To: Justin Gabriel
From: Wade Barrett (school setting)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald
To: Matt Hardy
From: Alexis Michaels
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidentally" forget my bathing suit
To: Alexis Michaels
From: Matt Hardy
Deal!
To: Matt Hardy
From: Jeff Hardy
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Matt Hardy
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother
To: Heath Slater
From: Justin Gabriel (school setting)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again
To: Justin Gabriel
From: Heath Slater
We better fuck soon then
To: Shannon Moore
From: Shane Helms
May or may not have received head in the car before we came in
To: Shane Helms
From: Shannon Moore
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats
To: Edge
From: Jeff Hardy
If I die I have 2 requests. One a Viking funeral pyre and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
To: John Morrison
From: Alexis Michaels
Subject: Me and Matt
So, the parking garage attendant caught us humping in the car. Long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! Take that abstinence
To: Rob Van Dam
From: Ken Anderson
Just watched paranormal activity stoned. Laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. Eating Doritos. I love my life
To: Christian
From: Chris Jericho
Gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
To: Chris Jericho
From: Christian
I need you to use more vowels
To: Christian
From: Edge
You're at medical school. I'm eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a Monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you
To: Alexis Michaels
From: Matt Hardy
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know I'll be the one fucking you
To: Matt Hardy
From: Alexis Michaels
That was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
To: John Morrison
From: The Miz
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo
To: Randy Orton
From: John Cena
The bank didn't screw up, I spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
To: Christian
From: Edge
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!" out from different balconies
To: John Morrison
From: Chris Jericho
Swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. This is intense
To: Shane Helms
From: Shannon Moore
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hands fits the handprint bruise on my ass…I feel like the Cinderella of S&M
To: Christian
From: Chris Jericho
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it
To: Alexis Michaels
From: John Morrison
Hey I never found my wallet but I did find a 14 soft taco supremes
To: John Morrison
From: Alexis Michaels
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos
To: Chris Jericho
From: Jeff Hardy
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Chris Jericho
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud
To: Justin Gabriel
From: Evan Bourne
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
To: Edge
From: Matt Hardy
Subject: John Morrison, me, and Alexis Michaels
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship
To: John Morrison
From: The Miz
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out
To: Christian
From: Edge
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear
To: Everyone
From: Jeff Hardy
Y do pigs give u truffles on Farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
To: John Cena
From: Randy Orton
I just looked at my iPhone gps history… "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible"
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Ken Anderson
This guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
To: Matt Hardy
From: Edge
Adam has been drinking
To: Edge
From: Matt Hardy
Who has his phone
To: Matt Hardy
From: Edge
Adam does
To: Chris Jericho
From: Christian
A stripped just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
To: The Miz
From: John Morrison
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
To: Edge
From: Jeff Hardy
I'm in Michaels with Alexis and I see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
To: Evan Bourne
From: Justin Gabriel
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page
To: Justin Gabriel
From: Evan Bourne
Nobody is perfect
To: Evan Bourne
From: Justin Gabriel
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
To: Heath Slater
From: Wade Barrett (school setting)
Just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! Score!
To: Wade Barrett
From: Heath Slater
Why is this not a picture message?
To: The Miz
From: John Morrison
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
To: Edge
From: Alexis Michaels
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilettos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet
To: Christian
From: Edge
I'm making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight
To: Edge
From: Christian
Oh, you finally did the dishes then?
To: Christian
From: Edge
No, bought new ones
To: John Cena
From: Randy Orton
Guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughin and hasn't called an ambulance
To: Matt Hardy
From: Edge
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This…Have You?
To: Ken Anderson
From: Rob Van Dam
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow
To: Shawn Michaels
From: Alexis Michaels
Do you want me to make hamburgers?
To: Alexis Michaels
From: Shawn Michaels
I'm vegan
To: Shawn Michaels
From: Alexis Michaels
I'll put lettuce on them
To: Christian
From: Edge
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down
To: Edge
From: Christian
You mean inside out
To: Christian
From: Edge
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist