Present, Sam's POV
I love my boyfriend. At least, I love having him. I love being able to say, "Yep, that's mine." It feels good when I do, because he's cute and sweet and treats me really well. I like to have people look at the two of us and approve, something I used to absolutely hate. Actually, i fact, I like a lot of things about him.
His eyes are the prettiest shade of green, vibrant and clear. He never gets upset and always knows what to say when I'm having a bad day. He plays guitar and piano beautifully and writes great songs, sometimes about me. He doesn't rush things. He always listens.
But there are some things I can't stand about him.
He's really technical. It's always about mechanics and numbers, not emotions or feelings. We have completely different tastes in movies and TV shows. He'd rather read a book or listen to music than go to a party. Sometimes he's too nice, too polite. He's never spontaneous. He always asks, "Hey, can I go to second base right now?" and "Do you like surprise parties?" Yeah, it's not exactly a surprise anymore, genius.
Yes, Alex Harrington is a great guy. I like him a lot, but it's just not... It's not perfect. And I don't want to settle for less.
Today, Alex and I decided to go out to lunch together. We drove to a nice cafe with outdoor tables. It's nearly summer and a light breeze plays with my hair as I pore over the laminated menu. I decide on a ham sandwich and lemonade. He orders fish and chips and a Peppy Cola.
"So..." Alex says, "we've been going out for five months now." I nod once. "I think it's coming up on that time. I mean, we've made a pretty big commitment to each other. I think we need to discuss former partners."
I freeze, and my stomach flip-flops. Surely I didn't hear him right. "Former partners?" I ask. My voice sounds strained and high-pitched. I swallow hard and try to look natural while I anxiously twist a long strand of hair around my finger. It's a nervous habit of mine.
"Yes. I mean, sexual partners. After all, STDs are not on either of our to-do lists. It's okay, no need to be embarrassed." He offers what's supposed to be a comforting smile, but it fails.
"I... I mean..."
"Are you not ready? Are you saving yourself for marriage?" he asks, sensitively. We've never discussed anything this serious before.
Now, I'm getting really freaked out. Did he really just bring up marriage? "N-no, I'm not," I manage to reply. "I'm just... surprised. This kind of came out of nowhere."
"It did?"
"It's fine. It's fine, Alex."
"Well, we have to do this sometime. It's better safe than sorry." He pauses before continuing, "I guess I'll start then. When I was seventeen, my high school girlfriend and I both had sex for the first time. Don't worry, we used protection. It wasn't, like, a regular thing, you know. Just now and then. We broke up a few months later."
I'm feeling slightly sick now. The waitress comes back with my lemonade and Alex's soda. I gulp down some of my drink, trying to clear my head. When she leaves, Alex continues. "Over the summer, I was kind of rebounding. I did it with two random girls. We used protection, but it's not something I'm proud of. I wish it didn't happen. I'm a better man now."
I nod, trying to think of what I'm going to say to him.
"I also had a girlfriend freshman year here. We were careful. I'm quite confident that I'm free of any diseases, but I just want to be up front with you."
"Um... thank you for telling me."
"So, I definitely don't think you'd purposely endanger me or anything like that. But I'd really like if you'd be honest about your past encounters."
"Of course. I..." Trailing off, I wonder what to say. Now I'm feeling scared. Compared to Alex, well compared to practically everyone in college, I'm nearly a virgin. I don't want him to know. So I make it up. "I'm sorry, but I can't tell you everything. It's hard for me to even count. I mean, there was Freddie, Reuben, Brad, Pete, Jonah, and this one guy... I can't remember his name. And that was just high school." Realistically, only one of the above is true.
Alex's eyes are wide. I think I've really fooled him. I smile at him. "We were careful, for the most part. Although there was that one time..."
"Um, no offense, Sam... But I think we need to wait a little. At least until you take an STD test. We need to be cautious here." But it's not just that, I can tell. I turned out to be a completely different girl than he thought. Maybe that will hold him off for a little until I know exactly what he means to me and what I need to do.
