Here it is, the final chapter. Thank you to everyone who stayed till the end - I really appreciated every review, comment or message. I don´t want to overdo it, I think it´s time to let them go. But I wanted to have them say the three little magic words.

"You know, Catherine, whenever you are looking like that I feel like I want to slap you. But if I do, I´d feel like slapping a little kitten." Jenna´s voice was pulling me out of my thoughts and I looked at her, unaware of the total confusion on my face.

"What...?"

"You´re so lost in your thoughts that I even feel guilty for pulling you out of them. Must have been pleasant thoughts by the way you´re smiling." I saw her look, curious, but I knew that she´d tease me but never ask.

I sighed, putting a strand of hair behind my ear. It was true, I was lost in thoughts. And I couldn´t get myself to focus on this day off on Malta. Being on board, being on duty was so much easier, because there were so many reasons to keep myself from thinking of him. Plus I knew what was expected of me, I knew my job and I knew my role as a Naval Intelligence Officer. Here, being private, being just Catherine Rollins... that was a different story.

"Sorry Jenna, I..." I started but was interrupted when she lifted her hand.

"It´s Steve, hm? You know, when I saw you two look at each other in that bar in Coronado, I knew this would be something... something else." Her eyes held some sympathy for me and I felt myself blush.

"He´s hot, he´s a SEAL and he´s damn sure interested in you, girl." she said, laughing at me.

"I´m not too sure about the last one, but then again, I don´t even know what I feel for him." I admitted, feeling somewhat insecure and out of myself for talking that openly about my own emotions.

"You´re not in the best position. Having a relationship like this is never easy."

"We don´t have a relationship."

"Not? How would you call it then?" Jenna got serious, looking at me as if I was to pour out my emotions right then and there, in that small café in Malta.

"Jen..."

"Seriously Cat, for how long do you want to pretend?"

"I´m not pretending!" I protested weakly, feeling like someone had knocked me off my feet. This whole conversation started to get irrational and completely out of hand.

"You are! Everyone around you can see that you have feelings for that guy. And he has feelings for you too. But you both prefer to not talk about it, you ignore it. What for? Do you hope it will disappear again? Trust me, it won´t." I sighed inwardly. This girl was... my best friend. But she could be such a pain in the ass, because she just wouldn´t let go. She was like a pitbull sometimes.

"How could I ever allow myself to want more?" I asked helplessly. I looked at her, as if she knew the answer to my problems.

"How could you ever not want more? Let me ask you something, Cat, and I want you to answer me honestly," Jenna said and placed her hand over mine, giving it an encouraging squeeze. "Did you ever realize that we all need someone in our life´s? Someone to make it worth it? Someone who´s there to hold us and to help us move on? Someone to rely on?"

I knew I was staring at her but my mind was racing, trying to wrap around her words, wanting them to make sense. And they did. Just like that. They did make sense. Because in that second I realized that Steve was that someone for me. He was my reason to move on. He made me want to fight harder. He made me want to make everything better. He was the one I relied on, his strength, his morals, his mere presence.

"Oh god." I moaned and hid my face in my hands. I heard Jenna chuckle.

"You got it, girl."

I listened to the ringing, waiting for the person on the other end to pick up the call. It was unnerving, all I wanted to hear was his voice. And it seemed to take forever until finally, just a split second before I was directed to his voice mail, the call was answered.

"McGarrett." His voice was low, sleepy and strained, telling me that something wasn´t right.

"Hello sailor." I whispered, closing my eyes to just enjoying the feeling of hearing his voice.

"Sunshine... where are you?" he said, trying to sound like he usually would, confident and strong. But there was something along the edges, something I couldn´t describe.

"2 days from Pearl." I said.

"Home soon."

"Yeah... Steve?"

"Mmmmh?"

"How bad is it?" I asked and I heard him chuckle and then a painful hiss.

"I´m fine." I rolled my eyes.

"Don´t give me that shit, sailor. How badly are you hurt?" I felt myself getting impatient.

"Just some bruises. Nothing serious and nothing life threatening, just painful." he finally admitted.

"Is that the official version you´re giving Danny or is it the truth?" I couldn´t help but smile.

"Trust me, Danny knows how to get me to tell him the truth. I´m okay, Cat." I heard the smile in his voice.

"Do you need a nurse?" I teased and the way he replied told me that he was okay.

"Wanna volunteer?"

"If you don´t insist on me wearing a uniform all the time..."

"Nah, you can walk around naked, I´m fine with it."

