"Alright, class, listen up!" Professor Schuester called for their attention at the front of the classroom. "Everyone, could you please take your seats and possibly help your parents find a seat as well?"
Kurt looked around quickly for a place in the classroom to park his father and stepmother. Fortunately, his stepbrother had it all figured out.
"Kurt!" Finn called from the back of the room. "I found Mom and Burt a place to sit!" Kurt grabbed his father's hand (the one that was not currently clasped around Carol's hand) and led his parents to where Finn was waving. Finn gestured to the two seats available next to two older gentlemen.
"Mom, Burt, Kurt, these are Doctor and Auror Berry, Rachel's dads." The rest of the Hudson-Hummel clan beamed at the two men.
"It's so nice to meet you. We've heard nothing but wonderful things from Rachel. She's such a lovely girl," Carol gushed.
"Thank you so much and please, no Doctor Berry. I'm Leroy and this is Hiram."
Burt shook hands with the two men, "Burt Hummel and this is Carol and my son, Kurt."
The taller man smiled at Kurt, "Nice to meet you Kurt, we've heard so much about you. Rachel says you have a lot in common."
Kurt laughed, "A little too much in common."
Their exchange was cut off by the sound of a shrill whistle. Wincing, Kurt and Finn turned toward the front of the room where Professor Sylvester was glaring.
"Porcelain, Frankenteen, sit down now before I remove your right buttocks."
They scrambled to find seats and, as they were the last ones, couldn't find any. Finn rushed to sit on the floor next to Sam Evans and Kurt, who cared about his pants too much to do the same, opted to sit on the windowsill.
"Alright, now that we are all settled, I'd like to welcome all the parents to the Defense Studies classroom. If you don't recognize the name of the class, don't worry. It's a new creation that Professor Sylvester and I have come up with."
Kurt nodded along, hearing this explanation far too many times already.
"Sue and I combine Defense Against the Dark Arts and History of Magic for a more comprehensive approach to learning both subjects. First, I teach them a lesson on the history of magical conflicts and innovation and then—"
"—I teach these mouth breathers how to actually fight for their pathetic lives." Kurt dropped his face into his hands. How many parents were going to file complaints about Sue after this Open School Day, he wondered.
"Right, so, kids. Today is a special day and since your parents are here, we decided to change it up a bit. Who can tell me what we've been discussing in class?"
Rachel's hand shot up in the air. "Yes, Rachel?"
"The Unforgivables, sir!"
"Correct. Now, Mercedes, can you tell me the three Unforgivables?"
"Cruciatus, Imperius, and Killing Curse, Professor."
"Excellent! Kurt, can you tell me why they are Unforgivable?"
Kurt sighed, "Do you mean why they are thought to be Unforgivable?" The rest of his classmates gasped. Schue looked a little shocked, while Sue looked intrigued.
"Explain, Porcelain."
He took in a deep breath, aware of the extra eyes of the parents around him. Oh, his dad was going to kill him, "Well, the spells cause pain, allow one person to completely control another, and kill people."
"That sounds pretty unforgivable, ladyface."
Kurt scowled at the nickname. The youngest Quidditch captain in a century and he was still Ladyface. "I just think that by calling them that, you stigmatize their use."
"That's the point, Kurt!" Rachel was loud in her outcry.
"Okay, think of these two situations. The first: a man places Imperio on a person to stop them from stabbing someone else. The second: a man casts Pertificulus totalus on a woman standing near a flight of stairs and she falls, breaks her neck, and dies. Only one used an Unforgivable and only one is a murderer. They just aren't the same person."
The room erupted in whispers and cries of awe. Stealing a glance at the two professors at the front of the room, Kurt was pleasantly surprised see both with looks of admiration on their faces.
"Excellent job, Ladyface. Ten points to the fifth years." Kurt beamed, Professor Sylvester never awarded points.
"Now that we reviewed the theory, lets get to the practice." More gasps erupted, Kurt contributing.
"Professor Schuester, are you crazy? We can't cast Unforgivables!" Quinn Fabray cried.
Schue smiled, "You can't, no. But Sue and I? Yes." He held up his hands to prevent anyone from replying. "Sue and I asked the Board of Magical Education if it was okay to show you guys the effects of the Imperio curse. They said because our school has such a good reputation and you guys are fifth years, it was okay as long as we had parental consent. Since your parents are here, we asked. Everyone gave permission, so if you'd like to try, get in line."
A moment passed and the room was still. Suddenly, Santana Lopez got out of her chair, "I'll do it."
The class watched, wide-eyed, as Schue cast the spell. Santana's mouth opened and the first few lines of "I'm a Little Teapot" came out.
Kurt couldn't help it, he laughed and applauded, causing the rest of the class to do the same.
"So, who's next?"
The class quickly got into line, eager to try. Brittany was made do a jig and Mercedes was forced to rub her stomach and head at the same time. Rachel was forced to rap and Finn had to do a handstand.
After Blaine Anderson did a lovely penguin impression, Puck stood in front of Professor Sylvester. Kurt winced, hoping his boyfriend didn't have to do anything stupid.
Sue waved her wand and waited. Puck just stood there, but, upon closer inspection, Kurt could see every muscle, from his feet to his jaw, tense in effort.
Professor Schuester explained, "Guys, Noah is trying to fight the spell. Not many people can, but those who can have a great sense of will."
After a few more seconds, Puck couldn't fight it anymore and he leaped on to the desk, just as Sue commanded him to. He looked pissed and disappointed, but the entire class cheered, laughing and chanting his name, "Puck! Puck! Puck!"
Puck was pissed. He was so close to fighting off the seductive voice in his head telling him to just do it, just jump on the desk. He heard the voice and ignored it, focusing on staying in place. And then, his concentration slipped and he was on the desk. Fuck.
Oh well, he thought, as he watched his boyfriend take center stage. Kurt sauntered to the middle of the classroom, in front of Professor Sylvester. Sue waved her wand again and Kurt stood there. After a beat, he began examining his fingernails.
The class waited with bated breath. Schue looked especially confused, "Sue? Don't you want to make him do anything?"
Sue looked furious, "I am, William. He is supposed to be doing a roundoff."
Kurt looked up from his nails, turned to the professors and tossed his head, "Nobody tells me what to do." He then turned around and strutted to the back of the classroom.
Puck was dumbstruck. No one said anything until Burt Hummel whistled, "That's my boy!"
The floodgates were opened and the class rushed to surround Kurt, cheering and screaming. Puck shook his head and grinned. For all his badassness, it was Kurt that was the head bitch in charge after all.