Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Bummer.
Claire POV
The next week was uneventful and I settled into a nice pattern with the Uleys. It was nice. And it was the first week in a long time that I only experienced mild headaches. Not one migraine! This place was good for me somehow. I had a good time with my cousins and we often played board games in the evening after dinner, but by the middle of the week my novelty had worn off and they wanted to see their friends too. That was fine with me.
I spoke with mom on the phone every other night and on Thursday I spent a half hour each talking with my older sister Alyssa and younger brother Devon. I didn't think I would miss them much because I am surrounded by my cousins, but there's just something different about your own siblings. They know me better and aren't afraid to talk back and annoy me sometimes. My cousins are great, but they are still treating me like a guest so far. I hope that will calm down the longer I am here.
Now its Saturday and the kids are excited about the bonfire tonight because they get to stay up late. I am nervous though because I know that bonfires are basically pack parties and Quil will be there. I haven't seen him since the beach last week and we haven't spoken since that first time he came over and played video games with Sam and the guys. Other than staring at me a little he was very calm and didn't make a big deal out of seeing me. Maybe our friendship wasn't that important to him after all. Maybe its all in my head.
Sam knocked on my open door and stuck his head in. "Are you ready to go?" he asked.
"Sure." I stood up and followed him down to join the rest of the family who were waiting for me to leave.
"I'm glad you dressed warm. These things can get crowded and its hard to get a seat by the fire sometimes."Sam said conversationally.
"Let's go!" Tyler cheered, pulling on his mom's hand as he eagerly leaned toward the door. We walked the short distance to the beach and the already blazing fire. Tyler, Kara and Kylie all dispersed to find their friends among the other pack members' children. Alex went straight to Embry and pulled something out of his pocket to show the older man. I scanned the crowd and saw Jared with his family and Todd. There were a few more men around the fire I didn't remember and of course there was Quil sitting on a log staring into the flames.
Several nights similar to this jumped straight into my head at the sight. Every summer Quil arranged for me to be here for one or two of these bonfires. We would make a day of it and end up here with me tucked under his arm for warmth, dozing happily as the familiar tribal legends were told. My chest tightened as I thought how different tonight would be.
I've been in La Push a little over a week and this is only the third time I've seen my former best friend. He didn't jump up in excitement to see me, we've hardly exchanged any words and now I was petrified both that he would talk to me and that he would ignore me. I was frozen with indecision.
That's when he looked up at me from across the fire. I thought I saw his eyes light up for a moment when he saw me but his face remained unreadable and he was still other than a twitch in his right hand. I stood there like an idiot just staring back at him. I didn't know what to do, what I could say, to make things right. Has too much time passed? Am I just clinging to something I can never have again? Doubt filled me and Quil flinched, finally looking down at his hands as he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.
"Claire?" Emily was suddenly beside me, placing a hand on my back to guide me. "We have a spot over here."
I looked where she pointed and saw the family getting settled on a blanket and log not far from where Quil sat. I followed my aunt's guidance, glad to have the decision taken from me. Emily paused to reintroduce me to Paul and Brady as we passed them. I saw Quil lean over to a young couple next to him on the log and say something. He stood and they scooted into his spot, freeing up more seating where Sam sat with my cousin Tyler on a blanket at his feet. The woman beckoned me as we approached.
"Come sit down. There is plenty of room."
I did as she said and she smiled warmly at me.
"I'm Carly, Greg's imprint." She indicated the young man beside her and he smiled and gave a little wave as well.
"Hey Claire." He said. "You probably don't remember me. I was only part of the pack for a little while when you were really little. Because of the Volturi." He explained and I nodded to show I understood. He was one of the very young who phased because of the threat that turned out to be nothing in the end. Most of the boys in his position stopped phasing almost immediately so they could resume school and somewhat normal lives.
"Hi." I said and looked down at my seat. "Thanks for making room."
"Of course." Greg said, as though it was the most natural thing in the world.
Emily appeared carrying plates of food for herself and Sam and sat down beside me. "I'll save your seat while you go get something to eat." She offered.
"No need." A deep voice said quietly and I looked up to see Quil holding out a plate full of food for me.