"Good, when should I be there?"

"Right now..., "he sighed and continued. "I miss you. But I´ll be able to wait 2 more days, not a second longer though." he chuckled and I saw his face before my eyes, handsome, expressive and with a grin tugging at the end of his curved lips.

"Okay sailor, you got yourself a deal. 2 days from now. Your place. I´ll be there, better prepare yourself to be pampered and spoiled."

"Is that a promise?" his voice dropped a level and it made my skin tingle with anticipation. This man knew damn well what he was doing to me with his voice.

"If you can handle it."

"Oh, trust me, I can handle you, Baby."

"We´ll see, Commander. Don´t be too confident."

"I´m really glad you´ll be back soon." he got serious again, his voice held a gentle tone that made me smile. I closed my eyes for a second, holding the words inside that my heart wanted to say so desperately.

"Me too. It´s been a long time."

"Are you okay, Cat?" I forgot how well he could read me, even if it was just my voice. That was something I wasn´t used to, still. It was unnerving at times when I´d rather keep things from him. Things I knew I couldn´t share. He knew that as well and he never asked for details. But he always made sure I was okay.

"I´ll be." I said, knowing that he would get it. I heard his little sigh, knowing that he was probably running his hand through his hair. I could only imagine how frustrating it must be for him at times, knowing what I was facing every day in my job, but also knowing that he couldn´t help me.

"That bad?" he asked and I closed my eyes again, trying to hold back the tears. His gentle voice soothed the turmoil inside me, but it also made it so much harder to keep my feelings at bay. I didn´t want to break down right now. I didn´t want to think about the past mission and about the life´s we´ve lost.

"Worse. But please let´s not go there now, okay?" He´d probably hear the tears in my voice.

"2 days, Sunshine. And trust me, I´ll help you make happy memories."

"No doubt about that, Steve." I heard his breath and I desperately wished to cuddle into his warmth right now. Damn, since when did I let my guard down enough to let him get to me that much? Why was it so easy to trust him and to open up to him?

"Is everything else okay over there?" I asked, changing the subject when I trusted my voice enough again to speak.

"Yeah, we´re good now. It´s been a bit rough the last days..." he trailed off. "I´ll tell you when you get here, okay?" This time it was him backing off and I accepted that, we´d talk about it when he was ready to. I knew that he was working on tracking down Victor Hesse, his father´s murder, and Wo Fat. I assumed whatever had happened was linked to one or both.

The past year has been hard for him, I knew that he was facing a lot. Not only linked to his new role as the leader of a task force and his need to find his father´s murder, Victor Hesse. This was getting to him emotionally as well. He had to find out that his mother´s death wasn´t an accident but a car bomb, most likely linked to Wo Fat and Hesse as well. He had to deal with Mary Ann getting kidnapped. He was the strongest person I knew. But he wasn´t used to dealing with the feelings of loss and love and revenge and fear, not to that extend. This was personal and he had to fight every day to not let his feelings get the best of him.

I remember the day he called to tell me about his dad, being murdered by Victor Hesse. I´ve never heard so much pain in his voice, so much hate and so much helplessness. He was like a little boy who had lost his hero. And at the same time, he was a grown up man, a Navy SEAL, trained to kill and if he had any say in this, he´d kill Hesse with his bare hands, enjoying every second of it.

I knew that it scared Steve to feel that way. He had told me that much when we were on a boat over the weekend. He usually was a cool, calculated man, never taking any unnecessary risk. He knew his capabilities, knew how to plan an op, knew what was necessary to achieve the goal. He trusted his instincts and was level headed even during the hardest fight. But this wasn´t one of his missions, even though it clearly became one. But this hit too close to home to stay out of it. He was forced to take a side in this game and he chose the one of hunting down the enemy.

I knew though that Danny as well as Kono and Chin wouldn´t allow him to sacrifice his own life and future for Hesse. They´d have his back and they would do whatever was necessary to keep him out of any trouble.

I was worried about this whole situation. I knew that under any other circumstances, Steve would be able to handle it. But with his team as the only back up I was afraid that he´d let his thirst for revenge cloud his rational mind and that would get him into deep trouble. Deeper than anything he ever had to face. And maybe even too deep for me to safe him. Or anyone else.

"Hey, you´re still there?" he interrupted my thoughts.

"Yes, I´m here. Steve..." I stopped, shocked about what I was about to say. The words came out of nowhere, but once they were in my head, I couldn´t ignore them any longer. My heart knew what I was feeling. My head told me to shut the fuck up and not destroy what we had.

