Title: The Theory
Disclaimer: 'I am being stalked by anime characters.' The story of a slightly deluded high-school girl who is thought crazy by all except her equally jaded friends. But what happens when she gets proof?
I own nothing except my keyboard and vanilla caramel brownie ice cream. Can you feel your arteries clogging?
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In response to Aviarianna O Lorien review/question (thanks so much by the way), yeah I saw and felt all of the first chapter. Of course it was all during a stressful time –exams are mind assassins- so they might've been manifestations of the stress or something smart sounding like that. But it's so much more fun to believe otherwise.
So from here on out it's mostly fiction; this chapter might be a little boring but I shall do my best to make it better Enjoy.
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Chapter 2 – FREEZER BURN
Waking up has never been a bigger pain in the ass than today.
Normally it would have just been a regular Thursday morning: wake up, eat, go back to sleep only to be forcefully awakened by mother's dulcet screaming, shower, bitch about cold water, bitch how hot it is, bitch about the school uniform, get in the car and go to school while bitching about homeless people. Seriously, do they need to kiss my window? No but the norm was broken by the ailment that makes all of a certain age groan in trepidation and annoyance at its beginning:
My goddamned period. Yes behold! for never has there been a larger stain in my sheets than the pancake fiasco I shall not mention here. So the morning slowed down greatly ending with me downing on of my mother's arthritis pills for the pain.
"How many did you take?" my mother asks. Tall and squishy, she's the ultimate pillow if you don't pay attention to the gurgling in her stomach.
"Why, how many was I supposed to take?" I shook the packet looking questioningly from it to her.
"Munchi (for that is what she calls me)", she said sighing. "Just tell me how many you took."
"Mommy seeing as how we're already late why don't you just tell me how many I should've taken and then I'll tell you if we need to worry."
Shaking her head she left me there at the counter and walked out the door, leaving me to turn on the alarm and lock up. 'I could just go back to sleep,' I thought. 'I could just crawl into bed, close my eyes and slip off into dreamland where Kurama's doing a Herbal Essences commercial shoot.' Moving towards the room, I was fully engaged within the daydream until the violent blast of the car horn brought me out of my revelry and out the door tripping on my laces and suffocating on the cloying Jamaican heat; I only barely saw the crow sitting in the telephone line as mother dearest pulled out of the driveway.
The drive to school was uneventful excluding the uncomfortable shifting of the extra protective wings (screw you always and your adhesive……but the packaging is so pretty). Driving onto the compound I was greeted by the blaring morning sun and the incoming traffic. I could hardly distinguish between my mother's speaking, the car radio, Diary of Jane blaring in my ears and screaming student's walking in. All the sounds mixed to give the familiar cacophony I associate with weekday mornings. I was dropped off to the curb and then began the looooong walk to my homeroom. I took the scenic route because who really wants to see their teacher first thing in the morning?
My fellow colleagues/prisoners moved about within the pastel pink walls of the school, white shirts interspersed with the blue of the 6th formers (12th grade). I, in my 5th form (11th grade) was still considered one of the lower-schoolers, marked by our white shirt/skirt set, brown shoes and socks and blue tie. How we envied the free collar of the appropriately dubbed 'blue-coats', with their shorter skirts, white socks and black shoes, dirty now seeing as how the week and Christmas/Fall term were almost up. But I shall grieve not since I'm at the door of my homeroom and must stay there until devotion was done. Going to a Catholic all-girls school had its setbacks as far as regimen and discipline was concerned, but it's surprising how many girls you encounter with blazing yaoi fetishes and other 'interesting' characteristics.
I took my seat and waited for the bell, as my good friend Zahra Aikman turned to accost me. I couldn't help smiling despite the Pearl Harbor reenactment in my womb because, well, Zahra is just that cute. Dark skin and a high forehead, glasses resting on a face with small features, she's just fun to look at.
"Adri, Adri, Adri, guess what?"
"What, what, what?" I couldn't help the mocking tone that crept into my voice. Hey I menstrual, cut me some slack.
"This morning Verona was doing a sexy dance in the cafeteria like this," she shakes her ample bosom to demonstrate. "And then she was singing and doing a strip tease."
Laughing I looked over at the lump of human (?) sitting beside me. Verona, while conscious and retaining some motor skills was by no means functional before 9 in the morning and could only manage to flip Zahra off before she collapsed once more into her jacket. The bell rang before more could be said but not before I stole Zahra's glasses and shoved it down her shirt, cuz that's how I show my love.
First class: physics. First thought: fuck. I met up with Kathryna and Laura, my fellow compatriots and sufferers of scientific torture. We joined the herd of cattle as each moved about to their class and we three loitered at the bookstore before trudging off the class. Gratefully Mrs. Prabahar (with amazing birthing hips might I add) was absent and so I could spend the class time being constructive: curled up on the floor clutching at the stool. God bless that woman and her curly chin hairs.