"Thanks." I took the plate and he gave me a small smile before walking away again. My hands drifted down to rest on my knees with the heavy paper plate laden with food as I watched his retreating figure. He stopped across the circle from me and talked to Paul and Brady for a moment before going back to the food table to fill his own plate. I was surprised and flattered that he had made sure I had something to eat first. That was exactly how he used to treat me, always taking care of me first and I felt my cheeks heat with shame. I didn't deserve his kindness and consideration now, yet he still gave it freely. My appetite was gone and I stared at the food wishing I could disappear into a hole. He got me all my favorites: a cheeseburger with ranch Doritos both on it and to the side, a little potato salad with extra mustard and pickles and two chocolate chip cookies tucked into the side.
I looked up again as Kara and Kylie came running over with little girl squeals. A boy was chasing them but was caught and stopped by Paul who gave him a playful swat on the backside before setting him in front of some food his mother was holding. His giggles dissolved as he attacked his hot dog with enthusiasm. My eyes swept over the rest of the scene before me. Families, couples and singles all mixed in a friendly, family like atmosphere. Everyone belonged and looked comfortable in the place they held in this group of tightly knit people. I suddenly felt like an intruder. On the fringe of this group one of their own hovered uneasily, stealing glances at me, the cause of his discomfort. It was difficult to stay sitting and not run away in an attempt to fix what I had put wrong here by coming.
Yet everyone had smiles for me. No one looked at me with an accusing eye, singling me out as a source of pain. Even Quil, the one who out of them all had the right to resent me, didn't push me away or call me out for this intrusion. And that made it even worse. And for once I didn't even have the excuse of a headache to allow me to escape. So I did the only thing I could. I dropped my head and focused on eating the food in front of me and tried to draw as little attention to myself as possible while still glancing up on occasion to track Quil's movement and position around the group for the next half hour or so as the sky grew darker.
When the food was gone, thanks to the healthy appetite of the wolfpack, everyone settled in, children gathering around parents and couples snuggling closer as the tribal leaders took their place by the fire to tell the traditional stories. This oral tradition held its own kind of magic as we sat spellbound under the deep resonating voice of Billy Black. I heard a familiar story first and then another old tale I had not heard before.
I hugged myself against the cold, shivering slightly despite my proximity to the fire. I felt oddly incomplete as I sat there alone, although I was surrounded by people. It was the first time I experienced the storytelling without Quil by my side and I felt his absence acutely. Through the dying flames I saw him standing at the edge of the group, arms folded, eyes downcast as he listened intently. His skin glowed in the firelight and my heart ached for him as he stood alone, one of the very few singles left in the pack. Contrary to the legends, imprinting was not a rare thing for this group of men. In fact, it seemed to be the rule rather than the exception, and yet Quil, Embry, Brady and Todd had been left out so far. It seemed a cruel thing to me for them to be alone while surrounded by so many ridiculously happy couples.
I was brought out of my thoughts by a soft touch on my shoulder. I looked over to see Carly smiling at me.
"It was nice to meet you Claire. See you around." She said and I realized that Billy had stopped talking and people were beginning to leave.
"You too. Have a good night." I said.
On my other side the Uleys were standing as well. Sam stretched his large frame and then held a hand out to his wife to help her to her feet. He pulled her straight up into his arms and hugged her, leaving a kiss on her lips before bending down to pick up Tyler who was fast asleep. Alex nudged the twins who were dozing as well. When they stood up he put an arm around each of them to guide them home. I helped Emily pick up the blanket and began to follow Sam and his little train of children away from the dying fire.
When we were about fifteen feet away from the quietly dispersing crowd I turned to look back and saw Quil standing still and silent, watching us leave. His dark eyes locked with mine and I fought down the urge to run straight into his arms. It was difficult to turn away from him and follow my family home but I did, feeling like a huge coward for not talking to him more.
. . .
Quil POV
I woke up at dawn in my usual spot outside of Sam's house. There was a small hollow, a low spot behind a fallen tree and rather sheltered so I wouldn't be seen too easily unless someone was looking for me. In the weak morning light I rose and stretched, yawning hugely before taking a final glance at Claire's bedroom window and trotting off deeper into the forest. After all these years it was surprisingly easy to stay so long in my wolf form as I spent my nights here, as close to my imprint as I dared get.
