Title: The Theory
TEMPORARILY on hiatus due to exams
And things were going so well.
Yeah well it seems hiatus was very short. Exams are still going on, but I'm going to bum it out and write instead. Let the good times roll.
Disclaimer: 'I am being stalked by anime characters.' The story of a slightly deluded high-school girl who is thought crazy by all except her equally jaded friends. But what happens when she gets proof?
I own nothing except for pringles, pop-tarts, highlighters and cue cards.
Chapter 3 – WEEKENDERS
I paced back and forth in my mother's room, phone clutched against my ear as I tried my best to ignore the random cursing and muttering coming from my kitchen, each utterance punctuated by a sharp crash or crunch.
'Come oooooon. Pick up the phone. Pick up the phone, pick up the phone, pick it uuuuuuuuup!!' I could feel the blood in my head pulsing as I did a little jig to the rhythm of my thoughts. 'Chantal, pick up the phone, you no-good mushroom-headed dumb piece of-'
"Hello?"
"Hi, Auntie Hazel?" I asked, a little breathless as I stopped my pacing and hopping. "Me? Yeah, no I'm……peachy. Is Chantal awake? Yes I realize it's very late but this is really important. Yeah...okay. Sure, thank you." I collapsed on the side of the bed as I waited for Chantal to come on the line. I stared tiredly at the ceiling thinking over the last 10 minutes.
---flashback sequence [huzzah] ----
I stepped hurriedly away from the fridge as I watched the figure clamber out, all 6-something feet of him.
I could only blink rapidly as he turned to face with an orange popsicle stuck to his face. He fluttered his wings, shaking ice form them as he ripped the popsicle from his cheek leaving a red rectangle where it was. Looking at it contemplatively he threw it over his shoulder, discarding it as meaningless, all before he finally acknowledged his savior. People nowadays are so unappreciative.
"So where is this?" he asked. In response, I could only stare at the tall, dark figure of Kuronue, shocked and Rupauled as I struggled to get brain processes in gear. With a shrug, he seemed to dismiss me as brain damaged (which I very well might be) and began removing ice and frost from his clothes and hair.
"That was the last one."
"What?" inquired the bat-demon, eyebrow raised in my direction as he checked his hair for frozen chicken blood.
"That was the last popsicle." I said, pointing to the melting orange mass of real fruit extract and juice concentrate….or so said the box. 'Brilliant Adrienne, absolutely awesome. What bright spark of genius would prompt frozen fruit snacks to be the topic of conversation when a dead cartoon character comes out of the freezer? This is ridiculous. Maybe I took too much of that arthritis medicine. Yeah that must be it. I'm either hallucinating or I'm dead and in a dreamlike state/coma.'
"What's a popsicle?" The look of utter shock on my face might've alarmed him because he suddenly started waving his arms around defensively. "Ah no offense! Ah I understand now! The popsicle is an evil being that you wanted to have the pleasure of destroying yourself and I robbed you of the opportunity!! Yes, it was surely a parasite, that's why it stuck to me and took some of my face with it!! It must be feeding off my energy as we speak!! The bastard!!! Here, take my knife and destroy it." To which he removed one of his blades forcing it into my hand. He looked so eager it was hard not to laugh.
"Um…..it's not a….well a popsicle is a…" I could feel my shoulders shaking with the effort of repressing my laughter. He must've taken the shaking as fear or hesitation because he suddenly grabbed my shoulders and earnest blue eyes were 6 inches from my face.
"This is probably your first time right?" (blink) "There is no need to frightened so come, let us face our enemy, now while he's defenseless!!" Turning me, he led me over to the popsicle which lay melting/defenseless in front of the dented freezer door. Kuronue jumped back and settled neatly on the edge of the sink, waving me towards the 'enemy'. So did I kill it?
You bet your sweet ass I did. For all the times it gave me a brain-freeze. And those sticks aren't exactly lacking in any amount of splinters. A resounding clap on back broke my stupor as I turned to meet Kuro's approval. "Good job! Now……where am I?" he asked taking back his knife, whipping out a cloth and cleaning it.
"OH. Right that. Well……wait here."
And with that we're where we are now, me collapsed on the bed, waiting for someone to spaz to. I could hear shuffling and snorting before 'the presence' actually descended upon the phone.
"WHAT?!"
"Wow Chantal, you're kinda snippy late at night aren't you?" I got a growl in response. "Yeah okay not funny, but I have a …problem of sorts."
"What kind of problem?" she asked yawning. "Hey did you do the homework for bio extras class?"
"Huh? Oh well two problems I guess. Anyways remember when I was being all paranoid that anime characters were out tog et me, and Hiei and the murderous intent and all that stuff from chapter 1?"
"uh-huh."
"Yeah well, something's happened?"
"Wha-yawn-at?"
"Kuronue came out of my fridge. Well freezer to be exact."
"Go on."
"Well I was watching anime and just fooling around on the internet, trying to avoid all the porn and everything and watching Steven Lynch on Comedy Central and I needed some ice cream and the fridge was banging and then this hand just shot out of the fridge and the screaming and I tried to break it but it just would not leave and…" and I could feel myself rambling and pulling at my hair in what was surely a sign of insanity's onset, but I couldn't help it especially as I heard muttered curses from the kitchen ensuring my insanity. I eventually got the whole story out and just waited. The other line was so quiet I could hear death, particularly the murderer of my mental health. And its name is Kuronue. "Hello?"
"Good night Adrienne."
