Chapter 2: The Vanishing Glass
Nine and two hundred twenty-five three sixty fifths later.
It was dark and cramped and it was home to a boy, home to the Boy Who Lived. As he tossed and turned in his sleep, the spiders weaved their webs, and sucked the fluids out of flies. Above him was a masterpiece that the spiders had made, that said:
SOME BOY!
Sadly Uncle Vernon had never noticed that.
But just then a noise came from above. It was that of Dudley, for it shook the house. He was running down the hall, about to fall into Harry's trap. He was getting closer, closer, and then he heard it, the sound of Dudley slipping on the toy car Harry had put there last night. But Dudley didn't stop after one fall, he fell all the way down the stairs, creating a thump after he landed on each one as Harry laughed in his sleep.
Soon, Aunt Petunia screamed at Harry, "GET UP! AND MAKE THE BACON!" Harry flicked two spiders off his glasses, before putting them on. He then walked into the kitchen, where his blob of an uncle was reading the newspaper.
Dudley was watching TV, and Harry heard a little bit of what it was saying, "I will call it….a sandwich! Great moments in history will return." Harry laughed as he started to cook the bacon.
"Oh look the post is here," Harry's Uncle Vernon said nonchalantly, "GET IT HARRY!" he shouted, his face turning in to a fruit gusher.
Harry went to the door as Aunt Petunia went to take over the bacon. Harry laughed, as he knew his plan was coming together. Petunia picked up the pepper, with which Harry had conveniently replaced with Uncle Vernon's gunpowder, and poured into the frying pan. It exploded into Aunt Petunia's priceless face, ruining her mascara, even though you couldn't see it through the remnants of bacon.
"POTTER!" Vernon turned purple, as Harry forgot about the post and ran to the cupboard under the stairs.
"POTTER! Come back, we have to take you to the zoo with us, because Mrs. Figg got hit by a train and won't be back for a week!" Harry jumped out of his cupboard and rushed out to the front door. Uncle Vernon leaned over toward Harry and said, "Any funny business boy, any at all, and I'll take away your Scrabble privileges for a week!"
They stepped out of the house and into the car. Next to Dudley sat his friend Piers 'Pompous' Polkiss. As they drove down the street something caught Dudley's attention.
"Hey look a magic shop."
Vernon turned around while still driving, "Don't say magic!"
"Magic!" Harry said, eyes filled with wonder.
"I'm warning you boy!" Vernon stuck a finger into Harry's face, the car quickly swerving from the road.
"Vernon look out!" shouted Aunt Petunia.
But alas, Vernon was too fat to turn around and hit the break, and his car had a meeting with a shed on the side of the road.
"AAAGH!"
A police man pulled over and gave Vernon a ticket for driving while looking backwards, and then they were back on their way.
It was the funniest day of Harry's life; Dudley got pooped on by a bird, Vernon was fined for yelling at Harry, and disturbing the peace of the baboons. Yup, the day was going pretty good, and that's when Harry met the snake.
After the aquarium, Dudley decided he didn't like fish and decided he wanted to see reptiles more, though Harry doubted he knew what a reptile was.
Vernon and Dudley were banging on the glass shouting, "MOVE!" The snake simply sat there, and soon Dudley got annoyed. Harry went over and started talking to it, not that it could hear him.
"I bet people do that all the time to you, eh?" Harry was only allowed to watch Canadian television.
The snake moved and looked Harry straight in the eyes. It was strange, perhaps Harry was just imagining it, but it looked like the snake was actually listening.
"Do you hear me?" Harry asked in bewilderment.
The snake's head bobbed up and down, its scales shining from the florescent lights, and Harry's eyebrows went up faster than the business stock for Oreo's.
"Wow." Harry couldn't believe it; he was talking to a snake.
Then suddenly, Dudley recognized that the snake was moving and yelled, "It's moving, it's moving!" Harry noted that Dudley was very observant. He and Piers pushed Harry out of the way, and Harry's blood started to boil.
Then, almost magically I dare say, the glass disappeared and Dudley fell right into the snake's pin.
Dudley was screaming like a girl, as Harry yelled, "Get him! Get him!" Harry saw the snake prime its razor sharp fangs for an attack.
The snake must have bit Dudley a dozen times before slithering off and saying, "Thanksss, gringo."
Three hours, and one ER room later they were back at the house. Vernon dragged Harry into the house stepping through a ton of owl pellets.
"Bloody PIGEONS!" Vernon yelled.
Vernon chunked Harry into the cupboard and said, "NO MORE MEALS FOR A WEEK!"
"I DON'T CARE!" yelled Harry, "I CAN STEAL FROM YOU FAT IDIOTS WHILE YOU'RE ASLEEP!" Vernon slammed the door shut and closed the vent at the top of the door with a slap. He wobbled back to the kitchen to brace the icebox with 2by4's.