May, Senior Year
"You look perfect, Sam," said Carly. I adjusted the skirt of my knee-length violet dress and pushed my bangs into place. Carly had twisted my hair up into a complex, curly up-do that would surely come undone by the night's end. Butterflies had been invading my stomach for the past hour, making it impossible to eat anything. I was starving, but I knew it would be unwise to digest anything at this moment in time.
"Look who's talking," I replied, grinning at my friend. She was wearing a floor-length, billowy blue dress studded with rhinestones and had straightened her long hair into a perfect sheet of brown. However, Carly's best accessory was her broad, unfading smile. This was one thing that could not be bought at the store, and one that my own face was currently lacking.
"He'll love it," she said, gesturing towards my dress and hugging me tightly. "Tonight is going to be perfect."
I frowned because I knew tonight would be anything but. The decision had been weighing on me for weeks. I knew what had to be done, what I had to tell Freddie. More than anything, I did want tonight to be everything from the movies and more, but it couldn't be. Life isn't like the movies, after all.
After one last glance in the mirror, Carly and I made our grand entrance in her living room. I wobbled slightly in my heels. They were only two-inches but still hard to balance in. Somehow, Carly managed in four inch stilettos.
Freddie and Carly's date, Luke Kramer, were both sitting on Carly's couch. They looked slightly uncomfortable in their rented tuxedos, but I couldn't help but smile when I saw Freddie. His light purple corsage was a perfect match to the shade of my dress.
"Sam, you look beautiful," he said, softly. He stood up to meet me and gently took my hand. I remembered back when I wouldn't even let him compliment me, but now I accepted it. We'd both changed along the rough road we'd forged.
"Thank you," I said.
That's when Spencer burst into the room, a fancy camera hanging around his neck. "Pictures! Time for prom pictures!" he cried excitedly. "I can't believe it. My little sister is really growing up." He put his arm around Carly's shoulders. She looked a bit embarrassed, but she beamed anyway.
"Okay, Carly and Luke, stand over there by the door," directed Spencer. Dutifully, the couple stood together. Luke placed his arms around Carly's waist in the classic "prom pose." The two had been dating on and off for several years. Prom just happened to be one of the 'on' times.
Spencer took a few nice, elegant snapshots before turning to us. "Freddie and Sam, your turn."
We took Carly and Luke's place by the door. Freddie started to reach around me as Luke had done, but I gently pushed his hands away. We weren't traditional after all. Instead, I slipped my arms around his neck, and leaped into his arms. Freddie laughed, and Spencer took a few shots of him carrying me. Then he captured a few of us giving each other bunny ears and another of us leaning against each other's backs.
"Great. Very Seddie," said Spencer, checking the pictures on the camera's screen.
I glared at him. "I told you, I don't like that term."
"What? It's cute. Just like the two of you."
We both rolled our eyes. "Cute," said Freddie. "Really? Is being constantly beat up on and physically harmed cute?"
"It is when you love each other," Spencer said.
Carly and Luke smiled at each other, knowingly. They were used to this. "Come on, guys, stop with all this mushy stuff. Let's get going," I said. "The limo's waiting."
About half an hour later, our ride arrived at the hotel where prom was being held. I took a deep breath, breathing in the moment. This was supposed to be monumental, special. This was senior prom. I was never a romantic girl, dreaming about the glittery, poofy princess gown I would wear and the Prince Charming that I would go with, but the moment still got to me. This was it.
We stepped inside the ballroom where the party was happening. The music was a heavy and thumping dance version of the biggest pop hit of the year. The heavy bass made my head feel like it was ringing to the beat. Freddie and I weren't the hugest fans of dancing, so we started by the refreshment table. I needed something to eat to quell my nerves. Somehow, I'd found my stomach again on the drive over. I placed a few small cookies on my plate and poured a glass of red fruit punch.
After collecting our food, Freddie and I strolled in between the tables in search of place to sit. A few sophomore girls from yearbook raced around the room taking picture after picture. They were obviously trying to impress the upperclassmen that dominated the area with their thick layers of makeup and far-too brightly colored dresses. Weaving our way through the crowd, the two of us found a rather secluded table. Freddie and I set down our plates and took a seat.
"So this is it," Freddie said. "Prom. That magical, amazing night from all the movies."
"Except for Prom Night which involves losing all your friends to a murderer. Let's hope our night doesn't go like that."