"Mmmmm?"

"Nothing. I´ll see you in 2 days, sailor." I whispered, fighting against the need to tell him.

I heard him hesitate for a second and then he said: "I´ll see you in 2 days, Sunshine." When we hung up I felt alone for a second and then I forced myself not to think about it. There were still plenty of things I had to do until I was able to get home.

Home, to Steve.

'Hey Sunshine, won´t make it in time. Let yourself in, relax. I´ll be back asap. Steve'

I sighed when I read the text. Fate seemed to always get in our way. I stood in front of his door and fished the keys for his place out of my purse. He gave them to me a month after he moved in. It was my first leave after the terrible incident and we´ve spend it at his place mostly, cleaning, trying to remove every evidence of what had happened here.

I closed the door behind me, looking around and smiling. This was his home, the place he grew up, and even if it had been his father´s house for the past years, you could already tell that it was Steve´s home now. I dropped my bag, opened up my jacket and just threw it over the sofa, moving to the kitchen. I opened the fridge, getting myself a glass of cooled Shiraz. 'You´re already spoiling me, sailor.' I thought with a chuckle.

The house was quiet, too quiet for my liking. I went back to my bag, got a CD and put it into the player, turning up the volume until it was nearly painful. Within a second the hard drums and rhythm of Sevendust filled the room and I closed my eyes, enjoying the hard music that seemed to respond so well to my inner turmoil.

Nipping at my glass, I took my bag and went upstairs and stripped out of my uniform in his bedroom. In the bathroom I turned on the water of the shower and quickly rinsed the sweat and smell off me. I felt way better when I left the shower. Looking in the mirror, I grimaced at my face. My long dark hair was wet, curling around my shoulders, my face was bare any make up and I looked way younger than I actually felt. My eyes seemed huge and the dark circles under them didn´t match the innocence my face showed.

Back in his bedroom I grabbed a grey tank top and white panties, quickly dressing. My skin was enjoying the air on it, after all those months of being caged in a uniform, I loved feeling as much air as possible. I quickly tied my hair up in a messy bun and went back downstairs barefoot.

Steve still wasn´t there and I decided to pour myself another glass of Shiraz. I already felt the alcohol in my system but I didn´t care. My muscles were relaxed and my inner demons were kept at bay, goal achieved. For the first time in days I felt good and I was so looking forward to seeing him again. I planned on taking him up on his promise to make happy memories. I needed him to stick to that. I needed him desperately to help me with this.

My thoughts went back to our call and to the moment when I had nearly spilled that I loved him. Damn, this situation was getting out of hand. He had told me that we both would have to talk about whatever it is we have between us. We both knew things had changed and we agreed to finding out where it would take us. But was I ready for that yet? Was I ready to admit that I love him?

Ironically I wasn´t scared of him saying that he didn´t feel the same way about me. I guess I knew that he always had feelings for me. Otherwise this wouldn´t have been going on for nearly 5 years now. No, deep down inside I knew that he cared for me, as a lover. But I was scared to hear that. To hear him admit it and tell me that he loved me too. Because...

Because of what? I tried very hard to think of the reasons to not admit my feelings and to not allow this, our relationship, to become real. Why would I not want him in my life? Because it would be complicated to find time? Because I wouldn´t want him to worry when I was gone for months? Because I knew I would worry about him, knowing that his job wasn´t any less dangerous?

"Shit!" I sweared loudly.

None of those reasons seemed to matter anymore. I was in this already, so deep that I didn´t care about the consequences. I was worried about him when I was gone and I knew he was too. It was already difficult to find time, but we always managed. Keeping my feelings from him was nothing more than a habit. A futile attempt to keep myself from getting hurt. But damn it, I would be hurt no matter what, if he was hurt or in danger. I was worrying already.

What if my fear of letting this love I felt for him become obvious, what if that was ... useless? It didn´t make anything easier. Not the parting. Not the absence. Not the longing. It was like torture, like something wonderful and precious that I kept from myself. Even if I would never tell him, I would still feel this way. I would still love him. I would still miss him, worry about him, long for him, want him.

"Beautiful." A low, dark voice behind me startled me and I froze, instinctively grabbing my gun that was placed on the sofa, always within reach. Aiming at the voice I blinked a second and then relaxed my arm, putting the gun down.

