Oops – I forgot this the first time around. Disclaimer: no I am not Stephenie Meyer and I'm only doing this for fun. I promise.
Also, I would love to hear what you think of this story and my writing. Please leave a review, even if it's a quick one. Thanks!
Quil POV
Two years, four months, eighteen days, ten hours. That's how long it's been since I've seen Claire.
I spent the first week after she told me to go away sleeping outside her house, watching for the smallest sign of her and listening to her breathe through the night. I knew she had cried a lot but for the life of me I couldn't think what I had done to upset her so much. When she told me to go away the second time I felt like I couldn't breathe. Watching her walk away was the worst feeling I've ever experienced, and I've been through a lot of crap myself and vicariously through the rest of the pack's mind over the years.
I didn't phase human again for a month after that. I stayed out of sight in the forest watching her whenever I could. Embry, Brady and Todd all came and tried to talk sense into me, but there was no sense in the world anymore. I stopped functioning almost completely and I think it only took a few weeks for Embry to assume the Alpha role since I sure wasn't doing anything to deserve it. I didn't know how anymore. So I sat and watched and listened and stole precious time being near Claire and it was almost enough for a little while.
When that first month had passed Embry came and literally kicked my butt, trying to get some response. But I enjoyed the physical pain because it was different than the ache. So he did the only thing he could do and Alpha-ordered me back to the res. He walked with me the whole way. There was no way I was running away from my Claire. Every step was torture because it took me farther away from her and for the first time I honestly didn't know when or if I would see her again. Once Embry had me near my house he ordered me to phase human and go home and sleep. So I did. I didn't eat or drink, I just slept. Somewhere in there I think I was dragged into the bath and hosed down, I'm not sure. It didn't matter.
Then for a few days there was a parade of people who came to cheer me up or threaten me or anything they could think of to help me. I would have appreciated the effort if my life weren't worthless without Claire. Then I realized that this would keep happening; that I would continue to be a burden to everyone if I stayed in my room starving myself so I pretended to get better, pretended to care and get on with my life. Embry wasn't fooled but he didn't call me on it either because he understood that this wasn't just something I could get over in a few days. He's a good man.
So I spent a year, that first year of not seeing Claire once, living a half life. I put on a show for the necessary people but smoldered inside my own personal Hell all the while. Then I got bored. Have you ever wondered how to kill a shape-shifter if there isn't a vampire handy? I have. I couldn't drown – I tried that. Cliff diving onto rocks didn't work either, but once again the physical pain was a nice escape from the ache in my chest. But then I healed and Embry got smart and ordered me to not intentionally hurt myself anymore. I thought I got lucky when I stumbled upon a random roaming leech shortly after Claire's thirteenth birthday. I didn't have to intentionally hurt myself, but I didn't have to fight back either. Too bad Todd phased so he could run to his girlfriend's house across the res. He got to the leech before it could finish me off. And of course, I healed yet again.
It's really a shame that our ability to heal doesn't include replacing our heart once it's been ripped out by our imprint. But then again, I don't think I would want that pain to go away, because then it would mean Claire didn't matter, that she wasn't my world. And she is my world. She turned fourteen a few months ago. I still haven't been back to the Makah res but I long for her. And no, I'm still not a pedophile. I would be content to just watch her grow up, with no contact whatsoever, just so long as I could see that she is well and happy. Just to take part in her life in some small way, even if stolen, I would sell my soul. I guess shape shifters can't do that either.
I know everyone is still worried about me. I'm worried about myself. But no one has faced being rejected by their imprint before. The truth is we just don't know what the long term effects could be. Or at least, I am being forced to find out since I'm forbidden to just wander off into the forest and let myself die. So I guess I have to live a little while longer as their science experiment and just see what happens. All I know is that I'm not about to put in any extra effort. I will do the minimum: eat, sleep, breathe, patrol and attend the required social gatherings like birthdays and weddings. But that's it. I will not promise to be happy or smile or contribute in any way other than providing my presence since they demand it. But until I can see Claire again I just don't see the point in doing anything anymore.
. . .
It is Claire's fifteenth birthday today. That is how I mark my time since years just don't matter anymore. I still haven't gone to physically see her but I think she's okay. I only feel the normal ache in my chest, no other pain so I have to assume she is all right. Some days I feel like a failure because I am not there with her, protecting her. But she told me to leave and I have to obey.
