I thought it would be nice to see what Steve thinks about all this. Being a man AND a Navy SEAL he isn´t really the kind of guy for big words, but sometimes it´s more important what he doesn´t say.
Thank you all for the nice reviews and alerts. I really appreciate that and I hope you stay tuned! Let me know what you think!
Btw. don´t own anything. They´re not mine, I just like to play with them!
Steve lifted his head from the paperwork he was doing and looked at his partner, who stood in the doorway, arms crossed and smiling his cocky grin.
"You need something, Danno?" he asked. He wasn´t ready for another round of Dannys ranting yet.
"Yeah, an explanation would be nice." Steve sighed inwardly, he should have known his partner wouldn´t let go.
"What for?"
"Well, you could start with why Mr. SuperSEAL left the rest of his task force to work on a case without – and I might add, for the very first time since he is leading this task force – without giving any instructions." Danny left the doorway and slumped down in a chair in front of Steve´s desk.
"I´m sure it wasn´t the first time." Steve said.
"Let me think…. Yes, yes it was the first time, at least as far as my underprivileged mind is telling me."
Steve sighed. "Danny, what the hell do you want from me? Are you mad at me? Fine, I´ll apologize. If not, I´d recommend you let me get going with the paperwork."
"I know you lack in social skills, Mr. Untouchable, but as your partner I think you owe me an explanation as to why you didn´t come to work yesterday. You look like you haven´t slept all night and if your momentary state of mind is putting me in any danger, I think I deserve to know upfront."
"First, I owe you no explanation as this is none of your business. And second, thanks for worrying about my state of mind as you put it so nicely, but I´m fine." Steve focussed on the paperwork in front of him again he heard Danny take a deep breath.
"Oh and Danny? I DO have a private life and I´d really appreciate it if you could respect that." Danny exhaled soundly, looking at Steve somewhat surprised. Now he was really worried. His partner never had been like this, refusing to give him even the slightest hint on what was going on. Not only that, he was defensive, verbally pushing Danny away. Because it wasn´t only that Danny was his partner, a fact that Steve easily could ignore. But Danny was also his friend, maybe his only friend right now. And being rude and shutting him out, was not like Steve. Granted, he wasn´t big on sharing emotions and all, and that was fine with Danny, but this was different. He wouldn´t be Danno though, if he´d accept that.
"So it´s that girl, right?" he assumed, watching Steve intently. But Steve didn´t flinch and his face showed no emotion.
"What was her name? Catherine? Yes, Catherine." He heard Steve sigh and knew that he was right.
"She´s a cutie." Danny teased, knowing that he´d probably push his luck. But he was worried. He had never seen his partner like that before.
"I know that you know her from your time being a SEAL, the question I´m asking myself is, how close you are. And from the way you reacted in your office two days ago, you are pretty close."
Steve dropped his pen, leaned back in his chair and watched his partner, trying to stare him down. But he should have known that Danny wouldn´t even blink. He´d wait until the end of days to get the answer he wanted to hear.
"Okay, you won. You are right." He said, knowing that his partner wouldn´t be satisfied. But before Danny could say something, he continued:"That´s it, Danny!" His voice making clear that he wouldn´t answer any more questions or give away anything else.
Danny looked at him, seeing the dark circles under Steve´s eyes showing that he hadn´t slept, at all probably. And there was something about him, something pained and distant. Danny decided to let it go for now. He got up and walked away, turning around at the door.
"You know, everyone of us needs someone else, even you do, Steve. We need someone to be worth all that shit we´re put through. Maybe she´s that someone for you." he said and his tone was serious, holding a hint of sympathy for his partner. Steve looked up and Danny saw confusion and turmoil in his eyes.
"Be careful." Danny said and he didn´t mean possible physical injuries. Steve gave him a small nod, acknowledging his partners concern.
Steve rested his head against the end of his couch and stretched his legs, closing his eyes. With a content sigh he gulped down half of his beer and forced himself to relax. But he should have known that it wasn´t working this way. Dannys words were constantly repeating in his head.
He had said Goodbye to Catherine this morning, after spending the last two days with her, wanting to have as much time with her as possible. This had been nothing more than a short stop-over and he couldn´t shake the feeling off, that it would take a long time until he´d see her again.
Danny was right, he had called to say he wouldn´t come in and told them to get him on his mobile in case of emergency. And it had been the first time ever that he stayed away from work without being injured or on a mission. But somehow he wasn´t able to break up their 48 hours together and he wasn´t willing to let any case, any emergency or any other conflict come in between. He knew that wasn´t like him, and honestly, he didn´t feel like himself right now at all.
Her ship has left Pearl this morning. That itself wasn´t a problem, that´s how they met and that´s how they worked. But after saying Goodbye and seeing her smile at him one last time, saluting and then leaving... it left him feeling torn.
