Disclaimer: Still not Stephenie Meyer. Still just playing around for fun.
Claire POV
It's done. I've seen Quil now and I am relieved. Sure it was a little awkward and we didn't say much to each other, but now I've seen him and I think I can deal.
He just came over with two others guys in the pack to hang out with Sam, like it could be any night, any time, nothing important. But it felt important to me. From the moment he walked in the door until he was pulled away by the others – still not sure what to think of that – I felt different. I felt warmer and my head was so clear I could almost remember what it was like to not have a constant headache.
And I always knew where he was. Even when I wasn't looking I could feel him there, nearby, like a homing beacon or something. It was weird, but nice at the same time.
I was so nervous and he looked nervous too. But he was also happy. I saw it when his eyes locked with mine a minute after he came into the house. I think he was happy to see me. That's so much more than I could have hoped for. And being with the guys – he looked like a single guy who had nothing better to do on a Friday night which made me happy too. That is so wrong! What kind of friend am I if I'm glad the guy is alone? Well, I've already proven I'm not a great friend. And I certainly wasn't having friend-like feelings toward him either.
He is hot.
And I don't mean werewolf high body temperature hot, either.
He's twice your age, he's twice your age, he's twice your age.
I kept repeating this to myself as I struggled to focus on the card game I was playing with my cousins. But I kept stealing glances at the back of his head as he sat across the room playing some military shooting video game. His black hair was shiny and looked soft. I've never had the impulse to run my hands through a guy's hair before. This is so messed up! I'm just the idiot little girl who stopped being his friend three years ago. He does not need me crushing on him!
So when he came into the kitchen and said hello I was ecstatic. And I was a moron. I just said 'hey' and nothing else. Emily swooped in to help out and he talked about his family a little. His voice was deep and warm and I could have just listened to him talk the rest of the night. I wanted to say something to him, keep him talking, make him smile, and keep him there looking at me but my mind was a complete blank. Other than taking in his smooth skin and his white teeth and those eyes! I was completely useless.
Then Embry and the other guy came over and said it was time to leave. I like to think Quil looked disappointed. And then there was the whole dragging him away thing, again. Seriously, it didn't look like he was even aware of them as his eyes locked with mine for the second time and he was slowly moving away. His mouth opened to say something and all I could do was watch in silence as Embry pulled his arm and the other guy got behind his back to push and they were out the door so fast. I'm pretty sure they were using some werewolf speed there or something.
But he was gone.
And I felt cold and a strong jolt in my head brought the familiar throbbing back.
I clutched my head and I think it scared Emily for a minute. I asked for my meds and she quickly got me a pill and some water. I gulped it down and made a few excuses before rushing off to my room. I felt bad for running off like that and I know I saw Sam and Emily exchange a worried look, but I just had to get out of there.
I lay on my bed in the dark and heard murmuring voices and Alex and then my Aunt and Uncle as they went to their rooms and settled down to sleep for the night. I wasn't ready to sleep yet. My head was full of strange thoughts from seeing Quil. This couldn't be normal. Seeing him again reminded me of all the good times we had when I was growing up and I now I felt drawn to him. But it felt like something much stronger than nostalgia. It was attraction. The kind I've read about and seen in movies but never felt myself. I mean, I've had little crushes on cute guys at school, but nothing I would tell anyone or do anything about, just enjoying the view from across the classroom or something. But this, what I felt just being in the same room with Quil tonight, it was electric and strong and I wouldn't forget it next week.
I don't think I will ever forget how I felt around him.
The house is quiet and I can't go to sleep. The pounding in my head has eased slightly and I am hungry. So I creep downstairs and into the kitchen where I grab a slice of Emily's home-made bread and start munching. I stare across the room, imagining Quil still sitting there on the couch playing the video game. For no reason I wander over to the couch and sit down exactly where he sat earlier. I lean back into the pillows on the couch and I can smell him. It's been so long but I recognize his cologne and I snuggled deeper into the pillows where I can smell him better.
