Chapter 7

Communication

My smile is my defence.

Against all the sarcastic smiles, pitying gazes and falsely-sweet voices that greet me everywhere I go, all I have is a smile that masks the despair I sometimes feel inside.

The world may say that everyone is equal and that everyone is accepted into society but that's obviously a lie. Everywhere I turn, I can feel the rejection from the people around me. There were only a precious few who actually did accept me, regardless of who I am.

These precious few are the reasons I can still smile. Yet, all I've done is cause trouble for all of them. I can't even tell them, with my own voice, "Thank you".

The senpais who were talking behind our backs earlier ran away at Takanari-sama's words.

I stared at him incredulously as he turned around to face us again. His lips twitched faintly as if he was seriously considering his threat towards them, despite what he had said.

Our eyes met; his blue eyes drowning me in their depths as they did just a few years ago.

Even if he doesn't remember me… Even if he has changed a lot… The Takanari whom I knew from the hospital was still present in those eyes.

I smiled at him, hoping he would understand the words my lips could not form- "Thank you." Surprisingly, his eyes widened slightly and he broke eye contact with me.

'Eh?' My brows knitted together; my hands tightening their hold on the books they carried. In an instant, the Takanari I was familiar with vanished and I was brought back to Earth with a painful realization: things are different now; he has changed but I am still, and it seems like I will always be, the same… mute.

"Let's go; the others are probably waiting."

I nodded numbly, watching him brush past me without a second glance.

After all, those senpais were still right. I am just a mute girl. The only reason why I'm here is because of Senri-sensei. I didn't need to be here. In any case, what could I, with my limitations, do? My existence was worthless.

My mind became blank, my body followed Touya-kun and Takanari-sama's footsteps unconsciously.

By the time I snapped out of my reverie, we were entering the Student Council room, Touya holding the door ajar for us. He watched me with a curious expression and immediately redirected his gaze to the floor when our eyes met.

I glanced inside quickly and scanned the room for the others but I only could see Okorimakuri-kun chewing on something that looked like it used to be a pillow. I heard Takanari-sama arranging the books in the meeting room. Touya-kun ushered me in politely, grabbing the rest of the books in my hands before I could resist and disappeared into the same room as his master, saying something about tea as he departed.

I really don't deserve his kindness.

I sat down on a seat near the window and stared through the elaborate curtains without really seeing anything. For once, the silence was unbearably uncomfortable. The suffocating feeling was pushing down on me as if it was crushing me into nothing.

"What's the matter?"

I looked up at him almost hesitantly and met his azure gaze. His brows creased and a flicker of worry seemed to flash in his eyes.

"You're… crying?"

'Oh.' My fingers flitted to my cheeks automatically and my mind suddenly registered the damp trails on my face.

'Why…?' I began to ask myself, unsure why these tears were still pouring down, blurring my vision.

On instinct, I turned away from him, hiding my hideous face. For a split second, I considered running for the bathroom but I felt something brush the hair near my ear and I slowly turned back to him. He was kneeling in front of me, his hand just inches from my face.

"May I…?" His voice trailed off. I could see on his face that he was debating his actions internally. My head jerked in a small nod despite myself.

The tips of his fingers were smooth against my skin. I had to restrain myself from sighing at his gentle touch. With each brush of his fingers, he took away my unease. I stole a glance in his direction; the image of his gentle face concentrating on wiping away my tears was burned into my mind. It took all of my willpower to focus on the sway of the branches outside. Despite my efforts, my thoughts wandered back to him.

How I wish we could return to those days; when we could do anything together and not worry about stupid things like social status and disabilities. I bit bottom lip when memories of what happened just a little bit earlier came back to me and reality hit me with a vengeance. His hand flinched back.

"Sorry," Takanari-sama said automatically, pulling his hand away quickly. I nearly grabbed his retreating hand but somehow managed to shake my head instead.

He contemplated me for an instant; the path of his touch seemed to burn on my face and I feared momentarily that he could tell.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked, uncertain at his own words; his hand twitched at his side. I shook my head.

"Have I said something to offend you?" I looked at his eyes and could tell that we were both thinking of the senpais from earlier. I shook my head again.

Frustration flashed in his face. "I must have misinterpreted you. Touching you was inappropriate, forgive me-" I shook my head more forcefully, raising my hand to stop him from continuing.

He was condemning himself for all the wrong things. I should be mad at myself for wanting him to touch my face again.

Frustration was replaced by confusion; it enveloped his elegant features and I watched in fascination as his old habit of chewing on his lip manifested itself. My lips twitched upward, unnoticed by him.

"I want…" He started carefully, his eyes darted to mine and to the floor in the pause- another old habit. "…to understand you better. I really do." He hesitated for a second before continuing, "Sometimes…" His stare was fixed on the intricate design of the carpet near his knee now. "I think I can understand what you're mouthing or signing-" He stopped as if the mere thought of the following words was crazy.

A small smile was glued on my face. Each moment I spent with him reminded me of the precious two weeks we spent together at the hospital. Sometimes, he seemed like a completely different person but now, I could clearly see the boy with a leg in a cast, leaning against a maple tree as he listened to music. It drove me insane! I was torn between hugging him and curling into a ball; an unexplainable thought.

I rustled through my pocket and pulled out my worn out notebook. As I did this, he realized what I was planning and pulled out his own pen from his pocket before I could search for mine. "Use this." I nodded, strangely happy that he was letting me use something of his own possession.

What was wrong with me?! It's just a pen!

"Thank you." I wrote.

"I haven't really done anything… It's just a pen." He said before I've even finished, obviously confused. I shook my head with a smile. Clearly, he doesn't how much everything he has done means to me.

"Please don't blame yourself for anything. You've done nothing wrong." I wrote quickly.

He watched me questioningly. "Then why did you cry?"

I'm sure that the pain was showing through my expression now. How could I explain when he doesn't remember me? "It's complicated." I wrote hesitantly.

He mouthed the words and I could see the irritation in his eyes again. I bit my bottom lip again as I saw his head shake ever so slightly. To my surprise, his held his hand out for the notebook and pen; I relinquished them, confused.

I waited patiently as he propped the notebook on the arm of the chair I sat in, away from my curious gaze. When it was back in my hands I marvelled at the refined handwriting that perfectly matched him before realizing fully what his words were.

"No matter what it is, you can depend on me. Trust me."

AN:/ Yay! Update! I don't know if you've realized by now but I don't really plan my stories so sometimes, the chapters seem disconnected. Gomen nasai.
Yes, I'm very sleepy right now so forgive me if I can't produce a coherent sentence. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please continue to read until the very last! haha.
Don't forget- Reviews are wonderful~ lol