Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I just torture the characters.
Song that I like for Quil and Claire: Never gonna be alone by Nickelback.
A/N: so I had a really hard time with the last chapter and this one. I'm kind of nervous to post because I'm still not sure that I got it just right, so I hope it isn't too bad. Anyway, here goes. . .
Claire POV
The summer is finally starting to move and feel like summer should for me. I still spend a good amount of time with my cousins in the evening but during the day I've been spending some time my new friend Andrea and some of her friends here in La Push. Emily has been really supportive of this and let me miss a few family dinners because I was doing things with them. I overheard her talking to mom the other day and she is glad that I'm adjusting and acting more like a normal teenager.
All of that is true but there is still one thing I'm hiding from her, and that is the ache. I still have a constant dull headache going on, so that's nothing new. Now I have an ache in my chest that just lingers and flares at random times. I can almost ignore it like I do my headache because its becoming normal for me. Things have calmed down at the house and I don't feel a constant pressure to see Quil because he just hasn't been around. No one talks about him or tries to get me to talk either and I haven't seen him since he stormed off after his run in with Kevin. I still feel bad that I didn't get to talk to him afterward but I guess he finally figured out just how bad I am for him after what Kevin said about him being bad. I can't blame him for not thinking I'm worth that aggravation. Its what I wanted to spare him from in the first place.
On Friday I was home because Andrea had to help her mom get ready for her brother's birthday party. Jared's wife Kim came over with their two kids – Tasha who is eleven and Matt who is nine. They both played with the twins and put up with Tyler while Alex went off to see his friends. I stayed with Emily and Kim this time, letting the kids play with their friends. Matt is just younger than the twins, but he and Kara were virtually inseparable. It's the first time I've seen her gravitate toward someone other than her twin, but this was hard not to notice. When I made a comment to Kim and Emily about it they just smiled knowingly at each other. Whatever.
Kim was pretty interested in me since we haven't really spoken since I got here. She told me she was glad when Jared came home from work that first day and told her I was here for the summer. I wondered why it would matter to them. Not that they aren't nice and all, I mean, Kim is shy but really friendly and Jared seems okay though I only seem him for a few minutes every morning when he and Sam leave for work. But once she got comfortable she gushed about how grown up I was already and that it made her feel old. Sorry about that . . . Later when the kids were all busy playing upstairs and we were eating some fresh zucchini bread around the table Kim asked what I remembered about the pack. Emily gave me a panicked look but I couldn't blame Kim for asking.
"Well, Quil only told me about him being a wolf a few months before . . . um . . . he told me that he was in a pack and Sam used to be the Alpha and then Jake and now he is. He said the pack used to be big but the guys retired when they found their imprints, like Sam did to be with Emily when she found out she was going to have Alex. He told me about all their powers, or abilities or whatever and all the old legends and the battles he was in." I listed everything off.
"So you got the basics. Only Quil isn't Alpha anymore, Embry is." Kim corrected me.
"Oh. Do they take turns or did he retire?" I was confused, and a little scared. If he left the pack that meant he had an imprint.
"No, he's still in the pack. He just kind of stepped down." Emily said quickly.
"I didn't know he could do that."
"He didn't either the last time you spoke." Emily answered and then cringed as she realized what she said. "Its not a common thing for an Alpha to step down and stay in the pack, but then there never was much that was normal about the current pack."
Kim giggled at that.
I felt like I was safe asking these women questions so I took a chance and kept going, hoping they wouldn't read anything into it.
"Did he have to give it up because of the touch thing – how he can't feel or whatever?" I asked.
Emily and Kim exchanged another one of those looks before Emily answered. "No, his loss of feeling came after. But he was seriously depressed for a while and stopped functioning. The pack needed an Alpha so Embry took over since he had the most seniority."
"Depressed? I can't picture that." I said. He had always been so happy. Well, until lately, I guess. He's been quieter than I remember each time I've seen him.
"Then be glad you didn't see it." Kim muttered.