How many times did I fall asleep to this smell as a child? I used to sit on his lap when he read me bed time stories and I would be surrounded by it. On lazy Saturday afternoons we would cuddle on the couch and I fell asleep with my head on his chest as his deep rumbly voice told me stories and legends from his tribe. Little did I know he was preparing me all those years to know his secret.
After he told me the truth, all his secrets, and I accepted it without question – those were the best few months of my life. He was so happy and free. I could feel it radiate off of him. He was content, knowing that I didn't care and was still his friend even though he was different. And I understood that it wasn't easy for him, hiding things all the time. And I had felt so glad that he could trust me and be himself around me.
And I ruined it.
Something wet slid down my jaw and onto my neck and I realized I was crying. A sob escaped my throat and I put a hand to my mouth as I started to shake. I single handedly destroyed the best thing in my life and tonight when I finally saw Quil again I didn't do anything. I should have begged his forgiveness, or asked if it was possible to be friends again. I should have hugged him tight and never let go.
Who am I kidding? He would have peeled my arms off him, patted my head like the good little girl he saw me as and then kept his distance. That's how this all started anyway, right? A misunderstanding of the friendship we shared. He was the perfect gentleman with me, the best friend ever and nothing more and I had wanted to defend that. Of course, I was a little kid at the time and have grown up quite a bit since then, but still. He won't feel the same way I do.
This is just a crush. I'm just overwhelmed from seeing him again. This will go away with time and I can act normal around him. This is just a crush.
I sniffed loudly and wiped at my wet cheeks with my long sleeve.
"Claire?" Emily's soft voice floated to me from the stairs and I sat bolt upright. She crossed the room to me and sat down on the couch with her body turned toward me. "Are you okay?"
"Sorry. I couldn't sleep." I said and sniffed again, trying to keep my stupid running nose in check.
"It's okay. Do you want to tell me what's wrong? I'm a pretty good listener?" she offered.
The kindness in her eyes brought fresh tears to my eyes. She couldn't help me. No one could help me. I was too royally messed up.
I shook my head. "No, it's okay Aunt Emily. I'm just, I don't know, missing home I guess." I lied.
Emily slipped her arm around my shoulders and hugged me carefully. "It's okay, Claire. I know this is an adjustment, being here, away from your home. But you know Sam and I are glad to have you and we want you to feel at home, and like family, while you are here."
I just nodded.
"You know, you used to come stay with us a lot when you were little. It started because of your dad's job and how he used to have to travel a lot. I remember one time he was going to be gone for a whole week and he and your mom were so unhappy about being apart that I offered to take care of you and Alyssa so she could go with them. That was back in the early days of the pack. It was the first time most of them met you: the first time Quil met you." she paused and smiled warmly with the memory. "You were only two but you took to him immediately and he was wrapped around your little finger from that moment on." She laughed. "He followed you around all day, played little ponies and pretend princesses with you. I knew then you would be life-long friends."
That really didn't help. A few more tears ran down my cheeks and I quickly brushed them away as I sniffed pathetically.
Emily gave my shoulder a squeeze since her arm was still around me. It was so like mom and I felt comforted.
"It was kind of hard for me tonight to see that you couldn't even talk to him. Can't you tell me what happened, Claire? Maybe it was a misunderstanding. I know he's missed you."
I pulled away from her comforting arm and sat forward on the seat. "No. I can't talk about this." I stood up and crossed the room, keeping her behind me as I stared out the window into the darkness of night. I've never told anyone the truth. This was my burden, the one thing I could do for Quil. I would never repeat the things people said that made me push him away to protect him. I don't care how late it is, how sad I am, or how much my head hurts. I won't say it.
"I'm sorry Claire. I know you don't like talking about him, but please just give it a chance. He is our friend, and we love you both. We just want to see you two talking again at the very least."
I bobbed my head once in acknowledgement and then heard her footsteps retreat as she went back up to her room. My shoulders shook and I cried for a moment before returning to the couch and the pillows that smelled like Quil. I collapsed into them and sank into the softness, wishing life weren't so complicated.
. . .
It was the end of my first date with Quil. We stood in front of my front door and he was hugging me. He kissed my forehead as he pulled back to look in my eyes but kept his arms around my shoulders. I squeezed my arms which were around his waist and smiled up at him. I was so happy.