"Yes," he agreed, smiling at me. "That would definitely be a terrible prom."
I knew I would have to tell him what I had to say eventually. I'd been planning how it would go for days. So finally I opened my mouth, but when I did I forgot everything I was planning. I just said, "So, I got a scholarship."
"That's awesome. What school?"
"Berklee."
"Oh, in Boston," he said, softly. "Because I got a scholarship to Stanford. You know, in California." He frowned and moved his food around on his plate.
I already knew about the scholarship. I had been looking through his mail a few weeks ago for a magazine to read and saw the opened letter. That was why for weeks I had tried to avoid the topic of college. Because I didn't want to talk about it.
"Well... we could always..." he began.
"Please, Freddie. You know that I care about you. Much as I've denied it in the past, I really, truly do. But I just don't see a long-distance relationship working in our favor. They never end well. I've been thinking about this for a long time. The hypothetical. I don't want to hold you back. I want you to be happy. Find your California girl and whatever."
The words had burst out. Not calm and collected, but nervous and strained. Everything was going wrong. I didn't want to say this, but I felt that I had to. My heart stuttered in my chest, and I felt miserable.
"Sam. Where is this coming from?" His eyes were searching me. He looked so sad, so hurt.
"Just life. People grow apart. Do you expect us to stay in love for four years or more of barely seeing each other? We're just kids."
"We'll have summers."
"Come on, Freddie. We're eighteen. We weren't supposed to last forever."
There it was. The cynical me from tenth grade who'd scoffed at the sight of teenage love stories and despised romantic comedies. The girl I'd thought had changed, had come to believe. But I was only hiding. I remained a skeptic, still too scared to put my faith in anyone.
"But I lo—"
"Please don't say it. It doesn't have to be this hard. Let's just walk away while we have the chance." I looked down at my lap. I shouldn't be crying. That wasn't part of the plan. I hoped he didn't see as I wiped away the stray tear. My mascara was smearing. Damn.
"Prom night? Prom night is your chance? This was supposed to be the happiest night of our lives."
"And where did you hear that?"
He sighed loudly. "I just wanted today to be happy," he admitted.
"It's our last night," I said. "We can make it a good one. Let's pretend like this didn't happen. Let's have one more happy time." Then I stood up from my chair and kissed him lightly on the lips. I led him onto the dance floor.
There was a slow song playing. The kind that people cry to while hidden under sheets and darkness. There was no sheet, but there were only strobe lights and disco balls lighting up the room. So I let myself. Just a few more tears.
He put his hands on my waist, pulling me in gently, and I laced mine around his neck. We swayed to the beat. Neither of us knew the first thing about slow dancing, but that wasn't what this was about. We moved in perfect harmony because we always had.
I laid my head on his chest, and he kissed my forehead softly. I felt a tiny tear drip down. He was crying too. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to stop myself from bawling. I couldn't take back what I said now. I didn't want to hurt him, but I didn't think I ought to hold him back like this. Maybe we weren't meant to be.
"Why are we doing this?" he asked.
"Because we have to."
"No, we don't. I want to be with you."
"If we're supposed to be together, we will be. Just not now," I said.
He slowly lifted my chin so my eyes looked into his. He pressed his mouth against mine. I drank in his taste, his sweetness. "I want you, so badly," he whispered into my ear, lips brushing against it.
"We have tonight," I whispered.
We did it in the room Carly rented. She had given me an extra key. I locked the door behind me. It was the only time in our whole relationship. Not because I was some kind of angel or prude or anything. Maybe it was because it had never felt right. Maybe we were both a little scared. I knew it was wrong as soon as it was over. Because how could that be the right ending? How could that be goodbye? I let him hold me for once more. Then we were finished.
Author's Note: Thanks a lot for reading this chapter. This one went really fluidly. Don't worry, this is the last chapter of separation and pretty much the end of Alex as well. Sam and Freddie will finally meet again, and it may surprise you where they come together. If you liked it or have any other ideas for flashbacks and such, please leave a review. Special thanks to Kpfan72491, SeddierFTW, EmoGleek, and PhunkyBrewster for the great reviews last chapter!