Steve stood only a few feet away from me and his face told me exactly what he felt. He looked tired, but his smile was huge, inviting and welcoming. I put the glass down and within a second I was in his arms, pressing my lips to his desperately. He moaned low, pulling me closer and kissing me with so much passion and fever, that my knees would give in, if he hadn´t had me pressed against him. Our tongues met, dancing around each other, drinking in each others taste and scent.

My hands moved to his shirt, ripped it open and slid over his muscles, his skin. Our kiss never broke when we stripped each other, too desperate to feel. His hands were all over my body and I arched into his touch, into his body. God, he felt so good, so manly, so strong. I´d never get tired of touching him.

His lips moved from my mouth to my neck, sucking at the skin where my pulse was beating furiously. I pushed him towards the sofa, pushing him down and following him immediately.

Again we kissed, touching each other were we both needed to feel it. The music in the background only fueled this frantic encounter and when I impaled myself on him, feeling him deep inside me, I threw my head back, screaming his name.

His hands grabbed my hips, pulling me closer, moving me in a hard and demanding way to give us both maximum pleasure.

"Cat..." he moaned and our eyes met.

"I need you." I whispered, reading in his eyes that he understood my unspoken plea. His hands guiding me, moving me more urgently, more demandingly. I was more than willing to give in.

"Kiss me." he demanded and I obliged, kissing him. And I allowed all my feelings to surface, not holding anything back anymore. My hands tried to touch as much of him as possible, gently kneading his muscles under my hands.

I broke the kiss again, steadying myself with my hands on his shoulders when I began to move faster. Again and again I caused him to moan, to arch into me, to push his hips up. I knew we wouldn´t last long, but it didn´t matter. I needed him. I wanted him.

"Steve!" I moaned when his lips closed around one of my hard nipples, teasing it and causing me to jolt upwards.

"More!" he demanded and again I obliged.

We moved in a hard, nearly furious rhythm and I knew that was what we both needed. Desperate to feel each other after those long months apart.

And then I was there. Screaming his name while he held me pressed to him tightly. His hips pushing up against me prolonged my orgasm, until I was panting heavily. I heard him moan, knowing that he was close as well and I lifted my head, framed his face and looked at him.

"Come for me." I whispered, moving my hips, pressing my thighs against his. I felt him pulsing inside me, throbbing, begging for release.

"Cat!" His eyes clouded, his lips opened up in a silent scream and his body went rigid when he came undone. I watched him, saw him dropping his guard completely. In that very moment, he allowed me to look straight into his soul, into his heart. No holding back. No boundaries. No fear.

It was the next evening and I hardly remembered if I had ever felt this comfortable and lazy. We had spend the day at the beach behind his house, goofing around in the water, napping in the warm sand and making dinner together. Steve let me choose a movie, but I think that maybe it wasn´t the smartest move.

"Hey, it was just a movie!" I heard the laughter in his voice and tried my hardest to will the tears to stop flowing.

"I know it´s just a movie, Steve." I said, sniffing.

"Come on, Cat, you´re not crying over a movie like this, are you?" I punched his gut and heard him laugh out loud.

"It was very emotional!" I defended myself.

"Yes, the good looking guy got the girl and they live happily ever after." he chuckled and I punched him again, moving away from him.

"That´s what love should be like." I said, knowing I sounded stupid. We were on his sofa, cuddled together and we had just finished watching "Dear John".

"Oh...oh...oh... really? That´s what love should be like? A good looking guy falling in love with a girl who´s marrying a guy who´s gonna die?" He caught my hands who were trying to poke him or do whatever was necessary to keep him from laughing.

"Maybe not literally, but in essence, yes!" I defended myself again. I felt my lips twitch as I nearly smiled at him.

"Come on, Cat. That´s too much cliché." he chuckled. I knew he was right, still this movie had touched me. Then I straddled his hips, looking down at him, trying desperately to fight my own laughter.

"Yes, but she is his reason to survive. It might be cliché but he´s coming back to her, right?" Within a split second he got serious and looked at me.

"Yes, because he things she´s waiting for him and he wants her to be waiting for him." His voice was strained and I felt confused. What had just happened? One second we were laughing, bickering about a movie and the next second he was serious and it didn´t sound like he was talking about the movie anymore.

"Steve...?" I know I sounded confused but I couldn´t help it.

"You know, this girl´s face is what get´s him through it. She is the reason to get up every morning. The reason for him to survive." His hands slid to my thighs, unconsciously rubbing up and down. I just looked at him, waiting for him to continue. Waiting for him to make sense.