Quil lifted a hand to brush my hair behind my ear, then his hand slid back into my hair at the base of my neck and he leaned forward. . .
There was a dull thump to my left and the world tilted.
My eyes snapped open and I was on Sam and Emily's couch, hugging a pillow to my chest as my cousin Tyler bounced again, setting me further off balance and I fell back on the couch staring at the ceiling.
"Whatcha doin' down here?" Tyler asked as he bounced yet again in true eight year old fashion.
I groaned and rolled to my side, pushing myself up into a sitting position so I could rub my eyes.
"Huh?" yeah. I'm eloquent when I first wake up. Especially if I'm pulled out of the best dream ever!
"We're not allowed to sleep on the couch unless we have a sleep over. Why didn't you sleep in your room? Do you sleep walk? Can you make pancakes? Mom makes good pancakes."Tyler rambled at me as I grounded myself back in reality.
"Ummm." I stalled. What did he ask? What do I answer first?
"Leave Claire alone, Tyler." Sam grumbled, walking into the room in a t-shirt and flannel pajama pants. He ran a hand through his hair and yawned as he flipped the tv on to the morning news.
"What's Tyler doing?" Alex asked, ambling in still wearing his pajamas as well. He really looked like a younger copy of his dad since he was wearing the same thing. Give him a few more years to gain some height and muscle and they could be identical except Alex's hair is long, hanging well below his shoulders while Sam never grew his out again from his wolf days.
I wonder what Quil looks like in the morning.
Stop it! I scolded myself and stood up shakily, glad that I wasn't the only one in my pajamas.
"Good morning." I mumbled and went into the kitchen to get a drink.
"Who's hungry?" Emily practically sang as she came down too and headed straight to the kitchen. I normally don't mind mornings too much but she was just a little too happy for me at the moment. Over-all though, I decided that I like Saturday mornings in the Uley house because it's pretty relaxed. I even escaped awkward questions because Tyler got distracted by breakfast and forgot all about me sleeping on the couch.
After that we all lounged around and I played a game with the kids while Sam and Emily spoke quietly in the kitchen. We finished our fourth game around lunchtime and I went into the kitchen to help Emily make sandwiches.
Kylie was staring out the window into the backyard and suddenly turned around.
"Mom, can we go to the beach today? It's actually kind of sunny and dad promised we could go when the weather was good." She said.
Sam grinned and then gave Emily a pleading look. "I did promise."
"All right. We can go after lunch." Emily agreed.
The kids all cheered and ran off, leaving Emily and Sam laughing while I wondered what just happened.
"They are getting their stuff out so they are ready to go." Sam informed me.
"Do you have a bathing suit?" Emily asked me as if she hadn't thought of it before.
"Yes I do."
"Oh good. We have a towel you can use, but I think my suits are too big for you." Emily said in relief.
She was right. I wasn't as curvy as she is and her suit would be too loose and ridiculous on me. I was glad mom made me pack my swimming suit after all.
When the sandwiches were made the kids all came down to eat and then there was general chaos while everyone got their things from their rooms and gathered again by the back door. Tyler and the twins had some beach toys, Alex was loaded down with towels, Sam had a cooler and Emily had a bag of sunscreen and whatever she thought she would need. I carried a paperback book I grabbed from Emily's bookshelf.
I followed the family down a path to the beach. Once Emily picked a spot to settle in, towels were laid out, toys were scattered and everyone went off to do what they wanted. I didn't know what I wanted to do yet, so I just sat and watched people on the beach. Not far away there was a group of guys playing football. Sam had jogged straight over to them after giving Emily a kiss. I recognized Embry, Todd, Jared and Quil. I didn't know everyone else with them but most were of the same height and build so I guessed they had been part of the pack at some point. Quil told me it got quite large once because of a threat that was now long gone.
The care-free teenage girl inside me squealed. A busload of hot shirtless guys was playing football on this beach where I could watch. I wasn't the only one to notice them either. Several clumps of vacationing women and girls all along the beach had stopped to watch and drool. Sam was incorporated into the game in only seconds and the game continued. I let myself watch just like everyone else, not caring how it might look since I wasn't the only one intrigued by them.