He sighed deeply. Damn, why was he feeling this way? It´s not like they said Goodbye for the first time. If he was honest with himself he had to admit that something had changed between them. There has been a depth and understanding between them, that he hadn´t expected.
It should have been sex, and nothing more. No commitment. And definitely no emotional involvement. But this woman slowly had found a way inside his heart and he found it harder to resist every time he saw her. Hell, he even had started to call her without any specific reason. Just to hear her voice. Danny would surely find that quiet amusing. But even Steve had to admit to himself that he really cared about Cat, deeply. She was a buddy, a good friend, but still she was so much more. He didn´t think he´d grow tired watching her sleep. Or watch her cook. Or just feel her in his arms.
Steve sighed deeply. There was something changing between them and he didn´t know if he was ready for that yet. He didn´t know what Cat thought about all of this. But he remembered that she was distant at times, as if she was lost in her own thoughts. Of course it could have been a mission, but he doubted that.
The conversation earlier this morning had been the first time that he really had voiced that he didn´t want her to leave. And that he knew there was something they needed to talk about. He would have expected her to make the first move, she was a woman, and from his limited experience he knew that women loved to talk about emotions and all. But he had been nearly asleep. His guard was down. And he had said more than he would have normally done.
Actually it was plain and simple. He missed her. He already missed her and it wasn´t even 12 hours since she had left. It was fun having her around. But he knew that this wasn´t the whole truth. It was more than that. He wasn´t the guy to sugarcoat facts, but this time he found it incredibly difficult to admit the truth to himself.
They had spend the last 48 hours of her leave together. And it had been awesome. He felt comfortable with her around. And he even found himself thinking that he wouldn´t mind having her around more often. He wasn´t used to feeling this way with another woman. Not to that extent. Being at ease and comfortable didn´t really describe what he felt. It was just... just right. Like she belonged there. In his bed, his bathroom, his kitchen, his arms, his thoughts.
He hated feeling this insecure. This torn. This... incomplete. Being with her made everything easier. He rarely had nightmares when he held her in his arms. He didn´t feel obliged to be in control, because he knew that she wouldn´t damn him for letting it slip. And the little things that she did when they were together, made everything so precious.
The way she´d smiled at him when she woke up. The way she´d hand him a mug of hot, black coffee in the morning. How she´d listen to his job and to him talking about Danny. No one understand how much he appreciated this short New Jersey detective in his life, as his friend. Or simply the way she knew that when he´d sneak up on her, wrap his arms around her and have his way with her, it was his way to say that he needed to feel her close.
She became so much more to him than he had originally intented. He wasn´t used to needing someone, he had learned to only rely on himself. When his mother died and his dad had send him and Mary Ann to the mainland, it felt like he was cut off his roots. He was born in Hawaii and he grew up there. This was his home and he never thought he´d have to leave it.
But things had changed, his whole life had changed and all that was left for him to do was adjust to the new situation. Without having something to build his life around. When he joined the Navy, he finally found something that gave his life a new meaning, a new purpose. He loved being a SEAL. Maybe it had been the idea of following orders and letting someone else make the decisions. But maybe it was more being responsible for the men in his unit, finding a reason to survive.
It was his own decision to leave the Navy and to be head of the Hawaii 5-0 task force. But again, he found himself having a team that he felt responsible for, that he´d risk and give his own life for. They were his reason to survive now. His ohana. They helped him without even knowing it. Well, maybe Danny knew, but he hadn´t said a thing yet.
And then there was Catherine. She wasn´t ohana, she wasn´t his team. But she was the reason for him to get up every single time he stumbled. She didn´t rely on his military background. She didn´t rely on him having her back during a dangerous case. She didn´t want him to be strong and protect her. She just wanted him to rely on her. She called out for his humanity, for the little boy inside that needed to be held and comforted. She knew more about his essence than anyone else, even more than Danny.
He didn´t know how that had happened. How this slender, pretty woman with her strong will had found her way into his heart and become more than an one-night-stand. At first it had just felt comfortable to have her around and to see her every now and then for some one-on-one fun. But it had turned into something more.
He gulped down the rest of his beer and placed the empty bottle on the table. Stretching out on the sofa, resting his head on one of the pillows, he lay there in complete silence, only the TV lightening up the room. His thoughts were running wild and he felt unable to get them to make sense. He wasn´t even sure if he wanted to know what he felt for Catherine, if he wanted to dig into it and come up with an answer that would only add complications to his life.
She was gone now. For god knows how long. There was nothing he could do and he didn´t have time to think too much about it. Right now he had other things to do. Finding Victor Hesse and Wo Fat were his top priority and he couldn´t deal with all these emotions. It was easier dealing with his job and all its challenges than trying to listen to his heart and live by it.
He´d think about Catherine later and try to put his feelings into words. Later, when he would have caught Hesse and Wo Fat. And every other criminal on Hawaii. Later.