Author's Lovely Little Note: This is in Julia's POV… when she finds Rude on the floor. I was listening to some 'Old-School' Madonna and this suddenly inspired me. Don't ask. Don't Cry For Me Argentina, Vogue, and Human Nature can go a looooong way…
Disclaimer: You see, if I stealthily crept into Tetsuya Nomura's house during the night and slit his throat in his sleep, would FF be mine then…?
After filming scene nine of "Legend of Sneaky Hollow", I got in the car and drove all the way from Costa del Sol back home, buying a venti caramel latte on the way. My day was happy. Vanilla's boobs got fixed again so now they fit her body mass index proportion thingy.
Upon parking my beautiful red convertible, I saw a black company car. Shinra. Tseng? Was Tseng home? Tseng hadn't been home since the "Jalapeno-in-boxers" incident.
But it wasn't Tseng. It wasn't Reno, either.
It was the bald dude, Rude. And being Rude, he was passed out on the floor.
The first thing that crossed my mind was that he had been attacked, but checking his pulse and looking for wounds proved that he fainted from shock. His sunglasses were off to the side and I placed it on his stomach after taking backbreaking minutes to drag his body to the sofa.
I immediately called Reno and when he came home, he made a beeline to the freezer instead of checking up on his partner. Odd. He told me that he was making sure that the Chocobo steaks were still frozen, because if it thawed, we would all get salmonella poisoning and he made up some stupid, rambling excuse. Whatever. I need to check the freezer for anything suspicious.
So, Reno had a few laughs when we stripped Rude of his clothes and put him in drag. I swear, I've seen him at the 'Monkey-in-the-bush' type of bars. Village People would love him.
There was a curly wig in the closet and some extra-large women's bras. The wig was a prop in one of my flicks, and it was filmed in the basement. The clothes belonged to Sherrie, the plus-size porn star in demand. I swear, her thighs can squeeze a man to death.
So, after Reno made a cup and jockstrap out of paper and I made up his face and put the wig on him, Reno decided that HE wanted to put the bra on him. Well, Rude woke up while I was trying to lift him a bit and he screamed. Screamed like a friggin little girl. And he passed out stone cold again. Wuss.
Reno and I celebrated with some cigars and champagne, taking pictures and videotaping Rude making subliminal movements in his state of being.
Rufus Shinra will never think the same way about Rude again…
I called the construction worker of the Village People to come over and party with us.
Author's Second Note: I love the Village People. But do they love me? Nooo...