Its been four days since the bonfire. Four freaking days of nothing! And I behaved myself that night. I gave up my seat so she would be comfortable and I got her a plate of her favorite food and then I stayed away. I kept myself on the opposite side of the fire most of the night so I wouldn't go to her. I held myself back even when she shivered and I wanted nothing more than to hold her close and keep her warm and comfortable. I was good and gave her space. And now it is more than clear to me that space is all she wants. She doesn't want me: not as a friend, not as a man, who am I kidding, not even as an acquaintance! Carly got more conversation out of her than I have in the three times we've been near each other at all. I don't know how much more I can take to be honest.
I phased human and went into my house to shower before work. I might only be a mechanic, but I don't have to go there smelling like a pig and it makes clean up easier afterward. I went to the garage and worked my full shift. I talked with the others when we broke for lunch but mostly kept to myself which is pretty normal for me anyway. I stayed late to finish a particularly difficult repair and walked home in the dark. I showered again to get rid of the grease, threw on some shorts, made myself three sandwiches and collapsed on the couch to stare at the tv while I ate.
It was only 8pm so I decided to stop by and see Claire for a minute under the pretense of needing to talk to Sam. That's not overbearing, right? I won't make her talk to me or anything, I just want to be in the same room as her for a few minutes. So I went and put on a shirt and some shoes and then walked over to Sam's, forcing myself to go at a human pace and get myself calm and under control the whole time. When I got near the house I could hear a conversation going on outside.
"I didn't know you were going away for the whole summer." A young man complained. He sounded whiny and I instantly didn't like him.
"My mom arranged it. I didn't have much warning and I didn't think anyone would miss me that much other than my family." Claire answered.
"I miss you. I mean, I had plans. I thought you would be around and I could finally. . . don't you know how much I like you?"
"What? No I didn't know. You've never said or done anything. . ." Claire was cut off and as I rounded the house I saw a young man holding her by her upper arms and kissing her. I stopped dead in my tracks, unable to breath.
When he released her Claire took a step back with narrowed eyes. "Kevin? I don't understand. You are always telling people that I'm used and damaged."
Anger heated my body. Who did this kid think he was, treating Claire badly? I took a few more steps to be closer in case she needed me to get rid of him.
"I didn't want them to get to you before I could, so I gave them a reason to stay away." He said.
Claire's face flushed red. "You did that on purpose? How could you spread lies about me like that and think I would like you?"
The boy, Kevin, I guess, opened his mouth to say something and his eyes flicked up and saw me at the last second. His eyes hardened and he gestured toward me. "So that's it, huh? You won't date me but you'll hang around him." His voice was venomous.
Claire turned toward me with confusion coloring her features. She caught her breath and then she glanced back at Kevin and her face fell. Was she embarrassed that I was here?
"This isn't a good time Quil." She said quietly and then angled toward him again. "It's not what you think Kevin. He's one of my uncle's friends."
"Right." He didn't sound convinced. "We all thought you finally got rid of him but you've been coming here instead. Claire, you know he isn't good. You don't have to let him touch you. Come back and I'll show you, I'll treat you so much better."
"You don't know anything." I said, moving even closer. I had to get him away from Claire, he was hurting her. I could sense her pain.
Claire put a hand up. "Stop Quil, you aren't helping. Just go see Sam or whatever you came here for." She sounded tired and resigned.
I shook my head. "If he's bothering you. . ."
"I said go. Please."
"If that's what you want." I said quietly, looking straight into her eyes. She didn't yield so I did as she wanted. I went to the front door, jerked it open roughly and walked straight through the house and out the back door, earning confused looks from Sam and Emily. I started running when I reached the trees. I didn't phase, I couldn't put my brothers through this. I just ran.
I felt sick. He accused me of touching Claire, of physically abusing her. It was clear that he thought I was a pedophile and had hurt Claire. And she didn't correct him. She sent me away again and now I know why. She must have been afraid of what I would do to her. She thought I was the monster I've worked so long and hard to prove that I'm not. Nothing matters now. Not if that's how she sees me.
An hour later I stumbled into my house and went to my room. I slept in my own bed for the first time in the two weeks since Claire came back to La Push.
. . .
Claire POV
Everything is a mess. This afternoon Beth, Tammy and Kevin showed up at the house with no warning. I was surprised and happy for a little bit, glad that they actually missed me. I wasn't expecting that. So I invited them in and we talked for a little while about the last two weeks, what everyone was planning to do this summer. Kevin and Beth both got jobs and Tammy will go to visit her grandma in Oregon next month. Aunt Emily was really nice and invited them to stay for dinner since she's used to cooking for a crowd. Alex kept trying to flirt with Beth which was kind of funny and sweet at the same time. He doesn't know she just started dating Matt.
After dinner we were hanging out for a while and then Kevin asked to talk to me privately. That was weird and there was no way I was comfortable taking him to my room so I suggested that we go out front. It was actually kind of nice and not raining tonight so that would work. When we got out there he acted kind of strangely and then asked if I was coming home soon. I told him I was staying here the whole summer. He took that in for a second and then asked if he could come up this weekend to take me on a date. What? Where did that come from? I told him no because he is so not who I want to go out with on my first date. Then he got upset saying that he had a plan and he likes me. That's news to me. All this time I've been sure he was out to ruin my life and keep me miserable. This is so stupid. And then the jerk just grabbed me and kissed me.
No! That can't be my first kiss! I was so mad and wished I could rewind and avoid that. Crap. Then, as I'm trying to process all this Quil showed up out of nowhere and Kevin jumped to his usual stupid conclusion that he was abusing me and I was too stupid to get out of it. That definitely didn't improve my mood. I couldn't think straight I was so angry and bothered and why did Quil have to show up right then and make things worse? I didn't want him to know my friends thought of him that way. I had to fix this so I told Quil to go inside so I could talk to him once I got Kevin straightened out. Quil looked so hurt and angry when I told him to leave and it felt like three years ago all over again. Kevin was so going to pay for that!
When the door slammed behind Quil I turned on Kevin and I knew I must look bad because he suddenly looked like a deer caught in the headlights.
"What is wrong with you? Isn't it enough that you ruined my life in Makah? Now you have to follow me here and insult me and my relative's friends? There is no way I will ever go out with you because I don't like you! For your information, you are the only person who has ever touched me against my will just now when you kissed me. You are the bad guy here, not Quil! You've done nothing but make me miserable for years and I want you to leave right now. Don't come back, don't call me, and just don't ever try to talk to me again." I growled in frustration as I paced in front of him. "It's because of people like you that my life sucks right now!"
I turned from him and started for the door as pain seared through my head. I collapsed onto the front steps just after I noticed Sam and Emily standing in the open doorway with Beth and Tammy behind them watching in shock. It was a moment before I could open my eyes and when I did I couldn't see Quil. Emily came to me and wrapped her arms around me as my eyes started to water. Sam ushered the girls down the steps toward Kevin who stood staring at me, speechless.
"Its time for you to leave." Sam said with authority. "You heard my neice – don't come back unless she invites you."
"Claire?" Beth asked in a quiet, scared voice.
Sam stepped in her way, effectively blocking her from my view. "If she wants to talk to you she will call." His tone left no room for argument and I felt a little bad for Beth because she was the only one I cared about.
Tammy, Kevin and Beth got in Kevin's car since he was the only one with a license and they started to drive away. When Sam was satisfied that they were going he came back and picked me up, carrying me inside to the couch. Emily brought me a glass of water and my migraine pills.
Alex came in the back door trying to catch his breath. "I couldn't catch him. He's just running but he didn't phase. What happened?"
"Quil left?" I asked, wanting an answer despite the roaring in my ears.
"He came straight through the house and left without a word. That's when we came out front to check on you and heard you yelling." Emily informed me.
"I'm guessing he saw Kevin kiss you from what you said." Sam looked grim.
I nodded sadly and lurched forward with the urge to vomit. He didn't stay. He wasn't here to hold me and make me feel better like he used to always do. And I felt deep inside that he wouldn't be coming back. I pushed him away one time too many. I couldn't stop the sobs and tears as I fell into a complete mess. I felt someone holding me again but it wasn't the right someone – they weren't warm enough and they couldn't cheer me up with the slightest touch.
