~I learned to live
Half alive~

Flashback to the awkward conversation with her mom when she came to pick Clare up from school shortly after the encounter with Principal Simpson.

Flashback to the cold air and the rain hitting the car windows at full volume on the quiet ride home.

Flashback to her mom eyeing her curiously and then leaving her alone in her room to "grieve in peace." Clare could almost laugh at the statement. With her silent tears streaming down her cheeks, she tried desperately to somehow wrap her mind around the day's events. Indeed, she knew her mother's words were all wrong. This grief could only tear her to pieces.

~Who do you think you are…
Tearing love apart?~

Flashback to Alli's face appearing in her doorway, two tickets in hand.

"Nuh-uh." Clare shook her head and clutched her pillow tighter to her chest, sinking further into the comforting covers of her bed. "I'm not going."

Alli's face softened, beginning her pleas. "Clare, don't let that jerk get to you. You can have fun without him. Come to the dance with me. Please."

Clare's eyes fell to the floor. She shouldn't do this. She couldn't do this. She just couldn't. "Not tonight, Alli."

The Bhandari girl grew uncharacteristically quiet. Then, "You know dances weren't ever his thing. He won't even be there…I think this could be good for you. Like ripping off a big, ugly band-aid. You know, that saying: 'the journey of a thousand miles—' say, like, getting over a greaseball Neanderthal—'begins with a single step.'"

Clare chewed on her lip. She couldn't go. She wouldn't. She shouldn't. "I don't have anything to wear."

Giving Clare a bright smile, Alli knew her battle was won. "What would you do without me?"

~It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes~

Flashback to the Degrassi gymnasium turned Vegas casino. Clare feeling nervous and out of place. Tottering in her mom's high heels. Alli close by. Music blasting. Adam waving. Eli just entering the gym.

"Hey." His smile was small and his eyebrows were raised. Alli quickly excused herself, claiming a sudden thirst for punch.

"Hey." Clare didn't know what to say. The boy had witnessed so much and still he was here talking to her.

"I didn't know you were coming tonight," Eli commented with a forced air of nonchalance. Clare appreciated his efforts and that he was actually at least trying to restrain his curiosity.

"Me neither." Slight shrug and then an explanation for Eli's confusion. "I don't know why I let Alli talk me into anything."

Eli's eyes found hers without ever wavering. "Alli's not all bad."

Clare braced herself for words like "she only means well" or "she just cares about you," but they didn't come. Instead what came next made Clare catch her breath.

"Would you like to dance?" And then as if some sort of clarification was deemed necessary: "With me?"

Clare didn't object.

~I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found~

Flashback to the moment of dancing with Eli, the two head banging to some rock song with guitars blaring. Flashback to the startling second her eyes caught sight of a messy shock of brown hair and a freckled face flushed red.

"Mark," the name caught in her throat. He was here. He was here at the back of the gymnasium standing alone by some card table. He was here.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God," she muttered without conscious thought, feet firmly steeled to the dance floor.

"Clare," Eli's face bent towards her in concern. "What is it, Clare?"

Head shaking back and forth, her eyes fluttered shut. "Oh God, oh God." He's here. He was here.

In another second, she felt an arm drape around her shoulders, walking her along somewhere. "It's okay. Whatever it is, it's alright, Clare. We can stop dancing. We'll take a break and rest awhile. It's okay. We'll sit in the hallway for awhile."

Flashback to the second time that day that Clare found herself sitting against the lockers, on the floor with Eli at her side. She tried to slow her heart beat, will it not to care anymore, to give up loving at all. In vain she tried to stop the tears from coming, too tired of crying. Too tired of this all consuming feeling of weak helplessness.

"He's here, Eli," she finally managed.

Eli remained quiet at first. But then his reassuring arm was around her again. "'S okay. We won't let him hurt you anymore."

Flashback to the moment Clare gave in to her physical and heartfelt exhaustion. Finally allowing herself to rest her head on his shoulder, hoping against all hope that he was right. That he could be right.

And flashback to the moment before they all realized that he could not have been more wrong.

~And now you're back
You don't get to get me back~

A/N: Your thoughts would be much appreciated :) [Do you think the lyrics still fit well with the chapter?] ...Also, my apologies with the inconsistent updating schedule. I wait every time for inspiration to strike. Hopefully it wasn't a miss.

~Thanks~