hand. "What's at #336?"

Samus ushered him along. "Don't ask me, just go! Please!"

Max reluctantly scrambled towards her ship and did exactly as she said. Within minutes, the craft took off safely while Samus kept Ridley pinned.