Emily gave her a sharp look and she looked sorry. I didn't know what to say. What could have upset him so badly?
"Wait, what do you mean he stopped functioning?" I asked. That sounded serious.
"I don't know if I should say any more. It's not my story." Emily looked nervous.
"Please." I said. I know I had no right to ask, but I couldn't stop myself I wanted to know what happened to him.
Emily sighed, but continued quietly as if she didn't want to say these things out loud. "He was suicidal. He tried everything but he kept healing too fast. His wolf was too strong to die."
This was wrong. This was all wrong. "Why would he do that?" I asked in shock.
"He was hurting." Kim answered. "I heard him tell Jared the pain helped stop the ache in his soul."
I swallowed nervously. I knew about aching.
"Embry ordered him to stop and some time later he realized he couldn't feel anything any more. He was in a bar fight and didn't realize a bottle was broken over his head or his stomach slashed open. That was a bad night." Emily said and Kim nodded sadly as she remembered.
I felt like I was going to be sick. This didn't sound anything like my Quil. My head burst in searing pain and I clutched it in my hands, doubled over in pain. Why did this always happen when I thought about Quil? Guilt couldn't cause migraine's could it?
Emily leaned forward and put a hand on my shoulder. "What's wrong Claire? What can I do?" she sounded panicky.
I couldn't speak, it was hard to form thoughts, and images of Quil laying hurt and broken on the ground overwhelmed me. I tried to look up at Emily but I couldn't focus and my vision blurred and finally went black.
. . .
Embry POV
After running the night shift I went home and passed out on my bed. In the early afternoon I was woken up by frantic howling. It sounded like Brady and he was coming closer. The timbre of his voice had me out of bed and crashing out my back door in seconds. I haven't heard that kind of howl in years – the kind caused by the pain of a pack-mate. I stripped and phased, running toward the sound and as soon as I entered the pack mind I felt fear and confusion mixed with relief.
What happened? I demanded.
I'm blind. Quil's voice was soft in my head but I heard it the second before Brady went off.
We were just running, you know how Quil feels better running all the time these days. And the pictures from his head just disappeared. He was going fast and tried to stop but he slammed into a tree. It didn't knock him out or anything, dude's got a hard head, but he can't do anything – it's not like he can feel his way around you know. He's just sitting out there in the forest and it's freaking us both out. How could he just go blind in a second like that? What's going on? Will it happen to me too? Can we stop it?
Brady, stop! I ordered and he quieted immediately, dropping to the ground and laying his muzzle on his paws.
I needed a second to take this in. I reached out to Quil's mind and heard the river nearby, but there was nothing to see. I could see myself through Brady's eyes when I tried, but that was it. Crap.
Calm down, Brady. I don't think this will happen to anyone else. Are you okay Quil? Are you hurt?
Like I'd know if I was hurt. I can't even look for blood, but other than not being able to see I feel normal – for me.
Could you have run into something that injured your eyes and we just need to wait for you to heal? I asked.
I might not feel stuff, but I know how to not run into stuff while I'm running, Embry. Quil sounded annoyed.
Sorry. Just had to check. I had an idea. Okay, just give me a minute guys. Brady, go to Quil and look for injuries just in case, otherwise stay with him since he can't protect himself right now. For all we know this is a vampire with a special ability like the Cullens had. Howl if you need me. I'll phase back as soon as I check on something.
I phased and ran back into my house. I picked up the phone and dialed Sam. Emily picked up on the third ring. She sounded shaken.
"Hello?" her voice quavered.
"Emily, its Embry. Are you okay?" I asked. My suspicions might be right.
"Oh, Embry, yeah, sorry. Just a little worried. Claire is. . ." she paused.
"What happened to Claire?" I didn't mean to sound so harsh.
"We were talking. She was asking questions about Quil. I said too much. I just want things to be better, I want them to talk and work it out, but when I told her how Quil used to hurt himself she clutched her head and passed out. She's okay though, I think. I mean, she's sleeping, but it scared me so bad Embry. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have told her. I had no idea she would. . ." Emily was babbling but I got what I wanted.
