AN: To all my lovely readers; thank you for sticking with me I had a bad case of writers' block. I am so touched, so many people have added my story to their favorites, or added me as a fave author. *sniffle * I'm so happy. I have a treat for all my beloved followers, I'll give you a choice: Chapter 9 can be a nice, fluff break from all this horrible angst, or my major plot filled chapter first. You can tell me if you have a preference by responding or sending me a message. I figured my readers might like some Tabris/Alistair fluff, per-maybe-haps even some Zevran/Shianni fluff.

my two cents on Shianni, she's like a puppy that's been abused too often. She bites before she can get hurt again. She loves her family, and is fiercely protective, she sees humans as a threat to them all, and will stop at nothing to keep them safe. Lets not forget she was brutally raped and beaten by Vaughn, heir to the Arl, she's not going to be happy that her cousin is carrying the bastard heir to the throne, no matter how awesome Alistair is. Also, she doesn't even know our favorite ex-templar, and she's also kind of a hot head.

Also, my take on Zev & Shianni: I feel Zev and Shi are a good match together, I think he would really be drawn to a strong, rash, fiery woman like her. And after playing my CE play through and romancing Zev for a change I believe he would fall in love with her (Shianni). Zev has a great depth to his character, and it really shows through. Especially after playing Darkspawn chronicles, I believe more than ever these two belong together, just as much as Alistair and Tabris.

Enjoy!

Ch 8: Don't hate me

Kallian left her house, bag slug over her shoulder. She had such hopes when she came home, but it was evident she wasn't welcome anymore. She refused to cause her family any more pain than she already had. She let out a sharp whistle, and her faithful hound came trotting beside her. She patted his head, "come on boy, we're not welcome here anymore." The mabri let out a low whine, and then followed his mistress.

Kallian quickened her pace through the Alienage; she had the uneasy feeling that someone was watching her. As she neared the gates, a familiar voice stopped her in her tracks. "Leaving again?"

She turned to face the owner of the voice. "Soris.. I…" She closed her mouth again, what could she say? She was in fact, leaving. She swallowed hard, gathering what was left of her courage. "Soris, I have to. It was a mistake to come home, to think that I could be readily accepted again. I should have stayed away. Perhaps it would have been better for all of you if I died battling the blight."

She turned to leave, but Soris stopped her putting his hand on her arm. "Kali wait!" He sighed, and shook his head. Did she really think that? They would be happier if she had died? "Please Kali.. Don't leave like this. We can talk about it. You shouldn't be pushing yourself so hard. Think of the twins. "

Kallian's face softened, "I am thinking of them Soris. What would happen to them, if I stayed here? You think they wouldn't hear the whispers behind their back? Can you tell me that Shianni would ever accept them? Or would she just shun them because their father is human? What about you or Valora? Could you ever just see them as my children, and your family?"

Soris looked down, he averted Kallian's eyes. "I.." He closed his mouth, and sighed. "I would never hurt you like that cousin. I could never see your children as anything less." His voice was quiet, sad. He felt so helpless.

She sighed, "Alistair is a good man. Did you know Alistair went ballistic when he found out about the slave trading? He refused to stop until we found proof of Loghain's dirty dealings with the imperium. Even now he's pushing new for new laws, to improve our way of life. He is an honorable man, and he loves me. I am going to help him any way I can, I love him Soris."

Soris flushed slightly, he hadn't heard all that never spoke to the other warden, just saw him once. Perhaps he had judged him too harshly. He looked at her with sad eyes. "Oh Kali, why does it have to be this way?"

Kallian pulled something folded out of her bag, and handed it to her cousin. "Please Soris, give this to my father. And tell Zev to take care of Shianni. She deserves the best." She slung her bag back over her shoulder, and then continued. "I wish it was different Soris, I really do. If you need me, find my friend Wynne. Zev will know how to find her." She embraced him one last time. "I love you Soris."

He held her close, like he might not see her again. "I love you too, cousin. Take care of yourself."

They parted, and Kallian once more walked out of his life, her mabri hound following at her heels.

Nearby, a small-cloaked figure watched the exchange. Keeping distance, she listened in the shadows, and sadly shook her head. She turned to follow the young elven woman, but was stopped abruptly. "You should be more careful old friend." The blonde elf purred in a thick accent.

