She had to get this off her! How could she have done it? She was a monster… He had done nothing wrong! She had attacked him. She had gotten it all wrong!
She choked in her sobs. She knew that the only reason she hadn't gotten in trouble was that there were other wizards in the house, so the Ministry couldn't exactly tell what had happened. She understood the grown-ups' looks now. They knew, and it disgusted them... They knew that she hurt him on purpose, and it revolted them… Now she had no one to turn to. Maybe they had already told Dumbledore… Maybe, she had just been left all alone…
Hermione scrubbed her wand arm until it was raw. She knew she was a monster, and she had to get this off her! How could she have done it?!
All the books at Sirius' place were about dark magic. She shuddered, and took the one closest to her, reading the title slowly ("Suffering: The Complete – and illustrated! – Guide to Painful Hexes"). She knew that this section of the house was out of bounds to everyone, but she had to find out what was happening, especially now that no one was by her side.
She flipped through the pages and, for the first time, thought of putting a book down instead of reading it. The curses were terrible, and the book covered a wide range of tortures, from sleep and oxygen deprivation to denailing and mutilations. She jumped a couple of chapters, and landed on "Mindtraps". It started out with a short description, which Hermione read avidly.
"Do you want your preys to keep it quiet? Force them to complete silence, trapping them in their own minds as they drown in despair, shame and self-hate. It is almost impossible for your victims to discover what happened or who did it. And really, why should they? After all, who would like it to stop?"
She knew the answer, what she was looking for, was here. However, before she could turn the page, a hand laid itself on her shoulder. She jumped, letting out a little scream as she turned around. Sirius was standing in front of her, eyeing her closely.
"Nice book you have there. It used to be my mom's favorite…"
Hermione tried to put herself together, but she knew she was pale and she couldn't stop trembling.
"I don't like how you've been behaving, you know? Taking things, entering my room without permission…" – He took the book from her hands, read the chapter title and closed it. – "Hexing people…"
So he knew. Hermione wanted to run out of her room, crawl into her bed, and die. He stepped closer.
"Sirius, I – I –"
"I know what you've been up to. We all do. We know what you've been doing."
He took another step closer. She tried to retreat, but found herself rooted to the floor. He took her forearm, and she hissed in pain, knowing why it was raw: she had skinned herself in the shower, wanting to cut her wand arm off instead of scrubbing it, less than two hours ago. He squeezed it slowly. It felt like it was going to break and her eyes welled up with tears.
"Sirius, please!" – She wanted him to know she'd never hurt anyone, that she'd die before she ever did anything in her life again without thinking it thoroughly, that she was sorry about everything she'd done, but the words died in her throat as the pain mounted. – "Please!"
"Tsk, tsk, tsk. You've been a bad girl, Hermione, very bad indeed. And I find it unacceptable…" – She heard him and froze. That voice reminded her of something... – "But I guess that by now you know it. You can't say no to me..."