"Adrienne, you dead?" Kathryna asked, expressing her concern seeing as how I was her stool and leg I was clutching on. A groan was all I could manage.
"You guys I found the sexiest yaoi fic last night," Laura began flipping bangs out of her eyes. "Kurama ends up being everybody's bitch; even Koenma's which was kinda strange.'
"Did he use his pacifier?" Ryna asked, trying to sit comfortably on the stool with me sprawled over it.
"Kathryna you need to shave." I stated plainly.
"EXCUSE ME?!" she had the nerve to sound indignant.
"You need to be more accommodating when I want to lean on you; I can't have your fucking bushman pubic leg hairs stabbing me in the throat." To which I received a lovely kick and landed fully on the ground. There's no love I tell you. The rest of the class continued with the yaoi/manga/nonsense discussion above me head until the bell rang.
The next class, English Lit. absolutely pointless seeing as how I slept out the entire thing and so the next and most important event of any school day commences: LUNCH. There is nothing more entertaining the hungry Jamaican teenage girls. I don't give a shit what's on TV. very few things can come close to the play on senses it offers. The sound of rushing, stampeding feet. You see the girls screaming as they rush to get to the line. You'll definitely feel the urgency as you're shoved out of the way and given the stink-eye all at once. It's magic. You know that scene in 300 where it's raining and all the Spartans are yelling and cheering in the rain? Yeah something like that except with forward motion and without the visual effects, rain and muscles. That is if you exclude the track team girls.
Not being able to differentiate between cramps and gas, I walked up to the benches where most of the upper-schoolers claimed as their feeding grounds. I copped a space and assumed the fetal position, always a favorite, as I awaited everyone's arrival. The first were Laura and Chantal, the latter being informed of the sexy yaoi fic by the vertically challenged Asian Jamaican hybrid. Her statute all eastern, but them titties ain't……ignore that. Chantal, 5'5" and a little loopy listened as best she could with the height difference, her short mushroom hair bobbing as she walked. They were soon followed by Kathryna (whose short buzz cut did not allow for wind-bobbing), Zahra and Verona (now fully functional and awake) and Aisha and Tedi. Tedi, tall, dark and skinny crossed her limbs as she sat on the floor and Aisha, slightly shorter and much darker (barely brown) took her 'seat'.
Now lunch could truly begin.
Food moved about the lunch group as girls who'd been friends for a while and completely lost their inhibitions with one another could do. A chicken leg moved across the gap in the centre, half a sandwich disappeared into a neighbor's mouth and someone deigned to remove the drink cooling in my igloo. The wretch.
"Verona," I said, looking at her through squinted eyelids for that was all my discomfort would allow. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"What?" she asked, looking as innocent as Satan himself as her hand hung midair holding my drink. "I didn't do anything."
"Why's my drink in your hand?"
"What drink?"
It's a good thing we're such good friends otherwise we'd never have been able to smack the shit out of each other and I end up victorious.
"Can I have some?" she asked sighing.
"Some what?" I asked slurping loudly from the wet can." I don't know what you're talking about I said smiling as Chantal's shoulders shook with quiet laughter and Verona just looked at me. I shook the can before I looked at her contemplatively. "You really want some Verona?"
"Yes Adrienne, I am kindly asking you for some of your drink." She's so humble.
"Well then you can drink it from my mouth can you not? Otherwise you don't really want it do you?" I took a long slurp from the can, jut for good measure. Aisha's telling of her prior weekend's promiscuity took her attention as I went on to fish inside……somebody's bag for manga. Aahhh, Model. Smexy Asian vampires. Good stuff. I chipped in and out of the general conversation:
"……standing there and this guy comes up and grabs my front (crotch basically)!! So I turn to him and I'm like 'what the fuck man!!? Who the fuck do you think you are……'"
"Oh I like that dress she has on but just not on her."
"Yeah the color doesn't seem to match her skin tone very well. OH MY GOD CHECK THE SHOES!!!"
"Oh, shiny…………" I couldn't help laughing as I listened to them flip through the latest issue of InStyle magazine, Tedi, Laura and Kathryna were notorious for their love of 'the glossy-s' and Chantal's random input was always enjoyable.
Suddenly the wind kicked up and the pages of the magazine fluttered wildly, some tearing out and flying off into eh distance. The page was soon followed by Laura chasing it as she hadn't finished reading it. I watched in disbelief s the 4'-something girl jumped after the page in vain as the poui trees, in bloom way to early, submitted their blossoms to the breeze. It was such a nice atmosphere until someone started throwing fries and then more pages ripped out and………well I think I'll just skip past that for convenience.
After lunch was the return to homeroom and then chemistry class which went by well enough with the usual amount of equipment breaking, someone inhaling chemical as we tried to maneuver the pipette along with a few uncontrollable explosions; run of the mill stuff. And just to close off the day, a good heaping dose of Religious Education appropriately dubbed Nap Time Mr. Joseph Buckland's drone would even put Jesus Himself to sleep. Well maybe not; He'd probably be too busy turning the water in water coolers to wine (if only. Like a buzz wouldn't help us out).
And the day was done. Kind of. Before we were granted freedom, we had to listen to our illustrious principal and her final address for the day. Sister Angela Harris is kind of like the Xerxes to Immaculate Conception High School. I could hardly control my head as it slammed into the desk as the headmistress kept speaking.
"………Good afternoon, get home safely." The bell rang me out of my stupor.
"YEEEEES!!"
"Miss?"
"Huh?" I said looking up at the person who immediately appeared beside me, who of course would have to be my teacher. 'Oh right, he's still here huh?'
"Would you like to lead us in prayer?" he asked, seemingly oblivious to where I'd like to lead my foot right now.
"Um, sure? Um…thank you God for carrying us here and please bless us on our way back. Thank you…..amen?"
A resounding 'amen' followed by a rush towards the door. Many goodbyes were said as I walked through the sea of students, tripping several times over my own feet before I got to my mother's car. The trenches in her brow told me that she needed to talk at somebody, so I asked:
"You alright?"
"YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT THOSE………"
I barely heard anything as she finally drove into the driveway. "Oh look at all the garlic blossoms, so pretty!"
'Yeah great, she calms down once she's done screaming at me for something I haven't done,' I thought shaking my head as we went inside.
"So I'll see you later and there's food on the counter; I have to go pack for tomorrow," I was still ignoring her as she slammed the door behind her. I went into my room turning on the light and just looked at the stain that was still very much there. The light flickered and I blinked several times looking around the room. I saw the moths fluttering around the light and dismissed the thought. Turning on the TV. I fell on the bed and let VH1 watch me as I dozed off into neverland. Hellooooooooo Johnny Depp.
Evening came, homework passed and soon it was Friday, which passed very much like Thursday with the exception of my mother abandoning me for the weekend.
"So you have all the emergency numbers?"
"Yup."
"And remember Auntie Nellie is picking you up in the morning for bio class tomorrow."
"Sure."
"I wonder if I have everything." She wasn't really talking to me, mostly to her luggage.
"I'm sure you do," I said watching as she moved around her bags, writing on tags. A car pulled up to the gate and honked. The driver came out and piled mum's bags into the trunk.
"I love you and make sure you eat and do your homework and don't open the door to anybody, and don't leave your key in the door and lock the grill before you go to sleep and turn on the alarm and don't burn down the house and I'll be back on Sunday night and-"
"Ma you have to leave before you can come back and I think the taximan is going to drive off with your luggage." One more large bear hug was exchanged before I went inside and closed the door against the leaves being blown about by the wind.
And there I was, alone in the house for the weekend. I was faced with the numerous painting and sculptures in our little house and the slight emptiness. So what did I do?
Dance around in my underwear?
Throw a house party?
Invite over my special someone for naughty play? (that's not even possible seeing as how he does not exist)
No. I, Adrienne Barton, took a nap and it was the most glorious one I ever had because I knew I would wake at my body's whim and not to someone hollering ever-so-sweetly in my ear. Of course I woke up 10 minutes later complaining pissed off at extreme hunger I could feel in my nose. Making my way to the kitchen I scavenged around and warmed up something that looked kind of edible. Opening the freezer half of the fridge I was greeted by loud crackling down at the bottom.
'The fuck? The fridge can not stop working as soon as my meal ticket drives away.' Squatting down I peered into the icy depths of the fridge and saw the light flickering behind bags of frozen meat. Nothing seemed to be happening, the light just kept hissing at me. 'Pfft. Oh well, nothing a few good kicks can't solve' which I dealt with violence and grace if I do day so myself. After the meal, which I later identified as chicken...maybe, the rest of the day came and evening fell and I soon learnt that aimless freedom results in maniacal boredom and yes such a thing exists.
It was around 11 o' clock that things changed.
In my ninth hour of a solitaire/Comedy Central/fanfiction/manga marathon, I heard a distinct thud from the kitchen. It's a small house, takes like 45 seconds from one end to another and sounds carry. So anyways, distinct thud. Of course I thought it was the blood draining from my eyes after so much time in front of the fluorescent box but the thudding became persistent and more than a little annoying so I went to check it out. Plus I had ice cream in the fridge and I needed sustenance.
Opening the freezer, my ears were once more assaulted by hissing again and my legs by the cold. The thudding had stopped y the time I got the big spoon and cupped. Taking out the ice cream I closed the door and went about meal prep.
THUD.
