Title: The Theory
Disclaimer: 'I am being stalked by anime characters.' The story of a slightly deluded high-school girl who is thought crazy by all except her equally jaded friends. But what happens when she gets proof?
Thank you for the reviews. Thanks to deathandcrimson and coumarin-chan who favourited me or something like that; I forget even though I just checked the e-mail. Anyway, that's totally awesome and I'm really grateful. Welcome to this chapter showing the 'transfers' first day of school and also I need to introduce the other characters to each other because it can't all be about me can it? Well it could but that's no fun and I get pretty bored of me sometimes too. So, let's enjoy the ride shall we?
I own nothing except bad sleeping habits, the official College Board SAT Study Guide and awesome pick-up lines.
Chapter 6 (prologue) – Sunday Night
Chantal Tamar Mitchell (yes, the bitch who hung up on me) lay on her bed, a variety of thoughts and emotions racing across the vast, empty expanse of her mind as she only vaguely heard the conversation going on outside her door. There was the vague contemplation of calling Adrienne to apologize profusely for her blatant disbelief in her story, but that thought was long gone as she was still overwhelmed by the shock. Outside, the dim voice of Koenma retreated down the stairs as the sounds of lightly approaching footsteps reached Chantal's room door; poking her head through the entrance, Auntie Hazel looked at the semi-comatose form of her teenaged daughter.
"Pooh-bear? Are you okay?" she asked receiving only a grunt in reply as all brain functions necessary for communication were in their 'off' state. "Well, in any case you need to get young Hiei settled in as he'll be staying with us from now own," she said, gently shoving Hiei into the room. "Well have fun!" and with that cheery note, she was off to the kitchen to busy herself with stuff. Chantal sat erect in her bed, openly ogling the demon in front of her; Hiei looked her over, his gaze however lacking the drooling and fan-girly lustful intensity of hers. (This is starting to sound like a bad romance novel). Chantal mutely pointed towards her wall, where a hammock filled with stuffed animals hung from the low slanting ceiling. "You can sleep there," she said quietly. Or at least that's what she thought she said. What actually came out was "YuaptARGHga…Hieihaaa…there…"
Ignoring her, as one can only do when faced with a ridiculous fangirl; Hiei looked at the hammock and snorted in disbelief. "You expect me to sleep on a bed of pathetic stuffed cutesy novelty playthings?" Hiei said looking from her to the hammock. But as was explained earlier, there was nowhere else for him to stay, so he decided to make the best of this situation. With a mere glimmer of his eye, the hammock was vacated of its occupants as the plushies were set aflame. "Hn. Better."
Chantal's high-pitched gasp drew his attention as she began her barrage of pillow attacks. "15 YEARS!! 15 years I've spent collecting those and in less than 15 milliseconds you destroy all of them!!?!" she screamed, the high pitch of her voice making the glass window vibrate and Hiei cringe as he dodged her fluffy assaults. Outside in the kitchen, Auntie Hazel stood at the sink washing eggs because she has nothing else to do thinking, 'Ah the vibrancy of youth…'
"Would you stop hit- pfft!" Hiei got out, before one end of the pillow connected with his mouth. Grabbing hold with his teeth, he wrenched it from her grasp (A/N: drink your milk kids and you'll have strong teeth like Hiei!) and proceeded to roast it. "If you would look over there, you feebleminded juvenile," he said, his irritation evident as he pointed to one end of the hammock. "You would realize that one of them survived."
"Survived?" Chantal asked feebly, her hands clutching the air where the pillow was. Following the line of his finger, her eyes landed on a stuffed tiger, its spotted coat faded slightly with age. "Yay tiger!!" she exclaimed, bounding over to where it lay and hugging it tightly. "Okay all is forgotten," she said happily, as if Hiei who had taken up residence in the hammock really gave a fuck.
Kurama however had an 'easier' time settling in with Kathryna. Two intellectuals; how entertaining can it really be? "Here's your room. If you need anything I'll be downstairs in the kitchen," Kathryna said as she turned to go speak with Koenma.
"Thank you," said the well-mannered fox to the bald girl's retreating back as he bent to his bag and began unpacking. Hearing the heavy shuffling of the approaching presence behind him he turned around swiftly greeted by Kathryna's stooped 90-year-old grandmother. "Oh, hello," he said, smiling charmingly as he approached her because let's face it, Kurama can charm anyone. "How are you?"
