Disclaimer: I own nothing but Alexis Michaels. She's mine.
Typed in 'DRUNK'. Let's see what happens:)
.~.
To: The Miz
From: Alexis Michaels
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
To: Shannon Moore
From: Shane Helms
I find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
To: Alexis Michaels
From: Chris Jericho
Heyyyy darling are you busy?
To: Chris Jericho
From: Alexis Michaels
Why hello drunk Chris. It's sober Alexis. I'll tell drunk Alexis you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night
To: Edge
From: Christian
On a scale from "impaired judgment" to "Mel Gibson", how drunk you are?
To: Christian
From: Edge
Toaster
To: John Morrison
From: The Miz
You left a note on your car that said "please don't tow, I'm too drunk to drive. Safety first!"
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Shannon Moore
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
To: Shannon Moore
From: Jeff Hardy
You said "This is gonna really confuse tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Shannon Moore
This explains so much
To: Edge
From: Jeff Hardy
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live'. That drunk
To: Justin Gabriel
From: Heath Slater
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN
To: John Cena
From: Randy Orton
Sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. Sober me is a tricky bitch
To: John Morrison
From: Alexis Michaels
Subject: Matt Hardy
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued
To: Evan Bourne
From: Justin Gabriel (school setting)
So I woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn
To: Justin Gabriel
From: Evan Bourne
What did you do?
To: Evan Bourne
From: Justin Gabriel
Turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him
To: Christian
From: Jeff Hardy
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk
To: Edge
From: Matt Hardy (school setting)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
To: Everyone
From: Jeff Hardy
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
To: The Miz
From: John Morrison
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Matt Hardy
He walked in on your at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone…and you STILL got laid. I don't get your life
To: Rob Van Dam
From: Ken Anderson
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeeee
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Ken Anderson
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here
To: John Morrison
From: John Morrison
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance. I am sorry about your trashed house. Mom and dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out
To: Christian
From: Edge
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking…told you I was better when I was drunk
To: Edge
From: Christian
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Alexis Michaels
Subject: Matt Hardy
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep
To: Evan Bourne
From: Justin Gabriel
Drunken candy land NOW. Don't fight the urge….you want to
To: Wade Barrett
From: Heath Slater
Dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
To: Heath Slater
From: Wade Barrett
That's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
To: Edge
From: Jeff Hardy
You were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
To: Chris Jericho
From: The Miz
The owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12 pack of red bull if I agreed to leave. My drunken antics are finally paying off
To: John Morrison
From: Alexis Michaels
Subject: The Miz
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him
To: Alexis Michaels
From: John Morrison
Subject: The Miz
Yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him
To: John Morrison
From: Alexis Michaels
Subject: The Miz
Do you have to put it that way?
To: Shane Helms
From: Shannon Moore
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before
To: Edge
From: Jeff Hardy
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement
To: Matt Hardy
From: Chris Jericho
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbor's lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever
To: Edge
From: Jeff Hardy
Plan d – we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls
To: Alexis Michaels
From: Matt Hardy
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table…..Ikea this weekend?
To: Christian
From: Edge
Yea I'm supposed to have jury duty on Monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk
To: Edge
From: Christian
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Shannon Moore
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a while new level of dangerous
To: Evan Bourne
From: Justin Gabriel (school setting)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus
To: Matt Hardy
From: Alexis Michaels
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack
To: Alexis Michaels
From: Matt Hardy
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Shannon Moore
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarrassing
To: The Miz
From: John Morrison
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
To: John Morrison
From: The Miz
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare…enjoy the simple things