"It's okay Emily. I want them to talk too. I have a feeling everything can be fixed easily if we could just force them to talk it through. But hey, how long ago did this happen?"
"Not long. Kim and I got her to the couch and now she's wrapped up and we are watching her close. Wait, why are you calling right now Embry?" Emily always was smart.
"Quil lost his vision while running. I wondered if it had something to do with Claire."
"He's blind?" Emily's voice broke again.
"Yeah. Brady is with him. I'll go help in a minute. We think he is okay otherwise. Well, as okay as Quil gets these days." I told her.
"Oh no. We have to do something, to fix this." She sounded resolved.
"I agree. And we will do something. But right now I have to go get a blind wolf home and hope he can phase when we get there."
"Good luck." Emily said.
"Just let me know if Claire gets worse, okay?"
"I will. And call me later with an update on Quil." She requested.
I hung up and shook my head. From now on the legends were going to include warnings about messing with imprints if I had a say. And no matter the age, the imprint would be told about the connection so they couldn't abuse their wolf. This whole thing just sucks.
Not that I blame Claire though. She had no idea what she was doing when she sent Quil away, and we still don't know why she did it in the first place. That's something we need to know. I remember when Claire was little. I could have sworn she loved Quil as much as he loved her. None of us saw her rejection coming and I honestly don't think she would have done it had she known what it would do to them both. Because in my mind, I had no doubt her headaches were due to the separation as well.
And even if he is a masochistic idiot sometimes, I don't blame Quil either. I mean, I've seen all his thoughts, I felt all his misery, and I get that he doesn't want to force anything on Claire, but there has to be some limit right? I mean he could have told her and stressed how he would only be what she wanted him to be: no pressure for a romantic relationship. His feelings didn't turn that way until she came back last month anyway.
I clamped down on my thoughts and phased so I could go to Quil and Brady. I could see where they were through Brady and I hurried there. Quil looked alright, just a little beat up with leaves and twigs in his fur from his sudden stop and he was just staring straight ahead in an odd way, but other than that he was fine.
Of course I'm staring blankly, I can't see anything. Quil thought.
What were you doing? Brady asked.
I called Emily. Claire passed out. She's just sleeping now but she's okay so don't freak out. I'm guessing that affected Quil somehow.
Claire? Why did she pass out? Quil was upset.
She found out that you were depressed and hurt yourself. It freaked her out.
I hurt her. Quil was miserable.
I reached the guys then and stood beside Quil. Can you see what we see? I asked him.
No.
Alright. Stand up. Just stay between Brady and I and we will guide you.
How am I supposed to know if I'm between you? he asked.
I cursed. Fine. Just walk when I say. We will push and guide you, just keep yourself moving and we'll get you home.
Okay. Quil answered meekly. He took a few steps forward and Brady and I fell in beside him, nudging him with our bodies as necessary to avoid obstacles. He would jump to clear a log when I told him to but other than that he didn't respond to us much. His head was a complete mess of fear, sadness and resignation.
Shortly before we reached his house I caught some coherent thoughts from him again.
This is it. It's finally going to be over and I will be free. At least I got to see her again. She's amazing. I won't bother her anymore.
Well that's craptastic. Without a word I started guiding our odd little group back around the res and through the woods. I sensed Brady's confusion for a moment but he followed without question, catching on to my plan quickly enough. We stopped well inside the treeline near Sam's house and I told Quil to stop. He didn't respond or acknowledge me.
STOP. I used my alpha voice and Quil stopped moving. He sat down and curled into a giant furry ball on the forest floor.
I can smell her. He sighed and closed his eyes.
Quil I need you to stay right here, okay buddy? I said to him.
Nothing.
I couldn't even tell if he heard me, his head was so messed up.
What's happening? Brady sounded scared again.