"Where's my fucking socks!?!?!!" the old lady said loudly into Kurama's shocked face now lightly drizzled with old-lady spit – which is really the worst kind besides overweight college professor and pretentious nerd boy.
"Wha…" For the first time in a long while, Kurama found himself speechless.
"You stole my socks!?!?" she proclaimed loudly before Kathryna came and gently steered her away from. "Come now grandma, why are you bothering the nice boy?" she said, mouthing 'I'm so sorry,' as she left the room with her elderly relative.
"Why is his skin yellow?!?! He's supposed to be brown goddammit!! Motherfucking immigrants!!!" Kurama watched blinkingly as the old and apparently racist, woman was escorted to her room.
'Well,' Kurama said, standing up straight, 'this should be…interesting.'
Kuwabara however was more overwhelmed by the size of Aisha's home. They were currently on the second floor after having extensively toured all three, before Aisha forgot he wasn't sleeping in the basement. Aisha however was a little displeased at who her transfer student was.
'Why do I get stuck with the ugly one,' she thought as she opened the door to the guest room. As they walked in, Kuwabara's attention was drawn unyieldingly to the area where most females have an ass, but where, unfortunately for Aisha, there seemed to be an empty nothingness leaving the high school delinquent with a feeling of regret for the poor girl's lacking in cushion.
"So uh, pretty nice place you got her," Kuwabara said, breaking the awkward silence in the room.
"Uh-huh," she said, looking around the room, at his shoes, anywhere but at him. "So here's the room, there's the bed, chest of drawers and yeah, see you in the morning," the door closing behind her, leaving a bewildered Kuwabara standing alone in the silent room as somewhere in the house, Rihanna's Umbrella played. Lifting his arm, he smelt his armpit wondering if the power of his stunning manly musk had driven her away with shameful ecstasy.
By this time, the sun had set in the distance and the stars/satellites twinkled in the city smog and the twilight. Also, by this time, Yusuke had settled into him host's guest room. Also, by this time, Yusuke would have locked the door to keep his host outside and away from him as, by this time, Yusuke would've realized how fucking nutso Tedi is. She'd already jumped on him 12 times; after years of surprise attacks on his livelihood, he really can't be blamed for throwing her across the room every other time. Apparently she didn't get the memo that you do not jump the Spirit Detective. Kicking back, Yusuke assumed the universal 'chill-out pose' as he leaned against the wall and lit up. A knock sounded at the door which could only be Tedi who, upon giving up on clawing at the door, started knocking every few minutes and asking 'strange' questions.
"I told you," Yusuke said, annoyance thick in his voice as he moved to open the door." I have a girlfriend! I'm not going to fu – hello?" he said looking, not at Tedi, but at her 6'5'' muscular father.
"There will be no smoking in my house, is that understood?" he said as he ripped the lit cigarette from his mouth. Looking down into the gelled hair of the 5'8'' delinquent, he was met with a facial expression that held nothing short of 'fuck you'-insubordination. Greatly contemplating beating this Gouki wannabe down, Koenma's earlier speech sprang to mind; something about low-key and nonviolence and other pointless peaceable stuff like that. So instead of satisfying the urge to make his foot a permanent fixture in this man's nostrils, he settled for strained compliance.
"Sure I understand," he said, his face twitching from the effort. The encounter terminated by both moving away from the door, Yusuke moved into his room foolishly leaving the door open allowing for Tedi to pounce with the cheetah-like grace that her height and thin frame accommodate. "Sonofa-" Yusuke yelled as the sudden force of Tedi's assault sent his head flying into the bed.
And it was in this way that the boys came to be situated in their new temporary homes, complete unaware of the madness that would befall them at the twitching hands of one very single, lonely, bitter and bored teenage girl.
A/N: Before we continue, I need to do a little explanation about the rest of this chapter's contents. As I've said, I'm Jamaican and this story is set in Jamaica. Like any nation, we have our own dialect/slang (African-Americans have Ebonics, French Creole in France and some other derivatives in Japan maybe I dunno), we also have our own called patois, pronounced 'pat-wha' (something like that) which is more or less Standard English with differences in grammar/sentence structure and vocabulary due to slave trades and other boring history stuff I don't remember. So in my effort to provide a factual retelling of fictional events, I find it necessary to include some of the dialect; there'll be translation-type things but I think this will be the only chapter with patois for obvious reasons (I'm too lazy to write to sets of dialogue all the time). So if you don't quite understand, fret not and just wait for chapter 7. So here we go.