I got off patrol and went home. I followed the usual routine: I showered and ate lunch and then crashed in front of the tv to not watch anything. At least I looked like a normal person when I did this. Just before dark Todd and Embry let themselves into my small house. I lived alone, having moved out of my parent's house when Claire was eight years old. I know mom worries about me but there's no way I'm moving back and subjecting them to my permanent bad mood. Todd slumped onto the couch with me and Embry switched off the tv and stood in front of me.
"Okay, time to get up big guy." Embry said.
"I did patrol this morning. I'm off now." I answered.
"Brady has it covered and I'm not talking about patrol. I know what day it is and I'm not going to let you wallow again. You are coming with us and we're going to do something to get your mind off it." Embry said. His voice was strong and authoritative. Being Alpha agreed with him.
"I don't feel like it." I said in a monotone.
"Yeah, but we do and you're coming dude." Todd said. "Besides, its Friday night and there will be something good going on somewhere in Port Angeles."
"Its Friday?" I asked. I honestly hadn't been paying attention to the days of the week. All that concerned me was the date today because it was important to Claire.
"Stand up. Go get your shoes and lets go. You might as well give in because otherwise we're just going to stay here and bother you all night." Embry said with the quirk of a half smile on his face. I knew he'd do it too, so I got up and did what he wanted. When I was ready they pushed me out the door and into Embry's car. He drove to the big city with a rock station blaring and yelling along with the lyrics when he felt so inspired. Todd joined in on the songs he knew and egged Embry on to drive faster. Their general good mood lightened my gloom a little and I have to admit that it was a nice distraction.
We ended up at a club where the guys forced a few drinks on me. Its too bad our fast metabolism makes it almost impossible to get drunk because it burns off the alcohol too fast – trust me, I've tried that too. But it wasn't too bad to just be there and hang out. The other two danced with some girls there but I just didn't have it in me. Girls weren't a distraction for me, they were a reminder. So I stuck to myself and my drink, often closing my eyes and letting the loud thumping music overwhelm my senses for a few moments of peace.
Around one a.m. I heard an argument nearby and opened my eyes from one of my music induced stupors. I saw a large man grab the upper arm of a blonde girl who looked annoyed.
"I'm going home. Let me go Wes." She said loud enough for him to hear over the music. I didn't have any problem hearing her.
"No. You're not going anywhere." He snarled angrily at her.
Now I might not be interested in any of the girls here, but I wasn't about to watch one be treated badly. What if it were Claire? I would want someone to step in and help her if I couldn't. With that thought the girl's features disappeared and were replaced by Claire's long silky dark hair and deep brown eyes. I don't remember closing the distance between us but I pushed the man away from her as she started to protest again.
"She said she wants to leave and you are going to let her." I growled at him.
"This isn't any of your business. Get out of here." The man reached out a muscled arm to push me away but I dodged, still keeping myself between him and the girl. I turned my back on him.
"It's okay. I'll keep him busy." I told her.
She smiled gratefully and ducked away into the crowd of people. Just as I was about to turn around a shower of glass cascaded around my shoulders. I turned to see the man holding the broken end of a beer bottle and staring at me with wide eyes. In an instant his face changed again and he swiped at my midsection with the jagged glass, tearing my shirt and probably some skin but I didn't pay attention.
"Do you want something?" I asked in a menacing voice.
"What are you?" he gaped at me.
I saw a small crowd staring at me with varying degrees of shock, concern, and fear. I looked down at myself and saw blood dripping from a wide gash in my stomach. I didn't feel anything. I was just trying to work it out when I realized I was being propelled out of the club. I was instantly outside and I looked to my sides to see Embry and Todd each holding one of my arms as they forcibly moved me. I tried to connect the image of their hands wrapped around my biceps with any physical sensation but there was nothing.
"Dude, what was that?" Todd asked.
"What were you thinking? You should have at least pretended to be hurt so people wouldn't think anything is strange." Embry lectured angrily as he pushed me toward his car. I only knew he was pushing me because I saw him do it and felt my body move without my order as I stumbled toward the car. Embry had it started by the time I sat down and he peeled out of the parking lot and sped down the road.
"Try not to get blood all over the car will you?" he hissed at me.
"Has it stopped bleeding yet?" Todd asked. I knew there was a bet going to see if my wolf super-powers were going to diminish the longer I was away from Claire. His question was curiosity as much as concern.
"I don't know." I mumbled and looked down, feeling at the wound with my fingers. No fresh blood came off on my fingers and my skin was slightly puckered under my sensitive fingertips as it healed. I felt strangely detached. I could have been touching anything at the moment because there was a disconnect from my own body going on. What in the name was happening to me?
"You okay?" Embry glanced at me with furrowed brows.