The cloaked woman turned, "my dear Zevran. How did you know I was here?" She pulled off her hood, freeing her scarlet locks.

"My dear Leliana, I did not train for years to let my skills go to waste." He said with a wink. "It is always a delight to see you my friend, but it is not safe for you here. Humans are rarely welcome in the Alienage."

"I know Zev, that's why I stayed in the shadows. I was worried about Kallian. I know Alistair came to see her a few days ago, and I wanted to check up with her. When I saw her leaving, I laid low." Her eyebrows furrowed with concern. "What happened Zev?"

Zevran shook his head sadly, "It is a long story, and one I cannot get into now. I'm sure Kallian will share it with you if you catch up with her." He shook his head, and sighed. "Please, take care of her Lei."

She nodded, "You know I will Zev, if you need anything you know how to find me." She pulled her hood back up, and slipped back in the shadows, following her sister.

Kallian kept to the back alleys, as she made her way by the chantry. She was taking no chances this time. She kept her hood up as she passed the templars, and entered the sanctuary.

She ignored the sideways glances, stopping at the nearby pew in the front. She knelt down, and whispered a fervent prayer, before sitting down. 'Maker… why did it have to be so difficult?' She hid her face in her hands and cried bitterly. 'Couldn't it just be simple once? Or at least simpler?' It would have been better on everyone if she just hadn't come back home at all. If she had died trying to free Shianni from Vaughn, or if she had taken Alistair's advice, and they had left together. Why did she have to be cursed because of an accident of her birth?

She was so lost in her thoughts; she hadn't even realized the Revered Mother standing in front of her. The woman took a seat next to her, and offered a kerchief to dry her tears. "Now, my child. Would you care to talk about it?"

Kallian studied the woman next to her. She had a very kind face, light gray eyes that were filled with concern. Her graying hair was pulled in two tight buns; she had a mother vibe coming from her. Kallian took the offered kerchief, and dried her eyes. Something about her was so warm and inviting. Kallian felt she could trust her, like she genuinely wanted to help.

Eamon headed to the king's study with a heavy mind. Alistair had been quite insistent about talking to him, and there had been a definite change in the boy the last few days. Eamon couldn't shake the nervous feeling as he entered the room. "Alistair? You wanted to see me?"

Alistair rose from his desk, putting his papers in a stack as he did. "Yes Eamon, please come in." He took a deep breath, and gestured for his old foster father to sit. This wasn't going to be easy, but he needed answers. "Eamon… do you trust me?"

Eamon was taken back, "What do you mean, Alistair? Why wouldn't I trust you?"

The young king shook his head, faced the man in front of him, as he leaned on the desk for support. "I mean do you trust me to do the job you called me to? You wanted me to be king, but you tiptoe around me like I can't handle it, or my own choices."

The old Arl was at a loss for words, "I'm not sure I understand, my boy…" Alistair cut him off before he could make excuses.

"Don't Eamon! I know what you did. I'm talking about Kallian. How dare you cast her aside, and then lie to me!" Alistair turned away from his former foster father, afraid he might do him harm.

Eamon was visibly rattled, but he sighed and continued. "What I have done, I did it for you son. They would never accept an elf at your side; you would have been ostracized for it. I thought it would be better if she went on her way, you might be able to marry someone else. Someone suitable."

Alistair clenched his fists, he was so angry he was shaking with rage. "How dare you! You did not do this for me, you did it for you and the rest of the self serving noble class!"

"I stand by what I did Alistair… we need an heir of the Theirin line…"

Alistair glared at the old man in front of him. He was getting sick and tired of that excuse. "I am the bastard son of a maid and an indiscreet king, what do I care what your fellow nobles think? You didn't, you married Isolde for love. Why can't I marry for the same reason?" He stopped for a moment, unsure if he should reveal more at that precise moment.

"Alistair… I.." Alistair cut him off, "I don't even know if I can trust you anymore, Eamon. Maybe it's time you thought about going back to Redcliffe, I'll find another advisor." He got up, and grabbed his stack of papers. "I need to see to some other matters," he started to leave, and then turned back. "Just don't be so sure there isn't an heir of the Theirin line." With that the king turned and left the Arl alone with his thoughts.

