Aw, Cartman!
A/N" I literally feel BAD for Cartman in this chapter, but everything works out in the end...maybe.
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School on Friday was finally over! Emily was walking to her locker. She needed to drop her stuff off at home before she went to meet Kyle. Where were they going to play truth-or-dare anyway? It was all so exciting! Emily was frantic. She could feel her heart beat in her brain, and her stomach felt like it was floating. Even after all of this anxiety, she couldn't hold back a gigantic grin. This might be, you know, IT with Emily and Kyle!
Emily flew down the front steps and ran onto the bus, to see only a few others who were always excited to get home: Butters, Pip, Dog Poo. She sat right in the middle, where Kyle and all the other fourth-graders sat. Emily was bored stiff. It seemed that time was going backwards ever since Kyle had asked her to hang out with them. Grrrrrrrrr, this is taking too long. A little third-grader came on the bus, started crying, fell over, then ran off the bus. Hm. Wonder what made him cry. Anyway about 10 minutes later, Jimmy and Timmy came on the bus with the ramp, which meant everyone was waiting to get on. Stan looked like he was about to cry so he sat in the front with a supporting and reassuring Kyle. He was so caring, thoughtful, smart. He is such a good friend. Tee hee, she giggled.She was just praying to sweet lord she would be dared to kiss Kyle. Sweet, sexy Kyle. Emily decided not to start on "Kyle Mode" again. A teary Kristin and a frustrated Craig came onto the bus and sat down on the seat across from her. "I cant beleive you have Basketball practice on the day of our first kiss!" Kristin sobbed. Aww, poor girl. She's probably been waiting for Craig for a while as well. Emily could most DEFINITELY relate! Next came Carly and Tweek who sat at the dead back. Odd. From the looks of it, Tweek and Carly have already had their first kiss. Whoa, the bus was already full. Noone would have a seat. Then came a few kids who finished their extra help class. Three guesses who she ended up sitting beside. I'll give you a hint: floppy brown hair, chocolate brown eyes, cute red coat, and the tendency to say "Twalve?"
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The bus ride wasnt awkward at ALL. Pfft, yeah it was the most horrible expirience Emily had ever... expirienced! Clyde kept knocking her shoulder or sneezing, then apologized so quickly and quietly it just sounded like a humming. Kristin's weeping across the seat and Craig's constant apoligizing and sniffling made it VERY difficult for Emily to adjust to "Kyle Mode". Finally, finally, it was her, Kenny, Cartman, Kristin, and Craig's stop. Emily sprinted off the bus and panted the second she got out. Oh, why did I have to break such a sweet guy's heart?, she whimpered. He cared enough to write a note, but still struck out. Life can be cruel sometimes. End of story.
Kristin couldn't even look at Craig. It seems her heart was broken as well, like maybe she thought Craig didn't care as much for her as basketball practice. But Emily knew he would just get grounded, or flipped off by his parents if he missed it. Cartman seemed a little perkier than his usual "Kristin Mode" that he was normally in. It is nothing like the coveted "Kyle Mode", Cartman sighed a suicidal sigh whenever he saw the two of them together. She felt awful for all the broken hearts in the fourth grade. Suddenly, her mind clicked. Ask Cartman to take Craig's place! It would be good for his health, too. He's lost like 15 pounds because he's been too depressed to eat. "HEY CARTMAN!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. He turned slowly and looked her in the eye. "Yeah?" He said 'yeah' like a person would say, "yeah, my grandma died," or something. "Uhh, Kristin wants you to come play truth-or-dare later. Its at Kyles clubhouse, I think." Cartman suddenly looked like he saw a ghost, "OKAY!" he choked on his grin. He booked it all the way home, probably to fix his hair and look good for her. At least one of them would look good. Emily's hair was all floppy today. It would not stop getting right in between her eyes. Oh, well. Hopefully it wouldn't matter to Kyle.
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knock knock knock
Mrs.Broflovski aka Sheila aka 'SHAYLA' opened the door. "Oh, hallow theare, Emilay. Koil is up in hies trayhowse wayting fower awl of hies littuwl friends-ah." she said with a psychotic "New York Jewish" accent. Emily fought the sweat and panting as she made her way to the back of his quaint home. It smelled richly of Cheese-Farfel Latkes and Blueberry Blintzes. Mmmm... she hummed as she stepped out into the backyard. Emily went up to the tree and knocked on the wood. Kyle poked his little head out of the treehouse. Emily couldn't help but blush. Kyle had combed his jew-fro out and gelled it down. He was wearing a crisp green tee and black pants. He held out his hand to pull her up. It was like Emily's dream fantasy. Except that a pouty Kristin was there with Tweek. Why did she even come? Well, it doesn't matter, because Cartman would be here any minute, and Carly too. Tweeks hair was wavy and looked a little longer, just like that metro phase. Good times. Tweek had probably taken some medication, too, because his jittering and shaking were lowered to just constant shivering. He just looked like a blur.
knock knock KNOCK KNOCK
"HMM," Tweek stifled an "AHH!" Sure enough, it was Carly with lots of eyeliner hacked on, and Cartman, who wore his hair flopped on his forehead, and fancy clothes. "What are you doing here, fatass!" Kyle shouted. Cartman's face switched over to depressed-looking. He stammered, "Well, uh, Emily told m-" Emily interrupted "I figured since Craig coudn't come and all th-" Kyle, who looked at Emily, figuring he didn't want to upset her decisions, finished, "Well that's okay. You can stay, as long as you don't be a smartass, or weigh down my treehouse." Cartman brightened, which confused Kyle. "Let's play already!" Carly stomped her foot. "Okay, I'll start. Truth or dare, Tweek" Kyle asked. "mmmDARE!" he shouted, winking at Carly. Emily rolled her eyes. Oh dear, here comes the nudity. But luckily, Kyle dared Tweek to jam a stick up his pee-hole. While Tweek was outside doing that, Carly decided to have a little fun. "Kristin, T or D?" .. "Uhm DARE!" she probably had that practiced for when she would get dared to kiss Craig. "Kiss Cartman on the lips!" Carly exclaimed. "Uhhh...chicken." In case you didn't know, chickens are what you say when you don't want to do the dare for obvious reasons. You normally get 3 of them per game. Emily was sitting far from him, but could tell his heart had sunk like the Titanic. Why did she give him false hope? Cartman just sighed his suicidal sigh and slowly made his way to the door. Carly and Kyle were confused, but could tell what was going on. Kristin sat there, staring at him with wide eyes. Noone said anything. Kyle opened his mouth to venture a guess, but then closed it. "Uhh my turn?" Emily asked.
Kristin, who had a puzzled look on her face, quickly stood up and started climbing down. "Guys I'm done jamming the stick up my-AAH!.. OW!" Kristin probably knocked him down to get to Cartman. Everyone looked out the treehouse window to where Cartman was walking. He was schlumped over and probably crying. Kristin caught up to him, turned him around, threw her arms around him and gave him a big, fat kiss. It lasted about 30 seconds and then Cartman leaped up into the air and grinned at the sky. Kristin said something-or-other and pointed north. What were they pointing at?
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Little did they know, in the distance.. they were pointing at someone with his mouth dropped open, tears in his eyes, basket ball in one hand, middle finger up on the other.
Until next time, »aym«