Author's Note: Chemistry should go to the fiery chasms of hell and just… die.
Disclaimer: You know the drill.
Day Fourteen: 6:07 PM. Location: At a bar eating peanuts and drinking beer.
I had a bad day again.
1. Lillian, who works on the 27th floor, told me that Eve's going out with this other guy. She didn't tell me his name, though. Hmph. Eve had nice legs. And her hips. They looked like childbearing hips to me…
2. My grandmother, the stupid Chocobo brain she is, invited Tifa What's-her-name Lockheart over for some tea and crumpets. I came home, saw her, and ran like the dickens. That girl is a wicked fighter.
3. Someone drank all the Irish Coffees. Have to persuade the guy in the parking lot for some more.
4. I haven't had a decent dinner since grandmother arrived. She feeds me steaks and mashed potatoes. Where is the love! Where are the moldy two-day-old sandwiches and the cold pizzas!
5. Harold the Bartender won't give me free beers anymore. He's doubting my place as a Turk now since I carry this diary.
But I had fun doing evil deeds. I took Grandmother's dentures and painted them pink with her nail polish. Then, Mr. Snuffles, who managed to escape the metal clutches of the washer/dryer, attacked my pants leg. I kicked him off and got a brilliant idea. Bloody brilliant, I must say. Let's just say it involves paint, a razor, and some gel that'll make Zack even proud.
I'll spare the details… but Mr. Snuffles now sports a white Mohawk. Well, more like a long Mohawk that runs down the length of his back.
Reno: 4
Grandmother: 3