Kallian was still unsure about many things, but felt better after talking to the Revered Mother. The woman had reminded her somewhat of Wynne in many ways, a sympathetic ear, a kind heart, and a wise mind. She had thanked the woman for her kindness, and pressed five gold sovereigns in her hand. Kallian had to insist she take it, and call it a tithe. The Revered Mother blessed her, and left to her other duties.

Kallian was gathering her thoughts when she felt someone come up behind her. She took a deep breath before she spoke. "Lei, some how I knew I'd find you here." She stood and embraced the bard.

Leliana cocked an eyebrow, "You were looking for me?" She studied her friend's face. It had been streaked with tears, dark circles were forming under her eyes, and it saddened the bard to see her friend like this.

"At first I thought I might find you here, then I remembered what you said about the Lothering Chantry. I thought, if you found answers there, perhaps I could find some here."

"Kali…" She stopped, her eyes filled with worry. "You shouldn't push yourself so. It's not good for either of you."

Kallian sighed, she knew Leliana was right; it was as if she had to fight against her nature. "I know Lei." She slung her bag over her shoulder, and snapped her fingers. Scout stood at her side, ready to leave. "We should talk, but not here. I rented a room in the city, it's not far." She offered her hand to the bard. She took one last look at the chapel, before leaving with her friend.

Leliana wrinkled her nose when they finally reached their destination. Kallian was staying here? Alistair would have a fit if he knew where she was. "Kali, why here, of all places?"

Kallian smirked, "Why not here? No one will look here, right now that's good enough for me." She said as they ducked inside. "Thank you Leli, I'm glad you're here. I know I owe you an explanation.." She looked around, and then continued. "Not here, please follow me." She led the way to a small, dusty room in the back.

Zevran had slowed his pace through the Alienage he had come to know as home. When had he come to see it as such? He no longer knew, it seemed less bright with out Kallian around. His heart felt torn, on one hand he felt like he'd betrayed her by not following. He owed her more than that. She had saved his life more than once, accepted him, and taught him the meaning of friendship. Her whole family had welcomed him with open arms, after spending time with them, he could see where Kallian got her generous nature.

On the other hand, he couldn't just leave the only woman that had brightened his life since Rinna… Shianni had touched a part of him he thought was closed forever. On the other hand… Kallian had told him to take care of Shianni…. Not that she needed to be taken care of, she was quite capable; and had proved that during their sparing matches.

He shook his head, he had been avoiding speaking with the rest of her family. They would expect him to know where Kallian went. He had a good idea… and even if he didn't, he could find her easily, it was just such a complicated situation. Perhaps it would have been much better for them if they had left together after the blight, and gone where it didn't matter that he was a bastard prince, and she wasn't human.

Zevran sighed as he came to a stop. He nimbly climbed and jumped to the top of the ledge. Here was a place he often came to think, it was the most beautiful spot in the Alienage, the only place flowers naturally grew. It was the most peaceful place in the whole city.

The antivian nearly jumped when he realized he wasn't alone. Shianni was huddled near the edge, her shoulders slumped, and her face hidden in her hands. She shook with each ragged breath, and choked sob. He stowed his daggers, and approached his beloved.

Zev knelt behind her, and reflexively put his hands on her shoulders. "Il mio cuore cara, quanto è afflitto sei così ?" Shianni turned and tightened the embrace, "Oh Zev…"

AN: Never fear, I'm not done with Eamon yet, not by a long shot. He really bugged me in my play through, and he must suffer! *mutter, grumble * racist pig-man… *gripe, grumble, gripe * As much as I hated Isolde, and I do, I'm beginning to understand her, Eamon not so much. He banished Ali to the stables because he couldn't stand up to his wife, then mailed him off to the chantry. Tsk tsk tsk, dear Eamon. Is that how you tribute you dead friend? Alistair would have been better off being raised by the Couslands, Teagan, or even Loghain. *stops, and raises her eyebrows * Hmmm….. Loghain raising Alistair? Oooh, this gives me an idea….. *cackles *

Anyhoo, I do have the fleshed out outline for the next 10 chapters or so. And a surprise coming up for all my devoted readers!