["………"] = 'Translation'
Orientation
After a painful Sunday night and a hectic Monday morning, the Spirit Detectives, Kuronue and the host students were sitting in the school's spacious front office, already subject to many lustful stares and whispers. It's an all-girls school. It's only because it's before 8 o' clock that the walls haven't been torn down and the boys raped mercilessly. This isn't even a joke; any molecule of testosterone outside of teachers and most of the student body simultaneously go into heat. Not to say that the boys weren't enjoying it. And by boys I mean the perverted horndogs Yusuke, Kuwabara and Kuronue, the latter currently hitting on girls through the windows while being held back by his collar by the ever dutiful Kurama who calmly flipped through a yellowed magazine from the 30's.
"Hey baby!" he yelled to one particular girl of interest. "What's say you and me make like Pringles?"
"How's that?" she asked, giggling as she twirled her hair ignorant of the homicide the poor classmate she was standing on was planning.
"Cuz once you pop, I don't think I'll ever stop," he said, flipping his own hair as hormonal bubbles caused the girl the faint from pure bliss. (A/N: You have no idea how painful it was for me to write this.)
"Be quiet!!" came the voice of the stereotypically uptight teacher – the kind with the bun and the prissy attitude who won't be featured again in this story – as the office's occupants laughed at how smooth Kuro was. "And another thing: we do not permit such lascivious and borderline pornographic behaviour!!" she concluded; you could see stick up her ass outlined against her pencil skirt. "Do you have anything to say for yourself!!?" By this time, due to one fox demon's one-armed determination, Kuronue was now properly seated in the chair and was eyeing the teacher up and down as he thought over her words.
"You know," he said, somehow managing to gently take her hand in his. "I prefer my women with more experience. Maybe you can you teach me something in detention?" You could see the vein pulse in Kurama's forehead as his partner in crime rubbed the now unconscious woman's hand against his face. To make matters worse, Koenma now emerged from the headmistress' office; the room's sexy quotient was off the map.
Yes. S.Q.
"So everything's been worked out: class schedules, homerooms, teachers, all that official stuff," the prince said, stepping over the comatose woman who mysteriously disappeared form the universe of the fic. "Where's Kuwabara?" Looking around, it was the first time we realized he'd been missing; probably too preoccupied with Kuro's lesson on how to not come on to someone. Even Hiei was present, idly leaning against a doorframe as little sparks of fire in appropriate hair patches kept the fangirls at bay.
"Well who's he staying with?" Kathryna asked wiping tears of laughter from her eyes.
"Aisha Ricketts," he replied, consulting a scroll pulled from God only knows where.
"Well he's not getting here for now; Aisha is notoriously late……for everything," I explained. "They'll probably have to facebook her about her own funeral…"
"Yeah, didn't she make her best friend late for her own surprise party or something?" Chantal asked turning to Tedi.
"That was an accident, a misunderstanding and I still can't believe she yelled out 'Hold on! They're not ready yet!!'" Tedi said, wringing her tie at the memory.
"Well I'm sure she'll be here soon."
"Yeah, by lunch maybe, " I said as I leaned my head against the wall only to find out my voice has magical summoning powers as Kuwabara ran up the school's front stairs and burst into the office, tripping over Hiei's extended foot where he skidded to a halt before Koenma's feet.
"Dumbass."
"Hey buddy, you made it!" Yusuke said, squatting down to smack Kuwabara on his back, the tile cracking slightly from the force. "Did you run here?" he asked as he looked at his hand and Kuwabara's sweat stained shirt in slight disgust.
"Fuck…*wheeze* you…*cough*…" Kuwabara managed to get out before resting his head against the cool tile once again.
"Well, you were getting kind of out of shape; you could use the exercise," his best friend said, laughing at his plight. Suddenly, the rejuvenated Kuwabara (but still very sweaty) jumped up challenging the paranormal dick.
"Exercise?! I'll show you how much exercise I need when I'm pounding your ass into the floor!!" Kuwabara said grabbing Yusuke by the front of his shirt.
"Fine but are you sure you're not dumb enough to hit your own face when aiming for my ass?"
In an act aimed at preserving the concrete structure that makes up the front office, the fight was quickly terminated and the boys all went to their assigned homerooms. Because the eternal powers that be shine on me so brightly, I found myself with Kuronue sitting behind engaging in polite conversation with Chantal and ruthlessly flirting with every other female student within a 30 ft. radius. Abruptly, Zahra flew through the door closely followed by Laura; both seemed very distressed at some occurrence in their lives.
