Two chapters in one week, aren't we the lucky ones! For some insane reason I had a sudden burst of ideas the other night and got this out. I hope you enjoy it. I have chapter 6 partly written but I'm going away for my Uncle's 50th birthday/News Year's celebrations so I hope to have lots of reviews/alerts/favourites waiting for me when I get back, that'd definitely be a very good start to the year. Please review and tell me if you liked this or not, after the last chapter I'm starting to get the feeling that no one really reads or likes this so if you do please let me know and I'll keep writing for you!
Also follow me on twitter, I changed my name to Natters_13 recently because 13 means more to me than 999.
Happy New Year!
When I woke up the next morning it took me a few minutes to remember where I was and why I was here. The sudden realisation that I would be making the arrangements for my father's funeral today made me want to curl up and never leave this room. I felt like I wanted to start crying again but I was tired of crying and being upset all the time. I know that I shouldn't bottle up my emotions but that doesn't mean I wouldn't try. My friends don't need to be comforting me all the time; they must have better things to do. Charlie was gone and no amount of tears would bring him back. With that final thought I forced myself out of bed and got ready to go for a run to try to clear my head.
It was 6am so I snuck out the house as quietly as possible. As soon as my feet hit the pavement they took me on a route round Forks that I used to know very well. I ran through the car park of my old High School, past several of my friends' houses, past the dinner where I used to go with the guys after school and at weekends. It took me a while but when I realised where my feet were taking me next I made a sudden right turn down a residential street that I knew connected to another main road. I couldn't face that building right now, the one that reminded me so much of Charlie, just like the house did. I didn't want to see his co-workers and friends that would only look at me with pity and tell me what a great man my father was, I didn't think I could handle it. I knew I would have to face them all at the funeral and many more beside them but that could wait. I wasn't prepared for it this morning. I'd hoped to avoid anyone by being out so early, especially in August when the children would sleep and the adults wouldn't be leaving for work yet.
I finished off my run with a sprint down the street to the Cullen's home, closing my eyes as I ran past Charlie's house and into the Cullen's' using the key they gave me last night. I made my way to the guest room and headed straight to the ensuite bathroom for a shower. I know it was childish of me but I couldn't face looking at my childhood home just yet. The rush of memories I'd experienced when I saw it yesterday made me apprehensive about doing so again. I just wanted to stop all these emotions from overwhelming me. Ever since I was a child I've been very good at hiding my feelings behind a mask that only a very select few have ever seen behind. I hated that I couldn't control these emotions like I had always done before. I hated to let people see me weak, even those that I knew I could trust with my life. I'd been such a mess over the past few months with everything that's happened and I will always be grateful to Rose and Alice for all their love and support but I hated the fact that I was so reliant on them for that time. I hated the fact that whenever things started going well for me and I was actually happy, something would come along and ruin it. My loving mother had always enjoyed pointing this out to me. Renee often said that I was a curse and she hated me for coming along and ruining her life. She used to say that if it wasn't for me she'd be living it up in New York or London or somewhere like that with a rich loving husband and beautiful children; instead she was stuck in Forks, married to Charlie, who loved her, that was for certain, but they had to make do on what he made as a Police Officer (he didn't become the Police Chief until after I turned 10), and they had me, the ungrateful pathetic ugly daughter that ruined her life.
Fortunately for me and my non-existent self esteem, Renee and Charlie got divorced not long after my 8th birthday. Apparently Renee didn't like that fact that Charlie had gotten me a few extra presents and had spoilt me rotten on my birthday. He'd made me so happy that day and I don't think she liked that. I overheard them arguing a week later, saying that Charlie had spent far too much money on me and that the presents would have to be returned so that Renee could afford to go on a spa weekend in Seattle with some of her friends because she was just so stressed from being a housewife. Charlie had told her in no uncertain terms that I was allowed to keep the presents and that if she wanted to continue to be able to have all these spa treatments and expensive clothes and such that she would have to get a job and pay for them herself because he wasn't going to do it anymore. It was then and there that I knew undoubtedly that Charlie loved me. We might not have said it very often but I always knew that I was the most important thing in his life. I'd always been a Daddy's girl; right from when I was a baby I've been told. It was that night that Renee told him that she was leaving him. I don't think he saw it coming but he didn't show it, he just told her to pack her bags and make sure she was out of the house by morning. The divorce proceedings would have got messy if it weren't for the fact that Renee wasn't suing for custody of me but that she wanted the house and a very large alimony pay out while Charlie had full custody of me. I think she'd hoped to make a deal outside of court but Charlie wouldn't go for it and so the judge ruled that she wouldn't get anything except part of the house since the deed was in both their names and she'd never contributed anything monetarily to the family so she couldn't claim for that. Carlisle leant Charlie the money to buy out her share in the house and I have only see her once since and that was on my High School Graduation. Apparently she had felt the need to tell me that she was getting married (for the fourth time) and that she wanted me to come to Florida and live with them, her fiancé Phil was a minor league baseball player and had just got signed there. She wasn't too impressed with my choice of UCLA but at least she was on the other side of the country to me and I haven't seen or spoken to her since. I didn't know if she knew about Charlie but I wasn't going to tell her, she would no doubt find out about it through some of her old 'friends' in Forks that I always suspected she used to spy on myself and Charlie and if she wanted to be here she would be.
