"Alliance of the Golden Witch"

And they shatter, as the two added to the table make it break

It was then that Battler had secured Ange and plopped her onto his lap.

"Saint Lucia Academy!" he proclaimed, raising a fist in the air. "A harsh boarding school for orphans and parents who don't give a shit about their daughters' mental welfare!"

"Why does any of this matter?" Beatrice asked, taking another drink from the wine bottle. "This is all just a shitty flashback."

"Objection!" Bernkastel shrieked. "It is not. I finally get a good part."

Lambdadelta clapped her hands. "Ignore them and continue, Battler."

"Ange, do you like fairy tales?" Battler asked the small girl.

Ange fiddled with the key around her neck and thought for a moment. "Yeah!"

"Then you'll be Gretel! Cool, okay so badass adult Ange comes and—"

"You mean like Hansel and Gretel?" little Ange inquired.

"Yeah, so—"

"But I don't like Hansel and Gretel, Battler!" she exclaimed, turning around to face him. "It's too scary and sad. I actually like Cinderella a lot!"

Bern sniggered while she discreetly eyed the table around her for champagne.

"But no one dies in Cinderella, Ange. Except for the mom, but my ma's been dead for years—"

Ange gaped at him. "People die in this story? This is a bad story, Battler!"

"You're a frilly blonde princess, Battler," Bernkastel said. "A princess forced to work in the dungeon. But then you go off and marry a handsome prince in the end, so it's all good."

"Fuck you, Bern," Battler scowled. "Go drink yourself into a coma."

Ange frowned.

While all of the fuss was going on, one Jessica Ushiromiya was sitting in a deserted corner of the ballroom and typing on her laptop. She sang along softly with the tune that was drifting out of the tinny speakers: "One, two, good morning~."

Click-click-click, went her keys.

"Hating, loving, hating, ah ah ah. Who are you? Who ar—"

"Why, you must be mistaking me for someone else, Miss Jessica. I am Ronove, the same as always."

Jessica let out a shriek of surprise and abruptly shut off the music before the chorus came to her belting out her love for Ronove.

"What the hell are you doing here all of a sudden?" Jessica snapped, clutching at her chest and glaring at the theatre assistant sitting across from her and sipping champagne.

"Miss Beatrice seems to be on the verge of incoherency. There would be nothing of value happening if I stayed to listen to her story."

Jessica frowned. "Aren't you her assistant?"

"That I am. Unfortunately, there seems to be nothing I can do for her at this point, unless she wants me to hold back her hair while she is vomiting up all of that alcohol."

Jessica curled her lip in disgust. "Well, don't bother me."

"Oh, yes. I apologize," Ronove said, adjusting his monocle, "for interrupting your rousing chorus of...what exactly where you singing?"

Jessica blushed. She wasn't much of a singer. In her opinion, at least. She'd sang at her school festival a few years back, and gotten quite a lot compliments, but she knew she needed more practice if she wanted to be considered "good."

"An IOSYS song."

"IOSYS?"

"Look it up online if you're so damn curious!" she snapped, turning her attention back to her computer.

"Well, well. Aren't we temperamental?"

"On the plus side, Kinzo is actually already dead!"

"It's a farce! A faaaaaarce!"

"Because Natsuhi is actually a necrophiliac."

"What's that, Battler?"

Both Beatrice and Battler fell silent.

"Nothing important."

"If this story is about me, I should know!"

"Ange, what's your favorite color?" Battler asked, patting her on the head.

"Blue. Why?"

"Blue text!" Battler shouted, raising his fists skyward. "And the badass adult Ange proclaimed, 'Let my brother play a fair game! Allow his use of blue text to support this theories!'"

Ange's eyes glowed at this newest revelation. "Ooo, ooo, what did I do next?"

Beatrice waggled her fingers. "Maria's ghoooost came back to say hello."

"A ghost? Where?"

"In her diary!"

Ange frowned. "Like in Harry Potter?" She thought that over for a moment, and then said, "but that didn't end well at all! Battler, are you going to kill me off?"

"Of course not—"

"You're too delicious of a hamburger to kill off, Ange," Bernkastel said, swaying. "With all of the condiments and such."

"Bern, shut up—"

Bernkastel's eyes lit up, and she looked at something far away. "Oh, that sounds good. I want a hamburger now. Lambda, do they have hamburgers here?"

"Likely not. This is a wedding."

Bernkastel, however, would not take no for an answer, and proceeded to drag the pink actress off by the chain of the handcuffs in the direction of the kitchen.

"Ugh, just-just take a zugzwang!" Lambdadelta called out, slowly getting dragged out of the circle. "Wait until we get back—"

"Distractions!" Beactrice cheered. "Let me tell a heart-warming tale about the friendship of Ange and Maria and my assistants and I—"

"I thought we agreed never to speak about that," sniggered the girl by the stage name of Mammon.

"Mammon!" Ange cried, and the older girl flashed her a toothy grin.

"How've you been, sweetie?"

Ange squealed in joy and jumped off of Battler's lap, running to the other girl.

Battler glared at Beatrice.

"What?"

"Stop making my sister into mince-meat!"

"That was Bern!" Beatrice said defiantly, shaking the wine bottle in his face. "Bern was the one who called her a hamburger. Personally I think she'd taste terrible."