"There're anime characters here!!" they screamed in unison.
That might be it.
From his position on the railing outside, Hiei glanced over the girls' figures. 'Big breasts…wide hips…hmmm.'
"How did…why are…when did……ehh?" Laura brainstormed
"Yeah, turns out Adrienne's only three-quarters as crazy as we originally thought," said Chantal, turning in her seat to face the pair.
"Three-quarters?" I asked as I moved to avoid the air kisses Kuronue was currently blowing everywhere. "After all this, I only get 25% worth of sanity?"
"Take what you can get; this might all be mass hysteria."
"Mass hysteria, insanity, the author's plain retarded, who cares!?!" Zahra exclaimed, her breasts jiggling slightly as she threw her arms in the air in vexation. "How is that any kind of explanation for this?!"
"Go to and look for a story called 'THE THEORY'; it's all laid out there."
"Is it really alright for us to be so aware we're in a story?" Laura asked as Zahra went off to the school library.
"Ah well, too late now. Oh look who decided to show up," I said as Aisha passed by the classroom. In that moment, several changes shook everyone in the classroom to their core. Well not really, but its dramatic right? Kuro's attention was quickly drawn from the other girls as his eyes locked onto the gaunt –I'm sorry, skinny- frame of young Aisha; his eyes moved over her body, resting on the barely perceptible lumps upon her chest and at the base of her spine. We watched with the same morbid fascination that one watches a dog rip into a piece of meat or take a dump as Kuro swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing as he watched the sunlight beautifully reflect off the dry, dense and wiry mass upon Aisha's head i.e. hair. (P.S. I'm not too fond of her.)
"You," he said breathlessly as he quickly descended to one knee in front of her, clasping her hand between his very much like how he came on to Botan, "are unspoiled perfection. It is my belief that if you stood in front of a mirror holding 11 roses you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world. The only reason the moon is not visible during the day is because it hides its face in shame of the radiance of your beauty. Stars fall from the sky in suicidal pain as the heavens gaze upon the Victorian elegance with which you carry the heavy burden of your perfection." Kuronue gently kissed her fingertips as Kurama silently slipped into the homeroom. Looking behind the door, he examined three of the brooms there, weighing each one in his hand as Kuro continued his romantic assault on the speechless Aisha.
"So if you don't mine, I'd like to introduce myself," he said, standing straight up and looking down into her eyes. "People call me Kuronue, but you can call me tonight-" he managed to get out before the broom connected squarely with Kuronue's face. We watched as Kurama, standing over the fallen bat-demon, shoved the brush into his open and sputtering mouth.
"We are supposed to be incognito you ignoramus."
"And beating someone senseless with a broom is laying low?" I asked, watching as he plunged the broom further into the struggling demon, restraining him with his foot.
"Of course not," he said, smiling calmly releasing rose petals into the air (just for effect).
Zahra quickly reappeared from library after having read the five previous chapters of this story. "Okay, I understand now," she said panting. "There're some spelling errors and your punctuation is really strange but yeah I understand now."
A loud crackling was heard as the principal came over the intercom: "All students please report to the patio for general assembly; I expect you all to be out there in 2.3 minutes. That is all."
"Alright!!" yelled Kuro, jumping up and breaking the broom in half debris still hanging from his obviously pointy ears as Kurama just stared at the broken half in his hand. "An assembly of the sexy!! Of course you, the angel that has brought such joy to my heart, love to my life and vitality to my loins is all one man could ever need," he said as the rest of the group made their way towards the patio. Reaching the columns, we the students felt it necessary to inform the boys of what they were getting themselves into.
"Okay wait, you guys know what you're up against right?" asked Verona who resurrected herself from the sanctity of the nurses' office's bed.
"Getting into? It's just a high school isn't it?" Kurama asked.
"Alright Kuro, you know how you were always saying I'm bitchy, miserable, annoying, all that jazz?" I said, turning to him.
"Yeah, it's called puberty," he replied, nicely rationalizing his insults. "It's not your fault."
"You're damn right it's not my fault, but puberty has nothing to do with it. Well maybe a little. But you don't understand: we were all modest, good-humoured and lovely children; it is Immaculate that has made us all insufferable," I said, the aggressive nodding of the girls striking fear into their hearts. Well, maybe not fear. Maybe more like caution. And we all know Hiei couldn't give a fuck.
Eventually we were all situated in the large open patio beneath the bright morning sun for Monday morning assembly.