I was roused from my thoughts by the sound of knocking on the bathroom door and Esme's voice asking if everything was alright. I noticed that I'd gone through the motions of washing my hair and body and was now stood under rapidly cooling water. I hastily told her I was alright, turned off the water and wrapped myself in a massive bath towel. I caught sight of myself in the mirror over the sink as I got out the shower. I'd never considered myself beautiful, probably partly because I spent the first part of my childhood hearing how ugly I was from my own mother. I mean I know I can look very pretty but that is only after Alice and Rosalie have worked their magic on me. I'm not stunning like either of them and so I've often wondered what guys see in me. I have gained some confidence since going to college, mainly down to my best friends and the interest that guys started showing in me. I'd spent the last two years of High School with Edward and guys in Forks tended to stay away from us girls that had boyfriends and friends that would kick their ass if they ever tried anything, so it was a shock to go out and actually get chatted up by guys.
I shook my head, trying to get rid of these thoughts. The last thing I wanted to deal with at the moment was my confidence issues. I dressed in a simple pair of black, semi-smart jeans, a dark blue blouse and blue pumps. I thought that I should try to make a bit of an effort since I would be going out with Esme to make the arrangements today so I put on a little light make up like my friends had taught me and blow dried out my hair. The funeral was planned for the Monday morning with the wake in the early afternoon and although Charlie had made most of the decisions himself and had set them out in his will, I still had to make the final arrangements and also meet with our family lawyer to go over the will.
Once I was satisfied that I looked alright I grabbed my phone and some water from the kitchen and went and sat on the porch at the front of the house. It didn't seem like anyone else was up yet apart from Esme who was pottering about in the back garden. I turned my phone on and had a quick check of my messages again. There was only one from my friends, just to say that they loved me and would talk to me later today to sort out when and where to meet them at the airport tomorrow. I looked up as the morning paper was thrown onto the porch step by a moody looking kid. I was reading the paper, catching up on the news of Washington State when I heard the door open behind me. I looked up expecting it to be either Esme or Carlisle on his way to work.
"Good morning," said a smiling Edward. "I thought I'd come see if you wanted any company. I bring fresh orange juice and croissants baked by my mum this morning..."
"Ah so you think that I can be bought with juice and pastries? You know me so well."
"I knew you had a soft spot for French cuisine."
"Not all of it, just their pastries. The thought of eating snails or horse or something like that makes me feel ill."
"I'll bear that in mind."
We lapsed into an almost comfortable silence. There were things that we both wanted to say but I couldn't find the words to say them. Luckily Edward knew what to do, or at least he pretended he did.
"Bella, about yesterday... I know I've hurt you so much in the past but I really do want to make it up to you. I still love you, I've never stopped loving you but I know that right now you don't want a boyfriend; you just want a friend, so that is what I'll be. I won't mention the L word again and I will simply go back to being your friend Edward for now, if that is what you want?"
I looked at him for a long while, trying to decipher the true meaning behind his words but I gave up in the end, this kind of thing was always Alice or Rose's forte. "Edward, you know how I feel but you're right, I'm not ready for anything like that again. I'd love for you to be my friend Edward again. I've missed being able to talk to you about anything and everything over the past few years and I really need my friends right now."
I leant forward and gave him a hug. I think he was surprised that I didn't start crying again like some people would have but I'm refusing to let my emotions get the better or me today. I would take comfort from Edward and his parents and my obsession with organising people and events. I could lose myself in the structure of it all and distance myself from it for a little while at least. We let each other go and returned to our breakfasts and the newspaper in front of us. I was surprised to hear the door across the street go but assuming that it was Mr Whitlock or Mr Jenkins going to work I didn't bother looking up from the paper. It wasn't until I heard two voices shout that I paid more attention to the street in front of me.
"BELLA!"