I think he's shutting down. We're running out of time. Just stay here with him while I go get Claire. Howl if he tries anything. I instructed and started walking to the house, phasing on my way. It was time to fix this.
I knocked on the front door before walking in. Emily looked up at me from a mug she held in her hands on the table.
"Embry." She nodded to me.
"Hey Emily. Where is Claire?"
"Still asleep in her room. Kim took all the kids back to her place and I called Sam. He's coming home now. How is Quil?"
"Bad." I glanced back at the door as Sam came in and then I continued. "I want to wake her up and take her out to him."
"Emily said he's blind." Sam came up to me.
"Maybe deaf too. I'm not sure. He's not really there anymore. His mind is. . . I can't even explain but its messed up." I said.
"And Claire?" he looked at Emily.
"Asleep." She answered.
"Alright. Let's think this through, figure out what we can do to help Quil." Sam began.
"No. I'm done. I'm not watching them suffer anymore – it doesn't have to be like this. We are waking her up, telling her the truth and taking her out to him. If they don't feel better, if things don't change, then I'll leave it alone." I said.
"What if she doesn't want to help? We still don't know why she pushed him away to begin with." Sam pointed out.
I lost it. "Don't you get it? We are about to lose the first wolf from our pack and it won't be because of a vampire or old age. He's dying! I have to at least try."
Emily reached out and put a hand on Sam's arm. "Let him do whatever he wants." She said.
Sam looked into her eyes for a moment and then nodded. He led the way into Claire's room and then stood back. She was laying still on her bed, her forehead scrunched in what looked like pain. I gently sat down on the bed next to her and reached out a hand to smooth her brow and then trailed my fingers down her cheek. Her face turned into my hand.
"Claire. It's time to wake up." I said.
"Quil." She murmured and then her eyes fluttered open. I pulled my hand back as she looked at me, struggling to focus for a moment. "Embry?" she asked.
"Yeah. We need your help Claire. Will you come with me?" I asked.
She started to sit up and I reached out to help her. She looked from me to Sam and Emily and wrinkled her forehead again.
"What happened?" she wondered.
"You fainted." Emily came forward and handed Claire a glass of water. The woman is a wonder, I swear. Claire sipped the water for a moment.
I heard a bark and a whine from outside and stood up. "Claire, please, I need you to come with me." I begged.
"I don't know what I can do. What's wrong?" she asked, but she still turned and put her feet on the floor. She stood up and looked unsteady so I swept her into my arms and started moving.
I was out the door in a flash and Claire held tight to my neck as if she were afraid I would drop her. She didn't know me well enough to trust me yet. I didn't care.
"Quil is dying. He needs to see you." I said.
"What?" she sounded more awake now.
Brady was pushing at Quil's head with his nose when we arrived and I set Claire on her feet in front of the wolves. Brady looked at me sadly and whined. We were too late.
Claire dropped to her knees in front of Quil and sank her hands into his fur. She stroked his head. "Quil?" she looked over him and ran a hand over his paw. "What happened to him? Was it a vampire? I don't see anything wrong." she looked up at me.
I shook my head. "No. He was rejected by his imprint. He's been getting worse for a while now but today he just, . . . it got to be too much, I guess." I told her.
Sam and Emily walked up to us then and Emily caught her breath. "Is he?" she couldn't even say it.
"I can hear his heart beating, but just barely." I said. Brady whined again. "Just phase Brady. I don't want you to feel it if he dies." I honestly didn't know what that would do to us, if we felt the death of a brother in wolf form. He trotted off and returned wearing his cut offs.
"I didn't know he had an imprint." Claire's voice was small and I could hear tears in it. "He's so kind, and good and caring. How could she reject him?" she had been stroking his face the whole time. Now she crawled to his side and leaned against him, resting her head above his shoulder, but continued running her hand along his cheek and down his foreleg.
"You tell us." Brady bit out before I could stop him. He was shaking slightly and I reached out a hand to calm him. He stepped back when she looked up in shock.
"What? What do you mean?" Claire asked.