-----15 minutes later---
The students were all situated in the large open patio beneath the bright, burning sun for Monday morning mass torture; you could hear the oil in people's skin and hair blistering as the sun god himself dropped his pants took a bright sunshine-y dump on the campus. The heat was unbearable, even Hiei leaned suspiciously to the side under the strain of the heat. Soon enough, we were granted a reprieve and allowed to sit as the principal came out to give morning announcements. I shuffled to the side, looking past Kuwabara whose neck was burnt to a shade rivaling his hair.
"Good morning students," came the bright, chirpy of Sister Margaret Young.
"Ughh," rang the collective groan of the roasting students.
"You'll all be staying here for another if you don't answer me properly."
"Good morning Sister Margaret!!" 'You fucking tyrannical bitch!!' we replied like good, disciplined students, keeping our thoughts to ourselves.
"As you all will have noticed by now, we have some new students among us," she said slowly.
In one sudden movement, the whole female student body turned to face the boys sitting in the middle of the patio; they were very vocal with their opinions of them.
"Oh Em Gee!!! (Yes I spelt it out, so there) The one with the black hair is so sexy!!" screamed one nondescript girl.
"Which one?!"
"Fuck 'which one'; I'll hump all of them!!"
"A wha do dis yah batty bwoy?!"
[Literal Translation: What is ailing this bottom boy?]
[More Appropriate Translation: What the fuck is wrong with that faggot?"]
(A/N: that's it. That's all the patois for this chapter)
"Who's the ugly guy? Mommy I'm scared!!" (Thanks to washio the space demon for that line)
"Hey, whose little brother is that one in the back? He's so short and cute."
"Do you think he's lost?"
The girls' 'fawning' quickly came to an end as someone's sun burnt hair 'spontaneously' combusted; the sun was shining to brightly for anyone to notice the dull glow beneath his bandana.
"These students are part of a new integration system to change the school from single-sex to coeducational. They are transfer students staying with us for the remainder of this school year. Their names are – please stand when I call your name- Yusuke Urameshi, Kazuma Kuwabara, Shuuichi 'Kurama' Minamino, Hiei, Kuronue and Yuuki Miyamori.
"Hey who's he? One of your guys?" Kuro asked Yusuke.
"Hell if I know," he said shrugging. "I didn't even know we were coming here until five minutes before."
"He's a minor character in the manga/anime series Great Teacher Onizuka (A/N: one of the most awesomest series evar!!) And I have claimed him for myself in this story," I explained from my seat on the ground, dodging the pairs of underwear that were being thrown at them.
"Claimed him?"
"Creative license; suck it."
"Okay boys, you may sit down. When this Christmas/Fall term has finished, other male students will be descending upon the campus to take part in the joyous education that we offer here," Sister continued as students started sweating in place sweat just should not be under any circumstances whatsoever!! "In the meantime, that is all for assembly today," she concluded as students jumped from the concrete, ignoring the misshapen sweat stains created by the multitude of asses.
"Oh wait, there's one more thing."
We all died a little inside as we sunk back to the thick layer of sweat vapour and sadness that shrouded our previous seats. "Due to your chemistry teachers' excessive exposure to chemicals and too much time hitting on the students, we have had to temporarily suspend. In light of this, I am pleased to introduce your new chemistry teacher Kara...Krasuoon? Karanuso?"
"KARASU!?!" screamed Kurama, standing up and looking up at the stage.
"Yes quite right, thank you young man," she replied happily, ignorant of the turmoil that raged within the fox demon. "Well here he is, Karasu."
Kurama stood still with mixed emotions as he watched the tall, dark and deadly Karasu emerge from the confines of the front office. His mask sparkled in the violent sunshine and he seemed impervious to the heat as his pale brow was bare of sweat despite his dark clothing.
"And look, he even has his own mask; how professional!! Would you like to tell us something about yourself?" she asked looking up into violet eyes as she handed him the mike.
Long fingers wrapped around the mike as he brought it to his lips. (Yaoi?) "………hello."
This comment was met with repeated silence from the gathered crowd.
"Uh, well would you like to tell the students a little about what you have planned for the rest of this school year?" asked Sister, students and teachers all quiet awaiting his response.
"…………"
"Mr. Karasu, sir?"
"………teach."
"Excuse me?"
"I plan………" said the voice behind the mask, "to teach."