I stopped with the spoon digging into the pint of vanilla caramel brownie ice cream and looked over my shoulder at the fridge door daring it to do that again. I refuse to be a horror movie victim; I'm too cute. It didn't so I went about my business and replaced the ice cream. Taking up the cup I was made my way out of the kitchen and turned off the kitchen light.
THUD.
'Son of a bitch,' I thought, turning the light back on and looking at the fridge as is Stephen King had planted it there. And I'm a King fan, so I know I'm probably screwed. So, knowing of my imminent doom I decided to have fun anyway and walked over to the fridge eating my ice cream. Like I'd stop because of a thud. Ha. I leaned against the counter opposite the fridge and stared down the white finish of the fridge's surface.
THUD THUD.
'Ohh, persistent are we?' I thought and kicked the fridge.
THUD! The fridge sounded angry. In fact the thudding seemed to be coming from the freezer half of the godforsaken appliance. So just to screw with it I tapped out a rhythm on the freezer door. There was silence as I waited for whatever was inside to respond. When it didn't I gave the door one more kick for good measure and went about my business fear alleviated.
THUD. THUD. THUMP-FUCKING-THUD!!!!! The appliance was shaking with the force of the blows and I couldn't have the thing falling over because, well how do you explain that? 'Sorry mom, but the fridge tipped over because something inside wanted to get out?' that leaves all kinds of murder mystery doors open and I don't want to get killed. I mean I know my mother loves me but I had to get my violence somewhere right?
So, spoon still in my mouth, I went over to freezer door and opened it before the whole thing fell over on me. Whatever had been in there reached out as soon as the door opened and grabbed on to my ankle. The nerve.
So I started screaming and slamming the door on the protruding arm. Well what would you do if a limb was sticking out of your favorite appliance?
"NOOOOO!! MOTHERFUCKING VILE EVIL SON OF A BITCH DIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!! I HAVE TOO MUCH MANGA TO READ TO DIE NOW!!!I REFUSE TO DIE A VIRGIN SO FUUUUUCK YOOOOUUUU!!!!!" I explained, my hair flying as I wildly slammed the door on the arm. (Well what would you have said?)
As I took a breath for the next paragraph of cursing, the….thing called out pitifully, "Goddamn you woman would you stop doing that for one fucking second?!?!"
And I stopped because I am a lonely teenage girl in need of some excitement in my life and the voice sounded male and kind of cool. Yeah I know. So I bent down, staying as far away as I could from the arm and looked inside the freezer. The bags of meat were replaced by a black mass that seemed to be struggling to fit inside the space, very much like a baby coming out the wrong way.
"Um…hello?" there was stirring inside the freezer and grunting as the person tried to move in the small space.
"You! Woman!" My eye twitched at being addressed so but there were more important things to take care of like whatever decided to crawl out of my fridge's asshole. "Get me out of this cold prison!!"
…………………
He'd have spoiled the meat. Don't judge me.
"Okay but only on one condition!!" I said trying to convey sternness in my voice even though it quavered more than a prepubescent boy's at this point. An annoyed grunt was all I got in response. "You, whatever you are, have to promise not to kill me when I pull you out!! Understand?!"
"…………sure." The humor laced in the person's voice wasn't the least bit reassuring but I just couldn't help myself.
I grabbed hold of the forearm as 'its' hand took firm grasp of my elbow, the sharp nails-claws is more like it- dug into the fat of my upper arm. Bracing myself against the wall, I pulled until I saw the beginnings of a……a hat and hair? Slowly, and appendage began to peek through which soon erupted violently from the freezer opening littering the floor with shards of ice
'A wing? Seriously? A fucking wing? What, do I have Big Bird in my fridge? Mommy said she bought chicken but this is a bit much…'
A shoulder soon followed and then another wing. The awkward positioning seemed to cause the appliance's inhabitant discomfort so I pulled even harder until I heard a resounding 'pop' and a grunt. "Did you break?" I yelled at the 'person' hat.
"Ha, it'll take more than that," he said as another arm shot out of the opening and clawed at the floor puling himself the rest of the way out. Stepped hurriedly away from the fridge as I watched the figure clamber out, all 6-something feet of him.
I could only blink rapidly as he turned to face with an orange popsicle stuck to his face. He fluttered his wings, shaking ice form them as he ripped the popsicle from his cheek leaving a red rectangle where it was. Looking at it contemplatively he threw it over his shoulder, discarding it as meaningless, all before he finally acknowledged his savior. People nowadays are so unappreciative.
"So where is this?" he asked as he had every right to, but understandably I was finding it very difficult to do much besides blink. I mean it's not every day you rescue Kuronue from your fridge; after trying to break his arm of course.
End Chapter 2.
A.N: wow. Really long. Ah well. Please review and tell me how I can make it better.