"Why did you send him away?" Emily asked gently.
"Me?" Claire looked down at her chocolate wolf and her tears began to fall. "After my birthday party, when I was twelve, the kids spread rumors about us at school. They said terrible things about Quil; that he molested me, he was a pedophile, and did things to me. They thought I was too afraid to say anything. My teacher offered to call the police and the school counselor kept trying to get me to admit that he hurt me. It was terrible." She buried her face in Quil's fur. "I couldn't stand to hear them talk about him that way so I told him to leave before they tried to arrest him or something. No one believed me when I said he was my best friend and would never hurt me. I didn't know how else to stop it and protect him."
The words poured out of her as though she'd been dying to tell someone for years. And I realized then that she had. If she had mentioned any of this to her parents they would have told us. Quil could have explained that none of it bothered him so long as she accepted him. I remember that birthday, when he told her the truth and he was euphoric that she wasn't scared. That's why it was such a shock when she sent him away months later.
"Am I really his imprint?" she looked to Emily through her tears.
"Yes, honey. He's always loved you and wanted you to be happy. He couldn't go back when you said you wanted him to stay away." Emily said sorrowfully. There was no blame. How could there be? Claire didn't know what effect her actions would have, and now we knew she acted out of love. That was the tragedy.
"I wasn't rejecting him. I didn't know . . . I never wanted to hurt him. I thought I only brought him trouble and he didn't deserve that. Why didn't he tell me?" her hands were clutched in his fur as she continued to cry.
"Claire, why didn't you tell us what was happening at school? Your mom never said anything about that to us and she knew that Quil needed you."
"I didn't tell anyone. I thought mom and dad knew – the neighbors talked about Quil too. I knew if I told Quil I was worried about him that he would shrug it off but then he would still have problems because of me. And then earlier – you said that he hurt himself, that he was suicidal. That was all my fault." Claire moaned. "Oh no. This is my fault. He's dying because of me."
She wrapped her arms around his body and squeezed tight. "I thought I would have time. As long as he didn't imprint, when I was old enough I could tell him how much I care about him, when it would be safe for him."
"But you've been avoiding him and wouldn't talk to him." Sam accused.
"I'm still under-age. Just seeing him again, I was drawn to him, but I wasn't about to turn him into what everyone thought he was before. I've been stressed trying to figure out how to stay away from him all summer while all I want is to be near him."
I shook my head. Well, here's what you get when you don't communicate, I thought.
"Does he, did he still care about me?" Claire asked hesitantly. She looked afraid of the answer.
"Of course." I piped up. "You are all he thinks about. Believe me."
Brady nodded his head emphatically.
"Can't we wake him up? What can I do?" Claire asked.
"You're probably doing everything you can." Emily said. "But he might not know what's happening. I told you he doesn't feel touch, and when you fainted earlier he went blind."
"Just before I came to get you he acted like he didn't hear a thing I said either."
"Usually touch and being close to your imprint is enough, but he may be beyond that." Sam said. "Emily could always make me feel better by holding my hand and you are doing more than that. Our only hope is that he's heard this or can at least sense that you are here."
Claire looked down at how she was draped over Quil and her cheeks darkened slightly. Her eyes slid back to Quil's head and she looked like she had an idea. She leaned close to his ear and whispered but I could still hear her.
"Quil, it's Claire. I'm so sorry, for everything. I've missed you and I just want to see you as a man again. Wake up for me. Please?"
A shuddering sigh ran through Quil's body. I quickly pulled Claire away and watched as his body shrank and the fur receded until he was human. Sam had brought a blanket and shorts with him just in case and he lay the blanket over Quil now. Claire pulled out of my grasp and sat again beside Quil who lay on his side. She ran her hands over his bare back and arms.
"Quil? Can you hear me?"
His eyes opened slowly. He blinked several times and gazed up at Claire in wonder.
"Claire."
"Hi." She was suddenly shy.
He raised a hand to her cheek and sucked in a breath. "I can feel you."