The football soared through the air, was caught by someone I didn't know and he was tackled. On the next play the ball was passed to Quil. He ran a short distance and then two guys pounded him into the sand. They were laughing when they all pulled each other to their feet but Quil looked confused and looked down at his left arm which hung strangely from his shoulder. I couldn't hear but it looked like he cursed and Embry jogged over from the other team while Sam and Brady braced Quil between them. Embry shoved hard on his shoulder, everyone winced but Quil and then he rolled his shoulder experimentally and shook out his arm for a moment before play resumed.
"That happens all the time." Emily said from behind me.
"What?" she surprised me and I turned to face her.
"Quil's shoulder was dislocated. The boys play rough but he's rougher."
"Why? Doesn't it hurt him?" I asked.
"Well, it would hurt a normal person." Emily said hesitantly.
"But not a wolf, right?" I guessed.
"Not exactly. It would hurt a wolf too for a minute, but Quil is different. He's . . . been through a rough time and his sense of touch has dulled. He can't feel anything." Emily told me. "Watch when he catches the ball: he has to see it in his hands to know whether he has it or not."
I watched closer for the next half hour. Sure enough, when Quil would get the ball he would look down frequently to make sure the ball was tucked safely in his arm. When he got tackled from behind he looked confused that he was falling and would look down to see if the ball stayed in his grasp. All of the things others did by feel alone, he had to concentrate on. I hadn't noticed because he compensates for it so fluidly and he doesn't make it look hard. But now that I was paying attention I could see the difference. No one treated him differently though, or hit him any less hard than the others.
I knew Emily wouldn't tease me about watching the guys play now, so I enjoyed the view while I took this all in. All of the guys were tall and muscular, it was clear why so many women stopped to watch them. They moved with a fluid animal grace that was hard to ignore. While all of them were handsome in their own right, my attention always drifted back to Quil and his smooth copper skin. This was more than interest in what Emily told me, I knew that, but she didn't have to know.
My mind flitted back to my dream this morning. In it Quil and I were equals, with no age barrier. Just two normal people who were dating. But I can't date him. I'm mildly surprised by this thought. I've never wanted to date anyone before. I had the group of friends who I hung out with, but I wasn't ever singled out by anyone and it hadn't ever bothered me. I know Beth worried for me and the girls had asked once why I didn't date. I just shrugged and told them I wasn't interested in anyone, which was true. Two of them had whispered something that sounded like Quil's name then nodded to each other. I quickly changed the subject that day.
Now I cursed my age. Quil was physically stalled somewhere around 20, he told me that before, and it would take me several years still to catch up. Maybe I could just be patient and pray that he didn't imprint before I was out of high school and could date him without the danger or sending him to jail or starting the nasty rumors again. If I could somehow get him interested in dating me. Doubtful. My heart sank as I watched him goofing off with the guys down the beach as they set up for another play.
Quil suddenly looked up and his eyes went straight to me. He looked concerned. I quickly ducked my head, feeling embarrassed to be caught watching him. I murmured something about finding my cousins to Emily and jumped up off my towel not looking back. I was glad that I still wore my shorts and t-shirt over my suit since I felt like someone was still watching me as I walked across the sand toward the water where my cousins were attempting to build a sand castle.
I played with them for the next hour, getting our feet wet in the cold water, searching for shells and rocks to put on the sand castle, and trying to build a very tall tower in one corner. It was all lop-sided and kind of pathetic in the end, but it was nice to just play and not think about my complicated life for a while. Emily waved us over to the towels where she and Sam were lounging in the sunshine.
"Come drink some water kids." she said as we got closer. The twins had been reluctant to leave the castle, but they clearly weren't about to go against their mom. It made me laugh because Emily is so sweet most of the time, but Sam and the kids knew not to push her buttons. I bet the guilt over making someone like her angry would be worse than her actual anger. That's enough incentive to do what she asks right there. The kids plopped randomly all over the towels and obediently drank the water Emily handed out. Sam chugged a sports drink and Emily held out a water bottle to me as well.
