Author's Note: I FAILED MY CHEM TEST! NOOOO! Oh, and for those reviewers telling me to update… I UPDATE EVERY FREAKING DAY PLEASE DON'T PRESSURE ME EVEN MORE SINCE NOW I'M FAILING CHEM AND HAVE AN ETHICS PAPER TO WRITE. Thank you.

Disclaimer: Bleh. Me no own.

Day Twenty-Two: 8:59 PM. Location: In bathroom, taking an aired dump.

Thank God… Tifa doesn't remember anything. She drank herself to oblivion. The man who burnt her village to the ground, killed her father, and did other atrocious crimes to humanity dancing with an elderly woman related to the Turk she's actually nice to… might've been too much for her.

Speaking of Tifa… I asked her out and she said yes. SCORE! Then I asked her to have my children. She gave me an odd look and threw the nearest thing at me—Dr. Phil's feel-good book. I have another bruise on the back on my head. Oh, how she shows her affection…

Eh. Perhaps I was a bit too… forward with the proposal.

I had to get new shoes now since the old ones are covered in Sephiroth's vomit… smelling oddly like orange juice.

Gramma's already planning the wedding.

Mr. Snuffles looks so sad… Marlene came over with Tifa and shoved his already-mangled body into a pink sweater the little girl apparently knit herself. I wonder what Gramma would say.

Reno: 5

Grandma: 3

Day Twenty-Three: 5:45 PM. Location: Working overtime since I haven't been to work for such a long time.

I came to work with my shirt tucked in and buttoned, and jacket zipped and Rude gave me the eyebrow. Elena dropped her coffee. Tseng stared blankly. Shinra made a comment, but I forget on what.

Eve said "Hello Reno. How's it going?" to me as we took the elevator up in the morning. You really wanna know how my life is going on!

"YOU FUCKING REJECTED ME FOR SOME PRISSY PRETTY BOY WHO USES TO MUCH DAMN HAIR GEL!

YOUR PRISSY PRETTY BOY BOYFRIEND BROKE TIFA'S HEART!

GRANDMA'S CAT STILL PISSES ON THE FLOOR RIGHT NEXT TO MY BED DAMNIT!"

So Eve, was that a suitable answer!

Day Twenty-Five: Midnight. Location: Watching a 'Five-Star Rated Porn flick' in bed. Mr. Snuffles is watching too.

I don't understand how this cheesy porn is highest rated on the Adult Movie charts. I mean, it's just fornication with dialogue.

Speaking of cheese… I got those Nacho Cheese Puffs! And they taste like shit. Should've gotten the original ones.

Gramma just realized her dentures were pink.

She just realized Mr. Snuffles has a white Mohawk.

And she just realized her cane plays "99 bottles of beer on the wall" every time she hits it on the ground.