Out of Tune
Disclaimer: Jane Rizzoli and Maura Isles do not belong to me. No infringement intended and no profit will be made from their use.
Note: Italics indicate flashbacks.
Sorry this took so long. I wrote a chapter but then I didn't like it so I wanted to work on it more. Then I was out of pocket for a week. I'm not sure if like the chapter or not. Let me know what you think.
The next morning Jane and Maura cleaned up the house, packed their stuff, and loaded it in Jane's car to head back to Boston. Jane felt a tension creep back over her. The past two days had been relatively successful, but it was vacation. Now they were going back to real life and Maura's surprise invitation to the charity event tonight made Jane nervous.
They were on the road driving back to Boston when Jane asked, "Is tonight like a test?"
"What do mean?"
"Um, like to see if I can hang with your fancy friends without embarrassing you?"
"Jane, don't be ridiculous. This is no different than you having to attend a BPD event. I'm not going to see friends, they're more like business acquaintances. It's just an annual fundraising event. There are tons of them every year. I try to go to the ones for the organizations I really care about to show the Isles Foundation support. The event tonight is supporting stem cell research."
"I'm just a little confused because I thought you weren't ready to be public yet." When Maura didn't respond immediately Jane said, "I was thinking maybe you want to see how it goes with people outside our regular social circle first. I don't know. I guess I'm being paranoid. Just forget I said anything." The conversation hadn't helped ease any of Jane's tension.
Maura was silent for a long time. They were nearly in Boston when she spoke again. "I understand why you're skeptical. I treated you badly before and then I was the one who wanted to keep everything a secret. But what is going to happen if you never really trust me? What if we never get past our earlier mistakes?"
Jane drove the rest of the way to Maura's house with her jaw clenched. When she pulled up in front of Maura's house, she put the car in park and looked at Maura. "I thought we had gotten past all that doubt. If you really love me like you say you do, you wouldn't be asking those questions. You would say that no matter what happened before we can get past it. That we'll work it out. I thought we had a great couple of days, but now I don't know what to think. I don't trust you right now. But not because of anything that happened before, because right now you're confusing the hell out of me."
"What are you saying, Jane?"
"Remember what you said yesterday about being good at being alone and it being a defense mechanism? If you're trying to push me away, you're doing a damn fine job at it. I love you, Maura. When you get past whatever it is that's holding you back, I'll be here. I'm sorry, but right now I think we need some time apart.
Maura sat in stunned silence while Jane spoke. "I don't understand. Everything was just fine a few minutes ago."
"Every time I think we're making progress, like you inviting me to your event tonight, I feel like we just end up going in circles. Sometimes I feel like you're looking for a reason that we won't work out."
"Jane, we-"
"Please don't. You can't change my mind right now. Just give me some time, please."
"Okay. I...I'll see you later." Maura got of the car and took her suitcase out of the backseat. She leaned into the car to say something but changed her mind, closed the car door, and walked inside her house.
Jane drove around the corner and stopped the car. She punched the steering wheel until her hand hurt and then leaned her forehead on the steering wheel and cried for ten minutes. She spent another ten minutes convincing herself not to go right back to Maura's to tell her she made a mistake. But she didn't. Jane didn't want to keep going around in circles with Maura, but now everything was so fucked up.
Jane was obviously preoccupied at Sunday dinner. She answered her parents' questions about the trip to the Cape but was otherwise quiet. When dinner was finished Angela asked her to help clean up in the kitchen.
Once they were alone Angela said, "Jane, honey, you know I'm here for you if you wanna talk about anything. And don't try to tell me there's wrong. I'm not blind, I know something is going on between you and Maura. Whatever is wrong now, I'm sure it will work itself out."
"I don't know if it will Ma. Every time I think we're on finally on the same page she says or does something that confuses me. Sometimes it feels like she's looking for excuses for us not to be together. I love her. Sometimes I think I'm what she wants and sometimes I just don't know."
"Oh, honey, what could she possibly be looking for that you can't give her?"
Jane laughed bitterly. "Jesus, I asked her the same thing but I didn't get an answer. Honestly, Ma, I don't even know what I'm expecting right now. I told her I needed space and she's giving it to me."
"Don't give up on her yet."
"For Christ's sake, you just want me to date a doctor," Jane tried to joke.
"Don't be so stupid, Jane."
"C'mon, Ma-"
"I've seen you together and I've seen how you've changed since you two became friends. She's good for you. You have such a big heart but you don't let people get close to you. You let Maura get close. Don't shut her out yet. How did you leave things?"
"I told her I needed some time apart. We haven't talked since yesterday afternoon. I keep hoping she'll show up and somehow fix everything. But she won't show up until I tell her I want to see her. You know how literal she takes everything." Jane groaned in frustration. "Do you know how fucking sad it is that I have to talk about my relationship problems with my mother?"
"Watch your language. And you should be happy you can talk to me. Aren't you glad you have such a hip mother?"
"Yeah, Ma. I'm glad. I should get going. Thank you."
Rule Number 3: Don't fall in love
It was Maura's rule for herself. She thought if they just had sex she could get Jane out of her system. Move on. It usually worked. Interest in someone would go just as quickly as it came. But this time was different. Of course. Everything with Jane was different.
After Jane dropped her off, Maura spent the rest of the day being angry. Angry at herself for screwing things up and not knowing how to make them better. Angry at Jane for making her feel this way.
Maura went to the charity event. Alone. It wasn't the first time, in fact she rarely brought a date with her. But tonight she was acutely aware of being alone. Just as she had told Jane, Maura didn't want to be alone anymore.
Maura spent Sunday trying to figure out how to fix everything but she wasn't even sure what she had done to upset Jane. And Jane had told her she needed time. How long was she supposed to wait? Or was she supposed to just go to Jane?
After dinner at her parents, Jane was too restless to relax. She decided to go for a run. She ran north to the Charles River and then east along the river past the Esplanade. Not ready to turn back yet, she crossed the Longfellow Bridge and ran west along the Cambridge side of the River until she reached the Mass Ave bridge and crossed the river back to the Boston side and continued south to her apartment. Jane climbed the stairs to her apartment feeling pretty pleased with herself. She hated running but that had to have been five miles, maybe six. She was sweating head to toe and felt a pleasurable fatigue in her muscles.
Jane went inside her apartment and found Maura sitting on her couch. "Hey," Jane said, feeling a stirring of hope.
"I hope you don't mind me coming in and waiting for you. I thought maybe you were at dinner and would be back soon."
"No, it's fine, of course. I just went for a run. Do you mind if I take a quick shower?" Maura nodded and Jane ran to the shower.
Ten minutes later Jane returned and found Maura in the same position. Jane sat down in the chair next to the couch and noticed for the first time how unhappy Maura looked. I did that, Jane thought with a pang. "Maura I'm so sorry."
"Wait, please. Can I talk first?" Maura asked and Jane nodded. "I upset you because I was voicing my own insecurities. I'm not good at relationships. I have no idea what I'm doing. And that doesn't happen to me very often so it's rather disconcerting. I hope you can forgive me and we can move on. I want to be in a relationship with you. No hiding it, no trial periods."
"I'm sorry too. I overreacted yesterday because of my own insecurities. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that you-beautiful, amazing, you- actually want to be with me. I want you to know I don't regret anything we've done. It got us here and that's all that matters."
"So we're okay again?"
Jane moved to kneel on the floor in front of Maura. "Yes. God, Maura, we'll always be okay. No matter what." Jane leaned in and kissed Maura gently on the lips. When they pulled apart Maura smiled at Jane and Jane felt the tension of the past two days melt away.