"You are like that girl for me, Cat." he whispered, his hands framing my face, his thumbs gently brushing my cheeks. "I never expected to hear your voice during that mission in Pakistan. But I held onto it. I knew that you´d get me out of there. I needed you." he whispered. I drew in a deep breath, unable to pull myself out of this situation.

"It was like you were my only connection back to the real world. Your voice." I looked at him in surprise, trying to understand what was going on.

"There was a moment when I was lying in the dirt, and all I heard was my own heartbeat. It was loud and thumping and all I could do was focus on that. And then I thought of you, Cat." I felt my eyes tear up and my hands fist into the fabric of his shirt. This was too much. It was just... too much.

"Steve, don´t..." I started, but I found myself unable to continue.

"I though I´d die, Cat. And it would have been okay. I felt like this moment would have been as good as any other moment. I was ready to die."

A sob escaped my chest and I felt my whole body was trembling.

"But when I remembered your face I knew that I wasn´t ready to die yet. There was something I had to do first."

"Don´t..." I whispered again, crushing my lips to his to keep him from saying those words. I tasted our tears, salty and wet, on both of ours lips. When I pulled back his hands framed my face again. I saw the tears in his eyes, felt his body shiver. I´ve never seen him this upset.

"We´ve been through hell and back together and I wouldn´t want to miss a single moment. I thought I was prepared for everything but then I met you. And my whole world changed. I didn´t realize it at first ." I heard myself sob, feeling my own feelings surface, unable to hide anymore.

"I don´t know how we will make it work, Cat. But I know that I want to make it work. With you." his voice broke and those words broke the wall I had build around my heart, like it was nothing. Those words cut right into my heart and set my feelings free that I was hiding all those years. I´ve met him 5 years ago and I think I loved him right from the start. My heart had loved him from the start. And here I was, looking at him, seeing all his feelings and emotions in his eyes, and I felt unable to keep my feelings locked up any longer.

"I love you, Steve." I cried, biting my lower lip. I saw his eyes widen a bit, as of surprise or because he didn´t want to hear it, I didn´t know. And I didnt´care. I´ve kept those feelings inside for so long. My heart was bursting and I longed to tell him, even if he didn´t feel the same way.

"Cat, I love you too." he whispered and pulled me down to kiss me again. This kiss was so sweet and tender, so full of love and comfort. His lips were trembling, just like mine were. My tears tasted salty on our lips. And his heart was beating as hard as mine did.

I felt my body melt into him, shaking with sobs that all those years of denial and ignorance suddenly 'poofed' into nothingness. There was no reason to fight it any longer. And my mind just seemed to realize that he felt the same way. I couldn´t stop crying and I gave up trying. His arms were wrapped around me and he held me tightly, nearly making it impossible to breath. And I didn´t care. I didn´t want him to let go.

It took us about an hour to calm down and bottle up the feelings again. At least enough to be able to look at each other again. His thumb brushed over my lips.

"I love you Cat. I love you." he whispered, pressing his lips to mine and I felt the urge to be closer. All of the sudden the clothes between us were too much and I wanted to feel his skin on mine.

"Get naked... too much clothes... " I panted, ripping his clothes from his body. He helped me and when he was naked, he stripped me too.

"I need you." He moaned and without hesitating his hands on my hips guided me onto his hardness. I impaled myself, feeling him filling me and completing me. Again I felt tears streaming down my face and when he stopped moving inside me I opened my eyes again.

"Don´t stop loving me, Steve." I urged and he began moving again. His hips thrusted up when I moved down. His arms were wrapped around me and I couldn´t help the movement of my hips that were creating pleasure and excitement for both of us.

"Steve..." I cried, sobbing his name while my fingernails dug into his shoulders.

"Catherine... I´m here... I won´t go anywhere... I´m with you." he moaned and I held onto him for dear life. My body was writhing, convulsing and arching and within seconds I felt myself giving in. I came undone, held by his strong arms.

"Cat...I love you!" he whispered and I pressed my lips to his.

"I love you, Steve. Always... I always have." I whispered, need and want evident in my voice. I felt his movements more urgent, needy and wanting and I gave him more. This time I didn´t hold back anything. I just gave myself to him.

And when he came, when he thrusted inside me one final time and roared my name in release, I held him, as tightly as I could. I allowed myself to let the desire wash over me, at the same moment. Our lips locked together, our arms wrapped around each other. I didn´t ever want to let go. Not him. Not ever.

"I love you!" I screamed when the pleasure became too much. And he was still there, holding me, having my back, assuring me.

And for the first time ever, I wasn´t fighting the feeling.