Disclaimer: I only own Alexis Michaels. Nothing else
.~.
To: John Morrison
From: The Miz
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. Huge scar on forehead. Totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort
To: Matt Hardy
From: Edge
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex"
To: Chris Jericho
From: Christian
We were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints
To: John Morrison
From: The Miz
Woke up and she was making me crepes. Definitely not the last time I fuck a culinary student
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Alexis Michaels
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care", and then continued fucking me
To: Randy Orton
From: John Cena
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again
To: Ken Anderson
From: Rob Van Dam
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
To: Matt Hardy
From: Shawn Michaels
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
To: Shawn Michaels
From: Matt Hardy
I accept this challenge
To: Matt Hardy
From: Edge
My mother just offered to pay for my fake id
To: John Morrison
From: Alexis Michaels
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head
To: The Miz
From: John Morrison
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
To: Christian
From: Jeff Hardy
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
To: Randy Orton
From: John Cena
Dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe
To: John Cena
From: Randy Orton
What is this build-a-bear? ..just gimme one that's breathing
To: Christian
From: Chris Jericho
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
To: Rob Van Dam
From: Ken Anderson
You were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter Pan in a fight. And I must say, you were very persuasive
To: Edge
From: Christian
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other
To: Christian
From: Edge
Wft? What happened?
To: Edge
From: Christian
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home
To: Matt Hardy
From: Jeff Hardy
Just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
To: Christian
From: Edge
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
To: Alexis Michaels
From: John Morrison
Banned from the zooo
To: John Morrison
From: Alexis Michaels
Again?
To: The Miz
From: John Morrison
Omg. He's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. This is unreal
To: Ken Anderson
From: Rob Van Dam
I'm really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
To: Alexis Michaels
From: Matt Hardy
Thanks for bringing me home and putting me in my bed. The pillow fort you built around me is also appreciated
To: Matt Hardy
From: Edge
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
To: Edge
From: Matt Hardy
You mean bread?
To: Matt Hardy
From: Alexis Michaels
Say it nicely
To: Alexis Michaels
From: Matt Hardy
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
To: Christian
From: Chris Jericho
I know you like preteen girls so I'm gonna offer you some advice…dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. They will come running
To: John Morrison
From: The Miz
Just got to Costco. Where are you?
To: The Miz
From: John Morrison
Liquor aisle, bring another cart
To: Edge
From: Jeff Hardy
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles
To: Chris Jericho
From: Christian
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back
To: John Cena
From: Wade Barrett (school setting)
How do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
To: Edge
From: Christian
I fucked her on my hockey bag. It doesn't get any more Canadian than that
To: Justin Gabriel
From: Evan Bourne
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
To: Shawn Michaels
From: Matt Hardy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
To: Matt Hardy
From: Christian
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
To: The Miz
From: John Morrison
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell
To: John Morrison
From: Alexis Michaels
We just fucked in the mcds parking lot
To: Alexis Michaels
From: John Morrison
Wasn't he a virgin
To: John Morrison
From: Alexis Michaels
Yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
To: Everyone
From: Edge
This is a mass text. I just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with a coffeemaker in the hotel room. Bow before your new god
To: Edge
From: Matt Hardy
Subject: Alexis Michaels
She bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home…I think I might propose
To: Justin Gabriel
From: Evan Bourne (school setting)
Some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance
To: Christian
From: The Miz
I guess the cop knew I was on a walk of shame and felt bad…I got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
To: Matt Hardy
From: Edge
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I now know about this?
To: John Morrison
From: Chris Jericho
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ
To: Heath Slater
From: Justin Gabriel
This kid is using one arm to help him buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with
To: Edge
From: Christian
Dude apparently I ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
To: Rob Van Dam
From: Ken Anderson
I got so high last night I started crying because I couldn't stop thinking about how scary space was
To: Shannon Moore
From: Ken Anderson
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster
To: The Miz
From: John Morrison
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up
To: Shane Helms
From: Shannon Moore
I can't find my house
To: Shannon Moore
From: Shane Helms
We dropped you off right in front! I even walked you to the steps less than 3 mins ago
To: Shane Helms
From: Shannon Moore
I'm pretty sure my house moved