"Don't think about how my sister tastes!"

The two had, unfortunately, forgotten the presence of Erika and Dlanor a few feet away.

Dlanor had done her best to help Erika clean off, but the blue-haired girl was still covered in frosting and champagne. She didn't seem to mind though.

"I bet Ange tastes like Battler, but with a fruity streak," Erika said, who was eating a pastry out of her own hair.

"How would you know what Mr. Battler tastes LIKE?"

"Summer three years ago. It was humid, the theatre house had no air conditioning, and we got locked in a room overnight." Erika looked as though she was recalling a very fond memory, and shuddered with a pleased look on her face.

"I do not think that is the most appropriate tale for Mr. Battler's WEDDING."

"As opposed to a tale about everyone in this hall dying a horrible death?"

"You tasted terrible!" Battler exclaimed all of a sudden. "Way too much fucking hairspray."

Erika gasped. "I taste like blueberries on a mid-summer night's eve in the valley of sweet—"

"Burgers. I have burgers, guys."

The four looked up to see Bernkastel coming back to the table with a silver tray. It was stacked high with many tiny hamburgers.

"Where'd you manage to get burgers?" Erika asked skeptically.

"Oh, they were on the kid's menu from the wedding across the hall. Stole 'em while the cooks were distracted."

Lambda said nothing, but took one from Bernkastel's tray and started munching.

"Do burgers sober people up?" she inquired.

"They do NOT. I have had questions like this asked many time while on the police FORCE. Only time can make one SOBER."

"Then-then just continue with the damn story. Bern, eat your burgers."

"Mama, where's Sakutarou?"

"Most likely at his house, Maria."

"Why couldn't he come?"

Rosa rubbed her forehead. "Because."

"Because why?"

"Because he's not family. And he's not a family friend either."

"But Miss Beatrice got to invite all of her friends over."

"Yes, but this is Beatrice's wedding."

"Maria wants Sakutarou over!"

"Sakutarou is not coming to the wedding, Maria!"

By then, Mammon had wandered over with Ange in tote.

"Oi, Maria. C'mon, stop bothering your mama."

She held out her hand, and Maria grabbed it eagerly.

"Uu~, Mammon, do you know who Sakutarou is?"

"Oh, no. Tell me?"

As the three girls headed off, Rosa buried her head in her hands.

Since she was nine-years-old, Maria had been close with a neighbor boy. Apparently his name was actually Sakura, but Maria thought it too girly and promptly renamed him herself.

The two were inseparable. So of course she wanted him to come to the wedding. Chances are if she asked Beatrice, she would have let her (she had a huge soft spot for the little aspiring actress), but Rosa would have been embarrassed either way.

For the boy constantly wore a lion costume. Everywhere. Maria said that he had multiple copies of the same outfit, but Rosa didn't know for sure.

"And then gramps denounced all of the adults and was all 'sic 'em, Siestas!'"

"Yeah, yeah," Lambdadelta said, snagging another burger from Bern's tray. "Who died?"

"All the adults except Kyrie, Krauss, and Nanjo, mmm-hmmm," Beatrice said. "Can I have a burger?"

"No!" Bernkastel snapped, shielding her tray. "And this story sucks goats. You guys totally skipped me when I was talking to badass adult Ange."

Lambda chuckled. "What did you say, Bern?"

"S-She was gonna jump off of the roof. I stopped her 'cause I'm good like that."

"How?" Battler asked.

"I'm the witch of miracles, bitch!" Bern pumped a fist in the air, and Erika followed suit.

"What about me, Mistress?"

"You're not a witch."

"Why not?"

"Because you suck."

Erika frowned, but Lambda waved away her concerns.

"Don't mind her. You know she's drunk out of her skull."

Beatrice huffed. "Well, Battler~"

"What?" he asked, in the process of snatching a burger from the tray.

"Have you not realized your sin?"

"My sin?"

"Let's have Gaap and George fight to the death, Beato!" Bern suddenly yelled. "Oh God, that would be awesome!"

"Right!" Beatrice agreed, totally forgetting about her husband's supposed sin. "Lots of portals. And kicking. Kicking through portals?"

"And knuckles."

"But knuckles are Jessica's thing."

"Then Jessica fights Ronove to the death."

Bern shuddered much like Erika had earlier. "This is fucking awesome. It's like that summer three years ago when we all—"

"Hey, that's not child-friendly," Mammon said, popping up behind Bern. She deposited Ange on Battler's lap once more, and took a seat at the table with Maria following behind her. "Oh, hey. Burgers. Lemme have one."

"You'll just eat the whole tray, fatty," Bern snarked, jerking the tray away from Mammon's grasp.

Mammon shrugged. "I'm not Belz, at least. She'd eat the tray, too."

"Okay, okay!" Beatrice screeched. "We need to start this story over again!"

Ange frowned again. "What about me?"

"You turned into burger and died," said Bernkastel.

"That's mean, Bernie."

"You were delicious. I regret nothing."

Lambdadelta sighed. "If you're going to start the story over again, then just do it."

WOW SO UM. This chapter sucked. and had too much dialogue. I ran out of funny. I blame my dislike of Alliance. Well, um. I swear that scene with Jessica will lead up to something. And George and Gaap will meet up in time. Also an interlude with End, next. I SWEAR END WILL BE FUNNY (because Erika).