Claire put her hand over his and lowered it to her lap where she held it in both her hands. She looked down and stroked his fingers.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you, I swear." She said fervently.
Quil shook his head. "Don't worry about me."
"Stop being a martyr dude. You scared us." Brady said.
Quil looked at the rest of us like he hadn't realized we were there. "Hey." He sat up, holding the blanket over himself. Then he cringed and pulled a stick out from under his leg and tossed it away. "Ouch. I'm going to have to get used to that again."
I couldn't hold back the laughter. Clearly he wasn't doing too bad now. Sam laughed too and Emily even giggled. It was nice to have the tension and worry for our brother gone.
"Come on. Let's get you dressed and back to the house." I held my hand out to help Claire to her feet and Emily put an arm around her shoulders to lead her home. Claire looked back at Quil as though she didn't want to let him out of her sight. Yeah. Everything will be fine now. Quil watched her walk away in awe.
"She was touching me. She wasn't afraid." He said.
"Did you hear anything she told us?" I asked as I pulled him to his feet. He was a little unsteady.
"I heard her apologize then ask me to phase and wake up." He said.
"Are you up to phasing again for just a minute? There's something you should know and this will be faster."
He thought for a minute and then nodded. He turned back into a wolf while I stripped and phased as well. I replayed her explanation for sending him away.
I had no idea that happened to her.
She didn't tell anyone, not even Mark and Sally.
She suffered alone. Quil lamented.
So did you. But now neither of you has to be alone.
I made sure he saw everything that happened from when I got Claire until now. We phased, dressed and walked the short distance to Sam's house. Quil leaned on me part of the way since he was physically exhausted. When we got close I could hear one of the heartbeats inside the house racing and Claire jumped up from her seat at the table when Quil and I walked in. She looked like she wanted to run to him but didn't know if that was okay.
"Come here Claire." Quil solved her dilemma by opening his arms and wrapping her in a hug as she obeyed.
"Why didn't you tell me about the kids bothering you?" he asked as he still held her tight.
"Why didn't you tell me I was your imprint?" she countered.
Quil sighed. "I didn't want you to feel pressured into anything. All I want is to be part of your life, Claire, any way that you will let me. I didn't want you to compare us to the other imprints and think I expected anything else." He pulled back and looked straight into her eyes. "Because I don't have any expectations. You just tell me what you are comfortable with and what you want and I will make sure you have that, okay? I just want you to be happy; that's all that matters to me."
Claire nodded and then hugged Quil tight again, burying her face in his chest.
I cleared my throat and nodded toward Brady. "Well, now that I'm not worried about any of the members of my pack, I think I'll be going. See you guys later." Brady followed my lead, said some quick goodbyes and we walked out of the house. Now that I could relax a little I felt hungry and tired.
. . .
Claire POV
Emily gently guided me away from Quil but I couldn't help looking back at him. I was his imprint. I had to let that sink in. All these years I've been afraid of him imprinting and not caring about me any more. And the whole time I had been his imprint!
And I had hurt him. Hurt him so badly he tried to kill himself. I was the worst imprint ever. I sent him away to keep him safe but had made everything bad for him anyway. He deserved so much better than me. How could I ever make it up to him that he was stuck with me?
I started to panic and then Quil and Embry came through the door. I jumped to my feet as if shocked. He was here. He looked so happy to see me and I was glad to see him but I felt so unsure of myself. Could I be what he needed?
"Come here Claire." Quil's voice broke through my apprehension and I gratefully went into his open arms.
"Why didn't you tell me about the kids bothering you?" he asked in a pained voice and gave me an extra squeeze.
"Why didn't you tell me I was your imprint?" I asked. I was feeling too much. There would be time for explanations later.
Quil sighed. "I didn't want you to feel pressured into anything. All I want is to be part of your life, Claire, any way that you will let me. I didn't want you to compare us to the other imprints and think I expected anything else." He pulled back and our eyes locked. "Because I don't have any expectations. You just tell me what you are comfortable with and what you want and I will make sure you have that, okay? I just want you to be happy; that's all that matters to me."