"I don't know." I repeated. I searched my brain for the last time anyone had touched me. I had been going through my life on autopilot for so long that I had no idea when I stopped feeling touch. When I patrolled my senses were heightened, but I didn't exactly go around running into things to feel something. It had been a while since I had experienced the pain of trying to hurt myself. I rarely saw family anymore and I couldn't think of the last time mom hugged me. I just kind of drifted through everything with no contact with anyone other than talking when I had to.
"I can't feel anything." I said.
"What? You mean it doesn't hurt because you healed already?" Embry tried to understand.
"No. I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel the cut. I couldn't feel your hands when you pulled me away. I don't feel any of it. I'm just numb." I explained.
"That's not possible." Embry said.
"Maybe you got messed up when the guy broke his bottle over your head." Todd suggested from the back seat.
"He broke his bottle?" I asked. Oh, that was the glass.
Embry's head snapped to look at me in shock. "You didn't know that? A hit like that would knock a normal person out. You should have at least registered that he hit you."
I shook my head. I didn't know what else to say. I stared back at Embry and was confused when his face changed to surprise and then annoyance.
"Stop it Todd. You've made your point." He turned his attention back to the road.
"What point?" I asked.
"I was just flicking your ear, Quil." Todd answered.
"We'll figure this out, man, don't worry." Embry said.
"How? I'm clearly broken." I snorted. "Not that I haven't been trying to convince you all of that for a few years now."
"We'll talk to the tribal council, to Sam, to everyone and see if anyone has any ideas what's going on." Embry said, all business now.
"Maybe this is just the side effect of my ruined imprint that you've all been waiting for." I pointed out. Embry had the decency to look embarrassed that I knew about the bet. Then a terrible thought struck me. What if the imprint was somehow broken and I had no ties to life anymore? What if something happened to Claire?
"We don't know anything yet. Don't jump to conclusions." Embry continued, oblivious to my new fear.
"Claire. Have Emily call and make sure nothing has happened to Claire." I told Embry. "DO IT NOW!" My need to know about her safety amped up about ten notches.
Embry nodded and Todd whipped out a cell phone. I turned awkwardly in my seat to watch him. I could hear the phone ringing and caught my breath when the other end of the line was picked up. I knew the voice.
"Hello?" a groggy female asked.
"Hey Sally, its Todd. I was just wondering how Claire is doing?"
"Do you really have to know at 1:30 in the morning?" Claire's mom Sally demanded in a tired voice.
"Oh, sorry. I wasn't thinking about the time. But is she there?" Todd pressed on and I thanked him internally.
"Of course she is. She went to a movie with her friends and got home around 10:30. We talked and she went to bed." Sally rehearsed.
"Could you just check really quick to make sure she didn't sneak out again or anything?" Todd asked.
"My daughter does not sneak out, but I get that you guys are protective so I will humor you if you will let me go back to sleep after and not call in the middle of the night again." Sally said.
"I won't make a habit of it. Something happened here that has us a little concerned, that's all." He said.
There was a hesitation on the other end of the line and she lowered her voice. "Is Quil okay?"
What? She was asking about me? I didn't even know the pack was still in contact with her. I thought all of their information came through Emily. Come to think of it, I didn't know she even knew who Todd was.
"Nothing you need to worry about right now." Todd spared her my current dilemma.
I heard a sigh and some movement. "She's asleep in her bed, and yes, I'm sure it's not a pile of pillows. I saw her face and watched her body rise with her breath. Does that help?" she asked, her tone much softer now.
"It answers a question we had. Thanks Sally, and sorry again for calling so late. I really wasn't thinking." Todd smoothed everything over.
"Okay. Good night then. And take care of him okay?"
"We will." He promised and hung up.
I stared open mouthed at Todd for a full minute. "Is she really worried about me?" I whispered, not having recovered fully from hearing the call.
Todd squirmed under my gaze and Embry cleared his throat. "Yeah, man. She worries about you. Last year Emily let it slip how bad you were taking everything so Sally knows its been hell for you."
"Does Claire know?" I couldn't stop the question from coming out. After all, everything was about Claire.
Embry shook his head. "No. She doesn't ask about you and we thought it best not to let her know."
"Good." I was relieved. I didn't know if she would feel bad for me or not, but I would rather not risk hurting her just in case. "Don't tell her."
"She's doing well though. We didn't know how you would handle hearing, but the pack has been keeping an eye on her for you. She made friends just like she told you she wanted to. She seems happy."
I nodded. That was good. She could live without me. I wasn't mad about that at all. I was glad she got what she wanted.
"Thanks." I said. We were quiet for the rest of the drive home.