Tired of putting a disclaimer. Read it in another chapter
.~.
To: Edge
From: Jeff Hardy
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch Samsung and a box of pop tarts
To: John Cena
From: Randy Orton
I don't want a singing card. It disturbs my hangover. Give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. Happy vday baby
To: The Miz
From: John Morrison
How was your day?
To: John Morrison
From: The Miz
Fuck the small talk. Are you bringing the liquor tonight or am I?
To: Christian
From: Chris Jericho
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times
To: Ken Anderson
From: Shannon Moore (school setting)
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so I sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie
To: Edge
From: Alexis Michaels
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole
To: John Morrison
From: The Miz
Subject: Chris Jericho
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for at least a day' and I trust my drunk self
To: Edge
From: Matt Hardy
So when Alexis was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
To: Randy Orton
From: John Cena
I will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka
To: John Cena
From: Randy Orton
Do I get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
To: Justin Gabriel
From: Evan Bourne (school setting)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building
To: Evan Bourne
From: Justin Gabriel
OMG THAT WAS YOU?
To: Edge
From: Matt Hardy
Subject: Alexis Michaels
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. I'm now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance
To: Chris Jericho
From: The Miz
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this Gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever
To: Shannon Moore
From: Shane Helms
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying
To: John Morrison
From: The Miz
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016…
To: The Miz
From: John Morrison
God I fucking love America
To: Justin Gabriel
From: Wade Barrett (school setting)
For a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
To: Edge
From: Christian
Last night I found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. Awesome
To: Rob Van Dam
From: Ken Anderson
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am
To: Christian
From: Edge
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!
To: Shannon Moore
From: Jeff Hardy
Fireball beer pong. Youre missing out
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Shannon Moore
How is that even possible?
To: Shannon Moore
From: Jeff Hardy
Oven gloves
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Shannon Moore
Be there in ten
To: The Miz
From: John Morrison
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were too pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you pick me up?
To: John Morrison
From: The Miz
You're dead to me
To: Alexis Michaels
From: John Morrison
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart
To: John Morrison
From: Alexis Michaels
That's funny. Are they weird looking?
To: Alexis Michaels
From: John Morrison
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS
To: Evan Bourne
From: Justin Gabriel
Next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
To: Justin Gabriel
From: Evan Bourne
And miss being on the news…now way
To: Chris Sabin
From: Alex Shelley
I found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Alexis Michaels
My bra broke…so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
To: Edge
From: Jeff Hardy
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ
To: John Morrison
From: The Miz
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away
To: Christian
From: Chris Jericho
Miz noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
To: Edge
From: Jeff Hardy
Clothes are such an inconvenience
To: Evan Bourne
From: Justin Gabriel
On ecstasy, in Ikea, this is incredible
To: Christian
From: Edge
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
To: Edge
From: Christian
You mean pants?
To: Alex Shelley
From: Chris Sabin
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy
To: Rob Van Dam
From: Ken Anderson
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed
To: Chris Jericho
From: John Morrison
We found you under the sink…we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing Indian in the cupboard
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Alexis Michaels
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in
To: Alexis Michaels
From: Matt Hardy (school setting)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it
To: John Morrison
From: Alexis Michaels
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
To: Matt Hardy
From: Edge
Turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
To: Justin Gabriel
From: Evan Bourne (school setting)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head…just saying
To: Wade Barrett
From: Heath Slater (school setting)
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers…You should at least give back 60 of them
To: Rob Van Dam
From: Ken Anderson
I'm really high, and this is soooooooooooo important. How many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
To: Christian
From: Edge
Subject: Matt Hardy
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is
To: Chris Jericho
From: Christian
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Edge
The ice cream truck is coming omgomg
To: Edge
From: Jeff Hardy
Dude, it's 2 am
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Edge
But its COMING