There has never been a silence so heavy. Kurama however – who's still standing, mind you – was not so satisfied by this reason. Uncontrollable rage did not even come close to describe how he currently felt as he glared thorny daggers at the figure standing on the shaded stage. Karasu, sweeping the crowd, was immediately drawn to the familiar bright red hair. Dropping the mike in the principal's hands, he seemed to float down the steps into the patio, a path appearing as the students moved out of the way of his sheer awesomeness. His steps were effortless and his movements graceful as he came to stand in front of Kurama, looking down into the stock of red follicles; the whole patio was silent either in anticipation or because there was a very nice breeze blowing at the moment. After some time, they spoke.
"Is your body shaking because you're anticipating what I'll do to you or is that just fear?" Karasu said softly, gently running his fingers through a lock of the fox's hair. (Yaoi!?)
"……dead."
"Whazzat?"
"Why aren't you dead?" Kurama demanded, his whole being shaking with an anger that manifested in the surroundings, breathing life into shrubs that, now rich with spirit energy, were growing at an alarming rate. The infamously level-headed Kurama seemed to have lost his mind as he moved to attack the teacher regardless of the consequences. This plan was quickly foiled as Karasu jumped back – flew, really- in retreat, landing on the stage.
"Yes," he said, once again holding the mike as if the last few events hadn't even occurred. "I plan……to teach."
"Ah, well," Sister Young said. "Well that's all for this morning's assembly. Please return to your homerooms and wait for the first bell."
The student body stood as one and moved towards their respective blocks; Karasu stood on the stage ignorant of the stares he was getting as students filed past him, watching the head of red hair weave amongst the crowd. Invisible behind his mask, his lips curved upwards into a smile of anticipation.
Back in their respective homerooms, the boys stood going over class schedules by the very helpful girls in their classes. 'Boys' however excludes everyone's favorite fox demon currently in the new boy's bathroom – someone wrote BOYS on a piece of paper and super-glued it to the door - pacing under the watchful gaze of his friend. Back and forth he watched him, blood filling his face until his complexion offset the high- and lowlight of his hair.
"You know," Kuronue said in the quiet of the dank bathroom, "you shouldn't hold all that rage inside. It'll make you constipated." Speaking might not have been the best of actions as Kurama stopped and looked at him, his rage-y attention now focused on him. Hurriedly, Kuronue tried to make sense. "Yeah, it's bad for your colon or something and you'll get ulcers and...and…stuff," he said, his voice trailing into nothingness.
"You're absolutely right," Kurama agreed unexpectedly after a few moments of awkward silence. "Kuro, come here and help me relieve some stress will you?" (YAOI?!) The bat-demon's sudden jump to a position of safety –a corner of the wall, his head bent against the ceiling – Kurama delivered a spinning back kick to one of the stall doors.
"There!" Kuro said blowing plaster from the ceiling away from his cheek. "Feel better?"
"Mm," grunted the fox.
'Jeez, this is just like that time when half his tail got burnt and someone accidentally finished all his shampoo,' Kuro thought. 'Venus flytraps feeding on people; just horrible. Seriously though, who goes on a screaming rampage about Herbal Essence? It doesn't even deliver. Do I get orgasms in the shower when I use it? Well yes but I usually have a girl with me and it's a completely different head she has her hands on. Heh. Reminds me of that time-'
"You're thinking about sex aren't you?" Kurama asked, breaking Kuronue's concentration and causing him to fall the 8 ft. to the ground.
"What makes you think that?" Kuro asked, laughing nervously.
"Your wings react faster than your penis."
"Ah. Well never mind that," he said as he appeared beside his friend, clamping an arm over his shoulder. "This whole situation with Karasu doesn't have to be that bad. We'll handle it together; get him out of here somehow right? Now let's go; beautiful specimen of women awaits us."
As they moved toward the door, Verona poked her head through because she lost at rock-paper-scissors used to determine who'd go and fine the menstrual fox demon. "Are you guys alright?"
"Isn't this boys' bathroom?" Kurama asked very prissily.
Verona's head disappeared momentarily as a ripping sound was heard. Fully entering the bathroom now, she handed Kurama the BOYS sign. "Well class is about to start, do you know which class you have first?"
Withdrawing personalized timetables from wherever the hell they had them in the first place, they consulted them for the first class of what was already a very long day.