I nodded and my heart soared as I hugged him tight.
Embry cleared his throat to get our attention and both he and Brady made their goodbyes and left.
I didn't dare look up from Quil's chest and I decided to enjoy him holding me as long as I could. We stood quietly together for a few minutes until Sam came close. I closed my eyes to ignore him.
"Are you okay Quil?" he asked.
"Definitely feeling better." Quil mumbled into my hair.
Sam chuckled. "Good. We'll give you a few minutes."
"I need to call Kim." Emily said and I heard their retreating footsteps.
When we were alone Quil spoke softly.
"Claire."
"I'm so incredibly sorry Quil. I messed everything up."
"Shhh. It's okay honey. I messed up too. How about we call it all even and leave it in the past. We can start new now."
"But you heard Kevin. People don't understand. You can't come to Makah – it won't be safe for you." I protested.
"We will work it out. Just please don't send me away again."
"I won't. As long as you can forgive me." I insisted.
"I am flattered that you are so worried about me, but it will be okay." Quil reassured me.
"I knew you would blow this off. But they talked about jail. I don't want them to take you away."
"No one can keep me away if you want me around." Quil promised.
"But I can never make it up to you. I hurt you." I said.
"No." Quil said firmly and pulled away for the first time. "Don't do this to clear your conscience or because you feel obligated. I promised myself long ago that I wouldn't pressure you into anything. Lying now won't make anything right. Be honest Claire. If you don't want to be around me say so. It's better to have it all out in the open. Secrets haven't done us any good so far."
"I don't want you to ever hurt because of me." I told him.
"I knew it, you aren't ready for this. Look, it's like I said out there earlier, I just want to be part of your life, so we are friends okay? Let's just get to know each other again and be friends. You don't owe me anything and I don't want anything else, okay?" Quil was adamant.
"Okay." I agreed.
Quil ran a hand back through his hair. "Listen, I'm kind of tired after everything that happened, so I'm just gonna go now."
"You can stay here. Sam and Emily won't mind. Stay for dinner and we can talk more after dinner, you know, hang out like friends." I said, trying to get him to stay. I almost messed everything up again. I couldn't let him leave, feeling insecure like that.
"You know how I hate having leftovers." Emily said from the stairway.
Thank you Emily!
"Stay Quil." Sam came down behind her and motioned for Quil to join him on the couch where he turned the tv to a baseball game.
I gladly joined Emily in the kitchen, helping make dinner.
Jared brought the kids back when dinner was almost ready and he went and sat with the men, talking quietly for a little while. The kids swarmed me and asked questions about what its like to faint and was Quil really dying. I answered them all as quickly and simply as I could and was relieved when they switched their attention to Alex who came home from his friend's house with a new video game he borrowed. I finished setting the table and wandered over toward the couch to see that Quil had fallen asleep, leaving Sam and Jared to talk quietly while the kids chatted excitedly.
When Emily called us all to the table Jared said goodbye and Sam nudged Quil to wake him. He stood and automatically gravitated to the seat next to mine. He was quiet and still clearly tired but ate just as much as I remembered from before. It was amazing to me how good it felt just to sit next to him. His presence alone was soothing and I was more comfortable now that I understood why he had this affect on me. Looking back so many things made more sense to me about our friendship and why my parents were so accepting of him. Just like I had innately known he would never hurt me, they trusted him completely with me and my siblings because his own happiness and well being was tied to my own.
After dinner Quil grabbed my hand and led me back to the couch without a word. We settled into one end while the kids turned on the new game to play for a little while before they had to go to bed. Quil kept my hand in his and it felt like old times, when we were simply content to be with each other. There were many things to be said still, questions I had and apologies I couldn't help but feel were incomplete given the impact I had on his life, but there would be time later. Right now all we needed to worry about was enjoying the moment until he had to go home. So I did.