A loud 'Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo' resounded in my soul as I stared at the phone emitting it's busy signal. I hung up, mainly because the constant tone was getting on already frayed nerves and I was expecting mother's call. So I headed to the kitchen/dining room/washing area to face the nonsense that had forced itself on my life. It was there, pocketing a solid silver serving fork. (we actually have one but it is sooo tarnished it's like someone coloured it with black crayon). Before I could ask why he felt the need to pilfer family heirlooms (which is really a pointless question anyway) the kitchen phone rang shrill and loud, breaking the silence that had come over the house.
Moving towards the phone, I was roughly dragged back against what felt like a cement wall as metal flashed past my ear to lodge itself securely in the phone. The force of the impact caused the phone to fly from the cradle and crash against the floor, dragging the rest of the phone by the coiled cable where the whole ensemble rested against the tile, the ringing silenced in its blasphemous grave.
"Oh it was just the phone," said the appliance-dweller.
Ripping my self away from the wall, which I now knew to be Kuro's chest, I walked over to he phone and just stared in shock, looking from the dead appliance to him and gesturing like a madwoman. Before I started screaming, of course.
"'Oh it was just the phone'? Is that all you have to say for yourself!?! Are you a frigging idiot!?! What," I paused, taking a breath as my next words came out shaking with anger, "in the blue hell is wrong with you? You've only been here 17 fucking minutes and already you've murdered my popsicle-"
"Technically, you did that."
"SHUT UP!!" I screamed stepping towards him. "YES, MURDERED my popsicle. STOLE from me and now you've DESTROYED my phone!!!" I listed, punctuating each grievance with a stomp towards him until my 'threatening' finger was just under his chin. "What could possibly prompt someone to throw A FUCKING KNIFE INTO A PHONE!?!?" I turned towards him looking up into his calm, somewhat insulted face, expecting an apology for his 'mishap'.
"I was startled."
"I am going to kill you."
And I would've as I suddenly found something in my hand and I'm usually very creative, but the phone rang. Yes, the phone on the floor and since I couldn't answer that one, I fumed back to my mother's room the demon walking strolling behind me."Hello?!"
"Munchi? Hi were you sleeping?"
'Great she called, I can go to sleep now. After I get a broom, some bug spray and take care of that son of a bitch' I thought glaring over my shoulder at the curious being standing behind me. "Hi mommy, no I'm fine I was just…doing homework."
"Who you talking to?" asked Kuro flopping down onto the bed. I shot him a look that said 'shut up or perish' to which I got a raised eyebrow. The bastard.
"so are you okay? How was the flight? Got all your bags?"
"Yeah everything's fine, relax. Let me tell you the number you can reach me at, so you can go to sleep." I heard the muted conversation of the hotel lobby on the other line and strange rustling behind me. Turning I saw the no-good son of a bitch Kuronue rooting through my chest of drawers.
"What the hell are you doing?!?!" I asked.
"I told you, I'm looking for the number; calm down."
"Tsk, mommy I wasn't talking to you."
"Then who were you talking to?" she asked, the suspicion heavy in her voice."Um, TV?" I said, turning on the TV and blasting the volume for good measure.
"Turn that down, it's hurting my ears," complained the squatter as he rooted through draw after draw. Looking at him I did the only thing I knew to do in that situation.
I fucking turned up the volume. I saw pointed ears twitch in response as he stood up a pair of purple underwear dangling from a finger. "Firstly," he began in all seriousness. "this is some really low class underwear." (what the fuck do you say to statement like that). "Secondly, you don't know me that well, so you don't know that I'll destroy you and the screen so I suggest that you turn. It. Down. NOW."
So I turned it all the way and ended up clutching the remote to my chest as he landed on top of reaching for. "Get off you dumb asshole!"
"Turn it down then you insolent bitch." He really deserved the elbow to the face he got before I started pummeling his head with the hardest pillow (which happened to have a book in it) I could find. Both phone and remote ended up on floor opposite the scuffle. I could hear my mother calling from the phone. Bouncing over a bowed bat demon, I claimed phone. "Hello? Yeah sorry I had to pee and the phone dropped," I said looking over at Kuro who was now sitting up glaring at me. I chanced a glance over at where the remote lay on the floor and back at him. A slow smile spread over his face. "Mommy? Yeah hold on a second with that number." I'd barely gotten the phone down before he lunged towards the remote. I did however, much to my credit land on his back from were I then proceeded to pull at his ears at try to strangle him with the panties he'd salvaged from the drawer before I was thrown off, rolled off the bed and collided with the floor. I managed to rip the remote from his hands before my fall from grace. Or fall from Kuro as it were.
Sitting up on the other side of the bed I was met with the satisfied smile of Kuro as he held the phone up."Don't you dare."
"Turn down the volume or you're going to have some explaining to do."
I was stuck between the bed and a hard place and had to decide quickly. My mother might believe me, but she might come back early and find him here and I might get my first beating. So I turned down the volume and snatched the phone from his hand. "Mommy? You still there?"
"What was all that just now? Are you okay?"
"Yeah I just really got into what I was watching. So the number?" I asked a little breathlessly as I found pen and paper. As she rattled off the number, I heard a familiar sound resonating from the kitchen. Kuronue's ears perked at the sound and I walked in the general direction from where it was coming. I stood at the beginning of the kitchen area, looking at the fridge shake slightly from some internal force.
"Mommy? Yeah I have the number. I'll call you back." Hanging up I walked over to the fridge, listening to the light 'thump thump' coming from inside it.
"Are you going to open it?" asked Kuro, standing a ways off.
"Why are you so far away, scared?" Huffing, he walked over towards the door, yanking it open. The freezer exhaled a large cloud of frost before something fell from the opening. Looking down, I saw the miniature form of Koenma stand up and remove a crystal of ice from his pacifier.
At this point, I just want to cry.
End Chapter 3.
A/N: Please review.