They weren't Quil.
. . .
Emily POV
Things aren't going like I hoped they would. Part of me feels horrible for Quil and Claire and the other part wants to knock some sense into both of them. If I could I would lock them in a room until they talked everything through and could come out as friends at the very least. That would help restore some sanity for them both, I think.
Claire is sweet, but she's been painfully shy and reserved since she got here. She is only a shadow of the girl she once was. She speaks to her mother regularly so I'm glad she has a good relationship there, but as far as I've seen she has only called her friend Beth once. She is great with my kids but steps aside when anyone else comes over and I don't think it's strictly the age difference. She seems afraid and I'm not positive why.
I have talked to Sally quite a bit, trying to find a way to help and it all comes back to when Claire told Quil to leave her alone. A little before that Sally says she stopped spending much time with friends and pretty much started pushing everyone away. She even distanced herself from Alyssa and Devon at home and Sally thinks she's been hiding something even from her. But the frustrating thing is that we have no idea what.
I thought that simply getting Claire here would lead to an opportunity for she and Quil to talk and resolve things quickly so they could both stop suffering. I know her headaches are related to their separation. She even told me last week that her headaches haven't been quite so bad here and the only times I've seen her deal with a migraine are when she and Quil are in pain. I just wish I could talk to her about it but she is so sensitive and only spoke willingly about him when we were at the beach.
But I do have hope. The few times they've been near each other they can't help but watch each other and I know she wants to say something, I can see her get ready but something stops her. Quil is still attentive to her and did what he could to take care of her at the bonfire but his fear of more rejection keeps him at a distance.
Sam has been keeping a close eye on things and talking to Embry quite a bit about Quil's state of mind since Claire came back so we can find a way to help. But things have taken a turn for the worse since Claire's friends came. I help Claire for two hours while she cried that night, leaving Sam to round up the kids and get them in bed. My heart broke for her as she cried and I tried to soothe her but she still shivered as if cold and cried until her tears ran dry. When she was starting to calm down she muttered that she didn't blame him for leaving because she's not worth it. That made me both angry and sad because she should never think of herself as unworthy of anything. I just don't know what she was referring to. I got her to drink some water, helped her to her room and into bed and then met Sam back in the kitchen feeling drained and exhausted that night. Little did I know what was in store for us.
Claire spent the next two days almost comatose as she fought a migraine. I got the kids off to play with their friends but she didn't want my company or help. I called Sally the first morning to let her know what was happening and she told me what to expect. So I did what I could to keep Claire comfortable.
Sam has been tracking Quil's reaction and it isn't much better. Before 'the visit' as we've come to call it now, he was hopeful and was trying to be patient and wait for Claire to give him some sign she was ready to talk and resume their friendship. Since the visit, however, he has been distant. He disappeared for a full three days, refusing to answer the phone or his door or phase. He even missed work, not bothering to call in sick or anything. When he finally did come out he went to work and even ran a patrol but refused to think or talk about Claire. Instead he only thought about what he was doing that moment, something he had done at work, or even thought about places he can move to. That got Sam and Embry in an argument about taking things into their own hands and just telling Claire the truth without Quil's permission to see what her reaction would be. I sided with Sam on that and said it's not time yet because she is still in bad shape.
Once Claire's headache calmed down I suggested we try to help her meet kids her age in an effort to make things more normal and comfortable for her. She was hesitant but came with me to one of the youth classes offered at the rec center. She was polite and more friendly then I dared hope and even seemed to connect with a girl just older than her named Andrea. Claire was a little more at ease after that but she is still sad.
Now Claire has been here a month and we haven't seen Quil since the visit. I'm about ready to side with Embry and just tell Claire everything about the imprint. I don't see how it could make things worse.
. . .
A/N: Thanks to everyone who is reading. Please review and let me know what you think. Also, I recently rediscovered a song which could totally be Jacob's anthem in New Moon: "I'll be the One" by the Backstreet Boys. Give it a listen and tell me if you agree.