"Says, here I have English Literature," Kuro said, as he glanced over the rest of the electives someone elected him to take. 'Physics? Additional Math? Why would you need more math than what they're already giving you?' Hearing the glass window behind him break, he turned around to see vines snaking through the corners of the frame as a tree branch landed solidly against the floor. He turned to look at Kurama who was clutching the thin paper and shaking violently. "Kurama?" he asked a tremor in his voice. "Ol' buddy, ol' pal. Every alright? What's your first class for the day? Huh, buddy?"
Receiving no answer, Kuro moved to peer over his shoulder at the tearing sheet. "Let's see: '8:35 – 9:10 and from 9:10 – 9:45, that's two periods of…oh." Printed on the sheet, as if mocking Kurama's very essence, (HERBAL essence) was 'CHEMISTRY'. Abruptly, Kurama threw down the paper and stormed past a very scared and very silent Verona and threw the door open, moving into the hall as the bell rang. "Hey, where are you going?!" Kuro called, worried for the greater good of humanity.
"To find and obliterate a particular authoress."
For obvious reason, I will not write about this particular morning's classes. Just know that many plants died that day, there were several very suspicious explosions and the Great Bunsen Burner Fires of 11th grade will forever go down in Immaculate Conception High School's history as the greatest unexplained act (*glances at Hiei) since the mysterious roach body parts in the beef patties. That is all.
Lunchtime is a peaceful time of day for me; sitting on the nice cool stone, inhaling whatever I have in front of me that day and enjoying the scenery, conversation and overall company of my friends. I was particularly looking forward to this lunchtime after the stressful weekend and stressful morning of hiding in Spanish class from an angry fox demon. Things seemed to be proceeding well as I, Kathryna and Laura had managed to leave class early; beating lunch lines is always fun. So reaching the lunch-group's area, we staked out an area and began the lunchtime frivolities. The lunch bell rang and the usual stampede towards the cafeteria ensued; throughout the next 15 minutes, the other girls eventually arrived and took their places. With only 15 minutes remaining for the lunch period, we realized we were missing some testosterone.
"Do you think they're dead?" Zahra asked, contemplatively gnawing on her chicken bone.
"Well that's a happy thought," Tedi said. "but they couldn't be dead…could they? Sure the girls are all kind of…"
"Horny."
"Rabid."
"Insane."
"…yeah that. And sure there are roughly 1500 of them but those guys are tough, they've been through worst right?" Tedi asked hopefully.
"I don't know Teds. Fangirls are pretty fucked up," she mumbled over her wheat wrap as heads around the circle nodded vigorously. Out of nowhere – well technically it came from the cafeteria – a loud roar was emitted from the entrance of the cafeteria and a large moving mass of white and blue extracted itself from the building.
"You don't think…" Aisha said softly, fearing to voice what we all thought. Of course Laura had no problem with this whatsoever.
"OH NO They is dead!!! They've succumbed to the wrath that is the awesomely awesome powers of the teenage female hormonal fandom!!! OH NOEZ!!!" Laura cried on her knees as she screamed to heavens.
Once her tirade had stopped however, the very masculine voices of the transfer students could be heard screaming curses and negotiating for their lives. Several bright blue lights could be seen within the mass.
"Yusuke, you can't shoot them!!"
"Urameshi you're not s'posed to hit girls!!"
"Fuck the both of you, they're not girls, they're not even demons they're……evil; they're fangirls and they must perish. Spirit Gun!"
We sat listening to this go on, watching as several minions were disconnected from the body and thrown into the street and soon enough with 7 minutes left for lunch, the pathetic group managed to drag themselves up the slight incline of the sidewalk to sit on the comforting concrete each looking a little worse than they did this morning and having some kind of food particles hanging from them. Hiei looked very miserable (more so than normal) as he returned his sword to its original position and disappeared into the nearby cannonball tree. Kurama, Kuronue, and Yusuke were all clutching what may or may not be their lunches. Kuwabara, along with his lunch, seemed to be relatively unharmed.
"You know there's only like 5 minutes left for lunch right?" I so nicely informed him, to which I received many 'Fuck you' glares.
"Well you can't say we didn't warn you," Chantal said picking a noodle from Kurama's head.
"Warned us? All you explained was the destruction of the integrity of your character. You failed to mention-"
"That we'd be bent over and ass-raped?" Kuro finished so eloquently from his seat beside Aisha. "don't get me wrong, I don't mind the occasional anal penetration but it needs to be on my terms."
"Strange how you didn't say you had to be the on doing the penetrating," I mused aloud.
"Say what now?"
"I think we'd all very much enjoy some penetration, don't you think so Kurama?" asked a new voice as we all turned to see Karasu (the chem. teacher = major LOL) sitting beside and delicately stroking a twitching Kurama. (YAOI!!)
"Excuse me teacher," Laura said, drawing attention to herself because she's a dumbass. "Are you really supposed to be that close to the students?"
"Do you think it's a fashion statement to be wearing your lunch?" the demon asked idly waving a hand at her.
"I don't under-" she managed to say before the remains of her boxed lunch exploded and landed all over her. Cold chicken and undercooked fries: Vogue bitches. Needless to say we were all praying and very grateful for the end of the school-day as we returned to homeroom awaiting afternoon dismissal. Chantal and I watched with morbid fascination and more than a little disgust as Kuronue and Aisha made 'polite conversation'. I'm surprised they aren't already pawing at each other. In the neighbouring classroom Verona and Kurama were deeply engaged in an intellectual conversation so to how much of a dick Karasu is while Kuwabara and Zahra engaged in a very hardcore Thumb War competition. Across the empty gap in the corridor that had the bathroom, water fountain and stairs to the level below, Yusuke, Laura and Kathryna were all very chill, leaning back and relaxing in their chairs. Hiei was, well we're lucky he even stayed for lunchtime. The familiar crackle of P.A. system was heard and the school's noise level dropped to a bearable decibel amount.
"Good afternoon student. I'm sure you all made our new students feel very welcome here." A loud 'FUCK YOU!' from a disgruntled detective could be heard a few classes down. "In any case, enjoy the rest of your day, make it home safely and I expect to see you all here again tomorrow."
At this, Kuronue released his grip on Aisha and turned to me enraged. "You mean we have to come back and do this shit again?!"
"I say the same thing every day. Bet it beats being in hell though."
"Not by much," Chantal bitterly muttered to herself; her homework's been backing up.
Finally the bell rang and we all scuttled off in our separate directions. Goodbyes were said, Kuro was pried off of every skirt and eventually we made it home. Later that evening, with my mother in the kitchen and me lazily watching the fan spin dirt in every direction, Kuro entered the room.
"Hey Adrienne?"
"Mm?"
"Um…I have a question to ask you," he said a little softly; sheepishly even.
"Mm?"
"You wouldn't happen to have Aisha's number would you?" I tilted my head until I was looking at his inverted and slightly uncomfortably figure.
"Why?" I asked suspicion thick in my voice.
"Well…I …like her," he said, poking at a patch on the rug with his toe. "You didn't notice?"
"It's hard to tell the difference when you're trying to hump everyone within 5 inches of your wingspan. And are you really sure you want to get into a relationship with her?"
"Why wouldn't I?" he asked, sitting down in front of me.
"Well, she's kind of….she…she's sort of like a black widow spider," I said. "She has a tendency of sucking the life out of her partners. Then again, I don't pay attention to her too much so I don't really know. Are you sure you're ready to be whipped into submission?"
Kuronue snorted as he looked at my upside-down concern. "You have obviously never dealt with demons before."
"Obviously."
"Well, there's no need to worry, I'm sure I can handle a teenage human girl."
"You mean like you managed them at lunchtime today?" I pointed out, feeling quite victorious.
"………so do you have the number or what?"
"Yeah hang on a sec," I said, getting up and rolling towards the notebook with her number scribbled in the back, completely unaware of the shitstorm this was about to unleash upon the world.
All over the island, well not really but in the girls' homes things were 'quiet' as everyone had had a long day. One person's mind however was still very much in action.
"Sweetheart? Does Hiei look familiar to you?" Auntie Hazel asked as she stood in front of the open refrigerator.
"WHAT?!" Chantal asked a bit too loudly, choking on her apple juice. she internally cursed herself for ever introducing her mother to anime.
She stared off into ceiling, wistfully musing about where he could've come from. (My oven maybe?) "Yes, I feel like I know him from somewhere…"
"No you don't."
"But I'm almost sure I-"
"Mom are you having a senior moment?" Chantal said her face very serious. There was a slight pause as her mother contemplated the possibility of this.
"Yeah, you're probably right. 'Night Chantal," she said, moving off to her own bedroom, leaving Chantal with her head resting on the dining room table feeling very exhausted.
End Chapter 6.
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Whoo. 21 pages this time. I think I'll return to the usual 7- 10 or so. Also, I am shamelessly plugging my friend washio the space demon's story Hiei In Love The Redo. It is romantic comedy goodness. So kindly read and review both this and hers. Thank you so much for your time.