A/N: as ever the link to the blog/online community for survivors of sexual abuse etc is available on my profile.

Please drop me a review or two because hardly anyone is and I don't know if I'm getting it right or not!

April 2006

Olivia sat alone in her apartment. She was absolutely livid. The cut on her neck still itched where it was healing, and she scratched it absently whilst she contemplated all the things she hated about her partner Elliot. He was an ass. An arrogant, selfish ass. She cursed him again under her breath, and headed to the refrigerator to refill her glass. Screw it, she'd just take the bottle.

She had just sat down again when there was a knock at the door. She swore again and got up, stomping to the door. 'Yes, I'm sorry Mr Lazetti, I'll try to keep it down-' She yanked the door open.

Elliot was standing there. 'Hi, Liv.'

She gaped. 'Uh, my neighbour, ever since I had these hardwood floors put in-'

'Liv, can I come in?' He looked tired.

Olivia hesitated, suddenly conscious of both the half-empty bottle of wine in her hand and the fact that she was wearing an ancient nightdress with Snoopy on it. 'Uh, sure.' She stepped back and held the door open. 'Have a seat.' She glanced around quickly and dropped the bottle behind a decorative fern. 'I'm, uh, doing laundry right now, so-'

'Olivia... I'm sorry. What I said today wasn't meant to upset you.'

Olivia gritted her teeth. 'Well, good on you El, because you managed it anyway.'

He looked as though he couldn't decide whether to be apologetic or exasperated with her. 'Liv, it's not about you. Actually, no, it is. Today at the bus station was the worst day of my life. I chose you over the boy, and I shouldn't have.'

'Well, gee, Elliot,' replied Olivia sarcastically, 'thanks for clearing that one up for me. I feel so much better now.'

'For God's sake, Liv, can you not be such a bitch about this?' Elliot looked like he wanted to break something, but settled for pacing back and forth glaring at the floor.

'Me?' Olivia clenched her fists and tried her best not to strangle him. 'I'm being the bitch? I'm not the one who said we couldn't be partners any more!'

'Because I care too much about you to do my job right! I should have saved that boy today, and I didn't because I was too busy worrying about you!'

'And that's my fault, is it, Elliot?' Olivia marched over to the door and held it open. 'Get out.'

'No, Liv, that's not what I meant.' He walked over and tried to close the door. Olivia held on. 'Come on, Liv, let's just talk about this like adults, OK?'

'Fuck you, Elliot,' spat Olivia.

'Liv, how is my caring about you this much a bad thing?' Elliot tried to take her hand.

'Because you think that it's my fault that you couldn't do your damn job!' shouted Olivia, shaking him off.

'For GOD'S SAKE-' Elliot wrenched the door away from her and slammed it. The large mirror above the counter fell to the floor with a crash. There was an uncomfortable silence.

'You're paying for that, you son of a bitch,' said Olivia.

'God, that's all I need,' said Elliot, laughing awkwardly. 'Child support for four kids, paying Kathy money every month... wow.' He trailed off for a minute and sat back down on the sofa. 'Olivia... you're the only thing I have left worth a shit in my life. I couldn't... if anything happened to you... Liv, I'm sorry.'

Olivia felt herself weakening. 'How could you ask me to do that today, El?' She sat down beside him and rested her head in her hands. 'I couldn't, you know I couldn't.' She looked up at him. 'Would you?'

'Would I what?'

'Would you have taken the shot? If it was me?'

Elliot opened his mouth to answer, then stopped and thought about it. 'No, Liv, I don't think I could.'

'Then how could you ask me to?' Olivia swore to herself as she felt tears on her cheeks. That asshole. 'How, El?'

'Liv...' Elliot brushed a tear off her face. She went to swat his hand away, but stopped. They sat there for what seemed like hours, her holding his hand to her face. 'I...'

Olivia leaned in and kissed him. Elliot hesitated a second, then kissed her back, holding the sides of her face in his hands. She wrapped her arms around his back and pulled him close to her, sliding her hands up under the back of his shirt. 'El, this is such a bad idea...'

Elliot slid the straps of her nightgown off her shoulders. 'I know...' He started kissing her neck as she pulled him down on top of her and wrapped her legs around his back, burying her face in his neck as he kissed her neck and shoulders.