But I was frozen, staring at the corner of my towel. There were several green stones piled there waiting for me. It took me a moment to tear my eyes away and look at Emily.
"Quil left them for you. He said you might like them." She answered my silent question.
I just nodded mutely and sat down on the opposite end of my towel, hugging my legs to my chest and staring at the rocks while I nervously fidgeted with my bracelet. I couldn't believe he did this. The stones were all smooth and rounded from the pounding surf. I knew for a fact that it wouldn't be easy to find this many nice looking stones in one afternoon, let alone the short amount of time I was away from the blanket. How did he do it? When did he do it? And of course, why? It was our thing – why would he still look for them when we weren't together? Maybe it wasn't such a special thing after all.
"What's wrong Claire?" Emily's soft hand rested on my shoulder and she knelt next to me. Sam and my cousins were gone, down the beach looking at the sand castle. I glanced up the beach in the opposite direction and saw no sign of the football game or the guys other than Brady and another one I didn't know talking animatedly with some of the girls who had been watching.
"Sorry Emily. I'm just. . . confused I guess. I don't know what's wrong with me." I said. What was wrong? Quil was thinking of me. He did something nice just for me. I should be ecstatic. But the truth was that it scared me. What if we started hanging out again and people here on his own res started talking badly about him? What if I had solved one problem only to create another by bringing it to his home? I didn't want to do that to him. All of my crush-related feelings towards him suddenly felt very wrong.
Emily was pretty perceptive though. "Is it the rocks? Quil was just trying to be nice, honey. They look just like your bracelet so he must have thought you would like them."
"Yeah, I know. I mean, I do, like them, that is. It was nice." I stammered.
"Quil cares about you, you know. And he really missed you, just like we all did."
"Yeah. But he shouldn't care."
"What do you mean? Why shouldn't he care?"
I just shook my head. "Forget it." I grumbled and hugged my knees tighter.
I've only been here a few days and I was already a mess. I had to figure out some way to keep Quil safe from me, and I clearly didn't have much time.
. . .
Quil POV
She was completely freaked out. By rocks!
So? Embry asked. He was on patrol and I was running because I couldn't stay home and sit still.
So how am I supposed to walk up and talk to her if she panics when I just leave rocks for her? I'm totally screwed!
No you aren't actually. That may be part of your problem, you know . . .
Shut up Embry. Sleeping with someone won't help me, besides, how could I do that to Claire? It's just not right. Not when I have an imprint.
Its not like Claire is dating you, and at this rate she never will. I say you just tell her everything. Even Old Quil would back me up on this if he were here. Your imprint is here – she's living on the res with your old Alpha. That's as close as you'll get to an engraved invitation my friend. You can make all this right if you just tell her the truth. Embry insisted.
Yeah, okay. She freaks out if I'm on the same beach as her – she won't even look at me. So I'm just supposed to corner her sometime and say 'hey, you're my soul mate. Let's go somewhere and make out.' I don't think so.
You wanna make out with her? That's great!
So not helping right now. I complained.
Fine. Well, I'm tired and you clearly have too much energy, so why don't I just leave you to your thoughts and go get some sleep. Come get me if you need to. Otherwise Todd will be on in a few hours. Embry wheeled and headed back toward his house. A few minutes later he phased out and I was alone.
I'm screwed. I don't care what he says. The only good thing about today was that she did take the rocks with her when she left. After the game I quickly ran home and brought them back, leaving them with Emily and then stayed on the beach, but back out of the way where she wouldn't notice. It killed me to see her reaction when Emily told her I left the rocks. I've been collecting them over the last few years, hoping I would be able to give them to her one day. It was complete torture. She said she didn't want me to care about her. Why not?
I don't understand this at all.
So at the end of a long run I've resolved to do one thing and one thing only. This week I will give her space. I will sleep outside and she won't know a thing. Other than that I will be scarce. The others can go hang out and act normal but I will stay away until the bonfire a week from now. Then I will try to act normal around her. I won't crowd her. If there is any luck left for me in this world she will stay all summer so I can just be around and get to know her again. And I can pray that she will eventually warm up to me.